One time I stole this sleeping guys money THEN shit in his kitchen.
The worst is when you’re drunk and freaking out that you lost something (keys, phone, wallet) only to realize that you’re holding that item.
Or its in a different pocket or something.
: (
[quote]ukrainian wrote:
I am a teenager in the US. That just speaks for itself.[/quote]
Something tells me your being facetious.
By some miraculous chance, last year my 3 siblings and I all made it back home to Mom’s house for Xmas at the same time. Since this hadn’t happened in oh 9 years or so, and we are all pretty much adults now, we decided to get eachother toys and gifts to play with after we opened them, for old times’ sake.
One gift I received was a bottle of bubble gum scented bubbles, with 5 different shaped bubble blowing dip sticks, from one of my brothers (I’ve always loved bubbles). Once all the gifts were unwrapped and we were digging in to our stuff, I started playing with my bubbles. I was in my little corner, doing my thing, opening the bottle, sniffing it, trying out the different wands, and then I licked one of the wands to see if it tasted like bubble gum and made a funny scrunch-nosed face… my whole family starts laughing really loud and I get this deer in the headllights look.
Apparently, my brothers were watching me like hawks. One bro said to the other, “Pay up beeeyatch, I told you she couldn’t resist tasting it!” Bro #2 commences to take $5 out of his pocket and gives it to Bro #1, shaking his head and says “Damnit Anj… I’m so disappointed in you right now.”
I’m so stupid, my family makes bets on my stupidity.
Well I had one about fifteen minutes ago.
Walked out of my dorm room with my girlfriend sitting in front of the computer and her friend sitting next to her. Walk back in from the bathroom and sit back behind “her.” Sit down behind “her” and put my nose in her hair and exclaim “OH MAN YOUR HAIR SMELLS LIKE SHIT!” Everyone goes quiet, and only then do I realize that my girlfriend and her friend had switched places, and I just said that to the friend who I don’t know at all. Instead of admitting I screwed up I just said “just thought you should know” and walked back out.
Last time I watch the laker game instead of verify where my girlfriend is sitting.
[quote]ukrainian wrote:
I am a teenager in the US. That just speaks for itself.[/quote]
Why would that make you an idiot?
You guys remind me of a day in december last year.
We were on vacation in Sweden and me and a couple of friends were sitting in the sauna after a long day skiing and riding on sleds pulled by reindeer (that was pretty cool)
One of us thought it would be a good idea to cool of for a minute so we decided to run out (the sauna was outside but still close to the hotel) naked and roll around in the snow.
Sounded like a good idea at the time, besides who the hell would be out on that cold, dark Monday night?
The girls we were with didn’t wat to participate so we ran out and started rolling around in the snow and suddenly we hear people laughing and flashlights started pointing in our direction. Fortunatly I was down on the ground because one guy standing 3 meters away from me was fully lit up. We scurried back into the sauna and had our laughs.
That was dumb but it provided us hours of conversationmaterial
[quote]EG wrote:
One time I stole this sleeping guys money THEN shit in his kitchen.[/quote]
I heard this is a common occurrence during burglaries. Thieves get nervous during the act, and it’s just a function of the human body to empty itself for ‘fight or flight’. Usually the turds at crime scenes are near a window or other vantage point where they can look out for someone coming.
Forensic detectives can actually take samples from the turds and DNA match them to traces of fecal matter found in suspects’ underwear. Many a crime has been solved this way.
[quote]ukrainian wrote:
I am a teenager in the US. That just speaks for itself.[/quote]
thats it lets fight right here and now over the internet over what you just said!
[quote]JohnnyBlaze wrote:
EG wrote:
One time I stole this sleeping guys money THEN shit in his kitchen.
I heard this is a common occurrence during burglaries. Thieves get nervous during the act, and it’s just a function of the human body to empty itself for ‘fight or flight’. Usually the turds at crime scenes are near a window or other vantage point where they can look out for someone coming.
Forensic detectives can actually take samples from the turds and DNA match them to traces of fecal matter found in suspects’ underwear. Many a crime has been solved this way. [/quote]
.
So I’m glad I’m not the only one who looks for shit that I’m holding, specifically keys. Happened to me about 10 hours ago.
Here’s a fun little story that shows you how much irony hates you and will go out of it’s way to fuck you over.
About a year and a half ago I had just began working as a trainer at this gym. My first gym job ever, I’m super excited about it. It’s like maybe my 5th or 6th day, and I’m in the middle of doing my workout. Rack deads were on the list for this workout. So I’m in the middle of doing them and my boss walks up to me (there’s maybe 10 other people in the general vicinity around me) with two guys. Tells me these guys had asked him about a week ago to teach them deadlifts but he wasn’t really comfortable doing so, but as I’d been working out there for awhile before I began the job he knew I was very big on them, and asked me if I would show these guys.
So, I’m going through my warmup sets of 5 reps working up to my heavy ones, and begin explain all the little intricacies of deadlifting- the form, the leverage, the muscles involved, stretching you can do beforehand to help activate the hams/glutes better, etc All kinds of shit as I’m trying to impress these guys so I can get more clients.
Well, as I’m in the middle of doing this, others come over and ask if they can hang out for this mini session too, and I tell them sure. More people= more potential clients right? About 10 minutes in and every single person in the gym is over here to learn them too, as I did a very good job of explaining their importance. So were going through all of this stuff I’m teaching them and they’re all real impressed with my knowledge. As the boss walks back over and asks how it is going, everyone starts piping up about how glad they are he hired me, how knowledgeable and intelligent I am, etc. So I’m feeling pretty damn good right now.
So, I’m about to show them the rack deads as well, and tell them to watch the similarities in form, etc. I work up to my heavy 5 reps set, which was over 400…I think like 435 or so…This is not a powerlifters gym by any stretch…mainly just fitness oriented folks…everyones very impressed by my strength also, and talking about signing up with me. I’m on cloud 9.
So I begin unloading the bar as I’m answering questions. I pull the last plate off of one side in a hurry so I can get all these clients signed up…Yup. You bet I did it. That last 45 lbs plate came off of that end, and I hear crash! and turn back in time to see the end of the bar with all the plates still on it hit the ground and lose all of the plates as it CATAPULTS off the end (think pole vault with no one on it here) and flies, rotating through the air, spears into the leg press about 7 feet away (had someone been on it I’d have killed them) and then bounced off of that and continue it’s rotation as it soars directly THROUGH the wall about 6 more feet away.
One of the damndest things I ever saw in a gym. Not one single person signed up with me that day.
[quote]MikeKubo wrote:
So I’m glad I’m not the only one who looks for shit that I’m holding, specifically keys. Happened to me about 10 hours ago.
Here’s a fun little story that shows you how much irony hates you and will go out of it’s way to fuck you over.
About a year and a half ago I had just began working as a trainer at this gym. My first gym job ever, I’m super excited about it. It’s like maybe my 5th or 6th day, and I’m in the middle of doing my workout. Rack deads were on the list for this workout. So I’m in the middle of doing them and my boss walks up to me (there’s maybe 10 other people in the general vicinity around me) with two guys. Tells me these guys had asked him about a week ago to teach them deadlifts but he wasn’t really comfortable doing so, but as I’d been working out there for awhile before I began the job he knew I was very big on them, and asked me if I would show these guys.
So, I’m going through my warmup sets of 5 reps working up to my heavy ones, and begin explain all the little intricacies of deadlifting- the form, the leverage, the muscles involved, stretching you can do beforehand to help activate the hams/glutes better, etc All kinds of shit as I’m trying to impress these guys so I can get more clients.
Well, as I’m in the middle of doing this, others come over and ask if they can hang out for this mini session too, and I tell them sure. More people= more potential clients right? About 10 minutes in and every single person in the gym is over here to learn them too, as I did a very good job of explaining their importance. So were going through all of this stuff I’m teaching them and they’re all real impressed with my knowledge. As the boss walks back over and asks how it is going, everyone starts piping up about how glad they are he hired me, how knowledgeable and intelligent I am, etc. So I’m feeling pretty damn good right now.
So, I’m about to show them the rack deads as well, and tell them to watch the similarities in form, etc. I work up to my heavy 5 reps set, which was over 400…I think like 435 or so…This is not a powerlifters gym by any stretch…mainly just fitness oriented folks…everyones very impressed by my strength also, and talking about signing up with me. I’m on cloud 9.
So I begin unloading the bar as I’m answering questions. I pull the last plate off of one side in a hurry so I can get all these clients signed up…Yup. You bet I did it. That last 45 lbs plate came off of that end, and I hear crash! and turn back in time to see the end of the bar with all the plates still on it hit the ground and lose all of the plates as it CATAPULTS off the end (think pole vault with no one on it here) and flies, rotating through the air, spears into the leg press about 7 feet away (had someone been on it I’d have killed them) and then bounced off of that and continue it’s rotation as it soars directly THROUGH the wall about 6 more feet away.
One of the damndest things I ever saw in a gym. Not one single person signed up with me that day.[/quote]
That’s a hall of fame story. lmao.
Was driving home really late at night and stopped at a stop sign. Waited about five minutes for the damn thing to turn green before I realized my mistake.
[quote]-Tiberius- wrote:
Well I had one about fifteen minutes ago.
Walked out of my dorm room with my girlfriend sitting in front of the computer and her friend sitting next to her. Walk back in from the bathroom and sit back behind “her.” Sit down behind “her” and put my nose in her hair and exclaim “OH MAN YOUR HAIR SMELLS LIKE SHIT!” Everyone goes quiet, and only then do I realize that my girlfriend and her friend had switched places, and I just said that to the friend who I don’t know at all. Instead of admitting I screwed up I just said “just thought you should know” and walked back out.
Last time I watch the laker game instead of verify where my girlfriend is sitting.[/quote]
That reminds me of a slightly similar episode of idiocy on my part. At a Barnes and Noble at Christmastime I was browsing around. My husband was looking at something on a table, so I sidled up to him and looked at it, too. Standing close. I asked what it was, then glanced up, and of course it was a stranger. I was like, all up against him. Urgh.
Single women, you might try that. Because the guy didn’t move away. You could walk up to a guy you think looks good and just…start being his girl friend.
Meganewb, yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking. Actually, that was the problem with the car. There were all these car wash guys looking at me like I was an idiot (which I am, obviously). I initially didn’t know where the car needed to be, because there were rails on the ground. They were so disgusted with me, and they were using that slow talk you use with simpletons (or WOMEN DRIVERS), it just frazzled me. They were all standing around watching me so doubtfully. I couldn’t handle the pressure and developed performance anxiety. Now of course I’m subjected to mockery unending.
[quote]eawhite wrote:
Was driving home really late at night and stopped at a stop sign. Waited about five minutes for the damn thing to turn green before I realized my mistake.[/quote]
haha I’ve done this too.
Well I used to work at domino’s pizza. I was in the coldroom and the phone rang so being full of energy that day, i literally sprinted to it, and then decided to jump up and grab the phone as I landed or something dumb. Well I jumped. Right into the menu that was overhanging and hit my head pretty damned hard. Just picture running and jumping through a doorway and from your neck up is a wall. I still got that phone though.
Ever let somebody push you downhill while your sitting in a shopping trolley? That’s pretty fucking dumb.
I was getting ready for work this morning (I work at the Student Center here on campus from 7-2 on wednesdays) and was looking for my hat. Didn’t realize for a few minutes that it was already on my head…
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
-Tiberius- wrote:
Meganewb, yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking. Actually, that was the problem with the car. There were all these car wash guys looking at me like I was an idiot (which I am, obviously). I initially didn’t know where the car needed to be, because there were rails on the ground. They were so disgusted with me, and they were using that slow talk you use with simpletons (or WOMEN DRIVERS), it just frazzled me. They were all standing around watching me so doubtfully. I couldn’t handle the pressure and developed performance anxiety. Now of course I’m subjected to mockery unending.
[/quote]
I’ve solved that problem. I have never gone through a car wash. Never. I already know it will be exactly as you have described so I just don’t do it.
This one happened last night:
So I had set up this first date with this broad at this nice little restaurant I love to go to. It’s quiet and the lighting is perfect, they have good food and a good atmosphere for a first date. I tell her where it is so we can meet there and I tell her to meet me there at around 8:30.
I’m about five minutes away or so and I’m pretty stoked. She calls me up and says, “I called a friend to find out exactly where it is (for the street address) and he told me, ‘635 Main St. but why are you trying to go there they closed at 8’.” The only words I could muster up once I realized my monumental fail was, “Balls.”
It worked out though we had a kick ass time anyways…but I felt like an IDIOT when she told me it was closed.
I woke up late for work one morning after a night on the razz with a bad hangover. In my (still) drunken state I knew I couldn’t drive, so I got dressed in a hurry, worried about missing the bus.
I legged it to the bus stop, and as the doors openned and I stepped onto the bus a creeping realization began to wash over me - to my adject horror, I’d put my underpants on OVER my trousers and only noticed when i tried to get my change out of my pocket to pay for my ticket.
Behold mere mortals, I am Wrel. Lord of the Idiots. Master of the Slack Jawed-Mouth Breathing Kingdom of Simpletons.