Other ideas might be to offer to go with her to the stable, maybe split the task with the best friend, and offer that there be no drama with the guy if that’s her desire. Safe, no? Win.
Another idea might be to offer to go with her to a self-defense class, which might help empower her in all sorts of ways. Clear and lasting win.
Yet another might be to talk to her and the friend about how they manage boundaries, such as making clear that attention is unwanted, on the off chance that your friend is not saying a clear enough “no.” Potential change in status to win.
You seem to believe speaking up is the beginning of the end and that is all that is required for justice to be served.
That’s a very wrong perspective to take. For your friend, it was likely a difficult step to say anything to friends.
Now she has landed in a place where she is told the steps she has already taken are not enough. She is almost certainly overwhelmed and she is being pushed into an even more overwhelming situation.
How well do you deal with things when you are highly stressed and overwhelmed? Do you need your friends pushing you deeper into that situation or do you need empathy and compassion?
What if you speak up and parents, teachers and police get involved. She has no interest in getting contributing and the entire thing breaks down? Relationships get damaged and no one is brought to justice?
This is an extremely likely outcome if the process is not driven by the victim. Don’t drag her down the path, help her down it.
@liftangryordie500 I think everyone here is in agreement that your heart is in the right place man, but the majority of advice is trying to steer you away from your planned course of action. I know you feel the need to act, but take a minute to remember these people come from various backgrounds, parts of the world, and age brackets, yet agree on this.
Perhaps @Frank_C can lend some LE perspective as well.
You do see a mental health professional for yourself correct? I would absolutely reach out to them as they can offer real-world guidance that we cannot.
@liftangryordie500, here’s a dose of US reality. A case with an uncooperative victim is dead before it starts.
You are/were treating her like a suspect. You can’t interrogate victims. She’s been victimized and she more than likely felt attacked when you grilled her.
Let her process this crap. She may have a deep wound and she’s in self defense mode while she tries to figure out a way to handle this.
Even if you force her to report it, nothing will happen long term if she’s not ready to talk about it.
Be her friend. Support her. Don’t pressure her. And go to the damn horse barn with her.
I have a friend who uses this method exclusively with his fiancee who is not on birth control, and they say “oh, we never want children.” I’m juuuuuuust waiting…
This X2. If she won’t tell her parents, how likely is she to rehash it over and over in a courtroom? And if it even makes it to trial, and she’s uncooperative, and the guy gets acquitted, then when she does process it and decides she wants to go after him, there’s nothing she can do, right? (not a rhetorical “right”, I’m asking you because I’m not sure of double jeopardy laws in cases like this)
If tried and found not guilty then you can’t be tried again for the same incident. But the reality is that a case with a weak witness won’t go to trial.
The female seahorse still conceives (i.e. “lays” the egg) the eggs. But it takes so much effort/energy out of her that she has to transfer the burden of carrying and birthing (word choice?) the eggs (hundreds!) to the male. Now, that is a true division of labor…
It is not uncommon for the male seahorse to die from the effort of birthing.
I will update everyone tomorrow, but I have an idea that may or may not work - it will involve taking a more subtle approach and catching her abuser in the act.
@EmilyQ my apologies for being rude earlier today. I’ve been up for 40 hours and I am very, very anxious and stressed. I have finals tomorrow and I am definitely not going to be able to sleep tonight, so I need to get to studying. I will discuss everything more tomorrow when I have a clearer head, and I will also tell my psych about the situation tomorrow because I have an appointment with her.
I’d rather know he’s getting assraped in jail every night by multiple groups of 6’5", 350 pound men. I’d also rather the prisoners do what they do to child molesters (she was actually 16 at the time she’s claiming she was assaulted, which was 3 weeks ago - her 17th birthday was last week. However, she was almost definitely raped before then because she has admitted to both of us that she is unable to tell us the full story).
I will update everyone who’s participated in giving me advice later. It is all much appreciated, by the way. I’ve done some thinking and am more clearheaded than I was yesterday. I have a few good, non trust-breaking ideas I can use to make sure she stays physically and emotionally safe.
Also, my apologies for being rude yesterday. I was very angry and hotheaded.
Perfect. Again, the best thing you can do is to help her find her voice. This guy may not even be aware that he’s in a non-consent situation, which is horrifying from every direction.
No worries about being rude, I’ve got pretty thick skin.