Apparently you dont know what no-fault divorce means.
You’re right. Its a cabal of limp wristed simps.
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No.
Whats unfair is that you call a man receiving alimony payment a “deadbeat” while offering no such comment towards women.
Which is why the laws arent gendered in verbiage, but they are in application. Thank you for proving my point about
The link above, if we take it to be true and conclusive, says it’s 66%
But even if it’s 100% are you telling me that you believe most of these are initiated by wives against their well meaning, attentive, good natured, well behaved, committed, faithful, non-abusive husbands? (This is mostly from the list of reasons cited from the website above)
The guy is just the total model of a perfect husband but he gets divorced 90% of the time?
If that’s what you’re telling me why do you think that is ?
No fault divorce is just a legal term that means you don’t have to prove fault to get divorced, it’s not a philosophical term meant to be analyzed for contradictions. ie you don’t have to Prove your husband is abusing you or cheating on you to a court of law, you can just divorce him no questions asked.
As for your collection of actions that constitute the meat grinder I suppose I’d have to see the numbers of all of that and what leads to those outcomes. Again I find it difficult to believe that there are scads or upstanding men having their custody ripped away and jailed, more likely it’s deadbeats and abusers who refuse to pay child support having their wages garnished and not being allowed visitation because of a track record of abuse (not 100% and not saying mistakes don’t happen or that it doesn’t happen I just think the idea is vastly overblown)
What do you call a guy who can work but doesn’t work because if he did he would lose the alimony he gets while living with his mom rent free into his 30s and 40s?
Slap whatever gender you want on it , I call that a deadbeat
You seem to be completely ignoring the part where the man is being awarded money in this case to do so. How is that being “gendered (against men presumably) in application” when it’s the man on the receiving end of the treatment you are railing against?
Although I will admit a certain amount of bias, perhaps because I am a man, that the idea of a man doing this does seem extra detestable compared to a woman, read into that what you will
4char
I’ll peek at that later, thanks for the source
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There are other cases
- The woman marries a man with qualities she doesn’t like and thinks she can change them
- One partner changes/grows and the other partner doesn’t. This happens a often in cases where pair is overweight or otherwise unhealthy and only one of them gets healthy
- Consistent disappointment. For example, the man tries a bunch of business endeavours and consistently fails. The wife is supportive initally, but can’t take it after some time
points 2) and 3) are valid reasons for divorce and would not qualify for “at fault”.
Just because a man (or woman) isn’t abusive doesn’t mean there is not a legitimate reason for divorce
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Do you think women are inherently better partners in marriage? If not, why do they initiate so many more divorces than men?
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I don’t think I implied that anywhere did I? If so let me clarify the answer is no
From the link above these are the reasons cited, no gender was specified and this was the reason given as the couple filing:
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Lack of commitment 73%
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Argue too much 56%
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Infidelity 55%
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Married too young 46%
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Unrealistic expectations 45%
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Lack of equality in the relationship 44%
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Lack of preparation for marriage 41%
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Domestic Violence or Abuse 25%
A few of those are a bit ambiguous but of the ones that aren’t it seems like half of people are cheating on each other and 25% of people become abusive
In the divorces I have personally been a witness too it’s largely because the man has become an alcoholic abuser, or has basically turned his wife into a bang maid and she eventually had enough and left (although my experience with divorce in person is very minimal, like 3 people). As @EmilyQ said in the trump thread I think, you can only clean the skid marks out of your husbands undies so many times before the bloom is off the rose.
why are you excusing womens actions that arent your own?
Do you feel it is owed to them?
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It really does SEEM like you think women are inherently better spouses than men.
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Inherently? No
in those 3 divorces, absolutely
Actually there was another one back 25 years ago of high school sweethearts who got divorced a few years later. They just grew apart and neither of them really were at fault for that one. When you get together at 14 that’s a tough one to overcome. That actually was a case of a dude just getting divorced, although they were both broke at the time so there was really nothing to divvy up so they just went their separate ways.
Did they mutually agree to the divorce or did one if them initiate it on their own? Just curious. I think in a lot of those situations the men are more willing to stick it out and honor their vows and work on things
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Theres a saying…
Men sacrifice their happiness for their family
Women sacrifice their family for their happiness
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She sprung it on him seemingly out of nowhere, I don’t think there was much discussion to it or “let’s work this out”
No, I don’t know what happened while typing, but what I meant to write was “90% of cases involving children”. In most cases there has been no neglect or abuse. That does not mean all.
Same goes for a wife. And yes, this is correct.
From my self education, in most situations, this is not so.
Yes, and in those circumstances the woman or man should be free to leave… with nothing. No payments, no children. So there’s no “trapping”.
Why are there so many instances in which women marry abusive, “piece of shit” men? Did they date such men for several years, marry, and then he becomes a different person. I don’t get it.
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Because I see it with my parents.
My dad is very successful and a lot of it is directly attributable to effort and sacrificce my mum put in.
Some of it is mum’s perception, but in a lot of ways, my dad is incapable and or unwilling to support mum the way she would like. She also gets little acknowledgement or reward for her role in his success from family. It’s taken for granted that she should give up her own ambitions for the sake of childcare and whatnot.
He’s also made some very bad decisions that put the family in very precarious financial positions on multiple occasions BECAUSE he didn’t listen to mum, and his unwillingness to listen has only gotten worse since becoming outwardly successful.
They didn’t divorce and sometimes I think it would have been better for them to have divorced given how much effort I’ve had to put in as an unliscensed couple’s counsellor + not being able to go on a trip without some massive fight.
If I were mum, I would have divorced long ago
I agree with this
My (uneducated) guess is that these women never had experience with what a good partner is supposed to be.
There’s some quote about how the way a woman’s father figure treats her mother figure determines what she can expect from a partner.
Idk if the literature really supports that, but makes logical sense.
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Its a womans choice who she is with. Dont you ever criticize her for making bad decisions!
But if she did make a bad decision, it was the man’s fault.
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It sounds like this was who he always was.
Is it his fault for being the way he always was, or is it her fault for committing to someone who cannot be who she wants him to be?
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Yes
Early in the relationship, the stakes were low and it didn’t seem like a big issue. For example, she was perfectly happy to be the one pushing him to study for exams and to apply for opportunities, assuming that he would get better as the stakes got higher.
It is unfair to blame her for not being able to judge that because a subset of people do change when the stakes get high. She had also never been in a relationship before and my dad is genuinely a good person with qualities that many women justifiably would consider extremely desirable in a long term partner. It’s a personality mismatch issue.
However, seeing their example, I will not make the mistake in the rare chance that I end up with a partner. I now know that I would get very frustrated with men like my dad.