[quote]Professor X wrote:
g’em wrote:
A while back I was doing push-ups to keep myself occupied while I waited for a bench to free up (it was ‘beach muscle’ day in the college gym). A girl who was doing 2kg bicep curls beside me told me I shouldn’t do full push ups due to the risk of tearing my womb… I was embarassed to have a womb after hearing another woman say that.
Wow. And I thought titties were just to play with. Who knew that’s where babies come from?[/quote]
WHAT?
[quote]Wreckless wrote:
Digital Chainsaw wrote:
Just remembered this one from last week.
I was going for a max attempt at barbell bench to establish a 1 RM baseline. Since there are rarely people in the free weight section of the gym, and then rarely anyone under 65, I had to go get a relatively young (still older than me) guy who was doing chest-supported rows to spot me.
Anyway, the weight I was using went up surprisingly quickly and smooth, but not without a good bit of effort on my part. I racked it and sat up, breathing heavy, my face kind of red and thanked the guy.
Apparently this guy hadn’t seen what effort looks like, as he kept asking me if I was alright, which got annoying after the 3rd time.
Then he says, “you put that up really fast! You need to slow it down so you don’t hurt yourself!” I just said “yeah, yeah, thanks” as I wasn’t in any condition to tactfully tell a guy that just did me a favor that he was full of shit.
He wouldn’t have been able to help you had you gotten into trouble you know.[/quote]
Why would you say that? He was a decently built guy in his early 40’s. He’d obviously picked up a weight or two in his life, but looked to be one of those types that doesn’t really push himself, and looks the same, lifts the same amount of weight year in and year out. But I’m quite sure he could easily have added 10-20 lbs. of upward force to help me not get pinned if I had needed it.
I’ve got one. I was trinin in D.C. about 9 years ago squating about 265 below parallel. I finish a set of 5 and this 140 lbs, soaking wet, i just got my trainer cert 18 year old kid comes up to me to correct my form.
Kid: “Your doing that wrong.”
Me: “Really? what do you see.”
Kid: “Your Knees are going too far past your toes. You’ll ruin your knees that way. You should really practice squating in the smith machine to get your form down.”
I thanked him for his advice and expected that to be the end of it. I start my next set and this asshole decides it is his duty to yank back on my hips as I am going up from the hole. I shrieked like a 5 year old girl that just saw a flasher. The mixture of horror, pain and anger in my cry made this kid run away. I can’t believe I’m still pissed about this after all these years.
If you happen to be reading this and your that guy, let me know. We can meet, discuss training, I can pummel you and move on in my life.
[quote]escot4 wrote:
Beowulf67 wrote:
djoh615893 wrote:
Fatty: I guess when you shoot up 'roids and protein, you can squat all day.
No shit!
The hard part is getting the chicken into the syringe.
Tell him that you inject buffalo meat directly to your chest and cheetah meat (to give you superhuman speed) in your legs every day. The life of a protein injector is risky (what with injecting in the chest and all), but worth it.[/quote]
haha! sounds like, “THE POWER OF THE PHOENIX!!”
[quote]apwsearch wrote:
OK, can’t resist posting so here goes.
There is this trainer at our gym we call “Rusty.” Rusty makes porno noises when he trains. Rusty has a training partner who has some of the worst form I have ever witnessed. Rusty insists on handling more weight than he should be on damn near everything he does. Rusty isn’t very strong. Rusty is a dumbass.
Anyway, Rusty was getting ready for some intense sets of Smith Machine half squats. With 45’s on Rusty somehow managed to miss the catch on the right side of the bar which resulted in Rusty getting pretty crooked in the ol’ smith machine.
After Rusty frantically works to get the offending side level he then turns around and says to his training partner, “Good thing I have a strong back.”
Why we happened to be wathcing this debacle is beyond me b/c we typically ignore the piss out of Rusty but we were literally sick from laughing.
One of those times where everytime you look at each other you bust out.
Now, when we finish a tough set we way, “Whew, good thing I have a strong back.”[/quote]
Hilarious!
[quote]BarneyFife wrote:
I saw something TONIGHT, that I have got to talk about!
Some 5’5" 160 pound tool that smells like a pack of camels comes walking into the gym. He loads 7 plates on each side of the smith machine. 7 Plates! He then unracks it, and does 1/8 squats. He gets to his third rep, and then gets STAPLED to the floor! He planted!
The dumbass did NOT use collars, and several of the 45’s fell off. There was a catch peice on the smith machine that kept him from getting snapped in half. I wish people would act smarter, and learn how to lift properly![/quote]
True story; I’ve been a litigation analyst for the past 20 years (my full time job) and I handled a lawsuit out of Gold’s Gym in Venice. Guy, fitness/model type, squatting in the smith machine - this particular machine no bottom safety stop. He’s squatting about 315 and his knee blows; crumbles to the floor and he’s a quad now. Guy was about 29, in the prime of his life, an advanced degree and in law school. We paid alot of money but nothing is worth suffering that injury.
Steve
Reading this topic makes me fucking angry and frustrated!
When you start a story then it’d be damn nice if you guys could bother with f?nishing them too (preferably with a bloody gruesome death of a moron or two).
[quote]Petedacook wrote:
I have concluded I just don’t like most people. And I am fine with that. I encounter people everywhere that aggravate me with their stupidity, or blatant disregard for others.
Anyhow not to jump subjects, I had an encounter in the gym the other day that left me speechless.
I was doing front raises alternating arms and fatigued after about 12 reps (about 6 reps per arm), unable to lift the weight I cheated the weight up and lowered it as slow as I could 2-3 times. Some guy comes over and asks if I am working shoulders, I answer yes. He says “you should lower the weight so you can slow the movement and control it.” Thinking he missed the first 12 reps, I tell him it is a technique called forced reps I was doing for the negative movement. He scoffs and says he has been a personal trainer for 20 years and never heard of negatives. I say “really?” and go about my business. Five minutes later he comes back and says “yea, 20 years as a personal trainer, never heard of that technique. Never” I just noded at him.
It’s like he went away to think about it and came back.
[/quote]
Holy crap. You should ask him if his personal trainer certificate says “Fisher-Price”.
[quote]juicyfruitred wrote:
A friend of mine was asked the other day if his chalk bucket was full of creatine… [/quote]
This gives me an idea. The next time I have to train at a gym that doesn’t allow chalk, I’ll say it’s transdermal creatine.
[quote]Huh? wrote:
The fat womens eyes lit up as I continued my walk past them to the car not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
[/quote]
Laugh. Definitely laugh.
I lift with my head phones on, so I deon’t hear much but I see everything.
The latest exercise added to the list of strange techniques held by the trainers at my gym.
I know what your thinking “Peppy would you say they have a plethora of strange exercises?”
“Yes Guapo, they have a plethora of strange exercisies”
In this case Swiss Ball Lateral Raises!
Oh boy, this is fun to watch.
The trainer has the slightly plump but delicious co-ed kneel on the swiss ball and flap her arms up and down, while the ball threatens to shoot out from between her legs. Meanwhile he is not spotting her so she could fall backwards or fowards at any time. The sad thing is this guy is actually a semi-Pro V-ball player, and I swear to god he would never do this himself.
So I looked this one up and found it at a site called, now get this,
Here is the link to the site
http://www.deskjockeyfitness.com/FeaturedExercises/0502SwissBallLateralRaise.html
Seriously you have to read this description of the exercise.
Apparently if you get to strong of shoulders you will have impingent issues! And if you don’t do it on a swiss ball your form will be bad.
[quote]jbodzin wrote:
So I looked this one up and found it at a site called, now get this,
Here is the link to the site
http://www.deskjockeyfitness.com/FeaturedExercises/0502SwissBallLateralRaise.html
Seriously you have to read this description of the exercise.
Apparently if you get to strong of shoulders you will have impingent issues! And if you don’t do it on a swiss ball your form will be bad.[/quote]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Don’t stay on this site too long after you laugh yourself silly. It makes people dumb.
[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
jbodzin wrote:
Here is the link to the site
http://www.deskjockeyfitness.com/FeaturedExercises/0502SwissBallLateralRaise.html
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Don’t stay on this site too long after you laugh yourself silly. It makes people dumb.
[/quote]
From the site:
"Ergonomic Dumbbells
When you workout at Desk Jockey Fitness you can leave your weight gloves at home. All of our dumbbells have rubber coated, ergonomic handles. These are the most comfortable dumbbells we’ve ever seen."
Too Funny…
[quote]jbodzin wrote:
I lift with my head phones on, so I deon’t hear much but I see everything.
The latest exercise added to the list of strange techniques held by the trainers at my gym.
I know what your thinking “Peppy would you say they have a plethora of strange exercises?”
“Yes Guapo, they have a plethora of strange exercisies”
In this case Swiss Ball Lateral Raises!
Oh boy, this is fun to watch.
The trainer has the slightly plump but delicious co-ed kneel on the swiss ball and flap her arms up and down, while the ball threatens to shoot out from between her legs. Meanwhile he is not spotting her so she could fall backwards or fowards at any time. The sad thing is this guy is actually a semi-Pro V-ball player, and I swear to god he would never do this himself.
So I looked this one up and found it at a site called, now get this,
Here is the link to the site
http://www.deskjockeyfitness.com/FeaturedExercises/0502SwissBallLateralRaise.html
Seriously you have to read this description of the exercise.
Apparently if you get to strong of shoulders you will have impingent issues! And if you don’t do it on a swiss ball your form will be bad.[/quote]
I don’t get why everone on this site laughs the swiss ball. I mean, come on people, open your eyes. It’s man’s greatest invention. Well, second greatest behind 7 minute abs. Ya’ll are just jealous that you don’t have the core strength needed to do these obviously very advanced exercises.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go shower because I feel very, very dirty after writing that.
[quote]jbodzin wrote:
mazilla wrote:
That PDiddy/Bjork thing you got is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. PIZZA!
[quote]Colonel Dinque wrote:
jbodzin wrote:
mazilla wrote:
That PDiddy/Bjork thing you got is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. PIZZA!
[/quote]
WORD.
This didn’t actually happen at a gym but it was mind blowing none the less.
I have a friend who is a little…fucked up. He is about 5’5"-5’8" and 230-250lbs, almost all fat. I have known him for about 8 years now and he has not deliberately exercised once in that time.
Early last summer he started asking me about fitness stuff and what my weights were. I am, and was at the time, quite weak so it was nothing impressive.
He goes on to tell me a story about his highschool PE class.
Aparently when he was in gr.12 he and the most popular jock football player at his school had a shoulder press showdown. They met in the gym after school one day and all these girls came to watch. So there is a big crowd hovering over the two of them. First the jock loads machine (yes, this was a shoulderpress MACHINE showdown).
He racks it up to 1000lbs. He stresses, grunts, and manages to pump out a rep. The crowd, of course, goes wild.
Then my friend goes for it. He racks up an astonishing 1100lbs. He heaves, he grunts, and the crowd goes wild.
From that day on no one ever called him “fat goth looser” again. He had earned the respect of his peers and all was good in the world.
That is pretty close to exactly how he told me the story. I have always wondered if there is a nugget of truth hidden somewhere deep within that sad obvious lie. Either way I want to put that in one of those stupid teenage “looser gets hot and becomes popular” highschool movies.
[quote]Taran wrote:
This didn’t actually happen at a gym but it was mind blowing none the less.
I have a friend who is a little…fucked up. He is about 5’5"-5’8" and 230-250lbs, almost all fat. I have known him for about 8 years now and he has not deliberately exercised once in that time.
Early last summer he started asking me about fitness stuff and what my weights were. I am, and was at the time, quite weak so it was nothing impressive.
He goes on to tell me a story about his highschool PE class.
Aparently when he was in gr.12 he and the most popular jock football player at his school had a shoulder press showdown. They met in the gym after school one day and all these girls came to watch. So there is a big crowd hovering over the two of them. First the jock loads machine (yes, this was a shoulderpress MACHINE showdown).
He racks it up to 1000lbs. He stresses, grunts, and manages to pump out a rep. The crowd, of course, goes wild.
Then my friend goes for it. He racks up an astonishing 1100lbs. He heaves, he grunts, and the crowd goes wild.
From that day on no one ever called him “fat goth looser” again. He had earned the respect of his peers and all was good in the world. [/quote]
HAHA what the fuck? That machine has amazing leverage. If only it were that easy at my school.
iv seen people doing some pretty wild shit on the cable machines. I would describe it, but im not sure how.
[quote]secondplace wrote:
iv seen people doing some pretty wild shit on the cable machines. I would describe it, but im not sure how.[/quote]
Yeah i’m the judo guy practicing weird moves on it, as well as a few shoots. : ( I’m ashamed, yet i’m not the one that does “swimming” on it so he “get;s lose” for the water.