Popping the Question- Am I Crazy?

Off Topic
103

[quote]bigpicture11 wrote:
Yea you read it right I’m thinking of asking my girlfriend of marrying me. A little background we started dating about a year and half ago and needless to say things have progressed very quickly. I am madly in love with this girl and know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We are both 23yrs old and are graduating college in the spring.

I know for a fact that she will say yes but we are both very nervous to tell our parents about it because we are considered young to get engaged and she is more nervous because her father is very very strict/old fashioned and basically she is afraid to tell him (her sister moved in with her BF (they are 27) and he nearly disowned her. I am a lot less nervous of my parents but a very nervous to ask her father permission or for his blessing etc.

Basically I just want peoples opinions or if anyone’s been in a similar situation and what they did. its not going to sway my decision either way I’m just curious. Thanks everyone I hope this sparks a nice discussion. [/quote]

If you two are really “meant for each other” now, you’ll still be “meant for each other” after you graduate and have real jobs and a solid base to actually begin a marriage. If you get married too young, money WILL be an issue (not to mention the rest of the growing you both have to do, now together). Get yourselves careers, save for a life together, and if at that time you’re still together you’ll be much better off. If you split before then, you saved yourself time and aggrivation, and a ton of money you can now spend on weed and hookers to rebound from it.

104

Going to bed without dessert means that your wife didn’t have sex with you that night.

105

I don’t see the big deal. My friend married his girlfriend once they both graduated from college and almost ten years later they are still married and have a child.

106

I would take things slow…it’s a very common situation you’re in, and 98% of the time the two college kids end up in a sticky divorce 3 years later.

I’m not saying it’ll happen to you, but just don’t be so quick to jump on the marriage bandwagon. If she loves you, she’ll stick with you…and once you guys stick it out awhile and realize 110% that neither of you are leaving, THEN it might be more appropriate. At this time I think it’s too soon.

JMO.

107

[quote]Oleena wrote:
You’d think this is cheating[/quote]

Actually, I think most of that would be fraud. Whether you get prosecuted or not I’m not sure.

108

[quote]lia67 wrote:
Dont get married yet , get engaged and dont get married until youve lived together for at least a year .
living together is a whole different ball game .[/quote]

I don’t agree. Love is love. Love of water rafting does not stop the rafter from seeking the tumultuous waters. Love does not stop you and say…“Let’s find out what her worth is financially”.

I say go for it. You show more balls and strength than the guys who say run. I’d take a guess that a lot of people are just jealous that the OP has found love, something they cannot truly find, so they sour on the whole thing.

109

Yo Daddy and I didn’t get married until after we were together 15 years and had 3 kids. Love is love. You don’t need a license to prove it.

110

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

I don’t agree. Love is love. Love of water rafting does not stop the rafter from seeking the tumultuous waters. Love does not stop you and say…“Let’s find out what her worth is financially”.

I say go for it. You show more balls and strength than the guys who say run. I’d take a guess that a lot of people are just jealous that the OP has found love, something they cannot truly find, so they sour on the whole thing. [/quote]

Yes, but anything done with paperwork can take a long time to sort out later just in case something happens. It has nothing to do with people being “jealous of OP”, it has something to do with thinking about things rationally, and being careful about making quick decisions like this. Marriage is a big commitment.

Why should someone need a contract to say that they love someone anyway?

111

[quote]sneezingstardust wrote:

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

I don’t agree. Love is love. Love of water rafting does not stop the rafter from seeking the tumultuous waters. Love does not stop you and say…“Let’s find out what her worth is financially”.

I say go for it. You show more balls and strength than the guys who say run. I’d take a guess that a lot of people are just jealous that the OP has found love, something they cannot truly find, so they sour on the whole thing. [/quote]

Yes, but anything done with paperwork can take a long time to sort out later just in case something happens. It has nothing to do with people being “jealous of OP”, it has something to do with thinking about things rationally, and being careful about making quick decisions like this. Marriage is a big commitment.

Why should someone need a contract to say that they love someone anyway? [/quote]

People dont need a contract but society does. We live in a system of insurance, possesions and obligations. That is the issue with marriage in our society, when you marry that person you are now one in the eys of society. So when you default on a loan your spouse is also default on a loan. If you never get “the paper” and you die all your stuff will go to your next living relative not your “life partner”. Most states have made laws to help avoid this some what with common law marriage, however this is not a standard like marriage licenses.

112

[quote]sneezingstardust wrote:

Why should someone need a contract to say that they love someone anyway? [/quote]

This is what a lot of young people say in droves today.

It’s because it shows the amount of commitment. It proves it to the world, and also shows your heart, body and soul are in for the long haul. So many people are so afraid of the divorce they won’t do it. You need to take a little risk to get ahead in life. Having the attitude that it’s just a piece of paper is an easy cop out to doing it for real.

Yes, you may open a new business and you may get rich, or you may go bankrupt. You can’t half ass it and if you do, you will not get the full benefits of the business. I believe the same applies to marriage.

So many people half-ass it because of the potential for problems, so they leave themselves an easy way out.

Very sad, but I understand it. I’m divorced and re-married very happily. My parents are still together. I know many others grew up with divorced parents and that shaped their outlook before they even got a chance to play in the game themselves.

113

[quote]DeterminedNate wrote:
Going to bed without dessert means that your wife didn’t have sex with you that night.[/quote]

I thought it was a reference to how young he was by comparison.

In any case, is it just me, or has there been an odd influx of threads pertaining to marriage and divorce nowadays?

114

[quote]A Ninny Mouse wrote:

[quote]DeterminedNate wrote:
Going to bed without dessert means that your wife didn’t have sex with you that night.[/quote]

I thought it was a reference to how young he was by comparison.

In any case, is it just me, or has there been an odd influx of threads pertaining to marriage and divorce nowadays?[/quote]

Its the holidays and after the holidays will be threads about suicide, death and credit card bills.

115

I thought this said “poop”.

Poop is funny.

lmao

poop

116

[quote]A Ninny Mouse wrote:

In any case, is it just me, or has there been an odd influx of threads pertaining to marriage and divorce nowadays?[/quote]

Yeah, it breaks the monotony of actual real life topics like tight shirts, girls squatting, internet thuggery, professor x, and my jeans don’t fit.

117

[quote]Rockscar wrote:

[quote]A Ninny Mouse wrote:

In any case, is it just me, or has there been an odd influx of threads pertaining to marriage and divorce nowadays?[/quote]

Yeah, it breaks the monotony of actual real life topics like tight shirts, girls squatting, internet thuggery, professor x, and my jeans don’t fit. [/quote]

Lol. I’m not complaining, after all, I read through the thread, it’s just different is all.

Anyhoo, as I am 12 and have nothing to add to this thread I will step out.

118

[quote]DeterminedNate wrote:
Going to bed without dessert means that your wife didn’t have sex with you that night.[/quote]

That solves it, thanks Nate. I suppose it was a joke before my time :slight_smile:

I’m gathering that most T-Nationers aren’t very in favor of marriage, or at least semi-hasty marriages? I kind of wonder if that relates to us being a serious workout community.

Has the OP posted back what he’s thinking? Are you going to ask her or not?

119

[quote]fraggle wrote:

[quote]Oleena wrote:
You’d think this is cheating[/quote]

Actually, I think most of that would be fraud. Whether you get prosecuted or not I’m not sure.[/quote]

Fraud is breaking a law, which we aren’t doing. Giving your money to someone doesn’t break laws, running a business under someone else’s name isn’t breaking a law unless we fail to pay taxes, and the buying two houses with two discounts is just the way the system works. Don’t hate the player :stuck_out_tongue:

120

[quote]Blaze_108 wrote:

[quote]Oleena wrote:
I’m planning on putting it under his name so it wouldn’t affect my aid. Also, if either of us ever needed to, there’d be someone to park a shit ton of cash with that a person looking at our bank account wouldn’t be able to see.

[/quote]

You do realize that if you put it under his name and you break up…he now owns it, right?

If his name is on the ownership documents, he owns it. Just sayin. I know, maybe I’m being a cynic and you’ll be together for life. But I’d rather pay more now or have a delayed startup than work for 4 years building a business then lose all rights to it.[/quote]

We’ve already split up and thus know how the other person acts. We took care of each other even when we didn’t think we’d ever see the other person again. I gave him every cent that was rightfully his and vice-versa. I even referred him to several business contacts and took care of some of his stuff. He did the equivalent for me. Hence, I trust him more than anyone else I know.

Also, if a second house was bought under my name, he’d probably be the one doing the financing and that’d even out the whole business thing.

Honestly, if you don’t trust a person enough to be their business partner, why would you EVER consider staying with them for life?

121

[quote]Oleena wrote:

[quote]Blaze_108 wrote:

[quote]Oleena wrote:
I’m planning on putting it under his name so it wouldn’t affect my aid. Also, if either of us ever needed to, there’d be someone to park a shit ton of cash with that a person looking at our bank account wouldn’t be able to see.

[/quote]

You do realize that if you put it under his name and you break up…he now owns it, right?

If his name is on the ownership documents, he owns it. Just sayin. I know, maybe I’m being a cynic and you’ll be together for life. But I’d rather pay more now or have a delayed startup than work for 4 years building a business then lose all rights to it.[/quote]

We’ve already split up and thus know how the other person acts. We took care of each other even when we didn’t think we’d ever see the other person again. I gave him every cent that was rightfully his and vice-versa. I even referred him to several business contacts and took care of some of his stuff. He did the equivalent for me. Hence, I trust him more than anyone else I know.

Also, if a second house was bought under my name, he’d probably be the one doing the financing and that’d even out the whole business thing.

Honestly, if you don’t trust a person enough to be their business partner, why would you EVER consider staying with them for life?[/quote]

Mixing business with pleasure is a VERY slippery slope… I’d advise against it. Seriously. An operating agreement will only go so far to protect you if you’ve co-mingled finances, etc… better to keep her in the kitchen. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

122

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

[quote]Oleena wrote:

[quote]Blaze_108 wrote:

[quote]Oleena wrote:
I’m planning on putting it under his name so it wouldn’t affect my aid. Also, if either of us ever needed to, there’d be someone to park a shit ton of cash with that a person looking at our bank account wouldn’t be able to see.

[/quote]

You do realize that if you put it under his name and you break up…he now owns it, right?

If his name is on the ownership documents, he owns it. Just sayin. I know, maybe I’m being a cynic and you’ll be together for life. But I’d rather pay more now or have a delayed startup than work for 4 years building a business then lose all rights to it.[/quote]

We’ve already split up and thus know how the other person acts. We took care of each other even when we didn’t think we’d ever see the other person again. I gave him every cent that was rightfully his and vice-versa. I even referred him to several business contacts and took care of some of his stuff. He did the equivalent for me. Hence, I trust him more than anyone else I know.

Also, if a second house was bought under my name, he’d probably be the one doing the financing and that’d even out the whole business thing.

Honestly, if you don’t trust a person enough to be their business partner, why would you EVER consider staying with them for life?[/quote]

Mixing business with pleasure is a VERY slippery slope… I’d advise against it. Seriously. An operating agreement will only go so far to protect you if you’ve co-mingled finances, etc… better to keep her in the kitchen. ;P[/quote]

I know you’re speaking from experience on that one. I’ll also mention that it doesn’t sound like the person you had the experience with was very altruistic natured or fair.

Honestly, I’m not very worried about finances. Why? I spent my last two years of high school homeless, have been working since I was 14 to support various members of my family, and know what rock bottom looks like (top ramen FTW). There are worst things that can happen than being homeless and the possibility of loosing all my money doesn’t scare me the way it does most.

On the other hand, I’ve learned a TON about who’s worth trusting.

Sometimes things do work out.