The SHIT System vs. INNO-Sport?

Off Topic
41

[quote]JonRC wrote:
Will Heffernan wrote:
sully’s wrote:
Will is going to be the featured speaker at Charles Staley’s annual bootcamp in October. Will’s topic will be KING(Kinematic Involved Neuromuscular Guidance)SHIT. Proving that he is the foremost authority on all things SHIT. After listening to Will you need to do one thing and that is to WIPE(Work Intensive Productive Exercise).

I will be speaking at Staley’s Boot Camp…a lot.

So is everyone in for a SHIT day with you at the Boot Camp Will? Or is that too much SHIT for people to handle? No one would want to be in over their heads with SHIT.

Personally, I’d like to hear more about how to manage my SHIT. I think everyone could benefit from having a better understanding of SHIT management techniques.
[/quote]
Mate you can rest assured and I am sure that if you speak with anyone that knows me that wherever I go and anytime I get even the slighest of opportunities I talk nothing but total and utter SHIT.

42

Does anyone know who this JOG fag is?

I have some ideas, and some hints:

  1. He is gay
  2. My wife thinks he’s good looking
  3. His hair is funny as fuck
  4. Will seems to always be there

Who is this masked cabillero?

43

Been through SHIT, I’m now starting the SHART program. I was a bit discouraged by the smell of the SHIT diet, and I’ve found SHART to go down easier as it has a more liquid aspect to it.

44

[quote]Rockscar wrote:
Been through SHIT, I’m now starting the SHART program. I was a bit discouraged by the smell of the SHIT diet, and I’ve found SHART to go down easier as it has a more liquid aspect to it.[/quote]

I don’t recomend using SHART as the transfer phase from SHIT to FART(Frequent Accomidated Rate Training). Mainly because it will sometimes defeat the purpose of all the time you just spent doing SHIT. However, some people have expressed a lot of interest in doing SHART before SHIT.

45

[quote]Dr. Ryan wrote:
Will Heffernan wrote:
I don’t think you guys are taking this SHIT seriously?

Some of these training methods that people like Dr Ryan are suggesting are just ridiculous and only serves to illustrate how little you guys know about evolutionary and insightful training methodologies. For starters, training methodologies with 5 letters? What the hell is that about? 4 is the magic number. Go outside right now look at the wall of whatever hovel your living in. Look at the wall…what do you see…BRICKS…and how many corners does a BRICK have…4…what more do you need to know?

You have a choice with you partner work. Don’t be blinded by the initial complexity of the program it’s SHIT easy. I know some SHIT advocates here at T-Nation love COCK they can’t get enough and that’s fine at the beginning especially if you are just training at home or in your bedroom. Sooner or later you need to get into the gym and get a partner. The next question is then with partner work you need to get your COCK in somewhere? The obvious choice for most T-Nation adherents like I suggested in my previous post is ARSE. I say this because having spent a little time in the US with you guys I think that is what would suit you guys best.

I have spent a lot of time on the phone lately with Jim Wendler over at Elite he’s a great coach and athlete and very advanced. We’ve spent hours and hours talking about some of my more advanced methodologies and how they can work with less advanced protocols like Westside. Basically, Jim and I spend hours a day talking about CUNT (Conjugated Undulating Neuromuscular Training). To tell the truth Jim and I are obsessed with it. When you’re working at an Elite level with athletes of the calibre we are there are endless variations of CUNT to get into and I think Jim will agree that both ourselves and our athlete absolutely live for it.

Dave Tate will be writing an article to go along with his current weight loss and aerobics regime that Dr John and JOG are working on with him now that he has given up on life at the top…some would say given up on life full stop. It is quite sad actually as Dave has spent so long as a major innovator in CUNT work that he now seems to be rushing headlong back to ARSE.

Will,

It is apparent that you know your SHIT, however it appears that you don’t know DICK (Descending Isotonic Concentric Kinematics). DICK is similar to COCK, which you seem to know well. Now DICK and COCK can be inserted into the PUSSY program or the CUNT/ARSE programs you mentioned.
One thing to consider is that COCK or DICK can also be inserted into a MOUTH (Multi-linear Oscillatory Undulating Training Hierarchy) system. A MOUTH with good LIPS (Linear Intensification Periodized System) is preferred.
Regardless of whether you choose to put your DICK/COCK into PUSSY/CUNT/ARSE/MOUTH, where you put your CUM (Compound Universal Movements) is critical. Some beginners may need to start out with their COCK/DICK in their HAND (Hyper Active Neural Drive) program. However, in that system, where to put the CUM becomes a little sticky. Overall, it will get the job done, it just isn’t as satisfying as the PUSSY/CUNT/MOUTH programs.

I know some people may think this is deep SHIT, it really isn’t. You don’t have to have SHIT for brains to comprehend this stuff. This SHIT ain’t easy but there are many things that are harder than SHIT.

Also, having trained with Dave and Jim, I can assure you that at no times is ARSE part of the program. These guys know there SHIT and PUSSY/CUNT/MOUTH are the only areas where they insert their DICK/COCK. I’m not sure where bands/chains/boards are used, but I’m sure they are working on a manual as we speak.[/quote]

You are allready thinking about training videos and infomercials aren?t you?

In fact, I might have allready seen one or two of those…

46

[This thread is pure brilliance]

As I said earlier, I am a huge proponent of SHIT (Coach Heff has done a remarkable job with this system). So much so, that I am working on a some complementary flexibilty protocols that should be worked on non-SHIT days:

DOG - Dynamic Oscillation Gearing (general flexibility for non-flexible people)

HORSE - High Overspeed Reciprocating Static Elasticity (intermediate level that concentrates on getting the feet behind the head)

BULL - Ballistic Undulating Lateral Laxicity (for super-hyper advanced athletes looking to hold contortions for extended periods in pre-competition warmups as a means to both physically and mentally prepare as well as totally distract the competition)

These protocols are meant to be used in succession since each step is an escalation of the previous protocol. I recommend starting with 4-6 weeks of DOG-SHIT, followed by 3-4 weeks of HORSE-SHIT and then 1-2 weeks of BULL-SHIT for experienced trainees only. BULL-SHIT is quite meant to be performed only during pre-competition (culmination) periods. In other words, only as a work-up to a major championship or tournament type event. Too much BULL-SHIT will significantly deplete the neurological system if employed too frequently or for too long.

I have used these protocols with MANY professional athletes who are at the top of their respective sports. I am unable to name any of these competitors due to confidentiality reasons.

I’m sure there are plenty of skeptics out there concering these protocols, but since most people “in the business” have questioned whether or not I even exist, I don’t care. In fact, I will even challenge the naysayers. Here’s my challenge:
Let’s take two elite athletes, one trained by me and the other by an “expert” contributor to T-Nation. Let’s train them for 10 weeks and see whose athletes can get into various contortions and hold those positions for the longest. Any takers?

DB

47

[quote]dollarbill44 wrote:
Too much BULL-SHIT will significantly deplete the neurological system if employed too frequently or for too long.
[/quote]

SHIT happens.

48

[quote]Dr. Ryan wrote:
You may want to rethink the mission statement. ‘SHIT happens’ sounds good to me. What do you think?[/quote]

I don’t know about you but for me SHIT does not just happen, sometimes it can be a real strain. It is worth it however - in the world of training there really is nothing quite like a good SHIT.

Will, I’d be interested to hear what your ideas on diet are - Personally I have found that upping my carb intake has enabled me to SHIT more regularly.

I suggest an accompanying diet book, you could call it “Eating SHIT”.

49

[quote]Stuey wrote:
Dr. Ryan wrote:
You may want to rethink the mission statement. ‘SHIT happens’ sounds good to me. What do you think?

I don’t know about you but for me SHIT does not just happen, sometimes it can be a real strain. It is worth it however - in the world of training there really is nothing quite like a good SHIT.

Will, I’d be interested to hear what your ideas on diet are - Personally I have found that upping my carb intake has enabled me to SHIT more regularly.

I suggest an accompanying diet book, you could call it “Eating SHIT”.[/quote]

I am assuming that you’re refering to my extensive and complete manual on Nutrition, Training and Recovery.

EAT SHIT and DIE.

Which completely covers diet and nutrition and glycogen loading from the EAT (Energy Accumulation for Training)series. As well as going into great detail on all the SHIT (Super High Intensity Training) I know. This manual also include all my new work and research on facilitating correct recovery, mobility and functional movement enhancemnet from the DIE (Delivering Improvement Enhancement) series.

EAT SHIT and DIE pretty much covers all my thoughts and aspirations towards T-Nation readers and coaches trying to emulate my evolutionary and insightful training practices.

50

Heff,

Since you obviously know your shit, I wanted to run this by you. I was reading up on the FART-(forward acceleration/relaxation technique). At its core, you relax the glutes and hams, then contract them explosively for a burst off of the blocks, or when squatting off of a box. It reportedly increases explosiveness by up to 300%.

This technique smells funny to me and I was wondering if it is just a bunch of hot air, or if good FART technique will help me launch out of the squat?

Thanks in advance.

51

Wow, it amazes me that Will has been building up his SHIT to such huge proportions without me hearing about it! I mean the dude’s been throwing SHIT around on my own doorstep and I never noticed until now…

Well, I can tell you all this, now that I’ve heard about it - I’m pretty enthusiastic and I plan to immerse myself entirely in Will Heffernan’s SHIT, and I’d advise anyone else to do the same!

52

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Heff,

Since you obviously know your shit, I wanted to run this by you. I was reading up on the FART-(forward acceleration/relaxation technique). At its core, you relax the glutes and hams, then contract them explosively for a burst off of the blocks, or when squatting off of a box. It reportedly increases explosiveness by up to 300%.

This technique smells funny to me and I was wondering if it is just a bunch of hot air, or if good FART technique will help me launch out of the squat?

Thanks in advance.[/quote]

I’ve tried the FART technique and for me, it didn’t work well with SHIT. In fact, sometimes I’ve tried to SHIT and I could only FART. Some days they go hand in hand, but other days it can be only one or the other. That’s just not reliable enough for me when I want to SHIT once a day, sometimes 2x.

DB

53

Thanks for clearing the air on that one DB!

Now that I’m catching on to this system, I am very confident that I should be getting new p.b.s in no time, possibly even taking an upcomming regional comp. I can hear the cheers already!

54

Will’s SHIT system is the bomb but stay away from SHI’ITE(Super High Intensity Interval Training Eccentrics. After doing SHI’ITE for about 6 weeks you may develop the urge to strap bombs to your body.

55

[quote]Dr. Ryan wrote:
Will Heffernan wrote:
Stuey wrote:
Dr. Ryan wrote:
You may want to rethink the mission statement. ‘SHIT happens’ sounds good to me. What do you think?

I don’t know about you but for me SHIT does not just happen, sometimes it can be a real strain. It is worth it however - in the world of training there really is nothing quite like a good SHIT.

Will, I’d be interested to hear what your ideas on diet are - Personally I have found that upping my carb intake has enabled me to SHIT more regularly.

I suggest an accompanying diet book, you could call it “Eating SHIT”.

I am assuming that you’re refering to my extensive and complete manual on Nutrition, Training and Recovery.

EAT SHIT and DIE.

Which completely covers diet and nutrition and glycogen loading from the EAT (Energy Accumulation for Training)series. As well as going into great detail on all the SHIT (Super High Intensity Training) I know. This manual also include all my new work and research on facilitating correct recovery, mobility and functional movement enhancemnet from the DIE (Delivering Improvement Enhancement) series.

EAT SHIT and DIE pretty much covers all my thoughts and aspirations towards T-Nation readers and coaches trying to emulate my evolutionary and insightful training practices.

EAT SHIT and DIE is sure to be a classic. It is exactly what everyone has been waiting for.

I’m sure you have been told to get the FUCK-OFF (Functional Understanding Conventional Kinesiology-Overcoming Fitness Fallacies) book. It should complement your EAT SHIT and DIE manual nicely.

Actually there is a whole series of FUCK products:

FUCK IT (Interval Training)
FUCK ME (Maximal Effort)
FUCK YOU (Yearly-program planning, Organization and Understanding)

FUCK THAT (Training Hierarchy Advanced Techniques)

FUCK THIS (Tactical High Intensity System)

FUCK TARD (Training Adaptations to Resistance Demands)

FUCK FACE (Functional Adaptations to Concentric Exercise)

There are many more, but I don’t want to FUCK with this SHIT.[/quote]

Mate that FUCK series was completely covered in the article I wrote promoting the the books years ago.

I can’t remember the exact promotional tag line it went under…I think it may have been GET FUCKED.

As I said then and as I think Dr Ryan is alluding to now…everybody should go out and get it.

My article was incredibly popular and to this day whenever I ring other strength and conditioning coaches it is always the first thing they say to me…I’m glad it had such a huge impact on people.

56

Just remember… no FART during FUCK.

57

Sorry to post this in an old thread but I only just saw the info and needed to ask a couple of questions.

I am thinking about starting to SHIT but I am a little concerned as I have never done it before. Will it be painful?

Also, if I follow you SHIT principles in the gym do you think that I will be able to get more COCK and ARSE out of the gym.

As I am relatively new to this I have no particular preference regarding COCK, ARSE, PUSSY or MOUTH.

Sometimes I do wonder how it would feel to have my training partner use his COCK in my ARSE and maybe then to use his CUM in my MOUTH. Do you think this means there is something wrong with me?

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions.

58

This is seriously one of the funniest threads I have ever seen on this site (and I’ve been here a long time). I don’t know how I missed it until now. Good stuff, guys.

59

Can someone please help me out with an answer to my questions above.

The reason that I ask is that my training partner (we are both male) has been reading the information here and has now started asking about putting his COCK in my ARSE. Now I said that this was something that I thought about but I am still not sure. Would it be more preferential for hypertrophy if I used my COCK with his MOUTH or should I just stick with the regular PUSSY?

I am really confused. Can someone help?

60

damn…

someone just linked me this - lolbump.