I bitch about this all the time to my wife … annoys the shit out of me
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Does your son live with you? If he does, do you charge him rent?
One of my professors has no filter. This is usually entertaining and cool, except, today I was at a seminar. A big name speaker is presenting, the entire department is there and it’s hosted my Loewenstein (also big name and one of my recommenders)
It’s technically after hours so all the doors are alarmed.
I go to use the restroom and when I try to open the door, the alarm buzzes. Already a big embarrassment
Well, this prof says, rather loudly: “oh don’t worry, it’s just Angela”
The entire room could hear… including the speaker and Loewenstein.
He wasn’t being malicious by any means, just no filter…
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Not anymore, although that situation may get revisited soon. He lives with his mother who lives just over one mile away. She “charged” him rent in the same way that she’s enforced every other consequence she’s ever threatened to impose on him.
All things considered, he’s doing a whole lot better than I was at his age, and I had the comparatively awesome and fun-filled late 90’s and early 2000’s to enjoy without anything like COVID bullshit and getting the rug on home ownership pulled right out from under you.
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I hate the smell of weed.
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One of my sorority sisters really likes to smoke. She’s a great person, but once she showed up early morning extremely high.
I was legit scared
My roommate smokes multiple times a day. I’m not bothered by the fact he’s doing it but I sure do hate the smell. He doesn’t smoke in our room which is good, I let him know that wasn’t allowed so he does it in the kitchen.
Honestly I wonder why people do drugs/smoke. Is it the effects or is there some kinda social thing to it?
I personally don’t find it appealing in any way.
I realize this is the pissed off thread, but I guess I’m glad that you guys don’t like to get high and fuck around and have a ton of fun being stupid like we did during the last century.
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No kidding! People think they’re being nice but they’re creating dangerous situations. If you go and there’s an accident you’re at fault because you don’t have the right of way.
Just follow the freaking rules of the road and traffic flows more smoothly.
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This was my thought. I have family with mental health issues and shopping is similar to other addictions and is used to fill an unfillable void.
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When my daughter was in high school she assumed that, while we weren’t poor, we didn’t have much money. The high school she went to was in a ‘seemingly’ affluent area. There are lots of nice cars and big houses. We have neither. I tried to explain that all that cool stuff came with a ton of debt and stress. We had neither.
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Before I was diagnosed and medicated, I would spend insane amounts of money we didn’t have when manic.
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I’ve seen several posts of yours lately describing some issues in your marriage, so while I don’t feel it’s my place to comment on the topic, I’ll say one thing:
Your daughter will probably remember that. It might become a really fun memory for her. If this stuff happens with any frequency, she could look back on it and think of it as a really nice quality of her mom’s, and as times she really enjoyed.
Do you see your kid at all? That’s not meant to be accusatory at all. It sounds like you’re working hard to be able to provide for your family and I commend you for that. But what, are you gone 12 hours a day? If so, q.t. with her mom could be a great thing for your daughter. I’m sure she knows you love her and all, I’m not trying to imply that you’re a bad father at all.
Just want to point out one thing that could be perceived as a positive thing. It sounds like you’ve got some issues with how your wife handles certain things and I know it can be easy to get to the point where all you see is the negative stuff. Sometimes it helps to have someone else point out the positives.
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Is the money you are trying to saved earmarked for something in particular? Like are you BOTH trying to save for some shared goal like a down payment? Or is it just saving for a rainy day type money? I handle all the money in our family (which I hate, but it stresses her out). I tried to give her an “Amazon Allowance” but that doesn’t really work, so what I’ve had to do is just straight up tell her DON’T SPEND ANYTHING UNTIL I GET PAID once she’s spent too much. I do this before we have to tap into savings but she doesn’t know that. She thinks we won’t have money for food if she orders anything else. It’s stupid to have to do that with some as intelligent as she is, but it’s working…
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We do weekend coffee-in-bed budget meetings every couple of weeks. We just came back from vacation and have already looked at the credit card we used for expenses there (we use it for day-to-day expenses and pay it off monthly). I pull up the card’s balance and the bank account and then:
Me: “Oy, credit card is at $X,XXX with 2 weeks to go.”
Him: “On WHAT?”
Me: [Scan down, noting any expense over, say, $150, with special emphasis on his spending, e.g. hardware store, and mumbled deemphasis on things like Zappos]
Him: “I have to pay insurance, too. $350.”
Me: “We have $X in the checking and $X in the big savings. We get paid once more, so that’s $X before we have to pay. Paying the credit card and the insurance and leaves $X. Should I put $600 in the taxes and oil savings?”
Him: “No, oil has gone up miserably, put $1k in.”
Me: “Okay, so that leaves $X. Should we send money to finance guy for long term savings, or put it in [short term] savings?”
And so on. We’re both very intimately tuned in to the money. Mostly this is my doing, because I was married to an impulsive spender and have a lot of anxiety around money. Happily I’m now married to someone very similarly oriented to myself. We’re both savers who happily spend when all is well and on course.
I would suggest to every couple that money discussions be something that happen casually and often. Make friends with your budget and goals. It’s a time to plan and dream and tighten up and communicate. Having it only happen in the context of trouble makes it all fraught and something that causes fights. We have a separate savings account for our oil and property taxes because we both hate being hit with a $5K bill every October. Oil has become similarly expensive, so we throw money into a savings account monthly for peace of mind. We also have “the big savings account” for things like home repairs or projects. When it gets high enough we send it to long term savings. These are happy conversations, which include “I’m going clothes shopping next week, so brace yourself.”
Sorry if this comes off as a holier than thou lecture. My point is really the communication piece of it, not to tout that we save. (Which bear in mind has much to do with the difference in our ages.)
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This is the goal I’ve been pushing towards for quite some time honestly.
Then pull your computer or phone into bed in the morning (or whenever the two of you have peace, but not before bed) and start talking about goals, short term and long term, NOT her spending or your income.
Short term goals = this month’s budget and agreed-upon plan (e.g. put $100 in emergency fund, and $100 extra toward one of the credit cards, because you shouldn’t be supporting high interest debt).
Edit: this is where you talk about what’s coming up, such as clothes for the kids (outgrown) or wanting new patio furniture. Talk about spending! It’s part of life.
Long term goals = something along the lines of saving $1K for emergencies, then start putting half the monthly $100 into a long term account.
Then start checking in weekly.
NO DIFFERENT FROM A TRAINING LOG. Track it, think about it, pick a plan, and then just enjoy the journey. Together.
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Glad to hear it, man.
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This is so good to read!
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It really shouldn’t be stressful to get the phone numbers of the other group members for a group project. Why are people so fucking useless. Imma just email the professor eventually.
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Welcome to the never ending existential crisis that is adulthood.
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