The Mark of a Loser?

Off Topic
1

This is the story of tonight’s walk. While some detail their kick-ass training sessions, I share with you my not so brisk trek around a suburban development. Here on the T-forums, I strive for diversity. BTW, this is not intended to be an attempt at a Cupcake style classic. The Cake (can I call you that?) is in a class of his own. You are the master, sir. Moving on.

I was about fifty feet away from my front door when I spotted three girls approaching from the opposite direction. Sweet. These chicks have my attention because they’re a far cry from the geriatric crowd I typically encounter during these quick trips around the neighborhood. Now, to my untrained eye, it seemed possible that these girls were all underage, though their breasts were mature enough. Nevertheless, it was close enough to establish reasonable doubt and I know a quality lawyer. That’s off the record, of course. We get closer. Closer. It’s showtime. Do I say something? No, one of them does. Okay, this is looking promising. She says, “howdy, neighbor.” The other two smile. Wait, howdy? What the fuck? And when did we become neighbors? I’ve never seen you before.

Suspicions aside, it became a situation where my brain tried to send my mouth a signal to say hello to the girls, but my mouth had other ideas. I slowed down, made eye contact, and proceeded to mutter something to them. What it was I don’t know. The world’s preeminent lip reader wouldn’t have a chance with this incoherent gem. Realizing the boner of a first impression I just made, I turned away and quickly headed home. I think they laughed or something.

So what was it about these three girls that flustered me? I can understand why, in the same situation, I might fear three strange guys.

3 male strangers = 3 potential ass whippings = 3 stitches per ass whipping

But girls?

3 girls = orgy = Maureen style sex tale

Sure, that’s unlikely, but 3 girls = 3 potential dates. Well, assuming legality. I remind you, off the record.

If only my nervous system functioned properly. Bastard. Ah, this just confirms my status as a loser.

2

Maybe next time. LOL. It sucks that women can do that.

3

At least you can file them in the spank bank.

4

You just have no skill with women because they intimidate you. Don’t worry about it. Instead find comfort in your witty, yet never understood by many, sense of humor and your pet snake and/or tarantula.

5 
Private CMC hit the floor and give me 50! MOVE IT, MOOOOOVE IIIIIT!!!!!!

FASTER!!!! you fuckin maggot! What, are you afraid you'll hurt the floor?  Your grammaw can hit it faster than you scumbag!


...I must be getting a little to excited about Marine Corps boot camp, lol...*sigh*

Don't mind me.
6

Why yes, of course you may address me a “The Cake”, I find it rather flattering actually…

You my friend are a victim of CMMS (Chick’s Make Me Stupid), a distracting but non-fatal condition common to many men. Given your “post incident” wit ~ (“Nevertheless, it was close enough to establish reasonable doubt and I know a quality lawyer”) ~ it must suck that you said “Gresebluxfler” to her when you had this skill hiding deep down…buried under all that CMMS.

No matter, too late now, shoot for “Hi, How are you?” next time and if you can fake some sincerity, you got it made…

“The merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity”

~ Thomas Carlyle

(This quote applies to your “Comedy” question too…remember it!)

7

dude, you gotta be able to talk to people if you want to do standup comedy, especially IMPROV!

8

StevenF: Audiences don’t frighten me because I have a clear purpose in mind. Make the fuckers chuckle. Fear is an afterthought. I must take a similar goal-oriented approach with girls. Presently, I merely try to avoid getting a noticeable erection. That’s a goal, but perhaps it’s time to strive higher.

9

CMC, Bea Arthur would make me stutter if the light was just right and I was horny enough. It happens to all of us. It can get better with practice, but we can never completely overcome this problem.

10

CGB, “the cake”, or other canadian:

Is it true that all Canadian men want to punish Sally Fields?

11

E McKee, you know, Cupcake was just telling me the other day various things he’d like to do with/to Sally Fields if he should ever be so lucky to be able to convince her to pay a visit to the back seat of his 1973 Gremlin. However, for me, I’m more into dirty sex with Rita McNeil look-a-likes. It’s a matter of personal preference, I suppose.

12

I am used to women not giving me the time of day. Therefore I just train and work and don’t worry about women. I used to call myself a loser, because I am 30 and never scored yet. But I just accept my fate and not call myself a loser.

13

Inuyasha: You don’t have to accept your fate. Make your own fate, bro. Furthermore, make something happen with the ladies. And, truthfully, I’m not a loser. I degraded myself in this thread for the pure joy that degradation occasionally brings me. Very much an exaggeration on my part.

14

CMC your a funny fucker so getting the babes shouldn’t be a problem. Good post brother. Hey we’ve all done it. “Hi I’m a dumbass and can’t put too words together.” :slight_smile: