Solaris, IMHO the best Soviet movie of all times (sorry, Battleship Potemkin and Aleksandar Nevsky) would have to be the first on the list.
The Bodyguard from the 1970s is a good introduction to the Ostern genre. An Ostern is a Western movie set in Central Asia.
Oh, just remembered a spaghetti Western - did you watch Sabata with Lee Van Cleef?
Nope. Never heard of it. I’ll probably check it out too eventually.
Justice League: Snyder Cut
I was shocked and delighted how good this was, and at how engaged I was throughout the obscenely long 4 hr run time. I would like to think WB will eventually bring Snyder back for the sequels. But then again, just about every decision they’ve made with the DCEU has been catastrophically wrong, so I’m not holding my breath.
8/10
For anyone who’s watched The Room and/or The Disaster Artist:
I watched Aquaslash and it was a pile of shit.
The sypnosis read something like:
“A class of irritating high school fucktards are celebrating their graduation at a water park. Shit happens when a serial killer puts 2 blades in a water slide.”
Naturally you’d think this is the event that happens in the 2nd act which starts off the actual killing spree. NO, it was the CLIMAX.
It starts with a unrelated opening scene where a couple are hacked to death while fucking on top of the water slide, which is like 80s slasher movie 101 shit. The objective is normally just to show you that there is, in fact, a killer and how far they are willing to go with the violence and gore. This looked promising.
Then the rest of the fucking movie is 1hr of dumbasses doing stupid shit. Nope, there’s no fucking either. Just people being asses to one another and 2 guys fighting over one girl and vague scenes explaining the park is going out of business and the owner doesn’t want to take up the offer to sell it off to the father of one of the kids for a lot of money. It’s implied that he’s probably sleeping with the park owner’s hot wife, which is probably why he’s offering to buy it at such a high price, which isn’t revealed until the end.
Then the kid’s father gets killed OUT OF FRAME with a fucking GUN in the second act. This scene is only there to provide the killer with motive when the fucker is finally “revealed” at the end. But the fucking reveal isn’t even a surprise since you already know who the killer is after this.
Then the killer puts 2 blades in one of the water slides the next day when everyone is going down the water slides and several people supposedly get dismembered with shitty special effects. Fuck, it’s not even possible that the blades are sharp enough and people are sliding with enough speed for anyone to get fully dismembered since they’re positioned in a way that creates an “X”.
But I would have been fine with that if it was executed in a hilarious, over-the-top way and there was enough of a budget for more props. But, noooo. All they had were a couple of severed limbs, which were obviously reused from the opening scene, and a torso.
You gotta imagine how stupid this looks. Blood is flowing out in abundance at the exit of the slide but no bodyparts are coming out after the first one as more and more people enter the slide. And they were stupid enough to show a wide shot of the pool below filled with blood with 3 severed limbs, a head and a torso floating in it in the final shot while implying that everyone who went down the slide died including the park owner. What the fuck? Did the rest get liquidated?
They stretch out this scene for 15mins mostly with dumbasses screaming.
That’s it. After a brief epilogue revealing the killer’s objective while the kid inherits his father’s company and completes the formalities for a prior agreement to buy the park from the dead owner’s wife for 20 million bucks while she sits there looking sad and then suddenly starts smiling at the camera.
Then it ENDS.
That’s the fucking watered down(lol) PLOT OF THE FIRST HALF OF THE GODFATHER with a stupid twist, you DIPSHITS.
FUCK YOU.
0/10
This was worth the price of admission.
The Seventh Day
There’s been an unexplained rise in the number of demonic possessions. Lacking the required amount of exorcists to deal with all this, a rookie priest fresh out of exorcism school gets paired with an experienced priest with a dark past whose methods may be deemed… unsound. But he’s supposed to be the best in the business and has the uncanny ability to convince the Archbishop call in favors to let them do all kinds of shit they would otherwise be arrested for.
I believe it’s called the “Guy Pearce Effect”.
Come on, the dude managed to get a bunch of scientists and engineers to travel to an alien planet to find the origin of life in Prometheus because of the discovery of a couple FUCKING ANCIENT DRAWINGS on the wall of some undiscovered cave ffs. You think he can’t get an Archbishop to make it possible for them to just walk away when some mundane shit happens in their presence like the entire staff of a mental facility for the criminally insane being massacred in some of the most gruesome ways possible?
They set out to conduct a couple of exorcisms and this rookie is about to find out that being an exorcist isn’t as easy as it sounds.
It’s really not too bad but they end with a terrible anti-climax. The production values are adequate. The acting is pretty good.
The best part is that the movie takes itself seriously while injecting a good dose of black humor without going over-the-top although the 3rd act is a big let down.
It’s a really weird film and probably worth checking out if you have nothing better to do.
SPOLIER
This is literally Training Day with exorcists and demons. I’m not kidding. I’m 50% sure this was intentional.
6/10
Watched Psycho last night. I think for the time it was very well done. I did figure out the main plot twist before it happened (I won’t ruin that). The ending was great and not predicted though. I’ll give it 8/10.
I watched Bad Boys 2 again. They don’t make 'em like they used to. The dialogue alone is funnier than most comedies these days but I’ll bet 70% of it won’t be allowed by the PC police.
Here’s one line that’s non-controversial that seriously made me lol:
“I’ve got so much brass up my ass I can play The Star Spangled Banner!”
Wait, no, homophobic joke! #canceldt79
If you really want a trip in 2021, rewatch Austin Powers.
Mike Myers would have been arrested on set.
Watch a Soviet film called “Kin-dza-dza!” It’s legendary in Russian culture.
Honestly, I’m not sure the movie works for non-Russian speakers.
Personally, I would rather suggest D’Artanyan i tri mushketera as an introduction into popular culture classics.
I watched Breach starring Bruce Willis and fell asleep in 5 mins. The synopsis implied it was some kind of slasher movie in outer space.
There was something about several thousand people boarding a spaceship heading towards a “new earth” while the rest of the people on our earth are fucked for some reason. The exterior shots of the spaceship in space looked like something left over from old Roger Corman movies but it seemed like they were taking the “science” seriously since there was no sound in these scenes. Or maybe they just had no budget for sound effects.
Then the spaceship goes into quantum mode for a couple of minutes and Bruce nonchalantly mumbles something like “30 years have passed on earth” because of “time dilation” and “everyone there is now dead” and my mind automatically shut itself down. The dude really can’t be bothered to act anymore.
Anyone watched the full movie? Is the rest worth watching?
If not, at least I’ve found a good sleep aid.
And it’s fascinating how they managed to rip off both Interstellar and that post apocalyptic movie set on a perpetually moving train starring Captain America and Ed Harris in just 5 mins.
I’m really intending to watch Solaris but I’ve been putting it off till I have the time and the mood to devote myself to getting fully invested in the movie. Nowadays I’m just too mentally exhausted from work to watch anything but mindless crap.
Even if you make me watch my favourite movie of all time now - Apocalypse Now Redux - I’d probably fall asleep too. Shit, the French plantation scene was one of the best parts IMO. I can’t believe they left it out of the original cut and the later director’s cut on DVD.
On a separate note, I watched some video on YouTube showing the best scenes from The Untouchables and still contend that John Woo is the biggest Brian DePalma rip off ever.
EDIT:
I can’t make anymore consecutive posts here so I’ve replaced this pointless rant with:
MORTAL KOMBAT ROCKS!!!
Yes, it’s dumb, but not as dumb as the trailers made it out to be. The dialogue wasn’t half as bad as was implied. Some of it was actually really funny. The bastards fucking tried to trick idiots like me who get off on bad movies into watching it. I guess it worked even though I would have watched it anyway because of Joe Taslim.
I’ve never played the game so I don’t know if it has some kind of story but this movie has almost the exact same plot as a shitty Nicholas Cage movie I watched not too long ago.
No one can beat Christopher Lambert as Raiden so don’t get your hopes up and the guy who plays Shang Tsung sucks BIGTIME. They should have cast Nicholas Cage as the latter. Joe Taslim (Sub Zero) fucking rocks. The rest of the cast did kinda ok.
And, yes, the guy who plays Liu Kang really looks like original movie’s Liu Kang. Your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. There was some obvious makeup with prosthetic work going on so I’m not saying Asians all look the same or I’d be implying that I look like Chow Yuen Fatt so shut up SJWs. Besides, I have an uncanny resemblance to Andy Lau although I’m a lot taller. At least that’s what my wife tells me.
BUT the fight scenes were AWESOME. And most were actually used to advance the plot and some had real stakes and emotional stuff and shit, which was way more than what I expected.
Objectively, I’m gonna give this a 6.5/10 for filmmaking
But it’s an 8/10 for me just for pure, silly, mindless entertainment that isn’t afraid to embrace it’s ludicrousness like other movies do by following every serious moment with a joke. Even the good Marvel ones.
Watched all of “solar opposites” after surgery. From the creators of Rick and Morty with many of the same voice actors
Fantastic show, heinously twisted, one of the funniest animated shows of all time. I love how the aliens “gooble” when they’re upset
Watched “Deadly Illusions” on Netflix the other day. It got good ratings but I did not like it. Thriller that essentially delves into creative madness in an American Psycho-esque is this even real kind of thing.
The story moved to slowly. Movie was 2 hours and could have accomplished the same thing in 45 minutes.
The intro with Joe Taslim and the japanese guy that plays a samurai in every movie is 10/10. The fact that they each speak in their respective tongue makes it evem more intense.
Rest of the movie I’ll give an 8/10 (at least for what it is. It’s not like an 8/10 The Godfather if ya know what I mean). “Fatalities” were awesome.
I also liked Kano as a comic relief character.
Joe’s native language is “Bahasa Indonesia”, which is almost like some parts of Mandarin and English spoken “backwards” with some words similar to Spanish, to put it really simply. It’s not a very difficult language to pick up, though. But, shit, the dude spoke completely flawless Mandarin. I was fucking impressed. I didn’t know he spoke the language, let alone that well. It’s easy to tell from his accent if you’re a Mandarin speaker. Hell, his intonation is better than mine since mine is kinda mixed with my native Chinese dialect.
The other popular martial arts guy from Indonesia who starred in The Raid and Wu Warriors(US TV show) tried speaking Cantonese and Mandarin in The Night Comes for Us and ended up sounding like Jackie Chan speaking English.
*Jackie Chan has stated multiple times he doesn’t understand more than half of what he’s saying in English and needs all his scripts to be phonetically transcribed and his answers to his interviews prewritten and transcribed the same way so shut up SJWs.
John Woo does this too, which I know for a fact through a very credible source. The only difference is John Woo can’t speak fluent Mandarin either because he only speaks Cantonese well and does the same for interviews in Mandarin while Jackie speaks both languages(dialects?) fluently. I can only speak enough Cantonese for basic communication myself and my intonation sucks because Cantonese is a lot harder since it has 5 fucking tones for different words with the same English spelling while Mandarin has 4 so shut up, Asian SJWs.
Agreed. A role like that can only go one out of 2 ways: “irritating as fuck” or “funny and unexpectedly endearing”. The dude managed to pull off the latter.
He’s ethnically chinese, right? Maybe he grew up speaking Mandarin at home with his folks?
Not that I could tell. He could have spoken jiberish and I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.