Sorry to hear that. What’s the source of your pain, if you’re comfortable sharing?
Nothing would make me happier than finding out the infamous “natty jawline” comment was made by a thirsty woman.
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It can get frustrating listening to other guys woes with women, especially when they can easily be solved by dressing better, getting an adult hair cut from an actual stylist instead of Great Clips, shedding some weight, and lifting weights a few times a week. But they’re only stuck on “the approach” or “the game” and trying to figure out where things are going wrong.
Maybe I need to go full Stifler in American Wedding 
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Thanks. Rheumatoid arthritis and multiple tendinopathies in my upper extremeties.
Are you in therapy? Because this is a pretty intense statement, and one I doubt is objectively valid. And have you talked to anyone about alternate fitness strategies, that might be easier on you than lifting?
Let me also say, though, that I’m sorry that life has sucker-punched you this way.
Are you in therapy? Because this is a pretty intense statement, and one I doubt is objectively valid. And have you talked to anyone about alternate fitness strategies, that might be easier on you than lifting?
No, I’m not. Probably should because I’m really depressed, but right now I’m paying out of pocket for PT which is expensive and trying to stretch my savings as far as possible.
A month ago I went for a 20 min jog, and now I’m paying for it with medial glute tendonitis. I’m relegated to walking no more than 25 min/day now.
Let me also say, though, that I’m sorry that life has sucker-punched you this way.
Thanks, I appreciate this.
So lately, because my very sedentary job has become even more so since I’m working from home, I’ve been doing what I read described as “exercise snacks,” which for me are 90 second to 5 minute bursts of whatever. The rower for four minutes on the way back to the office after lunch, marching in place for a couple of minutes if I can make time between clients, etc. This is in addition to my workouts, but I can tell you that they are having a positive impact on me in terms of improved mood and reduced drowsiness. I don’t feel as lazy. And study after study shows that it doesn’t have to be a full workout to have incredible benefit, including reduced inflammation.
So maybe you do your 25 minute walk each day and then add 90 seconds of marching in place or elbow-to-knee or some upper body stuff with super light weights (cans work). And just sort of try to get the snowball rolling in the other direction.
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I’m actually already doing some of this stuff with my PT. As my tendons heal I’ll be able to do more things. Right now its really boring exercising like a 90 year old.
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Though there’s validity to what women generally lust after, what normal, healthy women want in a man for a so-called “long-term relationship” (most of which I believe go nowhere in the same way dating goes nowhere), marriage, and a family is predictable: responsibility, reliable, understanding, pro-social, well-adjusted, caring, employed, loving and so on and so on. Pretty much someone who we stereotypically consider to be a good husband and dad. Granted there are preferences worked in, what an individual woman is attracted to, or even in some instances what her family requests, but the overall scheme is simple. All this PUA stuff makes things very cerebral, contrived and complicated.
It definitely helps a man to understand female nature, but I think the PUA angle leads to inevitably over-objectifying women. Keep in mind I’m stating this while likely being one of the least white-knighting posters on this forum.
A man can flat-out say to a woman, at the appropriate time, “I’m not looking for flings. I want a serious relationship and/or marriage and to start a family one day. I will not have sex with a woman quickly, even if tempted to, until I’m convinced she too is serious about this.” If a woman cannot believe these words because some guy looks like a “slayer” then she has an issue she needs to work on and is obviously not a fit for such a man.
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Yeah. A lot of what is being described in this thread falls under validation sex.
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This is precisely what my therapist has to say on the issue. The problem is 100% of the women I’ve encountered then, coincidentally, have this issue. How does one go about finding the type of women who will actually believe me when I say this?
Is there a certain type of woman you go for? Perhaps you can describe a type in terms of profession, personality, looks, interests and so on? Even perhaps from there you can see a common thread and go for another kind of woman.
I might be incorrect. I am assuming, perhaps wrongfully so, that you are meeting urbanite, highly ambitious, thrill-seeking, careerist women who moved to cities far away from their families. Correct me if my assumption is wrong.
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Aw man, not at all haha. I haven’t dated a single woman like that. All the women I’ve dated have been very much in the “figuring things out” phase. Not happy with current position, going back to school for MBA, social work degree, etc. But definitely not ambitious or thrill-seeking. To be honest, in my circles I never even run into that type of woman.
I’ve had 2 LTRs in my 7 years in Chicago. One had an executive assistant HR role, made extra money on the side selling beauty products to get extra money for school to become a counselor. She was very close with her family, but they did live on East Coast. My last LTR was with a single mom. She lived an hour away from her family and was close with them. In our 3 years together I think she changed positions 3 times, bouncing from HR to consulting. She was miserable in her last job around the time we broke up. I know because she took all her stress out on me 
Is this where we pretend we haven’t all been doing this:
every day for years?
OP, do a bit of research on indoctrination and radicalization on the internet and then come back and read some early responses you got, taking note of how quickly you picked up on the terminology and emulated it.
The two big solutions you got from that line of conversation were to get a fatter face or to date a more androgynous woman. If either of those seem like things you could get behind, then go for it.
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Is that so crazy? That’s just my approach to trying to learn–I assimilated to his schema just to dive into his reasoning and see if I could pick up any insights along the way. I’m not going out and sharing the gospel of the DOM-AVG spectrum lol.
Sometimes I need to play devil’s advocate, sometimes I need to play along. I appreciate anyone trying to help, and if they want to bring their own terminology I’m happy to go along with it. Idk, this typically just makes for a smoother discussion for me. Likewise, if I’m talking to a hardcore feminist about a hot topic, I’m happy to go along with their worldview and I’ll even use the buzzwords when asking questions or making counterpoints.
And nope! I am not behind getting a fatter face or dating high-T women, so I will take from this conversation what I think could help, and dismiss what seems counterproductive.
I see a pattern here. Have you considered pursuing women who don’t fit the trend you speak of, like perhaps just an ordinary young woman with just a J-O-B who might not even want to or have to work if you do wind up marrying? V
As an example, my wife works part time as a hairdresser and during the first few weeks of being with each other she said she believed God put put her here first and foremost to be a great mother (she’s not so religious but obviously was just strongly conveying this). So that was simple.
You’ve spent time with women that seem to be in a state of constant stress and commotion. As I said in some related threads, before I met my wife on several dates and even had a couple of regrettableflings with careerist women or women who seemed to be interested in acquiring endless accolades. They’re obviously a fit for some men but talk of and rescheduling plans because “work has been crazy” and because of “crazy weeks” grew old.
I’m only mentioning myself as an example of how to conclude what type of woman is good for a particular kind of guy. I do empathize with men who have to deal with the current “dating market” which is likely worse, more exhausting, and more complicated than when I left it a decade ago.
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I like this:
I think you’re conflating your wife’s personality with her job. I’m a “careerist” woman with crazy weeks, but my family comes first as best I can manage. I’m a homebody with ambition. I participate in transformation challenges and believe I have the sharpest work website in my area because I worked hard to make it so, but nothing is more important than home. Also, you’re lumping all career women together. A social worker and a teacher are going to have similar outlooks (other-centered, helper types) while a district attorney and large corporate marketing exec will have a different set of drives.
Lastly, women with basic jobs can be shitty and self-centered, too. I’ve worked with a couple of kids with hairdresser moms. One had a drug dealer boyfriend in and out (kid: “I can tell he’s getting ready to leave because Mom’s crying a lot”), the other was just sort of checked out. Both single moms. I’ve also worked with teachers who were crappy, disinterested parents.
Just sayin’. I’ve agreed with your other posts in this thread.
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I am far more comfortable with a world where dating apps/sites are shunned rather than the norm.
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