Testosterone Writing Contest!

Off Topic
1

So you’ve been working on the Great American Novel for the last 10 years but can’t resolve how Meathook escapes from the Fourth Reich’s Maximum Security Center without detonating the Neutronium explosive the Nazis implanted in his skull.

We’re sure you’ll figure it out, but in the meantime, how 'bout flexing those creative muscles right here on Testosterone Nation?

Here’s the deal:

Wriite an essay (length doesn’t matter) that answers the following question:

“How would you define Testosterone Nation?”

And by Testosterone Nation, we mean this website, this state of mind, this place where we meet. How do you describe this place to the uninitiated?

Best essay gets $500 in cash.

Second place and beyond get a hearty handshake, or, if this turns out better than we hoped, we’ll throw some yet-to-be-decided prizes to the runners up.

Just post your entry on this thread.

We’ll accept entries until midnight, August 10th.

Contest void in Namibia.

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[quote]TC wrote:
Contest void in Namibia.[/quote]

There’s a poor soul in Namibia crying on his keyboard right now, right now I tell you!

3

ack, I have to reveal my inner-most T-Nation feelings right on this thread for everyone to see?? I feel so violated…

4

Sweet.

Guess I picked a good year to begin working on being a writer.

Currently writing two Great American novels, a handful of short storties and blogging some as well.

5

Five hundred bucks?

Yea buddy.

I’m in.

6

I guess they call this setting the bar:

It can be very tempting to try and define Testosterone Nation by trying to characterize the average member. Surely all those that come to T-Nation, whether referred here by friends or stumbling upon it by accident, must have some common thread running through them. How else could there be such devotion, such loyalty, and such backlash whenever a new member “doesn’t get it” or won’t listen to the advice of veterans.

Stick around long enough,though, and you will inevitably be surprised at the diversity of the members in this community. You’ll find disciples of powerlifting, bodybuilding, and MMA to name a few, as well as the average joe looking to get in shape and stay there. All have different opinions, different lifestyles, and different approaches to reaching their goals. Testosterone, though highly valued, worshipped even, cannot even be considered a common thread due to the contributions and active participation of the great women in this community.

So what is it? What makes this site a place that beginners and vets alike discover, join, and end up staying for years; constantly learning, growing, and contributing to the success of others? Testosterone Nation is all these things to all these people because it offers one of the greatest gifts that can be given - Enablement. Whether it’s through cutting edge supplements, articles and advice from the most sought after experts in their respective fields, or a support network of like-minded individuals, T-Nation is a TOOLBOX. Rather than leading one to believe that all these tools are a substitute for hard work and dedication, T-Nation practically shouts the importance of personal responsibility and drive necessary to achieve one’s goals. To many, T-Nation is the light. It’s up to you to find your way through the darkness.

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I’m in.

8

I will put my heart on display here because I mean what I have written. So, here goes…

T-Nation Essay:

?Dad, can you help me gain some muscle for high school??, AJ asked, somewhat with an uneasy tone to his voice. AJ was entering high school. The freshman-to-be wanted to put on some muscle in preparation for high school sports. He had a knack for baseball. Always had. AJ had made the All-Star teams each summer of his Little League years, all the way back to T-Ball and Coach-Pitch ball. His father had been at his side throughout those years. Now, with his son going into high school sports, he would have to back off, not be so much involved. With an equally uneasy voice, his father responded, ?Sure, I can help you with that?. The uneasiness in the father?s voice was due to the reality that he felt unworthy of undertaking this important task. His son?s future could be at stake here. Perhaps his son would benefit more from a personal trainer, someone who could work right along with his son, hands on, demonstrating proper exercise form, proper technique, sports specific training and proper nutrition.

This was my scenario. This is what I faced two years ago. The uneasiness on my part was not necessarily a lack of confidence but the reality that I had become so fat that I did not feel I had the credibility to tell my son how to improve his own body. I weighed an outrageous 345 lbs at 6 feet tall. Although I had been a football star back in the day, I found it difficult to hang on those glory days, they were, after all, buried under all that fat. I had to also admit that for the previous two years, my ability to work physically with my son, athletically, had diminished significantly and I was many times, sidelined and having to allow my son to be coached and taught by others. When he was much younger, my health wasn?t so bad and I could actually get down in the trenches with him, so to say.

My son?s baseball abilities were a serious matter. The high school coach had already contacted me about AJ. AJ stands a great chance of getting a scholarship to a good university the coach has said. And, who knows what the future holds, pro-ball, wow, I was blown away. Yet, here I was, so fat that I was physically unable to help push my son toward his future. It was at that point that I decided to look for a personal trainer and off to the internet I went. One site led to another and somehow I ended up at T-Nation.

I read, and I read and I read. And then I read some more. Post after post, thread after thread, I read. My edge some how seemed to have returned. My desire to get my own self back in shape took hold because T-Nation made it obvious to me that I could do that and along the way help my son put on those muscles he so badly wanted.

I tossed the personal trainer idea away and decided I would do this, not only for my son but for myself. I bought a membership at the YMCA. Slowly I began. Implementing ideas, workouts and philosophies from T-Nation. Slowly I began to improve. After about 6 months, I had the confidence to bring my son along to teach him the way of the iron, teach him the way of T-Nation, the way of self respect, the way of confidence and the way to more muscles.

To date, I have lost about 70 lbs. I have respectable numbers on my lifts. I have lost fat and gained muscle. I have a long way to go yet but I am well on that way, that T-Nation way. I have that T-Nation support, that T-Nation knowledge so unselfishly shared by every T-Nation member. That T-Nation confidence has now become that T-Nation swagger.

My son AJ, is now going to be a junior in high school. He has played varsity baseball the past 1 and ? years now (half his freshman year and his entire sophomore year). His overall body strength has improved significantly and I have been there with him every step of the way…

T-Nation has given me and my son all that and I am thankful to T-Nation for that.

But that is not all T-Nation has given me. Much more deeply, T-Nation has given me my life back. T-Nation has given me my son back. T-Nation is at the core of the renewed respect my son has for me. T-Nation has ensured that it is not only my son that has gained the muscle he so badly wanted and not only me who has gained muscle but T-Nation has ensured that the relationship that my son and I share has also grown stronger. T-Nation has put some serious muscle into that. My son and I lift together, we work on fundamental baseball skills together, we go through batting practices together and we laugh and we cry when necessary. T-Nation real. This is what T-Nation is to me. This is what T-Nation is about to me. The testosterone that runs in my blood through my veins is the same testosterone that now runs through my son?s veins, T-Nation inspired testosterone, and its all real.

MasterBlaster

9

I have never met anyone who is content. The average person?s knee-jerk response to this pronouncement is a laundry list of their acquisitions and accomplishments.

?I have three cars!?
?I have a perfect family.?
?I squat 600 pounds.?

Nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves to be proud of themselves. But no one is content. Even were we to cast aside this absurd notion that any of our accomplishments or possessions can produce a perfect life, we would still be left with a yearning, a hunger for something more than what is within our immediate reach. It?s a feeling as integral to human life as love, lust, anger, or joy.

The staggering majority of humankind accepts this dissatisfaction as the natural state of their lives, and is content to spout platitudes to console themselves. They console themselves with that classic Rolling Stones admonition, ?You can?t always get what you want.? But there?s more to the song than that.

?If you try sometimes/you just might find/you get what you need.?

We are different. Better. This is elitist, and judgmental, and Darwinian. It is also true. What makes us different is our inability to accept limits to our development. We are always looking forward, never content to let the world get the better of us. ?Testosterone Nation? fronts as a forum for athletes and physique builders of all levels and commitments, but we are more than the muscle and sinew that we strive to build; more than the rock, iron, and steel that we batter ourselves against. Testosterone Nation is a collective of wills, forged in our daily struggles to surpass the mundane. That feeling when you load the bar beyond your known abilities?you know the feeling: the flutter, the slight twist in your stomach that crawls up your torso and sets your fingers twitching madly for metal to grip, and rushes down into your legs until you worry that your quads might leap off your thighs and start squatting without you?that?s Testosterone Nation.

To sit still and accept your lot is to accept death?maybe not immediately, but eventually?and it will be a death of a thousand and one tiny disappointments: opportunities missed, goals unrealized, dreams not broken but left to rot in moldy closets. I will not accept this death.

We will not accept this death. We will push and pull and tear to build our bodies and spirits?above all we will refuse to have our fates decided before we have had our say. Dan John quoted Dylan Thomas this morning, and I am hard-pressed to think of more appropriate sentiments:

Do not go gentle into that good night/
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

We are different. We are better. We will not be satisfied with mediocrity. We will shape ourselves and our world as we see fit. We are T-Nation.

10

Most of my life has been lived without a figure of manhood.

Sure, I had a dad. An alchoholic whom my mother divorced. My older brother, the aerobics practitioner. Big-bellied uncles and a small bellied homosexual. So naturally I’ve been lost really. Without knowing how men behave and not realizing that I should even be asking that question. So in a way, most of my ways were ruled by the positive rolemodels in my life, who happened to be female. Of course that shapes a teenager in a way. Pursuit of results in the weightroom, answers to the physique puzzle if you will, led me then to Testosterone. Fate, coincidence and good reputation came together and there I was.

But where was I?

Definitely not a meeting place of like-minded individuals. Back then there were no forums. Just articles. But those articles had a little something to them besides just solid info. Most of them were overflowing with manliness. Pure testosterone. Manhood pouring out of the screen and into my thirsty mind. While inhaling the info as fast as I could, I also cought the man-bug big time. I started thinking that men were not just women with different tools. Men should look like men. Act like men. So my search for knowledge of the weightroom ultimately led to the much greater quest of finding my own manhood.

What is Testosterone Nation. Its not a meeting place. It’s not an information center. It’s not a supplement store. It’s an influence. A positive male influence in a society where women seem positive and true signs of men are frowned upon, stereotypes of wifebeaters and alchoholics abound.

Testosterone Nation is the last bastion of man. And within this fortress manhood shall at least be preserved, if not saved.

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Well, here’s what T-Nation means to me:

"TESTOSTERONE NATION is a place where chemists, scientists, nutritional theorists, and exercise physiologists come together to share their discoveries with you. It?s where the best people in sport meet to experiment, theorize, and ultimately create new training programs and new nutritional protocols. It?s a place where new ideas are born, where false and outdated dogmas are destroyed, and where truth and intellect rule!

It?s home to bodybuilders, powerlifters, Mixed Martial Artists, and in fact, athletes of any kind who stand to benefit from increased size, increased strength, increased power, or increased endurance.

But beyond that, Testosterone Nation is a philosophy, a way of life. It?s where there are no excuses and no apologies; where men are free to be men. It?s where the noble aspects of Testosterone rule.

Come see where the “virtuous bad boys” live.

TESTOSTERONE NATION ? part science, part experience, all attitude!"

Okay, that was plagiarized directly from the front page.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

I’m not much of a writer, but can’t wait to see what others come up with.

12

[quote]TC wrote:
…Second place and beyond get a hearty handshake, …[/quote]

Who is giving the handjob?

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[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
TC wrote:
…Second place and beyond get a hearty handjob, …

Who is giving the handjob?[/quote]

And the winner for best essay to define Testosterone Nation…

Clearly it is Zap Branigan

Short and to the point Zap, well thought out.

Action Jackson

14

Testosterone Nation is an online community of like-minded individuals who realize the true potential of the human body and strive to achieve it.

The community is open and receptive to anyone eager enough to learn, dedicated enough to work smart and hard, and generous enough to share their knowledge when able.

Beyond that, Testosterone Nation is a community where a common bond around bodybuilding and athletics has lead to a life of mutual growth amongst its participants.

15

Testosterone; to some it merely a hormone another part of life, to others it?s a state of mind. It?s not just a chemical, but a defining part of manhood. Man the Walking Ape. We are more than just an opposed thumb. We have descended from Valhalla, to make our mark on Earth. To grasp the here and now and take what we define as ours.

There has always been the weak, those who crawl through life on their belly asking rather than taking. The meek will inherit the earth, only after the rough and ready have purged it of its worth.

There have always places throughout history for the superior, the rough, the tough, those that are not complacent with second place. Today, these places still exist. They are not as defined as those who have walked before us, but they are still there for those who will search.

For the lucky few, those who look under rocks, rather than step over them, there is T-Nation - Testosterone Nation a gathering place for those that aren?t afraid to drink from the chemical Fountain of Youth. Those that are willing to move mountains to get what they want from life. Some take the legal road, others cross the border. But, they all seek a common goal, to stand higher than the guy next to them. They need not climb these cliffs alone, there are many before them like the Sherpa?s of Nepal to help them on their journey. Knowledge is handed down, like Father to Son. Ask a question, receive an answer. To decipher the answer is your responsibility. You define who you look at in the mirror and no one else???..

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TESTOSTERONE NATION

Location: 128.121.26.41

Climate: Seasons alternate between a fertile growth season, a relatively static summer, and a cyclical dry spell, known to residents as ?bulk,? ?maintain,? and ?cut,? respectively.

Terrain: Primarily hard and rocky, giving the country a ?chiseled? appearance. Arable land is strictly irrigated and fertilized in accordance with the season.

Natural Resources: Cast Iron/Steel, Rubber, Testosterone

Controlled Substances: Estrogen

Illegal Firearms: Smith Machines, Bosu Balls

Population: Primarily male, though exact statistics are unavailable. While a population of T-vixens (homo make-erectus) has been observed, their rapid consumption by T-men (homo testosteros) leads to much immigration, despite rigorous physical scrutiny upon entry.

Government: T-Nation society is a merit-based society, with the most influential members having to earn respect by achieving real-life results.

Natural Hazards: T-Nation is under constant attack by andrygynes and metrosexuals, who have recently been arming themselves with shoes and attempting to hijack the countries supply of squat racks under the guise of ?curl machines.?

Environment ? Current Issues: Squat rack and 50+ lb dumbbell shortages

Other Notes: T-Nation boasts the highest caloric intake (per capita) of any country in the world.

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Dan John.

When do I get my money?

18

[quote]theangelkiller wrote:
TESTOSTERONE NATION

Location: 128.121.26.41

Climate: Seasons alternate between a fertile growth season, a relatively static summer, and a cyclical dry spell, known to residents as ?bulk,? ?maintain,? and ?cut,? respectively.

Terrain: Primarily hard and rocky, giving the country a ?chiseled? appearance. Arable land is strictly irrigated and fertilized in accordance with the season.

Natural Resources: Cast Iron/Steel, Rubber, Testosterone

Controlled Substances: Estrogen

Illegal Firearms: Smith Machines, Bosu Balls

Population: Primarily male, though exact statistics are unavailable. While a population of T-vixens (homo make-erectus) has been observed, their rapid consumption by T-men (homo testosteros) leads to much immigration, despite rigorous physical scrutiny upon entry.

Government: T-Nation society is a merit-based society, with the most influential members having to earn respect by achieving real-life results.

Natural Hazards: T-Nation is under constant attack by andrygynes and metrosexuals, who have recently been arming themselves with shoes and attempting to hijack the countries supply of squat racks under the guise of ?curl machines.?

Environment ? Current Issues: Squat rack and 50+ lb dumbbell shortages

Other Notes: T-Nation boasts the highest caloric intake (per capita) of any country in the world.
[/quote]

First place! Seriously - great idea for a post.

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Testosterone is the lifeblood of civilization.
Each and every day, men and women are fighting for what Herbert Spencer coined the survival of the fittest.
Some believe survival depends on money and government…I don’t.

To me, survival means knowing I will rise to the occasion when needed, and be patient when it is called for.
Only I can’t do this alone.
So what do I need to assist me in my daily battles?
Testosterone!

Every day my knowledge, strength, and hence my courage grows.
Recognize I will never forget that God made me a man.
One who will stand up and fight against the feminization of America.
Nothing prepares me more than Testosterone.

Eagles may fly but they will never soar like the testosterone in me.

20

Uh, so do we post our essays here in the thread, or would it be better to PM them?