Hey, don’t get me wrong from my previous post. Such parents suck too IMO. All I was saying is that being too over conservative would also result in bad outcomes. I don’t ever want to be a parent so, although I did have to “raise” a 12 year old to his late teens, I guess it’s really hard to know which line to draw for you guys.
The Catholic school example would, I guess, yield a higher percentage of deviants because of over conservative parents. I don’t think I’ve seen any hippie-like schools so I can’t make any comparisons on the other end of the spectrum.
I’m not sure if it was permissive parenting that fuelled the bad behaviour vat private schools or if it was neglectful parenting.
As in, having nothing to do with the child’s life, never instilling an adequate sense of right and wrong. From the data I’ve read the most successful parenting style statistically appears to be authoritative, which is a step below authoritarian/helicopter parenting but a step above permissive parenting. Firm boundaries, guidelines and expectations pertaining to moral behaviour and conduct. Generally physical disciplining (belting and the likes) is heavily discouraged within this model of parenting. Pragmatic, open ended discussions are encouraged etc.
It’s a mix between authoritarian and permissive in that there is still the “rigid” boundaries associated with authoritarian parenting a child can’t cross, but there is open and honest discourse with certain circumstancial events perhaps being amenable to leeway (i.e you can watch the breakfast club when your fourteen as opposed to zero R rated movies ever until you’re seventeen, even films like the king’s speech which have no business being age restricted)
At the very least with permissive parenting the parents are there to raise the child. With neglectful parenting the parents literally just let the kids do whatever, they’re not there a good chunk of the time because they’re busy with work or whatever.
Also saw authoritarian, hellicopter parenting lead to some seriously bad outcomes amongst those I knew. Another aspect of bad parenting that led to bad behaviour was putting the child up on a pedestal and treating them as if they’re some sort of celebrity.
Saw this with girls moreso than boys, where they’d been obscenely pampered their entire lives to the extent they’d come across as arrogant, entitled, spoilt, obnoxious brats.
Some of it seems to be up to the neurobiological makeup of the child too. I’ve seen some children raised in a permissive fashion turn out to be exemplary adults, ditto with those raised through authoritarian, authoritative and neglectful parenting styles. I suppose the question begs “what style is statistically likely to lead towards a better outcome”. I think it’s highly dependant on the type of child, the circumstance at play (different situations probably call for different parenting tactics) and the age of the child (how will you treat your 19y/o daughter vs 12 y/o daughter).
Appears authoritative parenting is the style most commonly associated with good outcomes. I’d like to see data regarding religious influence and the relation to a child’s neurological development. Is religion helpful or harmful? We all know the phrase “Catholic guilt”, the same kind of shit goes on with Judaism when it’s pushed too far. Is there a happy medium where some influence is superior to none? Is there statistically no difference so long as the child has apt moral fundamentals instilled? It’d be interesting to look up.
Hmmm… I’d cite an example of one of my business partners who tried out some kind of Japanese inspired form of parenting and managed to raise a very obedient and yet non “repressed” kid.
He’s a vey “KPI” kind of guy. He’d always tell me the objective of the methods he employed from the start would to make his kid understand how wrong her actions were before dealing punishment in a non-emotional way. What he says resulted in was the kid feeling shame when she did something she was taught was wrong and understood that punishment was required.
Of course, to be able to do this, he would have have to hold back getting overly emotional at any other thing while his kid was around and he’s the kind of guy who can pull that off.
That’s how he did his shit. I have no opinions on it other that whatever works for you, just do it.
I couldn’t stop my youngest brother whom I “raised” alone with my wife since he was 12 from going into a brief commie stint during his Pre-U days. I really didn’t have any time for him, though, since I was so busy working and travelling so he was really raised by my wife. (Which doesn’t mean she put any China propaganda nonsense in his head. She was never into politics until recently and doesn’t know balls about the kind of “socialism” kids pick up in school and she’d probably laugh at it if she did.) What would our dad have done? He would have bitch slapped him until he started having premonitions of Trump becoming President in the future. I couldn’t pull anything like that off.
While I’m not sure how the Japanese really raise their kids, I’ve literally met over a thousand parents because I have had a side business running for over a decade which caters mainly to kids of Japanese expats and my partner and I have (jokingly) maintained all this while the opinion that we Chinese are barbarians compared to them when we see how they behave even during social events and how well behaved their kids are lol.
What great expectations are we talking here? Surely going to school, graduating, going to college and pursuing a passion ought to be enough? Coupled with harbouring a caring, kind demeanour, largely refraining from antisocial conduct etc
Undue stress from unrealistic expectations can harm a child. Not everyone is cut out to be a heart surgon.
I was a pretty big skank from age 18-26 and I’ve had no trouble committing. I’d have to think about the number I was with but off the top of my head somewhere between 25-35. FWIW year 7 of marriage so we made it past that year 5 mark.
Not that difficult if you find the right person and decide to be monogamous.
I’d say the woman is more at fault.
What if the guy is single and didn’t know she’s married?
Even if he knows, he wasn’t the one that broke a commitment. You should probably thank him for exposing her as a cheating ho.
Doesn’t surprise me. Only joking, glad your marriage is going strong.
I would say 25-35 is not that high for a contemporary man whore(definitely not low either). A promiscuous women could get that number in 6 months if motivated. At the extreme end, a busy prostitute, I would imagine takes a couple of weeks, to get those numbers.
What was your mindset back in the day? Did you have in the back of your mind that you always wanted to find a nice girl to get married, and it just took a while to find the right one? Or did something click one day, and you decided now was the time to stop you were ready to commit, and take the next step?
In Australia yes, as paying for sex is a government regulated commodity. One client can easily bring in a prostitute 300-1000$, as the service is expensive there’s no need to service a plethora of clientele on a regular basis
In America where drug addicted prostitutes are pimped out on the streets and/or sex trafficking is commonly associated with prostitution a prostitute might rack up that number in a as little as a day
If the other party knows the girl/guy is in a commited relationship I call fault for both parties. The girl is moreso at fault in the scenario I’ve described.
But any human of adequate character ought to be able to put themselves in the victims shoes here. Prior to having sex with an engaged woman, perhaps think “what of the husband to be?”. That’s what I’d think, I’ve been in scenarios wherein women in relationships have hit on me before. Not that I’d even know how to reciprocate (#autism#badatsocialstuffsometimes), but I’m especially careful and make SURE I don’t reciprocate when a woman like this makes a pass at me.
If an individual in a relationship starts making passes at others (my interpretation) is that it reflects horribly on the individuals character. Makes me think of such a character as an untrustworthy, impulsive person who perhaps disregards the emotional outcomes of those they’re supposed to care about.
A caveat/area of wiggle room exists if this person is trapped in a toxic and/or unhappy relationship.
@BrickHead thoughts? Surely the man who is having relations with a woman whom he knows is in a relationship is also heavily at fault?
I don’t know a whole lot about the Bible, but I do know that it states “treat thy neighbour as thyself”
And Hebrews 13:4 states the bed of marriage is to be undefiled. The man having sex with an engaged/married woman (or vice versa a woman having sex with a married man) is defiling the sanctity of marriage.
I haven’t read Torah/Bible for a long time, nor am I religious. But from my interpretation of these two entry level quotes that I’m so rusty I actually had to look up again to see if I had them right
by having sex with an individual in a relationship or with someone who is engaged/married, I’m not treating the victim akin to how I’d like to be treated. Rather I’m showing callous disregard for his/her emotional outcome
this act is immoral and by religious standardization defiles the foundations of marriage, the vow of physical and emotional unification.
Therefore both the man and the woman are at fault, with the party who INITIATED the sex being the most at fault
Don’t you think though, that if it’s not you it’s going to be someone else anyways? IDK, I almost cheated with a married woman, but I couldn’t go though with it, all on my end, not hers. I just couldn’t cheat. The fact she was married was low on my list compared with the cheating on my end.
Personally, this absolutely does not make it better in my eyes. I believe cheating is one of the most selfish, hurtful things a person can do to their partner. (I’m not intending to aim this directly at you, @mnben87.)
If I was single (I am not) and a woman who was in a relationship wanted to sleep with me, initiated the “affair” or whatever, and was the one pursuing me, I would not feel okay sleeping with her because “she’s gonna cheat anyway.”
I would 100% think that it is an incredibly selfish, cruel act on her part to do that to her SO, and would also 100% think that it was a selfish, cruel act on my part to participate in that betrayal and hurt.
Anyone seen that episode of The (American) Office where Michael has an affair with that married woman, and Andy takes him to the woman’s husband’s baseball game and Michael meets the guy? One of the few times I actually “disliked” Michael, while he went along with that.
Cheating is wrong, and knowingly participating by saying that someone else will do it if you don’t is just someone trying to justify their wrongful actions to themselves or others.
IMO cheating is wrong simply due to the fact that you entered into a contract once you got married that implies you shouldn’t do that shit. It’s that simple. If you wanna get married, don’t fuck around unless you get express permission from your spouse to do so. Or just don’t get married.
I don’t even consider religion nor morality part of this. It’s a bloody simple concept that doesn’t even warrant any indepth discussion of any kind other than any exceptional circumstances such as the aforementioned spousal permission.
If couples wanna become swingers, I don’t give a damn.
I mean, I do agree. Sex isn’t bad, enabling someone to cheat is.
I wouldn’t classify this as cheating. I think one could do so ethically.
In the end, I couldn’t go through with it. I have a high libido, but I also think of myself as a rational person, and it was clearly unethical, and I’m trying to be a good guy. Also, my wife is crazy about me, and I just couldn’t do that to her.
Yeah, it wouldn’t be cheating if you have permission, which would implicitly alter the terms of the marriage contract. I don’t even care for ethical arguments unless the spouse has given such permission under duress.
Only joking, glad your marriage is going strong.