I was generalizing and also using my own experiences.
I work in healthcare. I’m well aware of people who live messy lives, Both co-workers and residents /patients. Not every pink-collar or human-services woman is some caring, salt-of-the-earth type either. And the lower one goes down the socioeconomic ladder the more mess and irresponsibility one will see.
The issue with my post is that it wasn’t thorough or detailed. There is much variation between individuals or both genders. I was son out taking about who’s out there with the OP. Some women have “crazy” jobs who can get it all done while others with them seem to be obsessed with them. Same goes for my brother and another male family member who don’t shut the hell up about work, with me actually hanging up the phone several times on the former because of this. I have female family members with high-level positions who don’t have each waking thought revolving around them. Considering their husbands are great guys, they’re matches for each other. Someone like me likely wouldn’t be such a Match. The OP is trying to find a match.
I know, and I wanted to offer balance to those. OP mentioned social work and counseling specifically with regard to women he’s come into contact with or dated, and these, to me, are somewhere closer to lavender than pink or blue. Strongly people-focused with money not the primary reward.
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This is pretty accurate; although I have to be careful not to agree with you too much and be accused of becoming a radicalized member of the church of BrickHead 
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They’ve all been in a state of commotion as you say–always looking for the next better thing that’ll make them “happier.” Unfortunately, that’s most people you meet in a big city like Chicago. No one really stays in a job too long, and everyone leaves the city at some point. There are exceptions obviously; it’s just a matter of finding the right avenues to meet women who are more stable and content with their lives.
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Don’t worry. Maybe I’m different because although I do know that some women accomplish quite a lot at work and I work with nearly all, some great by by the way, I did not get warm, fuzzy feelings from ambitious Wonder Women, in the same way women don’t Feel anything in particular for men because of height, looks, status, background, etc.
I remembered you live in a big city. I lived nearly all my life in Queens and spent considerable time in Manhattan and the urbanite diasporas of Bushwick, Williamsburg, and Astoria. So I know what’s out there: many women cooped up with work, education, travel, their girlfriends, and diversions. Sometimes I’d meet women and wonder how they got anything done while globetrotting so often.
Of course there are also men who live the constantly-on-the-go cosmopolitan life as well, who don’t have interest in anything serious with women at all and simply “date” or go womanless by their own volition.
If all that suits them, great. It wasn’t for me, and apparently you aren’t finding a match in that scene.
I suppose you can use dating websites to narrow down the type of women you can contact. There are women who are fine with their positions in life even in big cities and at high-level jobs. My cousin works in NYC and had And has positions at two companies we all know well of here but she never had Some non-stop-thrills life outside of work and found a great guy who also has a big-shot position.
Have you considered re-shuffling your social circle somehow?
I was a bit of a cad from age 13 to well after college and active military. And I live in a smallish tourist town. When it came to settle down with someone, the local women basically viewed me as someone to have good sex with during a rebound period, then go about their lives.
I got out of the rut (barely, due to self-stupidity) by dating a girl so far outside my social circle (different religion, different town, different race, different class) that I got her hooked the me-that-was-then (as opposed to the past me that everyone still viewed – and probably views – me at home) before she got to know my friends/family and they warn her away.
Four kids, two ours, two adopted, later. We’re going strong. So strong her parents and aunt are living with me (and the kids) out in the woods to escape COVID, while she’s working at the hospital.
Currently, we are having a massive “fight” (not really) over the proper way to cook a brisket – Jewish dutch oven method or smoked.
I believe I have invented a delicious hybrid that I may or may not share, depending on results.
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This is exactly what I intend to do as things reopen. Luckily, I have a great core group of male friends. I can be open with them about this stuff, and they’re all open to exploring new social circles with me. They’ve come up with ideas like book clubs, volunteer work, and cooking classes.
Thanks for sharing your story. I always admire people who adopt and give those children an opportunity to grow up in a stable environment. I think I’d like to do the same one day.
I moved to a major metro about 6 years ago, and used tinder to go on 2-3 dates per week. Just took out a ton of girls to grab a single drink at a bar. Lots of times it led to getting laid. Wasn’t particularly picky, i just considered it a numbers game and meeting more women allowed me the best chance to meet the right kind of women. Also, it gave me some real entertaining stories that my long married bosses and coworkers could live vicariously through, or laugh at me for. But the benefit of meeting all kinds of women is getting to know what i actually valued in a partner as each lady i went out with was a different amalgamation of traits.
Personally, i need a lady who can keep up physically AND mentally. I lose respect for dumb and or lazy people quickly- and i want my partner to make we strive to be better (in all aspects). I need an ambitious, successful, smart woman who can contribute financially, and who can challenge me mentally. I would have a tough time dealing with a wife who was a stay at home mom, even if we were financially set.
Moral of my story- its a numbers game. Meet and date as many women as possible. Prioritize getting dates, and schedule dates in the same way you make sure to schedule in workouts for the week. Dont EVER go for women (long term) with a hint of a trashy side, or with obvious emotional baggage. Its just not worth it. Don’t commit until your are VERY confident they are worth your time, but when you do commit, do it 100%.
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I’d love to play the numbers game; unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier in this thread, online dating has been a bust. I’ve tried bumble, tinder, and hinge and never worked out. I rarely got matches and the ones I did, maybe 2% lead to dates. I think I went on maybe 4 actual dates over the couple of years I’ve tried it. I’ve heard from other guys too that seemed to get this many dates, just never went that way for me. Anyone I’ve ever approached for feedback on my profile says the same thing I mention in my OP: I look like a player, so girls swipe left. In general, I’m lucky if I get 2 dates in a year.
I literally did the running man with my fingers to the right, and if my match wasnt AWFUL i would say this straight off the bat “Hey there! trying to get to know someone through text kind of sucks. On a scale from 1 to america how free are you tuesday evening to grab a drink with me?”. probably 25% would agree to the drink straight away. another 25% would agree to a drink after a few more cheeky, charming messages. The other 50%, likely not worth your time to actively pursue- let them pursue you.
You are not going to match with the very large majority of women. Accept that, and dont waste your time perusing profiles until AFTER you have already matched. Numbers game. Its a straight up lie that women are swiping left in such numbers that you only get 2 dates a year on tinder because “he looks like a player”. Bullshit. Utter caca de vaca. Stop flattering yourself. More likely, you are being very choosy and not maxing out your swipes each day, and then aggressively trying to meet in person as opposed to messaging on the apps.
Lets say you get 100 swipes per day and have a 2% match rate. And 2% of those agree to dates. That is atleast 1 date per month. Get going. If you can get a date out of 10% of your matches you have 6 dates per month.
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I did the exact same thing haha. I swiped right until I ran out of profiles in my area. Not trying to flatter myself, just sharing honest feedback I’ve gotten from any of the women I’ve asked. I’m not sure exactly what is flattering about being told I look like a player, or a douche bag. It’s not a compliment.
I could get where you’re coming from if a handful of women tell me this, it’s probably bullshit. But I’ve been told this by at least 100 women now, with no exceptions. So I’m finally at a point of thinking there’s some validity to it. To me it’s crazier to try to convince myself it’s not true, and that these women who don’t know eachother all conspired to tell me the exact same lie. My fucking hair stylist I’ve had for a few years told me the first several haircuts she thought I was a stuckup asshole who fucked around on women.
This is why I made this thread to begin with. I’d like to overcome that barrier.
Can you post a few pictures from your profiles (blackout your face)? how old are you? Seems like the problem is the way your dress and groom yourself if the problem is setting off alarm bells with women on first sight.
I’ll try to hunt some down. I don’t need to blackout my face. I’m 33 now, and I haven’t tried online dating for about 5 years.
The feedback I’m getting is mostly in person, too. Not specific to my pics I choose.
Here’s a few I think I used back then. That’s my nephew, I made sure to specify that in my profile so they didn’t think I had a kid 
Those don’t set alarm bells for me, but I’m a guy so who knows.
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I agree.
Note: I’m a woman
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The pictures are good. I don’t think you have to change anything about yourself. I didn’t realize you aren’t using online dating websites and apps. I think you should. As I’ve said elsewhere, I don’t think it’s ideal, but it’s the way things are done now. I met my wife online. So did several cousins met their spouses too. God knows how many women I met off it. If you play it right, you might even overbook yourself.
Yeah, I probably will. My friend’s gonna help me get some more professional looking photos.
Second picture is a little intense for a dating profile 
first picture looks better
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Dude, in my opinion, in your second pic you look fucking intense. Like, I want to wear your skin, intense. The first pic is a million times better.
What did your profile say? What was your opening line when you matched with someone?
As with CalforniaGrown, I did well on Tinder, Bumble etc. For Tinder, my profile/about me was a joke and I also had an opening line;
‘I hope them lips do more than just look good… and by that I mean are capable of producing interesting conversation’. Ridiculous right, but it worked about 95% of the time (every time). I would almost always get a reply and then conversation built from there. When you say only 2% led to dates, did the majority never reply to your opening message, or did the conversation die after a few messages were exchanged?
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