I was going through old files and found this. From an E-man moment in 2003 or 2004, I think. Seems decent, so I thought I’d post it.
Oh woe for those who fell
and those about to.
The sanity recedes
and no word comes from me.
The lessons unlearned
keep not one awake.
That the reasons of war
are not courage and loyalty.
And the devils do not seek
the better man I should be.
From glorious tears,
our sins will shine.
[quote]PredatorOC wrote:
I was going through old files and found this. From an E-man moment in 2003 or 2004, I think. Seems decent, so I thought I’d post it.
Oh woe for those who fell
and those about to.
The sanity recedes
and no word comes from me.
The lessons unlearned
keep not one awake.
That the reasons of war
are not courage and loyalty.
And the devils do not seek
the better man I should be.
From glorious tears,
our sins will shine.
That’s not really verse, it’s just prose with line spacings. It’s not really even good prose, either.
Self Censor’d
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose - was so long he could - it
Wiping - from his chin,
he said with a grin,
If my ear was a - I would - it.
Posting E-moments on T-Nation is just asking for trouble.
[quote]pookie wrote:
Posting E-moments on T-Nation is just asking for trouble.[/quote]
I know, but T-Nation is the only forum I actually use so I figured I’d annoy people here with it.
Besides a few ‘you suck’ won’t damage my ego too badly.
[quote]jedidiah wrote:
That’s not really verse, it’s just prose with line spacings. It’s not really even good prose, either.[/quote]
I don’t know anything about poetry, to be honest. I just play with words in my head when I’m bored. If its technically prose of poor quality with line spacings, then so be it.
You suck.
As with anything of the artistic nature, if it means something to you then cool…who gives a fuck if it’s not proper prose? If it doesn’t mean anything to someone then who cares too? Unless you meant for your work to have a universally applicable message then I don’t see the point of someone lecturing you about the stylization of the piece.
Later man, keep writting if you like it…but I’d say that there’s probably forums on the 'net more likely to be receptive.
C
[quote]Creidem wrote:
As with anything of the artistic nature, if it means something to you then cool…who gives a fuck if it’s not proper prose? If it doesn’t mean anything to someone then who cares too? Unless you meant for your work to have a universally applicable message then I don’t see the point of someone lecturing you about the stylization of the piece.
Later man, keep writting if you like it…but I’d say that there’s probably forums on the 'net more likely to be receptive.
C[/quote]
My motive for posting it here was to see if anyone liked it. I know my friends would never give an honest answer. And art/poetry forums judge things based on correct form.
Obviously I was hoping someone would like it, but honest answers is what I was going for and got them.
Sounds like somethin’ my two year old would write, if he could write. But, I’d say it takes a two year old brain to write stupid shit like this. Let me try my hand!
Jack-boots trample the Arab’s back,
as Bush’s soldiers rape Iraq.
'Neath hot sun these killers toil,
for Bush’s lie, to steal their oil.
Where kites soared and children sang,
now Maxwell’s hammer goes “bang-bang”.
Crashing down upon Islam’s peaceful head,
making sure the Arabs are all now dead!
As Bushilter screams his battle cry,
Allah’s chosen children prepare to die.
“Give me your oil, don’t hide, don’t run!
Lest I murder you all, 'fore this day is done!”
“Maybe Iran will help me up this here ante!
So I can eat all the Arabs, with some beans and Kee-an-tee!”
[quote]PredatorOC wrote:
I was going through old files and found this. From an E-man moment in 2003 or 2004, I think. Seems decent, so I thought I’d post it.
Oh woe for those who fell
and those about to.
The sanity recedes
and no word comes from me.
The lessons unlearned
keep not one awake.
That the reasons of war
are not courage and loyalty.
And the devils do not seek
the better man I should be.
From glorious tears,
our sins will shine.
I actually - and unfortunately - took the time to read this shit. It is so bad it’s funny. I give you a 9 on the unintentional comedy scale.
[quote]PredatorOC wrote:
Creidem wrote:
As with anything of the artistic nature, if it means something to you then cool…who gives a fuck if it’s not proper prose? If it doesn’t mean anything to someone then who cares too? Unless you meant for your work to have a universally applicable message then I don’t see the point of someone lecturing you about the stylization of the piece.
Later man, keep writting if you like it…but I’d say that there’s probably forums on the 'net more likely to be receptive.
C
My motive for posting it here was to see if anyone liked it. I know my friends would never give an honest answer. And art/poetry forums judge things based on correct form.
Obviously I was hoping someone would like it, but honest answers is what I was going for and got them.
Yeah. It really sucks. Sucks bad. Really bad. Incoherent. Stupid. Bad. You are not a poet. I love the written word, except I guess, when it’s written by you. But I find poetry to be pretty stupid. Most times, unless it’s very, very, VERY well done, it seems very childish. Your seems more infantile, though.
[quote]Hack Wilson wrote:
PredatorOC wrote:
Creidem wrote:
As with anything of the artistic nature, if it means something to you then cool…who gives a fuck if it’s not proper prose? If it doesn’t mean anything to someone then who cares too? Unless you meant for your work to have a universally applicable message then I don’t see the point of someone lecturing you about the stylization of the piece.
Later man, keep writting if you like it…but I’d say that there’s probably forums on the 'net more likely to be receptive.
C
My motive for posting it here was to see if anyone liked it. I know my friends would never give an honest answer. And art/poetry forums judge things based on correct form.
Obviously I was hoping someone would like it, but honest answers is what I was going for and got them.
Yeah. It really sucks. Sucks bad. Really bad. Incoherent. Stupid. Bad. You are not a poet. I love the written word, except I guess, when it’s written by you. But I find poetry to be pretty stupid. Most times, unless it’s very, very, VERY well done, it seems very childish. Your seems more infantile, though.[/quote]
Do you have a personal problem with the OP?
A wicked sense of inferiority?
Or just a generally malicious personality coupled with a total lack of tact?
[quote]jedidiah wrote:
Hack Wilson wrote:
PredatorOC wrote:
Creidem wrote:
As with anything of the artistic nature, if it means something to you then cool…who gives a fuck if it’s not proper prose? If it doesn’t mean anything to someone then who cares too? Unless you meant for your work to have a universally applicable message then I don’t see the point of someone lecturing you about the stylization of the piece.
Later man, keep writting if you like it…but I’d say that there’s probably forums on the 'net more likely to be receptive.
C
My motive for posting it here was to see if anyone liked it. I know my friends would never give an honest answer. And art/poetry forums judge things based on correct form.
Obviously I was hoping someone would like it, but honest answers is what I was going for and got them.
Yeah. It really sucks. Sucks bad. Really bad. Incoherent. Stupid. Bad. You are not a poet. I love the written word, except I guess, when it’s written by you. But I find poetry to be pretty stupid. Most times, unless it’s very, very, VERY well done, it seems very childish. Your seems more infantile, though.
Do you have a personal problem with the OP?
A wicked sense of inferiority?
Or just a generally malicious personality coupled with a total lack of tact?[/quote]
I feel inferior, I guess. I feel small. Insignificant. Help me?
I’m also trying to - in a very nasty way - convey the fact that I think all this fucking anti-Iraq/anti-Bush shit is boring and insipid and silly and inane when it’s done by ‘artists’ like Cheryl Crow and John Mellen-Cougercamp. It’s fucking pathetic and sad and even MORE ridiculous when it’s done by someone with absolutely NO aptitude for it at all, yet they still feel compelled to create ‘protest art’ and post it here because they think there are like-minded folks who will applaud the sentiment while ignoring the fact that it’s awful. Didn’t work that way, though.
Are you his mommy? Is that why you ask?
But really! How did you like MY poem? Huh? Huh?
[quote]Hack Wilson wrote:
But really! How did you like MY poem? Huh? Huh?[/quote]
I found it quite funny.
I believe the OP wrote his before the Iraq war. Well, before the 2nd one, that is. Does he mention Iraq in at all…?
Also, what’s wrong with an artist singing/writing about how terrible war is? I mean, it’s not like they’re actually convincing the people that matter that it’s true, you know? They’re still going to keep on believing that war is a beautiful thing, to love and cherish.
Oh war, oh war
What the hell art thou for?
You give me no votes,
And sink all my boats,
But I still want to come back for more!
Ignore HW. He’s a 12-year-old kid who likes to mastubate to other people getting mad at him and calling him a troll.
[quote]Hack Wilson wrote:
Yeah. It really sucks. Sucks bad. Really bad. Incoherent. Stupid. Bad. You are not a poet. I love the written word, except I guess, when it’s written by you. But I find poetry to be pretty stupid. Most times, unless it’s very, very, VERY well done, it seems very childish. Your seems more infantile, though.[/quote]
Why do you keep posting in this thread if you have already said it sucks? Are you baiting for a response? Ok, I’ll bite and give you your thrill.
Now, I don’t care if people like what I wrote. I don’t have any hopes invested in it, I was just curious how people would react to it. So for you to try to start a flame war over it won’t really work.
I mean, you are to me what I am to you. That is you are words on a computer screen to me. Output to my input and so on. You are a few steps from an imaginary friend from my viewpoint. So arguing with you will not profit me in anyway.
[quote]PredatorOC wrote:
I mean, you are to me what I am to you. That is you are words on a computer screen to me. Output to my input and so on. You are a few steps from an imaginary friend from my viewpoint. So arguing with you will not profit me in anyway.
Now THAT sounds about right! Good for you.
[quote]PredatorOC wrote:
You are a few steps from an imaginary friend from my viewpoint.[/quote]
You need better imaginary friends.