Single Moms!

[EmilyQ]

@Njord

given the fact women are granted equal rights and do currently have an advantage to levy in the court system, the decision to appease and stay home is mutual.

I’m not sure what you mean by “the decision to appease and stay at home,” but my point is that the people yelling the loudest about the unfairness of the welfare and family court systems want their women to remain unequipped to stand on their own two feet in the event of separation. This causes the need for outside entities to step in. In the case of an affluent (by which I really mean non-impoverished) couple, there is redistribution of income and assets via child support and in some cases spousal.

The family court system does not, without appeal that it do so, advantage one partner over the other, all things being equal. Custody is split in some sort of 50/50 manner, child support determined by the couple - again, unless there is a formal, lawyer’d request that it be otherwise. In the case of a SAHM living in a $500K home with an ex earning $150K, oh my goodness yes, the man will feel run through the wringer. But does he expect that she and the children live on the $16/hr she can get working at the book store? No. The house gets sold, she now has half of whatever equity to use for a new place or, better yet, schooling, and he is forced to maintain everyone in “as close to the standard established by the marriage” as possible through the children’s childhoods. Spousal support is typically time-limited. Whether she uses it wisely is up to her.

If the courts and welfare system abandoned women they would essentially be prisoners in their bad marriages. Many of them already consider themselves such.

[EmilyQ]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

This has to be one of your worst posts. Fucking hell.

No. Just one you don’t like. I do agree about the opening. @marine77’s anger over gender injustice would be a better lead-in.

@Andrewgen_Receptors

I think most married men, even boyfriends, would die to keep their woman safe.
3 boyfriends ate bullets in the Aurora theater shooting so they could shield their girlfriends.

Okay, so let’s say these guys also do the dishes sometimes. All right, so we’ve gotten to that some men are super good. Okay, and they’ve got women, no? So I’m not sure your point. Not all men struggle to meet the bar “better than nothing”? NAMALT?

The point is, women are increasingly preferring singlehood, despite it running contrary to their very biology.

To me, this is a call for men like you and @BrickHead - readers and thinkers who want a solution - to think through what I’m telling you, from a position of access to the thought processes of women either staying or leaving relationships as well as being a reader and a thinker myself.

Leave aside the shitty intro and think about what makes nothing better than a lot of men in today’s world. Because it’s the truth. Period.

[Njord]

@EmilyQ

but my point is that the people yelling the loudest about the unfairness of the welfare and family court systems want their women to remain unequipped to stand on their own two feet in the event of separation.

I understand, it’s a competing ideology that leaves women in the cold. In reality, women can work, provide and whatever else so if they’re choosing not to, it’s on them. So I see the sentiment as a moot point.

@EmilyQ

unless there is a formal, lawyer’d request that it be otherwise. In the case of a SAHM living in a $500K home with an ex earning $150K, oh my goodness yes, the man will feel run through the wringer. But does he expect that she and the children live on the $16/hr she can get working at the book store?

Yes. With the mentioned caveat that the divorce is her fault through some sort of violation or decision to just move along.

Resources are part of the partnership and as far as I’m concerned sharing can end with the death of the union. I don’t know why women always feel like they can have their cake and eat it too. Get in, or get out. Separately, if she was a SAHM and he was out cheating, was abusive or just decided to leave her high and dry then sure. I understand a court enforced order to provide support. But it’s a two way street.

If she is unable to care for the children after this then the court should award custody to the parent who can, and she can have some visitation rights until she gets her shit together.

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

@EmilyQ

To me, this is a call for men like you and @BrickHead - readers and thinkers who want a solution - to think through what I’m telling you, from a position of access to the thought processes of women either staying or leaving relationships as well as being a reader and a thinker myself.

So the answer is again “men just need to be better”?

Unfortunately, the thought process of most of these women is “im not happy and i can make money if i leave him”.

@EmilyQ

@Andrewgen_Receptors

I think most married men, even boyfriends, would die to keep their woman safe.
3 boyfriends ate bullets in the Aurora theater shooting so they could shield their girlfriends.

Okay, so let’s say these guys also do the dishes sometimes. All right, so we’ve gotten to that some men are super good. Okay, and they’ve got women, no? So I’m not sure your point. Not all men struggle to meet the bar “better than nothing”? NAMALT?

No it’s that MOST men would die to protect their women, if need be.

And MOST men probably do the dishes on occasion.

But it’s still MOST women ending marriages.
Again, probably because they are incentivized to do so.

[aldebaran]

@EmilyQ

Men would not remain in jobs if they behaved there the way many of them behave at home. Why are they behaving as they do at home?

I really like something Esther Perel said along these lines, “if people were to put into their relationships 10% of the effort they put into their businesses, relationships would thrive”

As a self-employed man, I certainly realized this was case the case for me. But why?

@Andrewgen_Receptors

If women were as combative with their bosses as they are with their husbands, they’d be fired too.

Here’s a reason why. Been there, done that. Many women now , and especially pretty women, are too often prone to disrespect, whimsicality, tantrums. They believe they are always right, can do no wrong, and are solipcists. They have a certain vision of what things should be, and you have to comply or they’ll slowly “betatize you into a thousand concessions” so that they finally get what they envisioned.

Obvisouly I know women which aren’t like that, but oh boy… more and more rare

[Njord]

@aldebaran

They believe they are always right, can do no wrong, and are solipcists. They have a certain vision of what things should be, and you have to comply or they’ll slowly “betatize you into a thousand concessions” so that they finally get what they envisioned.

So don’t “betatize”. Part of dating is finding compatibility. If you’re not a match, move along.

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

@Njord

So don’t “betatize”.

Its the natural process of women.

Find an alpha
Have his babies
Betatize him into oblivion
Lose attraction for him
Leave him, steal his kids and money
Find a new alpha

You only “win” by not being tamed. Theyre all like this.

[Njord]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

Its the natural process of women.

Find an alpha
Have his babies
Betatize him into oblivion
Lose attraction for him
Leave him, steal his kids and money
Find a new alpha

You only “win” by not being tamed. Theyre all like this.

I’ve seen attempts to mesh which we’ve done in my marriage, and I’ve had lines which were exhibited and communicated from the beginning as well that I still maintain.

I think women call this “having boundaries”. And what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Don’t give in. They’ll do the cold shoulder turned screechy overflowing emotional thing while they try to push, and that’s ok. At the end of the day they’ll either learn to respect you and do the meshing or move along. And you’ll know.

Just don’t be obtuse and make everything a hard line. Choose your battles, as they say. Compatibility is both found and built, which is exactly what you’re describing women do.

And this is what I meant in prior threads about just not being weak. I think the problem is weak men.

Learn to use the word “No.”

[aldebaran]

@Njord

Don’t give in. They’ll do the cold shoulder turned screechy overflowing emotional thing while they try to push, and that’s ok. At the end of the day they’ll either learn to respect you and do the meshing or move along. And you’ll know.

Just don’t be obtuse and make everything a hard line. Choose your battles, as they say. Compatibility is both found and built, which is exactly what you’re describing women do.

And this is what I meant in prior threads about just not being weak. I think the problem is weak men.

Learn to use the word “No.”

Amen to all of that. Took me 34 years to understand it. And my problem, as well as the problem of many young men nowadays, is that nobody taught me this. My father disappeared from my life almost 30 years ago, and I was raised believing the only thing that mattered would be to make women happy.

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

@aldebaran

I was raised believing the only thing that mattered would be to make women happy.

Same.

I was taught specifically that i had to 'respect women".

The literal definition of “respect” requires that you put that person (or group, in this case) above you.

Happy wife happy life, right?

[Njord]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

Same.

I was taught specifically that i had to 'respect women".

The literal definition of “respect” requires that you put that person (or group, in this case) above you.

Happy wife happy life, right?

You can view a woman in high regard without capitulating personal lines.

Being respectful of is not synonymous with being run over by.

Two completely different scenarios.

[EmilyQ]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

Happy wife happy life, right?

Happy spouse happy house. How can I be a happy wife if he’s trudging around looking like he’s in a prison work camp because I asked for help? How can I be a happy wife if he’s not smiling at me? How can I be a happy wife if he’s not occasionally making pervy remarks about my ass?

It’s so much more than just not taking shit.

[marine77]

Shame *all racists.

Wouldn’t be shocked if you believed you can’t be racists towards huwhytes though. That brain rot is particularly astoundingly stupid.

[EmilyQ]

@Andrewgen_Receptors

So the answer is again “men just need to be better”?

Some men. You’ve got a woman. Be better than nothing is not a high bar, is it?

[Njord]

@EmilyQ

It’s so much more than just not taking shit.

Agreed. I erroneously assumed this piece was assumed in the mix of a relationship.

[Brant_Drake]

@EmilyQ

making pervy remarks about my ass?

Alright, I get husband points. 1 out of 3 ain’t bad.

[EmilyQ]

@Njord

In reality, women can work, provide and whatever else so if they’re choosing not to, it’s on them.

It is equally on the men who opt for this dynamic. You want a dependent? You’ve got one! Long term.

I don’t at all disagree with you. If I were talking to a group of women I’d say the same thing - make your choices carefully, as there is a risk here for you. However, I’m speaking to men here, and so the warning is about their risks in fostering dependence.

But mostly I’m saying that the “women belong in the kitchen and shouldn’t vote” contingency are the ones who’ve created the need for female-protective systems. Back to your “cake and eat it too.”

[Njord]

@EmilyQ

It is equally on the men who opt for this dynamic. You want a dependent? You’ve got one! Long term.

Sure. So if they mutually decide that she will be a SAHM, and revisiting the original caveat she violates the union or simply decides to walk, that decision is on her. And she can own the consequences of her decisions alone too. The agreement was a SAHM within the marriage. He doesn’t owe her shit if she leaves the agreement.

[BrickHead]

@EmilyQ I appreciate your post and take it as a compliment. As I’ve previously posed, I appreciate the civil discussion on these boards involving opposing views. I have some questions I’d like a female perspective on, which I might get to later. For now, I ask where did you get the notion that most men with a problem with the divorce industry want their wives cooped up at home? Most men fleeced into poverty don’t have the means to support a SAHM.

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that most men jump for joy to aid in women’s goals. We want to be helpful, feel useful and like being around them.

@Njord

I don’t understand why men still get the shaft in divorces today.

In order to understand all this, a man needs to view it from the female point of view generally, and the feminist point of view specifically, not a man’s point of view.

And one can get the lowdown on all this from a few scholars who have analyzed and investigated feminism, as I’ve recommended specifically in these threads about sex, and from the horse’s mouth, feminists themselves and women who spill the beans (eg, Michelle Langley, author of Female Infidelity).

Michelle Langley: “Women don’t want to be married. They want to get married.”

Feminist lawyers drafted no-divorce law in the 1940’s and then it was finally pushed through by governor Regan in California in 1969.

Abortion, welfare bucks, and incentivized divorce all share the feminist aims of “sexual liberation” and booting men from the reproductive process and fatherhood, which is the role of fathering, not just impregnation (we can raise kids unrelated to us). One might think this is contradictory considering feminism is an anti-male conspiracy. Though feminists and some women who don’t identify as such hate men generally, they still want to have sex with us, have some men they like in their lives, and yes, some want to be single mothers.

I’m including some excerpts here, with references from the horse’s mouth.

[marine77]

feels apropos