The Thanksgiving Letter

Did anyone have to deal with a relative like this? (posted from http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com)

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJBâ??Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family

  1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so donâ??t feel like you a have to feed an army.
  2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I donâ??t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
  3. Toppings for the ice cream.
  4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family

  1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
  2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family

  1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors dâ??ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family

  1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
  2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
  3. Proscuitto pin wheel â?? please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
  4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family

  1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
  2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)

  1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
  2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney

Seriously???

What a bitch.

LOL @ “no cheese (you know how Mike is)”

I saw before on e-mail from crazy people - I don’t care if they are family I would refuse to go over to the house of someone like because you know they would tons of stupid rules too.

I’d love to see the freak out this guy would have if you didn’t bring a serving spoon or used foil. I imagine it would be similar to the one Cartman had when Kyle bought him Ants in the Pants instead of the proper colored Mega Man figure.

[quote]AngryVader wrote:
I’d love to see the freak out this guy would have if you didn’t bring a serving spoon or used foil. I imagine it would be similar to the one Cartman had when Kyle bought him Ants in the Pants instead of the proper colored Mega Man figure.[/quote]

hahahha perfect

15lbs of mashed potatoes lol. Yo, at least this would guarantee a pretty bitchin’ Thanksgiving meal. It couldn’t be more complete or accommodating.

She needs to be slapped. If I was one of the people on that list, no matter what I was assigned to bring I would just show up with a giant 6 foot sub sandwich.

My typical “potluck” invite:

“Bring a dish and some beer.”

Why have someone bring turnips if NO ONE likes them? WTF?

AND WHERE THE HELL IS THE CRANBERRY SAUCE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

The lady who was hosting our Thanksgiving dinner sent out 4-5 emails about it. She decided we were going to have two buffet lines, one for the parents and one for the “kids” (we’re all over 25). She changed one lady’s dish 3 times. Holidays at her house are always interesting…We also received a Thanksgiving history lesson from her husband, translated into modern English from the original Old English. When someone laughed, he said “Are you done? May I continue? This is important stuff, you know” just like a teacher.

This is the original email sent out to everyone about Thanksgiving:

(I am using the above address list from G & E
because I do not have complete GL email list in my
address book. If you notice someone missing,
please forward this.)

Thanksgiving is coming soon…even though the weather has felt like
November for all of October. I would not be surprised if we have
early snow. So much for global warming!

It is Stovers turn to host Thanksgiving this year. If you are getting this message
and you are out of town or never are available for GL Thanksgiving, please
ignore. Others, please let me know if you are coming and what you
want to bring. Someone will have to do pumpkin pies this year, since
we will be doing the turkey.

This Friday we depart for San Jose to visit S and watch him run the
Silicon Valley Marathon (he took 2nd place last year, but is is a small
marathon). Then on the 29th, we take a very long 3-legged flight to
New Hampshire for a surprise 70th birthday party for my brother in
the town where he and his wife are building a vacation home. I mean
B is really building it himself ! He and A Hope are a lot alike. We
return late on Nov 2, so I will not be at book club at S’s house.
S is also going to be here for Christmas; then we all go to Colorado
on Dec 26.

She also only uses the “reply all” function, claims she doesn’t know how to use the “reply” function…

WTF no gallons?! The fuck am I supposed to drink out of, a goddamn cup? Motherfucker, I need to be properly hydrated!

Also, that’s an amazingly crazy family.