I’m 35 and have never dated anyone before this woman I met at work, whom I’ve had a major crush on for six months. She flirted with me from the get-go, but I initially deflected her out of insecurity. Two months ago, she shocked me by coming on strong and initiating the idea of us dating, which I agreed to try after putting up some resistance. It was never clear what kind of relationship she wanted at the time, but sex was definitely on the table.
In two months since then, things have pretty much gone nowhere. There were times when it felt like something was going to happen—we went on several dates that seemed to go well and had some long phone conversations. But there were more times where we hung out and felt like friends only. I’ve always been timid around her, afraid to flirt back and admit my attraction and especially feelings for her. Over the last month, most of the time she’s treated me like a friend, and unfortunately I’ve stood in the friendzone and pretended I’m OK with being there when I’ve always wanted more. I like being her friend, but I also like her tits.
Anyway… three weeks ago she went back into flirtation mode, became overtly sexual, and made an explicit offer to take my virginity which now seems unlikely to materialize. She asked me to attend a 3-day country music festival with her, and she said we would share a tent at the campground and that she would devirginize me there. I agreed, even though I don’t listen to country.
About a week later, she went stone cold. She stopped all flirting outright, barely acknowledged me at work, stopped initiating texting, and did not carpool with me in our final week of working together (she got transferred to another location). She stopped offering to hang out after work, which we did almost every day she didn’t have her daughter the previous month.
At this point she has resumed messaging me most days, but mostly just with small talk like “have a great day” or to talk about work, never to flirt. She hasn’t offered to hang out in over two weeks. Last night I messaged her to ask if she still wants me to attend the festival with her, and she said she had to cancel because her new location wouldn’t let her out of work for it. This seems like a weak excuse—the event runs from Friday-Sunday, and while I don’t fully understand the logistics of attending, it seems she only needs one day off and I doubt she can’t get it. I fear she’s decided to go with someone else.
The writing is clearly on the wall that she’s lost interest, but she means so much to me, I want to be straightforward and get an explicit answer. Would it be a mistake just to ask her flat-out whether she’s still interested in me and lying about not being able to get work off?
Please advise me on where to go from here. Though I hate to lose her, I don’t think I can just be friends. I feel like I’m going to have to delete her from my life if she doesn’t reciprocate.
