SuperBetter and Raising Resilient Kids

[anon71262119]

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
3. If you have experiences that really helped you or your children develop resilience, I’d love to hear them. By resilience, I’m talking about the ability to keep trying, endure, work at the edge of one’s ability, bounce back from failure, have grit. What was the most important thing in your life that helped you develop this trait? and/or Was there one thing that helped you teach it to your kids?[/quote]
I guess I’ll go ahead and be the guy who just says deadlifts.[/quote]

Nice to see you csulli.

Seriously, lifting is a pretty great metaphor for life, right?

Learning to carry heavy things or bear up under burdens, do progressively more challenging tasks, finding out what you’re capable of, working at the edge of your ability, coping with failure, learning to focus on your own growth rather than comparing yourself to others… We hope that our life experiences make us stronger, help us to grow. I could go on.

[anon71262119]

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
By resilience, I’m talking about the ability to keep trying, endure, work at the edge of one’s ability, bounce back from failure, have grit. What was the most important thing in your life that helped you develop this trait?[/quote]

In this order:

1. G-d. His Torah. His promises.

2. Military draft in Israel helps a lot of Israeli kids get discipline. Nothing unclouds the mind and sharpens ones focus like the possibility of getting yourself or your friends killed, or the fact that, if you fail, your family may be the ones who die. You become very serious very quickly. This applies to other things in your life.

3. Weight lifting. I’m not an especially gifted athlete. But grinding out weights is incremental, with results of hard work being much more important than any natural gift. It instilled a lot of discipline in me. It is also a very singular activity.[/quote]

Thanks Jewbacca. Nice to see you!

About faith, you’ve got thousands of years of resilient people to draw on. Quite a legacy of survival in the face of adversity. These stories from the scriptures or from your own family history have to have an effect. I have visited some of the historical sites of my ancestors who crossed the plains and settled the west, and felt a bit in awe to come from strong people, full of faith. I think sharing stories of hardship and resilience have an effect on our kids.

Thanks for your thoughts about military service. We often try to spare of kids from doing things that are difficult, and yet it’s these experiences that often profoundly shape character.

[anon71262119]

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:
I don’t know if I can be of any help but as a parent of four young men, I have seen my share of almost everything. I have one in college, two who are in a “Gifted” or “Advanced” program and a fourth that is a “Special needs” The “Special needs” had a stroke at the age of four months; a heartache I wish on no one. The oldest is on an athletic scholarship. So I have been all over the spectrum when it comes to seeing them deal with success and failure. If you really want to see determination, look toward the special needs person. You will start to understand that what comes easy to most, they struggle with and in that you will find a quiet determination.

As for parenting, except nothing less than the best from your children. Another one I’m big on and this is evident in anything I have written or said; I’m raising 4 men, not 4 boys. Raise boys and you get an older boy, raise men and you get men. Treat them like an adult; explain why or why not as opposed to the old “Because I said so”. When I’m dead and gone, they will have the ability to make the right choices even if that day is tomorrow.

To echo Jewbacca, have faith in something greater than yourself. I fall short as a Christian sometimes but my children know if it’s important for Dad to get his ass in a pew on Sunday, it’s has to be important.

On a lighter note, spend time with them. They need to see BOTH Mom and Dad’s failures and successes. And lastly; take them fishing!
[/quote]

Thanks so much for your thoughts. So much to say. I’m going to use your thoughts about seeing quiet determination in your son with special needs in my talk. Really wonderful. We have a similar situation with kids across the spectrum from gifted to special needs in our family, so that was really nice for me to read.

And about expectations - raising men not boys. So true.

I try to get my bottom in a church pew every week as well. I have a long way to go in learning to be humble, being teachable, learning to love and be selfless. I do have a tremendous sense of gratitude. I’d like to pass these qualities on to my kids, and give them a sense of their place in this world, who they are, why they are here. Many people say their religious faith has given them a sense of resilience/ the ability to endure.

[anon71262119]

[quote]atypical1 wrote:

I think about this stuff a lot so this is a great question.

1. No idea, sorry.

2. When I hear “great kid” I think of one who is well adjusted to society, cares about other people, and tries hard at what they do.

3. I was forced into resilience having moved every 3 -4 years of my life. That experience of always have to start over made me very resilient and confident. Combine that with tours in both the Army and Marine Corps and I got a lot of practice with that. I’ve always been competitive against myself and not other people so I think that is one thing that really helped me out too. But I’ve definitely gotten more resilient with age.

For my son I’m really trying to teach him that the struggle or path to get to a destination is what counts. My son won’t have the same experiences that I did as a kid so I’ll need to guide him in that way. I’m going to do my best to teach him that failure is OK and it’s getting past that which is important. I’ll do that through my actions and by taking chances myself. I try to relate to him my failures now and how I overcome them. Most people are scared to fail. I don’t see anything as a true failure unless I simply don’t bounce back. But I think that’s something that people need to practice. So the one thing? Practice failing.

james[/quote]

Thank you for taking the time, James. I talked about fear of failure up there in one of my earlier comments. Thanks. I think it’s a huge misconception about how we learn. When we’re really in that “sweet spot” where we are being challenged just enough, we’re going to fail sometimes. Failure is part of the process.

[anon71262119]

[quote]butcherman7 wrote:

I am the father of three daughters age 22,19 and 17

Absolutely, and without a doubt, get them as heavily involved as possible in some type of group activity at an EARLY age.

In my case it was athletics.

By affording them the opportunities of prolonged and consistent exposure in group setting’s amongst their peer’s it ingrains within them the values of confidence, competitiveness and perseverance.

Of course, as a parent, one needs not only to provide these opportunities for their children but to encourage and support it through all of it’s high’s and low’s.

Yes, I have great kids and am often told so. [/quote]

Thank you. I expected more people here to talk about sports or coaches as mentors. Thanks. Just learning to take direction from a coach is a pretty good experience. Coping with loosing/failure. Developing skills over time in and incremental way. Seeing the beauty and talents of others and not being diminished by them. Endurance. So many things that tie in to raising great kids.

[anon71262119]

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
I have no practical experience in raising a great kid but am very interested in getting some.

I was considered gifted but not much ever came of it due to some environmental/behavioral problems.
[/quote]

Thanks for following Skyzyks. Honestly, a lot of us are not very introspective about these things. And a lot of parenting is just reacting. You’re way ahead of the game if you’re considering this stuff now while he’s so small. Best of luck to you with seeing your little guy become a “Great kid.”

And here’s to the school of hard knocks. A lot of us seem to have to learn some things the hard way. Those setbacks your experienced may have shaped who you are more than you think.

[twojarslave]

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
What you said about many intellectually gifted kids who aren’t thriving because they lack some of the qualities/traits that bring life success really resonates. One of the smartest kids from my high school got caught up in alcohol/ drug addiction and other negative influences that really sidetracked his life. It was particularly sad because he had so much potential.
[/quote]

This is probably little more than semantic quibbling, but the young man you speak of has not lost any of his potential. He’s merely sidetracked with an unproductive lifestyle. I didn’t bloom until my 30’s (but I had a helluva good time in my 20’s :).

This topic is of great interest to both of us, so I will regale you with another anecdote about gifted children. Take what you will out of it, as it is simply a single anecdote about one very gifted person.

I may have been sharp as a child, but my cousin, same age as me (now 34) is literally a genius. He was also fortunate enough to have been born into life of privilege, with both parents being practicing physicians. He excelled in academics and was a talented flutist. He stayed out of trouble and did what he was supposed to as a student, exceeding all expectations. He went on to gain degrees in electrical engineering, a masters in mathematics and a doctorate in statistics and probability.

He also was, and remains to this day, a great big pussy. I love him like a brother, but that is an inescapable truth about my cousin. He is not an independent adult, currently relying on his wealthy parents’ generosity for support. He has struggled with depression and the day-to-day rigors of life as an adult. He has not had a meaningful intimate relationship of any kind. Simply stated, he hasn’t hacked it at the basics of life and love as an adult and, at age 34 with many advanced degrees, remains unemployed and entirely dependent on his parents.

He has always been very physically weak and has never embraced any physical activity other than an occasional bicycle ride. He has no significant handicaps other than being a very skinny man with some allergies.

As much as I love both my cousin and his parents, I firmly believe that his lack of physical development is a root cause of his struggles as an adult. Now, I can’t pretend to be able to get into the mind of a depressed genius, but you don’t need to be a brilliant psychologist to arrive at this conclusion.

This anecdote dovetails with the point I made about the importance of failure for development. There was nothing that academia could throw at my cousin that was remotely challenging until he got to the point where he was dabbling in pure mathematics, meaning inventing NEW MATH (WTF?). The one arena where he could have both faced and overcame significant challenges in life - physical activity - was not a point of emphasis for him AT ALL. It was simply not a priority for him or his parents. It still is not.

Untapped potential, indeed.

I’m doing my best to convince him to spend a few weeks in Maine to train with me. The seed is planted, we’ll see if anything sprouts.

Again, best of luck to you. Don’t let those little geniuses of yours settle for merely getting good grades. You may as well congratulate a cow for eating grass.

[Derek542]

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:
I don’t know if I can be of any help but as a parent of four young men, I have seen my share of almost everything. I have one in college, two who are in a “Gifted” or “Advanced” program and a fourth that is a “Special needs” The “Special needs” had a stroke at the age of four months; a heartache I wish on no one. The oldest is on an athletic scholarship. So I have been all over the spectrum when it comes to seeing them deal with success and failure. If you really want to see determination, look toward the special needs person. You will start to understand that what comes easy to most, they struggle with and in that you will find a quiet determination.

As for parenting, except nothing less than the best from your children. Another one I’m big on and this is evident in anything I have written or said; I’m raising 4 men, not 4 boys. Raise boys and you get an older boy, raise men and you get men. Treat them like an adult; explain why or why not as opposed to the old “Because I said so”. When I’m dead and gone, they will have the ability to make the right choices even if that day is tomorrow.

To echo Jewbacca, have faith in something greater than yourself. I fall short as a Christian sometimes but my children know if it’s important for Dad to get his ass in a pew on Sunday, it’s has to be important.

On a lighter note, spend time with them. They need to see BOTH Mom and Dad’s failures and successes. And lastly; take them fishing!
[/quote]
QFT
Father of five with one Special Needs, Downs.

[kpsnap]

I have a bit of a different viewpoint on the concept of “gifted.” Both of my children were tested and placed in the “gifted and talented” program at the elementary school level. From the start, I took issue with the title of the program. Kids who score high on a test are more “gifted and talented” than others? Naw. I don’t think so.

They are better at taking tests and may have a higher IQ. But I don’t think either of those are predictors of much. In fact, I found that many of the kids in the program were way more ill adapted to deal with the world and all that it can throw you than kids in reg ed. Many “gifted” kids had helicopter parents who constantly lived vicariously through and rescued their kids when they would have been better off learning the hard knocks of life.

They’re the ones still micromanaging their kids’ homework in high school and letting them quit (sports, music, a job, a relationship) when the going gets tough,

Letting kids fail is huge. Teaching them to independently problem solve is huge. Forcing them to persevere is huge. Exposing them to a lot of different situations and letting them draw their own conclusions is huge. Because isn’t the job of a parent to successfully launch kids into the world so they can pursue their own concept of happiness independently and with confidence?

In closing, I have to credit my husband for much of this. My natural instinct (as with many women, I am sure) is to coddle and protect. It has always been my husband who fought tooth and nail against being the “rescuing”-type parent. And ultimately he has been right.

[anon71262119]

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:
I don’t know if I can be of any help but as a parent of four young men, I have seen my share of almost everything. I have one in college, two who are in a “Gifted” or “Advanced” program and a fourth that is a “Special needs” The “Special needs” had a stroke at the age of four months; a heartache I wish on no one. The oldest is on an athletic scholarship. So I have been all over the spectrum when it comes to seeing them deal with success and failure. If you really want to see determination, look toward the special needs person. You will start to understand that what comes easy to most, they struggle with and in that you will find a quiet determination.

As for parenting, except nothing less than the best from your children. Another one I’m big on and this is evident in anything I have written or said; I’m raising 4 men, not 4 boys. Raise boys and you get an older boy, raise men and you get men. Treat them like an adult; explain why or why not as opposed to the old “Because I said so”. When I’m dead and gone, they will have the ability to make the right choices even if that day is tomorrow.

To echo Jewbacca, have faith in something greater than yourself. I fall short as a Christian sometimes but my children know if it’s important for Dad to get his ass in a pew on Sunday, it’s has to be important.

On a lighter note, spend time with them. They need to see BOTH Mom and Dad’s failures and successes. And lastly; take them fishing!
[/quote]
QFT
Father of five with one Special Needs, Downs.

[/quote]

Internet high five.

Mom of three. One with special needs, Rett Syndrome. She’s about the sweetest thing on the planet. Pure love.

[doublelung84]

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:
I don’t know if I can be of any help but as a parent of four young men, I have seen my share of almost everything. I have one in college, two who are in a “Gifted” or “Advanced” program and a fourth that is a “Special needs” The “Special needs” had a stroke at the age of four months; a heartache I wish on no one. The oldest is on an athletic scholarship. So I have been all over the spectrum when it comes to seeing them deal with success and failure. If you really want to see determination, look toward the special needs person. You will start to understand that what comes easy to most, they struggle with and in that you will find a quiet determination.

As for parenting, except nothing less than the best from your children. Another one I’m big on and this is evident in anything I have written or said; I’m raising 4 men, not 4 boys. Raise boys and you get an older boy, raise men and you get men. Treat them like an adult; explain why or why not as opposed to the old “Because I said so”. When I’m dead and gone, they will have the ability to make the right choices even if that day is tomorrow.

To echo Jewbacca, have faith in something greater than yourself. I fall short as a Christian sometimes but my children know if it’s important for Dad to get his ass in a pew on Sunday, it’s has to be important.

On a lighter note, spend time with them. They need to see BOTH Mom and Dad’s failures and successes. And lastly; take them fishing!
[/quote]
QFT
Father of five with one Special Needs, Downs.

[/quote]

My son was born a twin 7 lbs. 2oz. big for a twin. One day I got a call from the baby sitter and our world change forever.

I will never forget this; on Fathers Day 12:15 am the Doctor at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia came in his room to talk to my wife and I. After we went over his report I asked him, “Are you telling me there’s a chance I could lose my son?” He answered, “There’s a chance of that”. I never cried so hard in my life.

My wife and I found out she was pregnant with our fourth 2 days later. I felt like the Lord was going to swap one out. Thank God for my wife, she was a freakin’ rock while I was a mess. I never left his bedside for 6 days. 2 weeks in the PICU, 2 more in the regular hospital. When we brought him home, he couldn’t even hold his own head up.

We all have our cross to bear. I’m sure you have seen your hard times also.

[anon71262119]

[quote]twojarslave wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
What you said about many intellectually gifted kids who aren’t thriving because they lack some of the qualities/traits that bring life success really resonates. One of the smartest kids from my high school got caught up in alcohol/ drug addiction and other negative influences that really sidetracked his life. It was particularly sad because he had so much potential.
[/quote]

This is probably little more than semantic quibbling, but the young man you speak of has not lost any of his potential. He’s merely sidetracked with an unproductive lifestyle. I didn’t bloom until my 30’s (but I had a helluva good time in my 20’s :).

This topic is of great interest to both of us, so I will regale you with another anecdote about gifted children. Take what you will out of it, as it is simply a single anecdote about one very gifted person.

I may have been sharp as a child, but my cousin, same age as me (now 34) is literally a genius. He was also fortunate enough to have been born into life of privilege, with both parents being practicing physicians. He excelled in academics and was a talented flutist. He stayed out of trouble and did what he was supposed to as a student, exceeding all expectations. He went on to gain degrees in electrical engineering, a masters in mathematics and a doctorate in statistics and probability.

He also was, and remains to this day, a great big pussy. I love him like a brother, but that is an inescapable truth about my cousin. He is not an independent adult, currently relying on his wealthy parents’ generosity for support. He has struggled with depression and the day-to-day rigors of life as an adult. He has not had a meaningful intimate relationship of any kind. Simply stated, he hasn’t hacked it at the basics of life and love as an adult and, at age 34 with many advanced degrees, remains unemployed and entirely dependent on his parents.

He has always been very physically weak and has never embraced any physical activity other than an occasional bicycle ride. He has no significant handicaps other than being a very skinny man with some allergies.

As much as I love both my cousin and his parents, I firmly believe that his lack of physical development is a root cause of his struggles as an adult. Now, I can’t pretend to be able to get into the mind of a depressed genius, but you don’t need to be a brilliant psychologist to arrive at this conclusion.

This anecdote dovetails with the point I made about the importance of failure for development. There was nothing that academia could throw at my cousin that was remotely challenging until he got to the point where he was dabbling in pure mathematics, meaning inventing NEW MATH (WTF?). The one arena where he could have both faced and overcame significant challenges in life - physical activity - was not a point of emphasis for him AT ALL. It was simply not a priority for him or his parents. It still is not.

Untapped potential, indeed.

I’m doing my best to convince him to spend a few weeks in Maine to train with me. The seed is planted, we’ll see if anything sprouts.

Again, best of luck to you. Don’t let those little geniuses of yours settle for merely getting good grades. You may as well congratulate a cow for eating grass.[/quote]

Thanks. Yes, it’s a huge interest for me. I keep coming back to this idea of resilience. It’s just key. Thanks for taking the time to tell that story. Awesome non example or cautionary tale. Someone with tremendous intellectual ability who has experienced great academic success. BUT when you look at social relationships and intimacy, emotional health and happiness, financial independence and career, physical health, pretty much any other measure - you’ve got some serious deficits going on.

Some great wisdom there about the dangers of enabling, sheltering and protecting kids. Most of us would really like to see our kids thrive across areas, right? Strength and competency across the board - social, emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual… How ever you want to break it down. Not that bad stuff won’t happen, but that they’ll be able to cope well.

I think Derek has called this “winning at life.”

[anon71262119]

[quote]kpsnap wrote:
I have a bit of a different viewpoint on the concept of “gifted.” Both of my children were tested and placed in the “gifted and talented” program at the elementary school level. From the start, I took issue with the title of the program. Kids who score high on a test are more “gifted and talented” than others? Naw. I don’t think so.

They are better at taking tests and may have a higher IQ. But I don’t think either of those are predictors of much. In fact, I found that many of the kids in the program were way more ill adapted to deal with the world and all that it can throw you than kids in reg ed. Many “gifted” kids had helicopter parents who constantly lived vicariously through and rescued their kids when they would have been better off learning the hard knocks of life.

They’re the ones still micromanaging their kids’ homework in high school and letting them quit (sports, music, a job, a relationship) when the going gets tough,

Letting kids fail is huge. Teaching them to independently problem solve is huge. Forcing them to persevere is huge. Exposing them to a lot of different situations and letting them draw their own conclusions is huge. Because isn’t the job of a parent to successfully launch kids into the world so they can pursue their own concept of happiness independently and with confidence?

In closing, I have to credit my husband for much of this. My natural instinct (as with many women, I am sure) is to coddle and protect. It has always been my husband who fought tooth and nail against being the “rescuing”-type parent. And ultimately he has been right. [/quote]

Thanks so much Snap. I have some very similar views. About the temptation to hover, I have one who will be leaving for college in the fall - 2,865 miles away. It’s going to be tough. I’m going to miss him terribly. We raise them to be independent people, but when it happens it’s bittersweet.

I know he has the intellectual ability to do well in school, but I worry about having done too much for him growing up. He’s a kid who has had tremendous academic success, and I know at some point we all have to experience failure and disappointment. How we cope with it is THE thing that defines us.

Sounds like you and your husband make a pretty good team. We are a bit that way too. I’m definitely the soft one. Balance is a good thing. Thanks.

[twojarslave]

Fantastic work, Puff. I think you are absolutely spot-on with exploring the concept of resilience and sharing it with these parents. It should be cultivated in all children, but I believe that “gifted” (I don’t like that term btw, but it works for what we’re talking about) children are at particular risk for missing out on it.

I think csulli nailed it when he said “the only thing I learned in school was that I didn’t have to work hard”.

[anon71262119]

A little humor about enduring difficulty and failure.

[anon71262119]

I’ve really appreciated all of your thoughts here. Thanks everyone.

[Derek542]

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:
I don’t know if I can be of any help but as a parent of four young men, I have seen my share of almost everything. I have one in college, two who are in a “Gifted” or “Advanced” program and a fourth that is a “Special needs” The “Special needs” had a stroke at the age of four months; a heartache I wish on no one. The oldest is on an athletic scholarship. So I have been all over the spectrum when it comes to seeing them deal with success and failure. If you really want to see determination, look toward the special needs person. You will start to understand that what comes easy to most, they struggle with and in that you will find a quiet determination.

As for parenting, except nothing less than the best from your children. Another one I’m big on and this is evident in anything I have written or said; I’m raising 4 men, not 4 boys. Raise boys and you get an older boy, raise men and you get men. Treat them like an adult; explain why or why not as opposed to the old “Because I said so”. When I’m dead and gone, they will have the ability to make the right choices even if that day is tomorrow.

To echo Jewbacca, have faith in something greater than yourself. I fall short as a Christian sometimes but my children know if it’s important for Dad to get his ass in a pew on Sunday, it’s has to be important.

On a lighter note, spend time with them. They need to see BOTH Mom and Dad’s failures and successes. And lastly; take them fishing!
[/quote]
QFT
Father of five with one Special Needs, Downs.

[/quote]

My son was born a twin 7 lbs. 2oz. big for a twin. One day I got a call from the baby sitter and our world change forever.

I will never forget this; on Fathers Day 12:15 am the Doctor at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia came in his room to talk to my wife and I. After we went over his report I asked him, “Are you telling me there’s a chance I could lose my son?” He answered, “There’s a chance of that”. I never cried so hard in my life.

My wife and I found out she was pregnant with our fourth 2 days later. I felt like the Lord was going to swap one out. Thank God for my wife, she was a freakin’ rock while I was a mess. I never left his bedside for 6 days. 2 weeks in the PICU, 2 more in the regular hospital. When we brought him home, he couldn’t even hold his own head up.

We all have our cross to bear. I’m sure you have seen your hard times also.
[/quote]
Tip my hat sir. Nothing in this world is harder then dealing with heart ache and pain of your children.

[doublelung84]

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:
I don’t know if I can be of any help but as a parent of four young men, I have seen my share of almost everything. I have one in college, two who are in a “Gifted” or “Advanced” program and a fourth that is a “Special needs” The “Special needs” had a stroke at the age of four months; a heartache I wish on no one. The oldest is on an athletic scholarship. So I have been all over the spectrum when it comes to seeing them deal with success and failure. If you really want to see determination, look toward the special needs person. You will start to understand that what comes easy to most, they struggle with and in that you will find a quiet determination.

As for parenting, except nothing less than the best from your children. Another one I’m big on and this is evident in anything I have written or said; I’m raising 4 men, not 4 boys. Raise boys and you get an older boy, raise men and you get men. Treat them like an adult; explain why or why not as opposed to the old “Because I said so”. When I’m dead and gone, they will have the ability to make the right choices even if that day is tomorrow.

To echo Jewbacca, have faith in something greater than yourself. I fall short as a Christian sometimes but my children know if it’s important for Dad to get his ass in a pew on Sunday, it’s has to be important.

On a lighter note, spend time with them. They need to see BOTH Mom and Dad’s failures and successes. And lastly; take them fishing!
[/quote]
QFT
Father of five with one Special Needs, Downs.

[/quote]

My son was born a twin 7 lbs. 2oz. big for a twin. One day I got a call from the baby sitter and our world change forever.

I will never forget this; on Fathers Day 12:15 am the Doctor at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia came in his room to talk to my wife and I. After we went over his report I asked him, “Are you telling me there’s a chance I could lose my son?” He answered, “There’s a chance of that”. I never cried so hard in my life.

My wife and I found out she was pregnant with our fourth 2 days later. I felt like the Lord was going to swap one out. Thank God for my wife, she was a freakin’ rock while I was a mess. I never left his bedside for 6 days. 2 weeks in the PICU, 2 more in the regular hospital. When we brought him home, he couldn’t even hold his own head up.

We all have our cross to bear. I’m sure you have seen your hard times also.
[/quote]
Tip my hat sir. Nothing in this world is harder then dealing with heart ache and pain of your children. [/quote]

In all, he’s doing well and dealing with some vision issues. He’s so lovable and the other kids in his class watch out for him. His twin and younger brother also watch over him. You mess with one and you mess with the three.

The moment they are born you hope they become a Doctor, not in need of one. We have adjusted our expectation but always expect only their best.

[Derek542]

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:
I don’t know if I can be of any help but as a parent of four young men, I have seen my share of almost everything. I have one in college, two who are in a “Gifted” or “Advanced” program and a fourth that is a “Special needs” The “Special needs” had a stroke at the age of four months; a heartache I wish on no one. The oldest is on an athletic scholarship. So I have been all over the spectrum when it comes to seeing them deal with success and failure. If you really want to see determination, look toward the special needs person. You will start to understand that what comes easy to most, they struggle with and in that you will find a quiet determination.

As for parenting, except nothing less than the best from your children. Another one I’m big on and this is evident in anything I have written or said; I’m raising 4 men, not 4 boys. Raise boys and you get an older boy, raise men and you get men. Treat them like an adult; explain why or why not as opposed to the old “Because I said so”. When I’m dead and gone, they will have the ability to make the right choices even if that day is tomorrow.

To echo Jewbacca, have faith in something greater than yourself. I fall short as a Christian sometimes but my children know if it’s important for Dad to get his ass in a pew on Sunday, it’s has to be important.

On a lighter note, spend time with them. They need to see BOTH Mom and Dad’s failures and successes. And lastly; take them fishing!
[/quote]
QFT
Father of five with one Special Needs, Downs.

[/quote]

My son was born a twin 7 lbs. 2oz. big for a twin. One day I got a call from the baby sitter and our world change forever.

I will never forget this; on Fathers Day 12:15 am the Doctor at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia came in his room to talk to my wife and I. After we went over his report I asked him, “Are you telling me there’s a chance I could lose my son?” He answered, “There’s a chance of that”. I never cried so hard in my life.

My wife and I found out she was pregnant with our fourth 2 days later. I felt like the Lord was going to swap one out. Thank God for my wife, she was a freakin’ rock while I was a mess. I never left his bedside for 6 days. 2 weeks in the PICU, 2 more in the regular hospital. When we brought him home, he couldn’t even hold his own head up.

We all have our cross to bear. I’m sure you have seen your hard times also.
[/quote]
Tip my hat sir. Nothing in this world is harder then dealing with heart ache and pain of your children. [/quote]

In all, he’s doing well and dealing with some vision issues. He’s so lovable and the other kids in his class watch out for him. His twin and younger brother also watch over him. You mess with one and you mess with the three.

The moment they are born you hope they become a Doctor, not in need of one. We have adjusted our expectation but always expect only their best.[/quote]
Yea man Mickie is 22 now and just graduated HS last year. EVERYONE at his HS knows Mickie (mostly the women) and loved him. It was like something out of a movie to see him walk down the halls of the school.

We went to BoneDaddy’s one night to watch a game and one of the waitresses had went to school with him and was giving him hugs and bringing other girls over. He is now working and living at an assisted living facility, has his own room and a room mate. He is creating a life on his own and we get him every weekend. So far so good.

[doublelung84]

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]doublelung84 wrote:
I don’t know if I can be of any help but as a parent of four young men, I have seen my share of almost everything. I have one in college, two who are in a “Gifted” or “Advanced” program and a fourth that is a “Special needs” The “Special needs” had a stroke at the age of four months; a heartache I wish on no one. The oldest is on an athletic scholarship. So I have been all over the spectrum when it comes to seeing them deal with success and failure. If you really want to see determination, look toward the special needs person. You will start to understand that what comes easy to most, they struggle with and in that you will find a quiet determination.

As for parenting, except nothing less than the best from your children. Another one I’m big on and this is evident in anything I have written or said; I’m raising 4 men, not 4 boys. Raise boys and you get an older boy, raise men and you get men. Treat them like an adult; explain why or why not as opposed to the old “Because I said so”. When I’m dead and gone, they will have the ability to make the right choices even if that day is tomorrow.

To echo Jewbacca, have faith in something greater than yourself. I fall short as a Christian sometimes but my children know if it’s important for Dad to get his ass in a pew on Sunday, it’s has to be important.

On a lighter note, spend time with them. They need to see BOTH Mom and Dad’s failures and successes. And lastly; take them fishing!
[/quote]
QFT
Father of five with one Special Needs, Downs.

[/quote]

My son was born a twin 7 lbs. 2oz. big for a twin. One day I got a call from the baby sitter and our world change forever.

I will never forget this; on Fathers Day 12:15 am the Doctor at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia came in his room to talk to my wife and I. After we went over his report I asked him, “Are you telling me there’s a chance I could lose my son?” He answered, “There’s a chance of that”. I never cried so hard in my life.

My wife and I found out she was pregnant with our fourth 2 days later. I felt like the Lord was going to swap one out. Thank God for my wife, she was a freakin’ rock while I was a mess. I never left his bedside for 6 days. 2 weeks in the PICU, 2 more in the regular hospital. When we brought him home, he couldn’t even hold his own head up.

We all have our cross to bear. I’m sure you have seen your hard times also.
[/quote]
Tip my hat sir. Nothing in this world is harder then dealing with heart ache and pain of your children. [/quote]

In all, he’s doing well and dealing with some vision issues. He’s so lovable and the other kids in his class watch out for him. His twin and younger brother also watch over him. You mess with one and you mess with the three.

The moment they are born you hope they become a Doctor, not in need of one. We have adjusted our expectation but always expect only their best.[/quote]
Yea man Mickie is 22 now and just graduated HS last year. EVERYONE at his HS knows Mickie (mostly the women) and loved him. It was like something out of a movie to see him walk down the halls of the school.

We went to BoneDaddy’s one night to watch a game and one of the waitresses had went to school with him and was giving him hugs and bringing other girls over. He is now working and living at an assisted living facility, has his own room and a room mate. He is creating a life on his own and we get him every weekend. So far so good. [/quote]

Ow that’s great! I don’t know what the future holds for us but all’s good as long as I have him to hold.