They are fun to shoot with night-vision though.
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Racoons wear night vision ?
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Deceased ones do in photo shoots.
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I should expand on why I posted.
I was taking the trash out last night and left a couple bags by the front door since wheeling the bins to the street is kind of a hike, and uphill. Figured Iād just get the kitchen clean and then brave the freezing outdoors, (relevant for later.)
I finish the dishes, read the kids bedtime stories, wife is watching some show about shitty swedish relationships. I think āGreat, everyone is in a good place, Iāll do a perimeter check and head upstairs. Lights off, windows shut, roomba set, back doors locked, lock the front door but remember the trash. Fuckbeans, Iāll do it.ā
I open the door and see this guilty bandit-faced motherfucker has ripped open one of the bags to get a stale burrito.
I have been described by multiple people as āferal.ā So of course after a three second staring match, the racoon slings off and my feral mind decides to scare it off is the best course.
Now, I am a tropical Viking. My default outfit around the house is jeans, watch, and a belt. No shirt, because I have the metabolism of a humming bird and want to shed heat. This is where the freezing outdoors comes into play.
I chase the racoon, without a second thought, through 3 acres of woods, that douchebag tries to climb a tree. I fucking love climbing trees, so itās on. Luckily for them they weigh like 20 lbs and Iām 10x that, so they got away since the branches started breaking.
I drop down, walk back home, thinking everything is fine. Take the trash to the curb, and walk into my wife informing me that a neighbor called about some shirtless man running around barefoot in 28 degree weather climbing trees. I had to fess up.
The salt in the wound is that the racoon came back and I had to clean the scattered taco garbage off of the driveway in the morning.
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ā¦do you live in Florida? This whole post is giving strong Florida man vibes
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suggests no
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i lived there for a quite a while. āTropical Vikingā might have given that away.
Embarrassing edit that proves you are right - my wife reminded me that I was actually carrying a plastic Christmas tree as a weapon.
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Currently in the Midwest near Chicago.
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I went after a raccoon on my porch with a shovel a few years ago. Just as I was about to bring the shovel down on its head, it stood up on its hind legs and put its hands up like the cutest damn raccoon thing it could do.
I froze. I couldnāt do it. It was too much. I think those cute little animal clips on facebook have affected me.
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You are neither feral nor a Viking. Youāre a suburban housewife.
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Fair enough. I do spend most of my time in a kitchen and look pretty cute in a dress.
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People who want your physical proximity.
Racoons in my parents neighborhood have distemper.
We have been slaughtering them wholesale.
Sadly, there is no cure for distemper.
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I can get along with that. It kinda sucks, but if thats what needs done, 
.
I used to like when my pitbull would cut loose on raccoons. She would grab them and ragdoll them by the neck until they were dead, then prance around with it all proud of herself. But thats more of a respect for the beauty and nature of an animal than anything else.
Thats kinda why I love cats too. Cuddly little super-predators! 
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I have a hard time feeling this about something I can sit on and kill.
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Then donāt sit on them!
My old kitty Grey-Grey was a smart one. Puppy Wuppy wouldnāt let any cats cuddle up and sleep with her.
So GG goes out, gets a baby bunny and brings it back for PW. After doing this every day for about a week, Puppy Wuppy would let only Grey Grey cuddle up with her.
She was an awesome cat. Completely flat grey and neutral, must have been invisible to animals that see in greyscale, and lightning fast.
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Racoons rank like third on my most killed wild animal behind coyotes and deer.
gophers/ground squirrels still top that list for me. One somewhere my dad and I took out a combined 55+ (we stopped counting) in our backyard.
Would love to find someone to go duck hunting with as that is one of the tastiest animals.
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You guys are hardcore. I just got rid of the raccoons so they could have a better life.
For me the top three would be;
A metric fuck-ton of sea life. Halibut, crabs, catfish, bass, abalone, kelp, lobsters, salmon, whitefish, rainbow trout, grouper, scallops, gator - you get it.
One possuum.
One peacock.