School Bullying

Off Topic
41

I am teaching high school right now. I love it. High risk youth in inner city school. Lots of gang activity. These kids know most of everything in the book on causing trouble. Unfortunately for them I wrote that book 30-40 years ago. One shooting this year at school (kid got shot in the leg) and one other gun incident, but it was just intimidation.

I love it because I look for the kids having troubles, or the ones being bullied and befriend them. I am considered a “cool” teacher and kids will skip class to come to mine. Its very hard for a bullied kid who has no advocate at school - I try to be that advocate. One of my favorite kids is a girl, literally born to a crack prostitute, in a foster home with 24 other kids, has had a h-a-r-d life - but is so smiley and positive. She is a bit awkward and needy, and this bothers some of the other kids who have needs of their own. I have subtly tried to help other kids see what a wonderful person she is - and I feel it has had some influence.

However regarding homeschooling - all the real work that is done at a public school could be done at home in 3-4 hours max if there is a bit of focus. Half the day is wasted with announcements, getting out materials, interruptions from some jackass, etc. That leaves alot more free time in their day.

That free time can be spent in various social activities at church, Barnes and Noble book clubs - they meet like every Wednesday and discuss a book they all read together, gardening clubs, athletics, Girl scouts,hiking and adventure clubs, theatre, etc. There are tons of free or low cost activities for youth - plenty of ways to develop socially. Being bullied is not socializing. Some activities like a book club may attract more adults, but if she is as good a reader and mature as you say she might really like it - and you can go with her - great time spent together.

But I would give her the choice. We always planned on home schooling. When my oldest was ready for kindergarten all of a sudden I decided; to ask him what he wanted to do - after all even though he is only 5 its still his life. He said he wanted to go to public school, but he wanted a walkie talkie and that way his mom could stay out in the hall and they could communicate by walkie talkies while she peeked in the door. He was dissappointed to find out we would not do the walkie talkie thing. But he chose the public school to my dissappointment. But public school has been great for him, he is a junior in high school now and taking college level calculus math

My son had some bullying problems - we bought some books. There is a series of books on bullying - very eye opening.

42

The books are by Terrance Webster Doyle. He is a martial artist and its martial arts based themes, but he presents many forms of dealign with bullying without fighting. The main premise is to realize bullies tend to be scared too and have unmet needs that they seek to fill by feeling powerful over others.

The names of some of the books in the series are: Eye of the hurricane,Facing the double edged sword, and the maze of the fire dragon. I find the double edged sword one of the best. They are award winning books.

One of them is a work book that has the reader work through a series of questions. They are great.

The books point out there are all sorts of bullies : physical bullies are very obvious, but money bullies use their wealth to push others around, status bullies use their popularity or other social standing to push others around, religious bullies use their religion to make others feel bad. Some bullying is subtle - sometimes kids bully their parents. The books will make just about anyone think - and soon you realize how much bullying we face at work, the gym, at stores etc. We may be bullying others ourselves with position and power and not even realize it.

You might look at the books at Amazon.com and consider using them.

After reading the books my son and daughter were at the top of a McDonalds playground, where we could not see them. 2 older boys came up and cornered my daughter (who was then 4) and were picking on her. My son (6 at the time), who I had read the books with, came up with a solution based on a strategy found in the book - he came to my daughters rescue and said “Hey lets play a game” and suggested a game of tag. The bullies happily joined the game of tag.

This was because he learned bullies seek to feel powerful by bullying those weaker than them, and sometimes that need for power comes from a sense of not belonging - and by trying to include them and make them friends you can stop the bullying sometimes.

The author presents alot of insightful strategies for dealing with bullies, but also mentions when all else fails and no other strategy is working, you may have to kick their ass.

44

[quote]Fawkes wrote:
The books are by Terrance Webster Doyle. He is a martial artist and its martial arts based themes, but he presents many forms of dealing with bullying without fighting. The main premise is to realize bullies tend to be scared too and have unmet needs that they seek to fill by feeling powerful over others.

The names of some of the books in the series are: Eye of the hurricane,Facing the double edged sword, and the maze of the fire dragon. I find the double edged sword one of the best. They are award winning books.

One of them is a work book that has the reader work through a series of questions. They are great.

The books point out there are all sorts of bullies : physical bullies are very obvious, but money bullies use their wealth to push others around, status bullies use their popularity or other social standing to push others around, religious bullies use their religion to make others feel bad. Some bullying is subtle - sometimes kids bully their parents. The books will make just about anyone think - and soon you realize how much bullying we face at work, the gym, at stores etc. We may be bullying others ourselves with position and power and not even realize it.

You might look at the books at Amazon.com and consider using them.

After reading the books my son and daughter were at the top of a McDonalds playground, where we could not see them. 2 older boys came up and cornered my daughter (who was then 4) and were picking on her. My son (6 at the time), who I had read the books with, came up with a solution based on a strategy found in the book - he came to my daughters rescue and said “Hey lets play a game” and suggested a game of tag. The bullies happily joined the game of tag.

This was because he learned bullies seek to feel powerful by bullying those weaker than them, and sometimes that need for power comes from a sense of not belonging - and by trying to include them and make them friends you can stop the bullying sometimes.

The author presents alot of insightful strategies for dealing with bullies, but also mentions when all else fails and no other strategy is working, you may have to kick their ass.[/quote]

Great post, particularly because in your previous post you stated that bullying is not socializing. It is a part of socializing, you have to learn to deal at some point.

As you pointed out bullies don’t go away, they just change forms. What happens when they become your boss, cowoker or spouse?

For all of you bagging on public schools, my kids go to a great school. They do way more school work than I ever did, and the community is very involved.

The most important thing your kinds will bring home is EQ not IQ, the key to success is people skills.

The majority of home schooled kids I have met are socially awkward. Will they get over it? Probably, but why add another hurdle.

45

One more time, I really appreciate all of the wonderful responses. I had no idea there would be so many. One more comment from me. My family are kind of outcasts in this community to begin with. We both have a college education, we are liberals in a very conservative area of the state. But we’re here to stay, we love it here. The first thoughts I had was, I’m gonna teach some one a lesson, you don’t fuck with my kids. But I can’t do that. Most of the cops in this town already know who I am. I workout in my front yard a lot and I’m bigger than most of them, so I have to behave.

We will simply teach our girls what is and isn’t acceptable behavior, and lead by exapmle. We’ll keep the 11yr old home for now, and see how things go for our second grader whose still in school.

46

Just my two cents worth…

*Homeschool is a mistake, the social interaction of school is needed. Plus, if you find good teachers you can’t achieve the same results as a educated teacher.
*If the administrators and board members don’t listen, go to the papers or other media. Administrators are not in to education, they’re in to politics. They hate bad publicity.
*If you do homeschool some schools do allow homeschoolers to participate in activities, check it out.

47

That really is a bummer, dude. I feel for you and your children.

Kids can be really cruel and unsympathetic… yet; so can adults.

I hope you find a solution to your daughters problems, if I could say anything that would help you, I would.

Just be there for your daughter!

48

School is overrated for socialization. After all, most of the time is spent in class, where it is rather difficult to socialize, which leaves lunch and breaks. And if there is enough time to socialize she isn’t working hard enough. There are many other venues in which to meet people and as long as those are provided there should be no problem. It also depends on the person, some people need to be around others all the time, and others (like me) need very little human contact.

49

My view on home schooling is that there is a fine line between protecting a kid and sheltering a kid. You don’t want to throw your kid into bad situations, but they need to know they exist and how to handle them.

And from personal experience bullying sucks. I’m not a normal person. Very quiet, video game nerd, little socially awkward. I caught a lot of shit growing up but I never stood up for myself. It wasn’t until late high school that I realized when I pushed back a little people wouldn’t mess with me.

The point I’m trying to make is kids need to learn that sometimes you need to stand up for yourself. Teach them some self defense or strength training. Teach them when to push back and when to walk away. The irony being, when they walk around with the confidence that they can hold their own bullies generally won’t mess with them.

50

I went to public school and my social skills suck. Homeschooling would probably be better, but she needs to learn to deal with the bullies. Seriously, my dog has better social skills than me. no joke.

51

This is really sad. I was bullied for my first 6? years in canada for being fat. And ive been in canada for 7. So yea, cruel world. Bald boys dont get made fun of much tho, caus they can just say they shaved their head, but girls cant do the same. Mean people exist, but u just have to deal with them one way or another. Last year this gay dude was all over me, so my dad threatened the school that he would take it to court if he needed to, so the gay guy left me alone. Get her active in the society, help her make friends, so that shes not a social outcast, and people will like her for her personality. After working out, and trying to get in shape, i just looked big in a shirt, and i got a waist as small as theres’, so they stopped the bullying. Good Luck! I dont think homeschooling is a good idea tho.