Ever since my dive weekend I’ve been feeling shakey, renewing my relationship with old man anxiety, a monkey on my back since childhood. Although my vacation did help me find peace and deal as Cal so pointedly remarked, “with facing my limitations” for the first time in a long time, I still hadn’t recaptured my swagger completely nor tapped my inner courage wolf. As I was getting ready for gym, checking the numbers to hit, choosing my badass outfit (booty shorts and skeleton knee socks) I kept doubting myself. Finally I blasted some music in my ears, grabbed my preworkout and figured if I can’t make it, I’ll fake it. I walked to the gym with as much swagger as John Travolta in Grease…
I entered the gym with my blue beast-belt hanging from my shoulder like a favored pet, it felt like home. I decided to set up my bar before stretching, just to say hello. My hands wrapped around the worn gnarly bar and a smile bloomed on my face: “Hello lovely, it’s been a while since our last rematch…” I warmed up and was pleased to see that the break had done wonders to my flexibility. My hips hadn’t been this loose in ages…
foam roll (ahhh)
hams stretch
calf stretch
bodyweight squat 1x10
prayer squat
retard frog
bodyweight squat with stick 1x10
The warmup boosted my self-esteem a bit. I was nimble, the squats felt natural. I was ready to kill it. I walked to the bar and told it in my mind; “Nobody in the gym loves you as much as I do. You are mine bitch.” And so we danced.
Deadlift:
135x8
155x8
185x5
205x3
225x3
235x3
245x3
255x3
265x3 - rep PR +1. I was aiming for 5 or 6 reps since I had done 260x5 I while back. So I did it again.
265x3 - repeated Pr.
I felt the breath of “courage wolf” on my sweaty neck; claiming me as his daughter. I may fall, I may stray, I will lose the light at times but the only person keeping me from standing up, from finding my path, from seeing the light, is myself.
Weighed myself to see the damaged and was pleasantly surprised that I had actually lost a little weight since all my vacation activitied were akin to conditioning. 163lbs, I only need to lose 5-10 lbs for the meet in 8 weeks (weight MAX is 158). Doable.
I smoked my last “vacation” cigarette today. No more.
My food has been spot on today:
oats and pp
tuna/ cheese and preworkout
greek yogourt
supper will be chicken breast with veg.
In terms of workout I am on wave 5, week 2. Basically just picked up where I left off without a hiccup. I’ll keep on the 5/3/1 for the next 8 weeks.
Diet will be clean (as in all home prep) PC + PF style. Lower the carbs a bit. I’ve done this before so I know I’m good.
Next 8 weeks I will prep like the athlete I know I can be.
Ever since my dive weekend I’ve been feeling shakey, renewing my relationship with old man anxiety, a monkey on my back since childhood. Although my vacation did help me find peace and deal as Cal so pointedly remarked, “with facing my limitations” for the first time in a long time, I still hadn’t recaptured my swagger completely nor tapped my inner courage wolf. As I was getting ready for gym, checking the numbers to hit, choosing my badass outfit (booty shorts and skeleton knee socks) I kept doubting myself. Finally I blasted some music in my ears, grabbed my preworkout and figured if I can’t make it, I’ll fake it. I walked to the gym with as much swagger as John Travolta in Grease…
I entered the gym with my blue beast-belt hanging from my shoulder like a favored pet, it felt like home. I decided to set up my bar before stretching, just to say hello. My hands wrapped around the worn gnarly bar and a smile bloomed on my face: “Hello lovely, it’s been a while since our last rematch…” I warmed up and was pleased to see that the break had done wonders to my flexibility. My hips hadn’t been this loose in ages…
…
I felt the breath of “courage wolf” on my sweaty neck; claiming me as his daughter. I may fall, I may stray, I will lose the light at times but the only person keeping me from standing up, from finding my path, from seeing the light, is myself.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s good to be back.
[/quote]
damn!
I know the word gets thrown around willy nilly some times but that was EPIC! I’m gonna read it again right before I squat today. you’ve inspired me
[quote]Nadia Comeandeat wrote:
Good to have you back. Of course, I never really felt like you had left…[/quote]
Thanks Nadia - I believe negativity just breeds more negativity so once I had disclosed my incident I had to move on. I prefer not to dwell but it really freaked me out. I was still my cheerful self, just not my badass confident self. Not sure if this makes any sense…
Ever since my dive weekend I’ve been feeling shakey, renewing my relationship with old man anxiety, a monkey on my back since childhood. Although my vacation did help me find peace and deal as Cal so pointedly remarked, “with facing my limitations” for the first time in a long time, I still hadn’t recaptured my swagger completely nor tapped my inner courage wolf. As I was getting ready for gym, checking the numbers to hit, choosing my badass outfit (booty shorts and skeleton knee socks) I kept doubting myself. Finally I blasted some music in my ears, grabbed my preworkout and figured if I can’t make it, I’ll fake it. I walked to the gym with as much swagger as John Travolta in Grease…
I entered the gym with my blue beast-belt hanging from my shoulder like a favored pet, it felt like home. I decided to set up my bar before stretching, just to say hello. My hands wrapped around the worn gnarly bar and a smile bloomed on my face: “Hello lovely, it’s been a while since our last rematch…” I warmed up and was pleased to see that the break had done wonders to my flexibility. My hips hadn’t been this loose in ages…
…
I felt the breath of “courage wolf” on my sweaty neck; claiming me as his daughter. I may fall, I may stray, I will lose the light at times but the only person keeping me from standing up, from finding my path, from seeing the light, is myself.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s good to be back.
[/quote]
damn!
I know the word gets thrown around willy nilly some times but that was EPIC! I’m gonna read it again right before I squat today. you’ve inspired me[/quote]
Shit just happens then ya come back even stronger to spank that courage wolf with your badass self. I hope your hubby had something to do with loosening the hips too.
[quote]Nadia Comeandeat wrote:
Good to have you back. Of course, I never really felt like you had left…[/quote]
Thanks Nadia - I believe negativity just breeds more negativity so once I had disclosed my incident I had to move on. I prefer not to dwell but it really freaked me out. I was still my cheerful self, just not my badass confident self. Not sure if this makes any sense…
[/quote]
I think I understand. There is no weaknes in facing fear, anxiety, sadness, and/or loss–however a person chooses to do that. I read your “return” story a few times. Thanks for sharing it. It was lovely. You’ve made a strong step back. Looking forward to reading about the rest of your journey and your meet prep.
