I think I just watched the greatest bad movie made in the last 10 years.
Assassin 33 A.D.
I don’t know who made this but I’m suspecting it’s a Christian movie.
Rich Muslim extremist corporate bad guy enlists a group of smart kids to build a teleporting device so he can teleport shit to terrorists and bomb places and shit.
One really smart kid builds a time machine by accident instead.
Bad guy realizes that he can do something better with that. Go back in time and kill Jesus before he’s crucified so the Christian religion will cease to exist.
I’m not making this up.
One character finds out and goes:
“They’re planning the Ultimate Jihad!”.
The bad guy sends his men back in time and they gun down all the apostles along with Jesus in one “time continuum”. One dude who’s really angry with God for the death of his family double taps him in the head as he lays dying, looks up at the sky, and goes, “Now you know how I feel!”.
They created several, which will ultimately converge back into one BUT using Back to the Future rules.
In one iteration, the comic relief runs into Jesus praying in the garden and tells him he knows his story because he’s seen the bootlegged version of The Passion and asks for forgiveness lololol. The dude tries to convince Jesus not to go through all the shit he’s about to go through.
Jesus tells him that if he had watched till the end of the movie, he’d know that everything turns out fine. I nearly died laughing.
I can’t give anything more away. If you like bad movies, watch it.
I checked out their website and you’re right. The thing is I’ve never heard of these film festivals before lol. I think the judges either got bombarded with too much indie crap filmed on a green screen in someone’s basement or they need to get their heads checked.
But, seriously, I think the plot is so hilariously absurd with acting so bad anyone will get a kick out of it. So watch it regardless of whether you’re Christian or atheist.
I mean, come on… top scientists in the world smart enough to invent a fucking time machine. Jesus speaks to them in English in 33 A.D and they see him rise from the dead and one dumb fuck still asks, “Do you think he’s for real?” later while he’s dying.
How does something like this get anything other than a Razzie lololol?
My favorite is IV because it’s just awesome and he conquers a mountain. I do feel that there are those who jump on the band wagon when they say V is bad. I know I’m in the minority but I feel that V has some good moments in it.
I like the scene in 4 where they are both training, and Dolph takes a big shot in the shoulder, and is training on the state of the art equipment, and IIRC does a 4 plate strict press, and Rocky is implied natty, and lifting wagons of people and running up a mountain. I bet Stallone had a bigger drug regimen than Dolph did IRL.
I’m sure he did. LOL. Those training scenes are awesome none-the-less.
I like in IV where Ivan Drago is getting chewed out by his trainer for not “defeating that little, so-called champion” and he turns around and picks the trainer up by his throat 1-handed.
I wonder how many people started working out because of the Rocky movies. I remember growing up watching them thinking I want to train.
Also when I was young WSM used to be on TV around Christmas time every year. I would watch them with my dad every year. This was way before I ever started lifting. I remember thinking I wanted to be strong like those guys. It was one of my favorite TV events of the year. I think Mariuz was in his prime around that time. I wanted to look like him. I guess that didn’t pan out LOL.
I remember thinking why is Strongman not more televised as I thought it was great. Maybe I was destined to train? I admired strength before knowing anything about it. It just seemed like those guys were more than an average man.
I can completely relate to that. Rocky IV was the first one I saw as a kid. It was taped on a VHS and I remember thinking Stallone and Lundgren looked like superheroes in that movie. It was unreal and motivating.
I think there are many who feel the same way as we do. They idolize strength and used inspiration from a variety of sources to go to the gym and train. To those that aren’t into training, they would think it’s a bit strange.
I feel the same way about the strongman competitions. I’m not a big sports guy at all except for the obscure stuff like strongman or collegiate wrestling.
The sport that I can get into is one that I can actually participate in. It has to be accessible. That’s why I love progressive calisthenics and weight training. It’s something I personally can participate in.
Just watched Midsommar. I liked it. Quite a bit actually. It’s more of a psychological thriller/horror type thing. But what really got me was how drugged up they kept the foreigners. Losing control like that, and being extremely vulnerable to any and every outside suggestion other than your own really got me. The Swedish music was absolutely captivating throughout the whole film. Creepy stuff all over the place, vague references, etc.
Trailer for anyone interested.
Have you seen His House? If not I highly suggest it. The silent stop-and-pause type of effect you usually see in horror films isn’t really there in that one, but there’s a bunch of continuous in-action scary-feel type of stuff that’s downplayed on purpose just to straight freak out the audience.
It’s a mixed bag. It’s better than any of the silly Conjuring spin offs but nothing close to what James Wan can do.
There’s a scene where Ed Warren says something like, “The court recognizes the existence of God every time we swear on the bible. It’s time it recognizes the existence of the Devil.”.
That should have been a real “mike drop” moment. Instead, it comes out mildly amusing.
But immediately after that, something intentionally funny which I won’t spoil for you happens that made me laugh so hard I had to hit the pause button.
The movie is a departure from the haunted house shit, which could have worked in it’s favor. But now it involves satanic rituals and stuff, which naturally has to involve a villain. This villain isn’t explored enough and the JUMP SCARES! don’t happen organically, which makes most of the movie pretty boring at times.
Overall, it doesn’t suck but it could have been better.
Riders of Justice starring Mads Mikkelsen and a bunch of Danish people.
The description from my TV service provider said it was an action comedy, but being Danish it obviously doesn’t follow the typical Hollywood formula. Would be closer to a Guy Richie type, but still way different. The humor is more “continental”, if that makes any sense. And dark, the whole thing is a bit dark.
It was alright. The action was fine and I dig that kind of humor. I’ll give it a 7.
Some chick told me it was the best thing ever but I should have known. What is it with these women and Mads Mikkelsen? I get, like, Brad Pitt or Keanu or something, but what’s the deal with this guy?
I went and re-watched The Conjuring 2 just to see how much James Wan could potentially have elevated the 3rd instalment if he had been at the helm. I’d say by A LOT. Part 1 was a perfect horror movie IMO. There’s literally nothing I think could have been done better.
The Conjuring 2 has such a lame plot any other director would have totally fucked it up. Actually it was pure crap if you really think about it but it somehow worked. Part 3 had a MUCH better premise and it still sucked WAAAAY more than part 2. That shouldn’t have been possible.
Have you ever seen a HORROR movie where the best part is Ocean Master doing an Elvis impression and singing in front of a family with 4 kids? That’s the kind of small nuances James Wan adds to a movie that others would just cut out to get to the JUMP SCARES!. Do you have even have any idea how hard it is to direct kids lol? You know why they generally don’t use cats in movies? Because, unlike dogs, you can’t train them to do what you want in front of the camera. It’s almost the SAME with a bunch of kids. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’m never doing it again.
And I’m not even talking about the way he uses the camera yet. There’s just so much skill there with the framing, direction, editing and use of sound I’d be writing half a book to describe all of it.
IMO he’s one of the only REAL filmmakers who’s also a big budget movie director nowadays. And he’s the only guy who had the balls to give us multiple gratuitous ass shots in that Fast and Furious sequel that others wouldn’t have the balls to do anymore in big budget movies.
