The Confessional

Off Topic
161

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
I’ve killed a lot of people. Some girls in the apartment uptown uh, some homeless people maybe 5 or 10 um an NYU girl I met in Central Park. I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop. I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nail gun, and some man uh some old FAGOT with a dog last week. I killed another girl with a chainsaw, I had to, she almost got away and uh someone else there I can’t remember maybe a model, but she’s dead too.

And Paul Allen. I killed Paul Allen with an axe in the face, his body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell’s Kitchen. I don’t want to leave anything out here. I guess I’ve killed maybe 20 people, maybe 40. I have tapes of a lot of it, uh some of the girls have seen the tapes. I even, um… I ate some of their brains, and I tried to cook a little. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I’m not sure I’m gonna get away with it this time. I guess I’ll uh, I mean, ah, I guess I’m a pretty uh, I mean I guess I’m a pretty sick guy.[/quote]

I’m not surprised. This is what happens when you listen to the wrong kind of '80’s music.[/quote]

162

I have a terrible fear of filling out forms. Job applications, tax forms, student aid forms, all kinds of forms. I have to have my wife do them lest I have a complete meltdown.

Anybody else get that?

164

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
I have a terrible fear of filling out forms. Job applications, tax forms, student aid forms, all kinds of forms. I have to have my wife do them lest I have a complete meltdown.

Anybody else get that?
[/quote]

What’s the fear about? Providing inaccurate info? [/quote]

That is part of it. Compiling the information, fear being rejected for what ever the form is, creating an official document of some type.

There’s all kinds of crazy that goes on with it.

Any insights on this one?

166

Wow you guys are crazee! Peeing on other people and shoving a dogs face on poo whatafak!

I hate lazy people.

167

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]four60 wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]debraD wrote:
I love meetings.

I need to count things that don’t need to be counted.

If I touch something with my left hand I have to touch something with my right(anything, even if my leg).

I keep track of people wearing matching tops and annoy people with the announcement that “it’s red shirt day.”

I’ll bet on anything.
[/quote]

I’ve always found people with OCD to be good people.[/quote]

This was worth the whole thread.[/quote]

Say what, Four?

No Sir, I just see gold in that response.

Sarcasm, or did I happen to write something profound?

[/quote]

168

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
shower is too small, I end up cold…as payback I pee on my wifes leg[/quote]

I love showering with the wife, but SHE’S the one who gets cold and has to turn the water on “boil” (which I can;t stand).

Either way, I have a fetish for HER peeing on ME in the shower.

:)[/quote]

NICE!

169

[quote]four60 wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
shower is too small, I end up cold…as payback I pee on my wifes leg[/quote]

I love showering with the wife, but SHE’S the one who gets cold and has to turn the water on “boil” (which I can;t stand).

Either way, I have a fetish for HER peeing on ME in the shower.

:)[/quote]

Okayyyyyyy…you two need Cheeses[/quote]

Because of your love of cheese and the Back to the Future Soundtrack…

I present you with an Honorary White Guy Award.

With the aforementioned award you get the following benefits…

  • Whole Foods Super Saver Card
  • Season Tickets to the NY Islanders
  • 6 Month Subscription to the Sunday NY Times
  • Fluffernutter recipe book
  • Top Chef complete series DVD
  • Autographed picture of Wayne Brady.

ENJOY!

170

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Jaice wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
I ejaculated onto a small dog once. An ex-girlfriend of mine had a toy rat terrier that I fucking hated and I had to watch it for a weekend while she was out of town and I wanted to throw it into oncoming traffic. I decided that wasn’t feasible so I jacked off one day and blew my load onto it instead. It just kind of ran off and then licked it all off of itself. It was our little secret.[/quote]

I think I stopped breathing a couple of times laughing at this.[/quote]

I’ve noticed that I really like tormenting small dogs in general. For instance, another ex-girlfriend had some sort of small dog (it was some sort of small terrier as well, like Benji but smaller and barked at fucking everything). It was really needy in terms of affection. If you pet it and then stop it claws at your hand and whines and shit like that.

So I used to always call it up onto the couch with me and it would sit there and practically start squealing because I wouldn’t pet it. I really got off on the sound of the thing fucking begging me for attention.

Also, it would always bark its fucking head off and howl and shit like that whenever someone knocked on the door. The doors to my ex’s house were those French door types that have glass panes top to bottom in them. I used to just walk outside and knock on the door while the thing barked and howled away just on the other side. It literally would not stop barking until whoever was knocking either left or came inside and I used to do this for several minutes at a time. Never got tired of it.

When I was much younger I lived in an apartment and my roommate’s girlfriend moved in with us temporarily. I hated her guts because she would always complain that I watched a lot of baseball, which always happened to be on at the same time some stupid fucking show she liked was on. Well, it was my fucking TV, not hers, so I hated hearing her complain, especially since I was the one who paid the cable bill and half the rent, not her.

Well, she had this pitbull that was dumb as dirt and was the runt of the litter. I like pitbulls a lot and have had three of them at various times, but this one was an embarrassment to the breed. Every now and then it would shit inside the apartment and I would come home to big steaming dollop of shit in the middle of the living room. I would beat the living shit out of that dog when this happened, and I guess the confessional part of this whole thing is that I REALLY enjoyed beating the shit out of it. I mean like REALLY, REALLY enjoyed beating its ass, to the point where I wasn’t even that pissed off when the dog would shit inside.

I never cleaned it up anyways, so I didn’t really care all that much when it happened. I would shove its nose into the shit, beat its fucking ass and then take off for a couple hours until I knew my roommate or his girlfriend would be home from work and have cleaned it up.[/quote]

Aren’t you the guy who is cleaning dog shit up from an old neighbours garden? If not I may be mixed up.

Also, that woman complains about what YOU watch on YOUR tv when she doesn’t do shit? You handled it better than I would have. She woulda got a new asshole torn into her.

Verbally ofcourse.

172

[quote]harrypotter wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Jaice wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
I ejaculated onto a small dog once. An ex-girlfriend of mine had a toy rat terrier that I fucking hated and I had to watch it for a weekend while she was out of town and I wanted to throw it into oncoming traffic. I decided that wasn’t feasible so I jacked off one day and blew my load onto it instead. It just kind of ran off and then licked it all off of itself. It was our little secret.[/quote]

I think I stopped breathing a couple of times laughing at this.[/quote]

I’ve noticed that I really like tormenting small dogs in general. For instance, another ex-girlfriend had some sort of small dog (it was some sort of small terrier as well, like Benji but smaller and barked at fucking everything). It was really needy in terms of affection. If you pet it and then stop it claws at your hand and whines and shit like that.

So I used to always call it up onto the couch with me and it would sit there and practically start squealing because I wouldn’t pet it. I really got off on the sound of the thing fucking begging me for attention.

Also, it would always bark its fucking head off and howl and shit like that whenever someone knocked on the door. The doors to my ex’s house were those French door types that have glass panes top to bottom in them. I used to just walk outside and knock on the door while the thing barked and howled away just on the other side. It literally would not stop barking until whoever was knocking either left or came inside and I used to do this for several minutes at a time. Never got tired of it.

When I was much younger I lived in an apartment and my roommate’s girlfriend moved in with us temporarily. I hated her guts because she would always complain that I watched a lot of baseball, which always happened to be on at the same time some stupid fucking show she liked was on. Well, it was my fucking TV, not hers, so I hated hearing her complain, especially since I was the one who paid the cable bill and half the rent, not her.

Well, she had this pitbull that was dumb as dirt and was the runt of the litter. I like pitbulls a lot and have had three of them at various times, but this one was an embarrassment to the breed. Every now and then it would shit inside the apartment and I would come home to big steaming dollop of shit in the middle of the living room. I would beat the living shit out of that dog when this happened, and I guess the confessional part of this whole thing is that I REALLY enjoyed beating the shit out of it. I mean like REALLY, REALLY enjoyed beating its ass, to the point where I wasn’t even that pissed off when the dog would shit inside.

I never cleaned it up anyways, so I didn’t really care all that much when it happened. I would shove its nose into the shit, beat its fucking ass and then take off for a couple hours until I knew my roommate or his girlfriend would be home from work and have cleaned it up.[/quote]

Aren’t you the guy who is cleaning dog shit up from an old neighbours garden? If not I may be mixed up.

Also, that woman complains about what YOU watch on YOUR tv when she doesn’t do shit? You handled it better than I would have. She woulda got a new asshole torn into her.

Verbally ofcourse.
[/quote]

Yes, I am the same person. Of course, there’s a large difference between the way I react to a person’s dog who I don’t like shitting on my carpet when I was 22 and the way I react to a person’s dog who I DO like shitting all over her own yard.

173

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
I have a terrible fear of filling out forms. Job applications, tax forms, student aid forms, all kinds of forms. I have to have my wife do them lest I have a complete meltdown.

Anybody else get that?
[/quote]

Guilty.

It seems no matter how carefully I fill one out I always miss a box or a line or something. Of course you don’t find this out until you get to the front of the line and the clerk gives you the look. The auto license office gets me in sweats every time too. My fear is that I don’t have all the paperwork in order.

I’m the same as you dude. My wife fills them out and I just ask her where do I sign. Paperwork in general gets me on edge.

174

[quote]MattyXL wrote:

[quote]four60 wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
shower is too small, I end up cold…as payback I pee on my wifes leg[/quote]

I love showering with the wife, but SHE’S the one who gets cold and has to turn the water on “boil” (which I can;t stand).

Either way, I have a fetish for HER peeing on ME in the shower.

:)[/quote]

Okayyyyyyy…you two need Cheeses[/quote]

Because of your love of cheese and the Back to the Future Soundtrack…

I present you with an Honorary White Guy Award.

With the aforementioned award you get the following benefits…

  • Whole Foods Super Saver Card
  • Season Tickets to the NY Islanders
  • 6 Month Subscription to the Sunday NY Times
  • Fluffernutter recipe book
  • Top Chef complete series DVD
  • Autographed picture of Wayne Brady.

ENJOY!
[/quote]

Top Chef is Universal.

I would like to thank Axe Body spray, Girls Gone Wild commercials and Duck Face pics.

175

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]harrypotter wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Jaice wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
I ejaculated onto a small dog once. An ex-girlfriend of mine had a toy rat terrier that I fucking hated and I had to watch it for a weekend while she was out of town and I wanted to throw it into oncoming traffic. I decided that wasn’t feasible so I jacked off one day and blew my load onto it instead. It just kind of ran off and then licked it all off of itself. It was our little secret.[/quote]

I think I stopped breathing a couple of times laughing at this.[/quote]

I’ve noticed that I really like tormenting small dogs in general. For instance, another ex-girlfriend had some sort of small dog (it was some sort of small terrier as well, like Benji but smaller and barked at fucking everything). It was really needy in terms of affection. If you pet it and then stop it claws at your hand and whines and shit like that.

So I used to always call it up onto the couch with me and it would sit there and practically start squealing because I wouldn’t pet it. I really got off on the sound of the thing fucking begging me for attention.

Also, it would always bark its fucking head off and howl and shit like that whenever someone knocked on the door. The doors to my ex’s house were those French door types that have glass panes top to bottom in them. I used to just walk outside and knock on the door while the thing barked and howled away just on the other side. It literally would not stop barking until whoever was knocking either left or came inside and I used to do this for several minutes at a time. Never got tired of it.

When I was much younger I lived in an apartment and my roommate’s girlfriend moved in with us temporarily. I hated her guts because she would always complain that I watched a lot of baseball, which always happened to be on at the same time some stupid fucking show she liked was on. Well, it was my fucking TV, not hers, so I hated hearing her complain, especially since I was the one who paid the cable bill and half the rent, not her.

Well, she had this pitbull that was dumb as dirt and was the runt of the litter. I like pitbulls a lot and have had three of them at various times, but this one was an embarrassment to the breed. Every now and then it would shit inside the apartment and I would come home to big steaming dollop of shit in the middle of the living room. I would beat the living shit out of that dog when this happened, and I guess the confessional part of this whole thing is that I REALLY enjoyed beating the shit out of it. I mean like REALLY, REALLY enjoyed beating its ass, to the point where I wasn’t even that pissed off when the dog would shit inside.

I never cleaned it up anyways, so I didn’t really care all that much when it happened. I would shove its nose into the shit, beat its fucking ass and then take off for a couple hours until I knew my roommate or his girlfriend would be home from work and have cleaned it up.[/quote]

Aren’t you the guy who is cleaning dog shit up from an old neighbours garden? If not I may be mixed up.

Also, that woman complains about what YOU watch on YOUR tv when she doesn’t do shit? You handled it better than I would have. She woulda got a new asshole torn into her.

Verbally ofcourse.
[/quote]

Yes, I am the same person. Of course, there’s a large difference between the way I react to a person’s dog who I don’t like shitting on my carpet when I was 22 and the way I react to a person’s dog who I DO like shitting all over her own yard.[/quote]

Well, I just cant help but think that karma is throwing huge chunks of dog shit in your way due to past actions.

:smiley:

176

[quote]harrypotter wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]harrypotter wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]Jaice wrote:

[quote]DBCooper wrote:
I ejaculated onto a small dog once. An ex-girlfriend of mine had a toy rat terrier that I fucking hated and I had to watch it for a weekend while she was out of town and I wanted to throw it into oncoming traffic. I decided that wasn’t feasible so I jacked off one day and blew my load onto it instead. It just kind of ran off and then licked it all off of itself. It was our little secret.[/quote]

I think I stopped breathing a couple of times laughing at this.[/quote]

I’ve noticed that I really like tormenting small dogs in general. For instance, another ex-girlfriend had some sort of small dog (it was some sort of small terrier as well, like Benji but smaller and barked at fucking everything). It was really needy in terms of affection. If you pet it and then stop it claws at your hand and whines and shit like that.

So I used to always call it up onto the couch with me and it would sit there and practically start squealing because I wouldn’t pet it. I really got off on the sound of the thing fucking begging me for attention.

Also, it would always bark its fucking head off and howl and shit like that whenever someone knocked on the door. The doors to my ex’s house were those French door types that have glass panes top to bottom in them. I used to just walk outside and knock on the door while the thing barked and howled away just on the other side. It literally would not stop barking until whoever was knocking either left or came inside and I used to do this for several minutes at a time. Never got tired of it.

When I was much younger I lived in an apartment and my roommate’s girlfriend moved in with us temporarily. I hated her guts because she would always complain that I watched a lot of baseball, which always happened to be on at the same time some stupid fucking show she liked was on. Well, it was my fucking TV, not hers, so I hated hearing her complain, especially since I was the one who paid the cable bill and half the rent, not her.

Well, she had this pitbull that was dumb as dirt and was the runt of the litter. I like pitbulls a lot and have had three of them at various times, but this one was an embarrassment to the breed. Every now and then it would shit inside the apartment and I would come home to big steaming dollop of shit in the middle of the living room. I would beat the living shit out of that dog when this happened, and I guess the confessional part of this whole thing is that I REALLY enjoyed beating the shit out of it. I mean like REALLY, REALLY enjoyed beating its ass, to the point where I wasn’t even that pissed off when the dog would shit inside.

I never cleaned it up anyways, so I didn’t really care all that much when it happened. I would shove its nose into the shit, beat its fucking ass and then take off for a couple hours until I knew my roommate or his girlfriend would be home from work and have cleaned it up.[/quote]

Aren’t you the guy who is cleaning dog shit up from an old neighbours garden? If not I may be mixed up.

Also, that woman complains about what YOU watch on YOUR tv when she doesn’t do shit? You handled it better than I would have. She woulda got a new asshole torn into her.

Verbally ofcourse.
[/quote]

Yes, I am the same person. Of course, there’s a large difference between the way I react to a person’s dog who I don’t like shitting on my carpet when I was 22 and the way I react to a person’s dog who I DO like shitting all over her own yard.[/quote]

Well, I just cant help but think that karma is throwing huge chunks of dog shit in your way due to past actions.

:D[/quote]

Lol! Fear the canine jizz…

177

I am occasionally using PED’s, but when someone who I don’t know asks me, I say I am not. It really bugs me, but I can’t do otherwise, I am working in a gym and I can’t just tell the clients I am using. I would be fires in a second. But still, it bugs me.

178

[quote]MaximusB wrote:

[quote]Waittz wrote:
Im obsessed with fashion. Long time GQ and Esquire subscriber, even have books on it.

The median shoe price in my closet is $350.

I am not attracted to white women or asians. Have a really bad Latina fetish.

I buy silver coins as a long term hold and inflation hedge. Every now in then, i pour them into a pile on my bed and get all Scroodge McDuck on them. Yes, im Jewish. [/quote]

But have you bought a $400 belt yet ?

[/quote]

Nope, worst i went for belts is 200. But with shoes and belts, like most good clothing you have to think of them as investments. Nothing like some fine hand made leather goods to make you feel like a million bucks

179

[quote]NikH wrote:
Wow you guys are crazee! Peeing on other people and shoving a dogs face on poo whatafak!

I hate lazy people.[/quote]

I hate lazy people? What kind of lame fucking confession is that? Who doesn’t hate lazy people?

Gee guys, I really have something to confess here. I’m not too crazy about pedophiles and, quite frankly, I tend to wipe my ass every time I take a shit.

Man, glad to finally get that off my chest.

180

[quote]DBCooper wrote:

[quote]NikH wrote:
Wow you guys are crazee! Peeing on other people and shoving a dogs face on poo whatafak!

I hate lazy people.[/quote]

I hate lazy people? What kind of lame fucking confession is that? Who doesn’t hate lazy people?

Gee guys, I really have something to confess here. I’m not too crazy about pedophiles and, quite frankly, I tend to wipe my ass every time I take a shit.

Man, glad to finally get that off my chest.[/quote]

I think threads like this one frequently go off the rails when peole are unclear on the concept.
Heck, remember the thread “Stuff You Hate That Everyone Else Loves”? About 20 people wouldn’t understand that they shouldn’t say “People that text while driving” or shit like that as NO ONE actually loves people that do that.