I take the approach that I do the best I can. I have a 4 year old daughter realize she will develop her own personality, that she will be influenced by a number of people and experiences as she goes, but also that I get first crack and during her formative years.
I model a healthy relationship with my wife, we showcase traditional values, and we always teach. Everything is a teachable moment. I’m very careful not to be annoyed or to snap if she’s being annoying (which is hard to even type) but like her, I ask “why” a lot. Probe her thoughts and logic, which can be equally enlightening and hilarious at times. When it’s time to correct I meet her where she is at to best understand how to deliver correction in a way she will “get it” as a lesson she understands and internalizes vs. just correcting behavior to avoid a negative reaction. We bond very closely through this process, to the point my wife is jealous at times.
I will teach her to both value and respect money, people (and also to know when to bend rules) experiences et cetera. I can only hope she will do so through the framework she has seen, with her own twist as time passes and especially after I’m gone.
She will be independent and have a spouse because she wants one, not because she needs one. Both in attitude I’m already sure, and despite her own success I’m sure she will achieve I will be leaving her a business to run or sell, and it will give her the pants.
Oh, and she won’t give a fuck who drinks bud light, lol. Generally speaking, I do try to model a live and let live attitude from a mind your own fucking business context married to the golden rule. Your dress is my gun, sort of. Put on your lipstick and don’t worry about my stockpiled green tips.
I know I’m rambling but I think giving the best start in life no matter the sacrifice, modeling values, providing unconditional love and a launch pad in to independent life with a key back home if ever needed is how to be a good parent.
Agreed 100%. Would add that it’s not a police officers job because police are reactive, not just because you’re the dad. After your child has gone missing/been harmed they will start a recovery effort. Too late. Very unlikely a cop will be sitting by the point of abduction to witness the crime with his own eyes.
I pulled up a sex offender list as soon as my wife was pregnant. Fortunately not many are nearby but I made sure to find every house and have been the creeper myself in front of them until I got an in person, current view of what they looked like, just in case the playground ever needs to be repainted in a brain color.
Not him, but divorce laws are totally stacked against men/fathers. I’m sure the majority of legislators in every state were men when those laws passed.
I often wonder how many of these videos are just singing to the choir. I think the conceit of the video is that hes telling people something they dont know and need to hear, but really the only people people watching them are guys who fancy themselves dangerous and protective fathers being told they are doing the thing they need to be doing
And I dont think hes wrong, but these videos always just strike me as kind of a “no shit” level of information presented as some mind blowing revelation. Be a good person, dont be a bad person, dont let bad people do bad things to people you love.
But really when you break the video down hes essentially saying there are bad people in the world and you as a dad should protect your family from them…. Uh okay, not exactly a breakthrough there.
Which is to say… The people that need to hear this kind of stuff either will never hear it or just dont give a shit about the information when they do. AKA the dead beat dad living in florida while his wife and 3 kids are abandoned in Oklahoma isnt ever going to see this or if he does he isnt going to go “OHHHH shit, I have been failing at protecting my kids this whole time! Back home I go I guess”
And not that theres no value in having good ideas introduced and reinforced to yourself over and over, but I dont think youre gonna get a lot of pushback or anything other than effusive praise for that video on this board
@Lonnie123 Thanks for the post. I vaguely remember what the video was exactly about, but I do recall what hit home with me was his mention of “raising kids like potatoes,” which some Gen Xers like myself would describe their father’s parenting as.
@doogie correct. As some might remember, that’s why I have repeatedly recommended the book Taken Into Custody, and posted other content regarding this subject.
Are they really ? Is this something youve looked up in detail or is this a narrative that has been fed to us but is actually much more complex than it might seem because a news-worthy story of a guy getting taken to the cleaners hits the 5pm news cycle every now and then.
And I suppose I have to preface this by saying Im NOT saying that some/many men have been given a raw deal by the courts, my main point is that the whole “boo hoo men just have it SO bad” is overblown by quite a bit.
To the broader point of this thread, I dont think lots of people are willing to admit that lots of guys are actually just huge pieces of dead weight shit that have no problem being abusive, manipulative, dead beats and the courts figure them out pretty easily and render their judgement fairly.
Most judgements are made without respect to the sex of the indivdual but the circumstances of the marriage and the childs interest, which can just as easily work against the woman.
I work with a gal who has to pay a guy child support to sit at home half the month because he didnt have any income when the divorce happened and she did, and thus she had to pay for him to take care of the child while he was doing so. He has lived with his mom for years making no income because he doesnt need to and in fact doing so would ruin his sweet situation of not working.
Is that stacked against him?
Lots of court judgements go this way. Shared custody, total amount of money made by the couple divided by 2. Whoever makes more money “gets screwed” I suppose but again its very complicated how that situation was arrived at (wife stayed home and allowed the husband to excel for example) and so the decisions are gender nuetral, it just so happens that the majorty of bread winners are male and thus it affects them the most.
Yes, there are. My own dad was severely mentally ill and a deadbeat. Hence my interest in these subjects.
Yes, there are women who’ve had system send them for a whirl too, and I don’t mean deservedly. And, yes, there are women who are higher earning than the men they divorced who have to pay the men.
Oh, I see. It was the other video. I commented on fatherly authority in the Trump thread this morning. I’m not sure if you saw my post. With what I said, it is likely obvious why I would post such a video. So no, I don’t think what is in that video, if I recall it correctly, is obvious.
Every statistic in the world supports that men are getting meat grinder treatment in divorce. I really dont understand how you dont see that unless if you truly just havent looked.
The laws arent gendered in verbiage, but they are gendered in application.
Was there something in your link that supported your conclusion that men are being put through a meat grinder? It was Just a collection of statistics (that didn’t conclude “woman unhappy” as the main reason people get divorced, unless she is “unhappy” because she is getting cheated on and being abused. Perhaps you don’t care why she is unhappy though or don’t think it matters )
There was nothing I read in there that supports the idea that men receive unfair treatment, and only a few of the bullet point (you have to get into the high 90s before it’s even brought up) mention anything at all about men vs women in divorce
was this the best source of info you have about how men are being “put through the meat grinder”? Or is there a better one with actual analysis and depth ?
As for the meat grinder, we haven’t defined it but I’m assuming means getting unfair treatment by the courts? Laws, largely written by, tried by, and adjudicated by men I might add, so it’s not like it’s a cabal of women exacting this treatment.
Isn’t this just another way to say that men more often than not make the most money in the relationship (largely because the woman shoulders most of the child rearing and home making responsibilities so he can do so), and thus end up having the financial assets to be split?
Is that “unfair” if it works the other way around when it’s the woman who earns more( As is the case with my coworker who basically pays her ex husband to be a deadbeat ?)
The meatgrinder comprises: jailing, kidnapping of children, charges for services not rendered, revoking of professional and recreational licenses, bank-account raids, monitoring of whereabouts, seizure of property, and wage garnishment.
Women initiate 90% of divorces involving, most of them at no fault of the husband.
These are cases of fault.
No-fault divorce is in itself a contradiction of terms if carried out with payment to the person initiating the divorce and punishment for the person with no fault.
I think we should have no-fault divorce, with the person (man or woman) leaving because of no fault of the spouse receiving literally nothing after leaving, including custody.
