You can be friends with them, but they inherently want to be more than friends with you. They are effectively beta orbiters waiting for the day you lower your guard.
Or, no offense here, but maybe they don’t find you attractive - then they might actually just be friends. This is why married men or men in long term relationships shouldn’t allow their wives to have a hoard of “just friends” as a general policy. Of course, a good woman knows this and would put distance between herself and these orbiters without it needing to be asked - out of respect for their man.
I can attest to this. My wife has ZERO male friends that she frequently converses with that are not husbands of her friends or my friends.
And I have never demanded that or expected it. It is just something she is not going to do out of respect for me. And the same for me.
Agreed 100%. A girl’s father is the first man in her life and the one that will be there for the entirety of his. He is vitality important (as is the mother in other regards) to her development of what she wants in a mate.
Being a parent is the hardest job to do correctly and the most important. If I achieve nothing else, but raising my children to be productive thriving members of society and good people - my life has been a complete success.
Just found this thread, enjoyed catching up on it.
Most of my friends are female, but I am separated (for eight years). I get along well with my wife, but we are getting divorced. Just unwinding the finances.
My only goal with both of my kids (19 yo F and 17 yo M) was to let them know that they are loved. I had a conversation with my son when he was 13, told him my goal - to have my kids know they are loved - and he agreed (he is wicked smart).
I asked him if he knew he was loved and he did not hesitate, “Yes!”
I hugged them all the time, told them I loved them on the regular, and while they have their own struggles (typical teen stuff), they are both good peeps and settled.
The “dropping your guard” part doesn’t make sense to me. I think if the woman isn’t into the dude, that nothing will happen (or at least nothing consensual).
Perhaps coming from the dudes perspective it makes sense. Many dudes try to win over women that aren’t in to them (almost always unsuccessfully). If they do succeed, the woman was probably at least a bit interested and was playing hard to get. Maybe doesn’t make sense to me, because it is a stupid waste of time. Probably dudes doing this are bad at telling if women are interested, or have a strong crush with the woman.
I do get it from a different perspective. That both are into each other, and haven’t made a move it makes sense. Then a guy may be successful if he can be around the woman a lot. I wouldn’t really call that dropping guard though.
I do get what you’re saying though. Especially in regards to partners having friends of the opposite sex. Probably wise to not hang out with friends of the opposite sex especially alone if you want to maintain a relationship.
This relates to young women being what I’ve referred to as over-socialized, part of that being constantly surrounded by males. As I’ve also said before, under air-headed parenting in the latchkey kid era where I grew up, there were girls aged thirteen to seventeen who were seemingly constantly in the presence of boys, even in dumb and dangerous situations like unsupervised jones with with alcohol and drugs flowing until the wee hours. And yes, dumb things did happen.
What father thinks it’s acceptable for daughters, especially pretty ones, to be constantly surrounded by such people (we’re not talking about well-mannered nerds here) is beyond me.
There were even some women I knew who said, “all my friends are boys/men; they’re easier to get along with.” Oh, really? I wonder why such men are so agreeable!
Let’s face it friends. If you have an attractive daughter, most of the male population is either thinking of getting with her, or aiming to do so. Fact!
I know what my wife looked like as a teenager… I have some of her victoria secret scouting headshots. I am pretty sure my daughter will look the same.
I also have enough ammunition to take on the local PD and surrounding towns’.
Because most people in relationships are still attracted to other people. I think that is reality. There is a possibility that the opposite sex friend you want to hang out with is also attracted to you. Maybe flirty too. I’ve know several women like this, but we don’t hang out alone.
I also wouldn’t necessarily trust the “not into him” thing unless it is obviously true. Lots of reasons (causing jealousy for one) for both men and women to lie about attraction to others while in a relationship.
My response was more so for the situation @anna_5588 was talking about. She is single (as far as I can tell). If she hangs out with guys she isn’t into, those guys don’t stand a chance. It can suck for them when they don’t get what they want, but from her perspective it doesn’t really matter.
I’m not there yet, but I know who to call when the zombies come knocking.
I still need a few toys before I can get to the point of stockpiling enough ammo to disrupt the supply chain. Lapua, Scar H 308, 1911 (at least 2), and some claymores.
I agree with everything here, but your original comments were conflicting - which is why I prodded about them.
I think attraction (mostly for women) is just as much physical as it is psychological. Neither, however, are immutable.
Maybe the last time you saw her friend Gregory, he was 125lbs, 6ft tall and his mommy still dressed him.
Then he puts on 40lbs of muscle in a year, gets confident, gets a makeover and is hitting on your girl (who wasn’t into him, remember). Just saying as a hypothetical.
I mean, 2 years ago no one would be worried if I was flirting with their girl, but now - that might be a different story.
Anywayss, I’m rambling.
Not trying to be contradictory. But just as an N=1, I’ve become attracted to women that I didn’t initially find all that attractive due to their personality. I am not sure men are less prone to psychological attraction. You could be right, just goes against personal experience for me.
I guess when I said I’d believe her if she says she isn’t attracted to the guy if it is obvious that the guy in his current form and personality is unattractive (see Jason Blaha for example).
It’s the Manatee-Mermaid effect. You leave a dude on a boat with 99% dudes long enough, the 3 manatees who were there with you start looking more like mermaids.
But it could be personality too I guess.
IDK, I’ve never gotten a boner from looking at a girl’s personality. I’ve also never busted from having a girl whisper in my ear, but climax from sheer psychological manipulation (in a good way) is absolutely possible for women.
Fair, but the point - at least for me - is that her need for male (sexual) attention should be fulfilled by me and me alone. It’s the same reason why I’d never let my wife do an onlyfans. Do I care if other dudes who will never talk to her in person see her naked? I mean, not really. But the amount of attention she would get from other dudes who aren’t me would be hyper-inflated to a point where she would no longer see me as her better half, which is inherently damaging from a hypergamy standpoint.
Fair point. Most of these women were ones I was around at work. I saw them a lot. There were also more conventionally attractive women there too though, so IDK.
If she looks good (or even average), she will get male validation if she wants it or not. I don’t know if it’s realistic to expect someone to not like validation from others. I think even if one is not interested in the person giving validation, that it generally creates a feel good experience (unless it is creepy). That feel good experience is something that people seem to want an abundance of.
I am confident they will stay friends with me when I talk about contracts, costs, strategy and public goods. It is also not creepy to them when I talk about relationships because it doubles as a research interest
I forgot to address the “missing the point” part. 1) and 2) make ME feel more comfortable that they do not have ulterior motives for friendship other than possible academic/professional assistance. It’s successful because they have girlfriends who are prettier and have better personalities. I’m a dominated option
As you mentioned, they probably don’t find me attractive. I hope that’s the case. My goal with male friends/acquaintances is to basically be seen as someone they respect but would never consider a relationship with.
I truly, fundamentally, do not understand you or your motives tbh.
You have no way of knowing what their motives are. I would be hesitant to assume that men have motives other than sex honestly. It’s not that they don’t, it’s just something we’re hard wired for - no pun intended.
