The 'I'm an Idiot' Moment

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61

[quote]Wrel wrote:
I woke up late for work one morning after a night on the razz with a bad hangover. In my (still) drunken state I knew I couldn’t drive, so I got dressed in a hurry, worried about missing the bus.

I legged it to the bus stop, and as the doors openned and I stepped onto the bus a creeping realization began to wash over me - to my adject horror, I’d put my underpants on OVER my trousers and only noticed when i tried to get my change out of my pocket to pay for my ticket.

Behold mere mortals, I am Wrel. Lord of the Idiots. Master of the Slack Jawed-Mouth Breathing Kingdom of Simpletons.[/quote]

Honestly … that’s fucking awesome … I really would’ve assumed you had some sort of disability (read: retarded) if I had been on the bus and saw you walk on with your whitey-tighties on over you pants and proceed to check your pockets for change. hahaha … oh to err is human, to forgive: divine; anything in between if a fucking riot!

62

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
nowakc wrote:
Oh I also ruptured my achilles tendon by falling in the shower. Still have no idea how that really happened but it did.

I try and make up a much more fun story than that.

Were you alone?[/quote]

I was alone, unfortunately. Otherwise it would have been a lot better story…

I was leaning out of the shower to open the window and decided to support myself using the shower curtain rod, which was NOT attached to anything, just sitting on top of the shower. I fall out and somehow in the process of falling I rupture my achilles (still have no idea how, I was barely awake and it happened fast). Weird thing is that it wasn’t really that painful except when I stepped on it once - I actually thought it was a sprain. But my roommate’s girlfriend took me to the hospital and sure enough, ruptured achilles.

63

I normally go to uni with a big backpack (books, gym stuffs, meals and some new clothes for me to wear after my workout) and traveled there using the underground train. This one afternoon after my last lecture, I went on the tube and looked for an empty seat. I found one near the door several feet away from me. I walked there, carefully turning so as not to hit anybody with my backpack and sat on the seat.

People then started staring at me as if I’m some kind of weird dildo or something. I just ignored them and continue on daydreaming. Then I heard some kind of grunt behind me. I turned around and realized that I was sitting on a girl’s lap! My backpack was pressed against her face and that’s probably why I could not hear her muffled scream.

64

[quote]Wrel wrote:
I woke up late for work one morning after a night on the razz with a bad hangover. In my (still) drunken state I knew I couldn’t drive, so I got dressed in a hurry, worried about missing the bus.

I legged it to the bus stop, and as the doors openned and I stepped onto the bus a creeping realization began to wash over me - to my adject horror, I’d put my underpants on OVER my trousers and only noticed when i tried to get my change out of my pocket to pay for my ticket.

Behold mere mortals, I am Wrel. Lord of the Idiots. Master of the Slack Jawed-Mouth Breathing Kingdom of Simpletons.[/quote]

That really is simply the craziest thing I have ever heard.

I might have went home and hibernated for a month.

65

[quote]polo77j wrote:
This one happened last night:

So I had set up this first date with this broad at this nice little restaurant I love to go to. It’s quiet and the lighting is perfect, they have good food and a good atmosphere for a first date. I tell her where it is so we can meet there and I tell her to meet me there at around 8:30.

I’m about five minutes away or so and I’m pretty stoked. She calls me up and says, “I called a friend to find out exactly where it is (for the street address) and he told me, ‘635 Main St. but why are you trying to go there they closed at 8’.” The only words I could muster up once I realized my monumental fail was, “Balls.”

It worked out though we had a kick ass time anyways…but I felt like an IDIOT when she told me it was closed.[/quote]

Oooh i’ve done the same thing. In my case it was an art museum though. The main exhibit was closed, but the front desk person neglected to mention that - so we walked around for about a 1/2 hour looking for it until we finally asked.

In fairness though my date did reschedule at the last minute, I was going to check it out before we went on our date but since she moved it up I didn’t have time to.

We, however, did NOT have a good time. Incredibly boring girl who looked a lot better when I was drunk.

66

[quote]-Tiberius- wrote:
Well I had one about fifteen minutes ago.

Walked out of my dorm room with my girlfriend sitting in front of the computer and her friend sitting next to her. Walk back in from the bathroom and sit back behind “her.” Sit down behind “her” and put my nose in her hair and exclaim “OH MAN YOUR HAIR SMELLS LIKE SHIT!” Everyone goes quiet, and only then do I realize that my girlfriend and her friend had switched places, and I just said that to the friend who I don’t know at all. Instead of admitting I screwed up I just said “just thought you should know” and walked back out.

Last time I watch the laker game instead of verify where my girlfriend is sitting.[/quote]

This reminds me of a friends mishap. Poor guy…

His “girlfriend” was bent over the bathtub and he came strolling in. He saw the view and thought whatever thoughts a man thinks in this situation. He walks up, and bites her smooth on the ass.

His “girlfriend” turns around and alas, its his mom.

…strange fact, they look NOTHING alike.

67

Wow there are some ridiculous stories in here. Biting mom’s asses, underwear outside of pants, telling a stranger her hair smells like shit…

Maybe I’m not as dumb as I thought, lol. :slight_smile:

68

[quote]polo77j wrote:
Wrel wrote:
I woke up late for work one morning after a night on the razz with a bad hangover. In my (still) drunken state I knew I couldn’t drive, so I got dressed in a hurry, worried about missing the bus.

I legged it to the bus stop, and as the doors openned and I stepped onto the bus a creeping realization began to wash over me - to my adject horror, I’d put my underpants on OVER my trousers and only noticed when i tried to get my change out of my pocket to pay for my ticket.

Behold mere mortals, I am Wrel. Lord of the Idiots. Master of the Slack Jawed-Mouth Breathing Kingdom of Simpletons.

Honestly … that’s fucking awesome … I really would’ve assumed you had some sort of disability (read: retarded) if I had been on the bus and saw you walk on with your whitey-tighties on over you pants and proceed to check your pockets for change. hahaha … oh to err is human, to forgive: divine; anything in between if a fucking riot![/quote]

Ironically the bus I used to take stops by a drop-in day centre for retarded people (read: window lickers), one mentalist used to sit on the front seat of the bus reading porno mags like he was reading a the newspaper, because the bus was full of sniggering people I had to stand by him and take my undercrackers off (while going bright red in the face as well) I was stumbling about all over the place, when I looked up he was giving me the weirdest look/leer.

I felt violated. And not in a good way.

With hindsight, perhaps I should have got off the bus at the drop-in centre then at least the rest of the people on the bus would have assumed I at least had some disability to blame for not being able to dress myself … …

I also once openned a window at work and knocked a window cleaner out of a cradle - five stories up - fortunately he was wearing a safety line, otherwise I might be writing this from the prison library … …

69

[quote]MikeKubo wrote:
Wow there are some ridiculous stories in here. Biting mom’s asses, underwear outside of pants, telling a stranger her hair smells like shit…

Maybe I’m not as dumb as I thought, lol. :-)[/quote]

Don’t worry about it Mike, You’re incredibly dumb…

70

There is also the time, about 10 years ago, I was working as a bouncer in Middlebrough (northern England), it was my first night at this club called the Empire, it was a good gig and this big headline DJ was playing and I was keen to keep a good job, so I was trying to appear as competent and keen a possible.

Now, I don’t have great hearing (and neither does it turn out; intuition or a good grasp of body language), I see some idiot waving his arms about and screaming at one of my crew, so in a show of solidarity I run over the second he lays a hand on my buddy and haul the guy outside, throwing him into the street, he’s saying all the usual crap “do you know who I am?” and “you’re making a big mistake”

I’m yeah, yeah, yeahing this sorry fucker and with all the struggling I’m so pissed off at him for making me look foolish I bum-rush the guy, face first, through the door and then dump him into the street (it’s December - and Middlesbrough - so it’s freezing cold and chucking down with rain, so) I select an extra roomy icy puddle for good measure, trip him and sit him down in it before slamming the backdoor feeling smugly satisfied with myself.

I saunter back inside and think nothing more of it. For half an hour anyway, all hell is breaking loose, the crowd is restless, Judge Jules should be on by now. Only he can’t be found anywhere �?� �?� because I threw his ass into the street while he was trying to shout above the racket to get one of the bouncers to help with his records.

When they finally let him back in (wet ass’d and red faced) he really couldn’t see the funny side of it at all .�?� �?�.

It was only at the exact moment I saw him pushing his way through a crowd of people, club boss and bouncers in tow, did it occur to me who he was.

Suffice to say, it was my last night at the Empire.

71

Wrel, you should have a television show.

72

I’ve never done anything idiotic before but I read about one once.

73

[quote]Professor X wrote:
I was quoting the relation from Euclidean geometry which states, “The square of the hypotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides” and I accidentally said the “left” triangle. I know, I know, stupid me.

[/quote]

OMG, LIEK, I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING, ROFLROFLROFL. Btw, what university do you teach at? XD

74

Let me see if I can come up with another dumbass moment.

I had been practicing DJ’n at friends houses and private parties for a long time(years). Spent every day for at least 3 to 5 hours spinning my tunes.

I eventually get the courage to go to an open DJ night for a promoter that was doing some “discover new talent night”. The city I lived in was pack full of kids like me that want to spin in night clubs. So I get on stage and do my thing for 45 mins and everything is cool. People were dancing and its good and I got booked at his next club event.

Then so I practiced even more then before. Making sure I was dead on for everything I was going to do. Bought new tunes and made sure I knew them really well.

Well the night comes and I am just about to take my spot of 2-3:30am. I am talking with a buddy on stage and I had my water bottle in my hand. I thought for sure this was going to be a big night for me. I go to reach to give the guy his last record and I spilled my water all over a turn table that is worth about 750$ at the time. My heart sank. Here is the big DJ that trashes equipment. The pitch is fucked. And the deck is totally soaked. Dance floor was packed.

I ran home by and grabbed my own personal deck and put it in its place. But in order to do that I had to lose my place in the nights line up and lost 150$ pay to boot.

Bonus was …they turned the puppy over and it dryed out and nothing was wrong with it. Guess that is why they were worth 700$.

75

[quote]rainjack wrote:
My brother in law was home from Iraq, and we were throwing a small party to welcome him home.

While he was away, we had purchased a new Suburban with a pretty decent Bose sound system in it.

He had some new CD’s he wanted me to listen to and I wanted to show off my new sound system, so we went out to the Suburban.

Now it probably goes without saying, but we had had a few (too many) drinks by that time, and instead of waiting for the CD deck to flash the green light signaling it was okay to gently feed the CD into the player - my bro-in-law jams the first CD into the player like he was trying to clear an M-16.

Needless to say he rendered my new, really cool, Bose car stereo useless.

We sat there cussing at each other for a few minutes until it hit me. ONSTAR!

I pushed the OnStar button thinking this was probably the best idea I had ever had. The guy answered the call and I told him our problem and if he could just eject the CD from my stereo. A very simple and reasonable request, I thought.

He just chuckled,and said - “you want me to what?”

I repeated my request.

He laughed again and told me they can’t do that.

I got pissed.

I asked why in the hell he could unlock a car door for some stupid mother who had left her damn kid in the car - from outer fucking space, but he couldn’t eject a CD from a factory stereo system?

He asked me how much I had had to drink, and I told him that my alcohol consumption was not relevant to the fact that he was discriminating against my brother-in-law who was a war hero.

It was the next morning when I realized that I was indeed an idiot. [/quote]

That was awesome. I just read that aloud at work and everyone cracked up. When you state that your alcohol consumption is not relevant you can bet it most definitely is.

76

[quote]-Tiberius- wrote:
ukrainian wrote:
I am a teenager in the US. That just speaks for itself.

Why would that make you an idiot?[/quote]

It doesn’t automatically make me an idiot, it just gives a much higher chance.

Case and point: I broke the roof of a playground by jumping on it. Not the entire one, just a small part. I fixed it, but boy did it make me feel like an idiot.

77

[quote]hardgnr wrote:
Ever let somebody push you downhill while your sitting in a shopping trolley? That’s pretty fucking dumb.[/quote]

yes i have. and yes it is.

78

[quote]iamthewolf wrote:
hardgnr wrote:
Ever let somebody push you downhill while your sitting in a shopping trolley? That’s pretty fucking dumb.

yes i have. and yes it is.[/quote]

I used to work in the auto shop at a sears one time. For some reason this store owned exactly one shopping cart. For some other reason, this cart was in the shop.

Management did a good job of making sure there was no place to sit so that we would always be “working”. Well I was sitting inside this cart BS’ing with some of the guys and I happened to be pointed towards the garage door, the door that lead downhill to the parking lot.

One of the guys thought it would be cute to give me a hefty shove. They caught up to me halfway through the parking lot.

My life flashed before my eyes.

79

[quote]johnward82 wrote:
-Tiberius- wrote:
Well I had one about fifteen minutes ago.

Walked out of my dorm room with my girlfriend sitting in front of the computer and her friend sitting next to her. Walk back in from the bathroom and sit back behind “her.” Sit down behind “her” and put my nose in her hair and exclaim “OH MAN YOUR HAIR SMELLS LIKE SHIT!” Everyone goes quiet, and only then do I realize that my girlfriend and her friend had switched places, and I just said that to the friend who I don’t know at all. Instead of admitting I screwed up I just said “just thought you should know” and walked back out.

Last time I watch the laker game instead of verify where my girlfriend is sitting.

This reminds me of a friends mishap. Poor guy…

His “girlfriend” was bent over the bathtub and he came strolling in. He saw the view and thought whatever thoughts a man thinks in this situation. He walks up, and bites her smooth on the ass.

His “girlfriend” turns around and alas, its his mom.

…strange fact, they look NOTHING alike.
[/quote]

The summer my youngest brother lived with me, he was 16, just my height, had a notorious bubble butt, and we both had shoulder-length hair. One day when my boyfriend was over, he saw “me” bent over getting something out of the fridge… yep, my boyfriend came up behind him, nuzzled his neck and wrapped one arm around his waist while one hand grabbed his ass. I came in the kitchen just in time to withness the scene, see my brother shriek and knock a bunch of shit off the fridge door onto the floor. My boyfriend looks up and sees me… boy that was an awkward moment. My bro and I just started cracking up though, so it was all good. He didn’t feel bad for too long.

The worst part was though, after that to compensate for any supposed gayness, the rest of the summer my b/f and my bro kept pretending they were gay in public, talking in lisps and overdoing it to the max, pinching nipples etc. thinking it was hilarious. That got pretty old.

80

[quote]theAnj wrote:
johnward82 wrote:
-Tiberius- wrote:
Well I had one about fifteen minutes ago.

Walked out of my dorm room with my girlfriend sitting in front of the computer and her friend sitting next to her. Walk back in from the bathroom and sit back behind “her.” Sit down behind “her” and put my nose in her hair and exclaim “OH MAN YOUR HAIR SMELLS LIKE SHIT!” Everyone goes quiet, and only then do I realize that my girlfriend and her friend had switched places, and I just said that to the friend who I don’t know at all. Instead of admitting I screwed up I just said “just thought you should know” and walked back out.

Last time I watch the laker game instead of verify where my girlfriend is sitting.

This reminds me of a friends mishap. Poor guy…

His “girlfriend” was bent over the bathtub and he came strolling in. He saw the view and thought whatever thoughts a man thinks in this situation. He walks up, and bites her smooth on the ass.

His “girlfriend” turns around and alas, its his mom.

…strange fact, they look NOTHING alike.

The summer my youngest brother lived with me, he was 16, just my height, had a notorious bubble butt, and we both had shoulder-length hair. One day when my boyfriend was over, he saw “me” bent over getting something out of the fridge… yep, my boyfriend came up behind him, nuzzled his neck and wrapped one arm around his waist while one hand grabbed his ass. I came in the kitchen just in time to withness the scene, see my brother shriek and knock a bunch of shit off the fridge door onto the floor. My boyfriend looks up and sees me… boy that was an awkward moment. My bro and I just started cracking up though, so it was all good. He didn’t feel bad for too long.

The worst part was though, after that to compensate for any supposed gayness, the rest of the summer my b/f and my bro kept pretending they were gay in public, talking in lisps and overdoing it to the max, pinching nipples etc. thinking it was hilarious. That got pretty old.[/quote]

You gotta fight fire with fire, sista.