[quote]Grneyes wrote:
I think the thing that gets me the most is that the tiger mom’s daughters were never allowed to have fun. No playdates? WTF?[/quote]
This.
I honestly don’t think that the reaction that this article/book is getting has much to do with this woman’s expectations for her children. However, I haven’t been in the States for a while, so I don’t know how bad modern parenting has gotten recently. When I was a kid, my parents put limits and boundaries on my TV time, didn’t buy me video games (the Nintendo had just come out then, lol), had me do chores and such around the house, and expected me to get straight A’s and learn for the sake of learning, and never had to coerce (by paying me) or threaten me to do so.
What I think is drawing the ire of so many is the severity of the restrictions and the punishments. I mean, seriously, what’s the point in no playdates or sleepovers? Or no TV whatsoever? What is that supposed to accomplish?
I also think that a lot of these ‘‘rules’’ are ego-driven, as in, done to satisfy the mother’s ego rather than for the sake of the children’s upbringing.
I think that’s why the ‘‘no school play’’ rule was in effect. She glosses over it in the article, dismissing it as perhaps something that takes up too much time, but I think the idea that a ‘‘chinese kid’’ would have to play ‘‘Villager Number 6’’ instead of a leading role, and that the parent had no control over the casting is more of the impetus behind that restriction.
It’s also a control issue, in my opinion. Her anecdote about the piano piece (and, in fact, the whole issue surrounding the requirement to play piano or violin, and only piano or violin) illustrates this for me. To me, that story is not about how she believed in her child and pushed her to overcome a difficulty, it’s about a contest of wills and trying to force an outcome. Why would you force a kid to practice for hours, with no bathroom breaks or mealtime break, when you could have given it a rest and tried again the next day, when the frustration had abated a bit? Why threaten to give away her toys? What was the point in arguing here, except to assert authority and control?
Again, just my opinion on the subject. I see no need for this kind of authoritarianism, but I also don’t agree with not disciplining your children at all or not having high expectations for them.
I’m just glad that I could choose my own extracurricular activities and experiment with things I found interesting to see whether or not I liked them or wanted to put a lot of time and energy into them, instead of being forced to do something that someone else had decided was ‘‘best’’ for me.