Here’s the situation, I am about 2 months into a really great relationship with this girl. We of course are still in the “sniffing butts” phase. Things are great and the sex is amazing. When we first we talking about sex I said something to the effect…“I hate dirty talk, it’s just stupid, it makes you sound dumb and corny.”
We during sex the other night she was saying a few things and I started saying somethings back. After it was over she told me how much of a turn on dirty talk is for her and how she was pretty bummed when I made that comment in the begginning. Now anytime I say something dirty she makes these great noises and she goes nuts. Now I'm a pretty creative guy but I'm now running out of things to say....
I would love to know what you horn-dogs out there say if you say anything at all…just think, you helping someone get off and that is a special feeling.
It can be hard to sound vaguely original/sincere when talking dirty if you are not used to speaking out loud what it is that goes on in your mind. If you are just grasping at phrases you’ve heard from porn or other sources and mimicking what THEY’ve said, you’re pretty sure to fail at talking dirty. What is it that goes on in YOUR head when you guys go at it? Tell her that. Almost everyone I’ve been with has, after much poking and prodding, admitted to thinking sexual things (not just the fact that they are digging what’s going on, but actually talking to me or telling me to do certain things, in their heads) and it’s kind of a stretch to get them to say this stuff out loud. Most people feel like they’ll insult their partner if they really say what’s spinning around inside their head.
If she’s so into talking dirty then she may be into roll playing. Roll play solves a great deal of the “what do I say” problem as you put yourself into character and the words come with little effort. It’s also a scapegoat if you end up saying something she doesn’t like…“But honey, I was just pretending to be Capt. Hook and since he’s a mean bastard that probably likes freaky shit, I thought Capt. Hook would like it if his barwench squatted on his face and pissed. You know I’d never be into that, but maybe the barwench would be. I just got lost in the role.”
Make odd and offputting references to her dental work or fingernails. Caugh a lot. Say things like “Yeah, right there. Right over there. I’m lost, can we start over?” Or things that’ll keep the action going such as “Wait, I’m not arroused. At all. Nope, gimme a few minutes 'kay?” Finally, if all else turns sour, compare her to a GROW bar “You’re never coming, never coming!” When you’re done, towel off and sing “Baby Beluga” really loud and off key.
MBE: “Distributer of Monkified muses since 1662. JADABB Founder, 2002.”
Nope, never rented German porn. Seems I have been missing the more exotic styles. I prefer either making my own or the plain, ol’ vanilla stuff Vivid puts out.
Is there something about Germans you’d care to fill me in on?