[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
Excuse me, I just want to drop in to say hi to DN since I haven’t seen her in a while.
Hey Jaa, how’s it going? Are you getting ready to start your career as a Limbo dancer? This month, right?[/quote]
Damn! DN is totally stiffing me. I think I’m going to have to send her a PM explaining how she can’t do me like that 'cause I’m a masculine man. [/quote]
Oh yes, do. That’ll soften her up.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Mature adult behavior – male or female – would have just let this go 4 pages ago. Yes, I’m well aware I’m posting this on page 3.
Certainly the guy has some level of immaturity, but based on what I’ve seen in this thread, OP isn’t so mature either.
Nothing sexist about me saying this: you need to let this go. It doesn’t matter.[/quote]
No what you say is not sexist.
But for heaven’s sake when I ask for perspectives on something, it is going to take more than one or two answers for people to post. My replies to them will take more forum real estate.
This is not an exercise in maturity equalling quantity of words. This is about me ascertaining something, a minisurvey if you like.
Nothing immature about that, and since one or two people asked me questions about the nature of the dispute, there’s nothing immature about clarifying those either.
[quote]i_am_ketosis wrote:
[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
[quote]i_am_ketosis wrote:
Sounds like sexual tension to me. OP, go make a sex with this manly man. [/quote]
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww, no no no![/quote]
Come on, you’ve been obsessing over him for days now. Just go get it out of your system.[/quote]
Tell you what - you can be my proxy.
all the shit that goes on in the world and stuff like this gets people upset?
If you really want some help, I’d highly recommend reading “Crucial Conversations” , seriously all BS aside it may give you new perspective on how to deal with situations just like you mentioned.
Why on earth would you talk to someone like that, regardless of gender?
If they are too stupid to listen, they aren’t worth your time.
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Why on earth would you talk to someone like that, regardless of gender?
If they are too stupid to listen, they aren’t worth your time.[/quote]
That’s what I was wondering. Why you choose to engage with someone with “a pattern” of nasty behavior. That you’re shrieking at him to make a point about a book is silly at best. Do you really need to be told that his response was dumb? Okay, it was dumb. But you rode that train with him, and it sounds like you do it with some regularity. So I guess you get what you get.
But I’m not male, and you did specify that it was male…er, perspectives…that you sought, so…good luck!
It seems like this person sucks at expressing his feelings in an sensible manner and is bored with his social standing. His behavior is that of a child’s. Rude, stubborn, and sensitive. I gather you’re just trying to be polite in that you maintain correspondence with him. I’d make it clear that I’m not his verbal punching bag. You don’t have to talk to anyone to you don’t want to, and you don’t have to go to great lengths to explain yourself to preserve and/or salvage an image.
I stand by the principle of taking responsibility for my words but not how they are interpreted. Trust is what allows people to get pulled into these situations. I’m sure after this incident, you’ll no longer trust to maintain a sensible conversation. His history only strengthens what I’ve stated.
[quote]i_am_ketosis wrote:
Sounds like sexual tension to me. OP, go make a sex with this manly man. [/quote]
He’s definitely sexually frustrated. It breeds hostility like a mothafucka.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Mature adult behavior – male or female – would have just let this go 4 pages ago. Yes, I’m well aware I’m posting this on page 3.
Certainly the guy has some level of immaturity, but based on what I’ve seen in this thread, OP isn’t so mature either.
Nothing sexist about me saying this: you need to let this go. It doesn’t matter.[/quote]
x2
YOU TWO SHOULD FUCK
[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Mature adult behavior – male or female – would have just let this go 4 pages ago. Yes, I’m well aware I’m posting this on page 3.
Certainly the guy has some level of immaturity, but based on what I’ve seen in this thread, OP isn’t so mature either.
Nothing sexist about me saying this: you need to let this go. It doesn’t matter.[/quote]
No what you say is not sexist.
But for heaven’s sake when I ask for perspectives on something, it is going to take more than one or two answers for people to post. My replies to them will take more forum real estate.
This is not an exercise in maturity equalling quantity of words. This is about me ascertaining something, a minisurvey if you like.
Nothing immature about that, and since one or two people asked me questions about the nature of the dispute, there’s nothing immature about clarifying those either.
[/quote]
x2
[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
all the shit that goes on in the world and stuff like this gets people upset?
If you really want some help, I’d highly recommend reading “Crucial Conversations” , seriously all BS aside it may give you new perspective on how to deal with situations just like you mentioned.[/quote]
Noted. Thank you.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Why on earth would you talk to someone like that, regardless of gender?
If they are too stupid to listen, they aren’t worth your time.[/quote]
That’s what I was wondering. Why you choose to engage with someone with “a pattern” of nasty behavior. That you’re shrieking at him to make a point about a book is silly at best. Do you really need to be told that his response was dumb? Okay, it was dumb. But you rode that train with him, and it sounds like you do it with some regularity. So I guess you get what you get.
But I’m not male, and you did specify that it was male…er, perspectives…that you sought, so…good luck![/quote]
hey Emily, women are welcome to comment too.
I’m just trying to work out what can and should not be tolerated from someone who styles themselves a friend.
Sorry if i don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.
As for the regularity thing, it takes time to get to know someone and their patterns. It was only on reflection that i realised his own patterns.
I’m sure you know some people who drive you crazy. Does it mean you throw them away if they have redeeming virtues?
I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.
I was just curious about what men think about that sentence. I enjoy hearing people’s views!
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
It seems like this person sucks at expressing his feelings in an sensible manner and is bored with his social standing. His behavior is that of a child’s. Rude, stubborn, and sensitive. I gather you’re just trying to be polite in that you maintain correspondence with him. I’d make it clear that I’m not his verbal punching bag. You don’t have to talk to anyone to you don’t want to, and you don’t have to go to great lengths to explain yourself to preserve and/or salvage an image. I stand by the principle of taking responsibility for my words but not how they are interpreted. Trust is what allows people to get pulled into these situations. I’m sure after this incident, you’ll no longer trust to maintain a sensible conversation. His history only strengthens what I’ve stated.[/quote]
This is great advice.
A bit late for some of it as i have ended the friendship but I really appreciate this post.
I don’t like being ridiculed, especially by people. Animals are okay, NOT marmosets. Also, trees.
They say that love’s glance is fleeting. By “they”, I mean 12th century Byzantine ninja-monks. Don’t lose this chance, OP.
Don’t worry. I’m sure everyone writes long posts and eagerly replies to a thread about a person with a certain undesirable behavior that has a demonstrated pattern of occurrence (thus being avoidable or, at least, the risk was known) … and TOTALLY doesn’t even kind of like that person at all. Talk about gross, right? Personally, I get emotional when someone I couldn’t care less about starts some inconsequential bickering.
While we are on the subject, do you validate parking?
[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Why on earth would you talk to someone like that, regardless of gender?
If they are too stupid to listen, they aren’t worth your time.[/quote]
That’s what I was wondering. Why you choose to engage with someone with “a pattern” of nasty behavior. That you’re shrieking at him to make a point about a book is silly at best. Do you really need to be told that his response was dumb? Okay, it was dumb. But you rode that train with him, and it sounds like you do it with some regularity. So I guess you get what you get.
But I’m not male, and you did specify that it was male…er, perspectives…that you sought, so…good luck![/quote]
hey Emily, women are welcome to comment too.
I’m just trying to work out what can and should not be tolerated from someone who styles themselves a friend.
Sorry if i don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.
As for the regularity thing, it takes time to get to know someone and their patterns. It was only on reflection that i realised his own patterns.
I’m sure you know some people who drive you crazy. Does it mean you throw them away if they have redeeming virtues?
I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.
I was just curious about what men think about that sentence. I enjoy hearing people’s views![/quote]
'nuffsaid, do you realize that in a short return post to me you’ve employed defensiveness, sarcasm, and a passive-aggressive attack on my character?
Defensive: “I’m just trying to…”
Sarcastic, defensive, passive-aggressive: “Sorry if I don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.”
Passive-aggressive: “I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.”
You and your friend both need to strengthen boundaries. You need to stop needling people when they don’t say what you want, as you have throughout this thread and presumably did to your friend. Screaming at someone who doesn’t care enough to listen to a book review should be a no-go. His statement is an idiotic defense of indefensible behavior, but so is “Sorry if I don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people” which you used in defense of having yelled at and hung up on your friend and then asked for support regarding his unbearable awfulness online. You have support regarding his behavior, it WAS awful. But you may want to check your own. I say this not as an attack…I don’t know you or care about you enough to aggress in any way…but merely as feedback from a more objective place.
Were it me and I wanted to maintain the friendship, I might apologize for being a jerk myself, promise that I would try not to repeat my own shitty patterns, and then state that however I will not tolerate any further gender attacks.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Why on earth would you talk to someone like that, regardless of gender?
If they are too stupid to listen, they aren’t worth your time.[/quote]
That’s what I was wondering. Why you choose to engage with someone with “a pattern” of nasty behavior. That you’re shrieking at him to make a point about a book is silly at best. Do you really need to be told that his response was dumb? Okay, it was dumb. But you rode that train with him, and it sounds like you do it with some regularity. So I guess you get what you get.
But I’m not male, and you did specify that it was male…er, perspectives…that you sought, so…good luck![/quote]
hey Emily, women are welcome to comment too.
I’m just trying to work out what can and should not be tolerated from someone who styles themselves a friend.
Sorry if i don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.
As for the regularity thing, it takes time to get to know someone and their patterns. It was only on reflection that i realised his own patterns.
I’m sure you know some people who drive you crazy. Does it mean you throw them away if they have redeeming virtues?
I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.
I was just curious about what men think about that sentence. I enjoy hearing people’s views![/quote]
'nuffsaid, do you realize that in a short return post to me you’ve employed defensiveness, sarcasm, and a passive-aggressive attack on my character?
Defensive: “I’m just trying to…”
Sarcastic, defensive, passive-aggressive: “Sorry if I don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.”
Passive-aggressive: “I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.”
You and your friend both need to strengthen boundaries. You need to stop needling people when they don’t say what you want, as you have throughout this thread and presumably did to your friend. Screaming at someone who doesn’t care enough to listen to a book review should be a no-go. His statement is an idiotic defense of indefensible behavior, but so is “Sorry if I don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people” which you used in defense of having yelled at and hung up on your friend and then asked for support regarding his unbearable awfulness online. You have support regarding his behavior, it WAS awful. But you may want to check your own. I say this not as an attack…I don’t know you or care about you enough to aggress in any way…but merely as feedback from a more objective place.
Were it me and I wanted to maintain the friendship, I might apologize for being a jerk myself, promise that I would try not to repeat my own shitty patterns, and then state that however I will not tolerate any further gender attacks.
[/quote]
I like your objective and concise writing style.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Why on earth would you talk to someone like that, regardless of gender?
If they are too stupid to listen, they aren’t worth your time.[/quote]
That’s what I was wondering. Why you choose to engage with someone with “a pattern” of nasty behavior. That you’re shrieking at him to make a point about a book is silly at best. Do you really need to be told that his response was dumb? Okay, it was dumb. But you rode that train with him, and it sounds like you do it with some regularity. So I guess you get what you get.
But I’m not male, and you did specify that it was male…er, perspectives…that you sought, so…good luck![/quote]
hey Emily, women are welcome to comment too.
I’m just trying to work out what can and should not be tolerated from someone who styles themselves a friend.
Sorry if i don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.
As for the regularity thing, it takes time to get to know someone and their patterns. It was only on reflection that i realised his own patterns.
I’m sure you know some people who drive you crazy. Does it mean you throw them away if they have redeeming virtues?
I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.
I was just curious about what men think about that sentence. I enjoy hearing people’s views![/quote]
'nuffsaid, do you realize that in a short return post to me you’ve employed defensiveness, sarcasm, and a passive-aggressive attack on my character?
Defensive: “I’m just trying to…”
Sarcastic, defensive, passive-aggressive: “Sorry if I don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.”
Passive-aggressive: “I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.”
You and your friend both need to strengthen boundaries. You need to stop needling people when they don’t say what you want, as you have throughout this thread and presumably did to your friend. Screaming at someone who doesn’t care enough to listen to a book review should be a no-go. His statement is an idiotic defense of indefensible behavior, but so is “Sorry if I don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people” which you used in defense of having yelled at and hung up on your friend and then asked for support regarding his unbearable awfulness online. You have support regarding his behavior, it WAS awful. But you may want to check your own. I say this not as an attack…I don’t know you or care about you enough to aggress in any way…but merely as feedback from a more objective place.
Were it me and I wanted to maintain the friendship, I might apologize for being a jerk myself, promise that I would try not to repeat my own shitty patterns, and then state that however I will not tolerate any further gender attacks.
[/quote]
I agree with Emily’s advice. Sadly I can never take it since even when I might have an inkling I could possibly have behaved boorishly as unlikely as it may be, my inherent misanthropy doesn’t allow me to admit it. No one is allowed to interrupt me and everyone must slavishly hang upon my every word as it bestows pearls of wisdom upon them.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Why on earth would you talk to someone like that, regardless of gender?
If they are too stupid to listen, they aren’t worth your time.[/quote]
That’s what I was wondering. Why you choose to engage with someone with “a pattern” of nasty behavior. That you’re shrieking at him to make a point about a book is silly at best. Do you really need to be told that his response was dumb? Okay, it was dumb. But you rode that train with him, and it sounds like you do it with some regularity. So I guess you get what you get.
But I’m not male, and you did specify that it was male…er, perspectives…that you sought, so…good luck![/quote]
hey Emily, women are welcome to comment too.
I’m just trying to work out what can and should not be tolerated from someone who styles themselves a friend.
Sorry if i don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.
As for the regularity thing, it takes time to get to know someone and their patterns. It was only on reflection that i realised his own patterns.
I’m sure you know some people who drive you crazy. Does it mean you throw them away if they have redeeming virtues?
I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.
I was just curious about what men think about that sentence. I enjoy hearing people’s views![/quote]
'nuffsaid, do you realize that in a short return post to me you’ve employed defensiveness, sarcasm, and a passive-aggressive attack on my character?
Defensive: “I’m just trying to…”
Sarcastic, defensive, passive-aggressive: “Sorry if I don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people.”
Passive-aggressive: “I don’t know what you do, but most people around here have their boundaries and no-go zones.”
You and your friend both need to strengthen boundaries. You need to stop needling people when they don’t say what you want, as you have throughout this thread and presumably did to your friend. Screaming at someone who doesn’t care enough to listen to a book review should be a no-go. His statement is an idiotic defense of indefensible behavior, but so is “Sorry if I don’t regard friendship as disposable as some people” which you used in defense of having yelled at and hung up on your friend and then asked for support regarding his unbearable awfulness online. You have support regarding his behavior, it WAS awful. But you may want to check your own. I say this not as an attack…I don’t know you or care about you enough to aggress in any way…but merely as feedback from a more objective place.
Were it me and I wanted to maintain the friendship, I might apologize for being a jerk myself, promise that I would try not to repeat my own shitty patterns, and then state that however I will not tolerate any further gender attacks.
[/quote]
Well Emily, here is your initial response:
"That you’re shrieking at him to make a point about a book is silly at best. Do you really need to be told that his response was dumb? Okay, it was dumb. But you rode that train with him, and it sounds like you do it with some regularity. So I guess you get what you get. "
You called my behaviour silly, questioned my “need” to be told something and criticise me for getting what I get.
A condescending little bunch of remarks and then you can’t take some sarcasm?
amy my, labelling all my behaviours. And you don’t expect comeback.
"Passive-aggressive eh? " You know why I said “I don’t know what you do?” Because I don’t know you Emily. That’s why. Seems to me you’re being defensive and snarky. Not a polite response to begin with, then a nannytype response with actually some reasonable advice right at the end.
Pity it took so long to get there.
Now, your point about me shrieking at him about a book. Of cours rto an outsider it seems silly.
The whole thing was stupid. When people rant and scream at each other it’s not always about the thing even if it seems trivial. But I did not - or tried not - discuss every little thing about every little nuance of the preceding circumstances because I did not wish to bring his personal circumstances into this discussion.
I made the very specific point that I wanted feedback on a sentence which was seriously misplaced.
After your patronising remarks you finally gave me that feedback. Thank you.
by the way, there’s a useful little phrase that circulates in places like this: “If you can’t take it don’t dish it out.”
Your initial response was neither polite nor helpful and you seem to have taken my remarks in response to your criticism way way too personally.
Do you seriously think I’m going to sit back and say Yes Ma’am in the face of your rudeness??
Forget it.
Maybe you and Cargo guy should have a little confab - you seem well-attuned to each other and almost equally rude in your own ways.
[quote]blake2616 wrote:
I don’t like being ridiculed, especially by people. Animals are okay, NOT marmosets. Also, trees.
They say that love’s glance is fleeting. By “they”, I mean 12th century Byzantine ninja-monks. Don’t lose this chance, OP.
Don’t worry. I’m sure everyone writes long posts and eagerly replies to a thread about a person with a certain undesirable behavior that has a demonstrated pattern of occurrence (thus being avoidable or, at least, the risk was known) … and TOTALLY doesn’t even kind of like that person at all. Talk about gross, right? Personally, I get emotional when someone I couldn’t care less about starts some inconsequential bickering.
While we are on the subject, do you validate parking?
[/quote]
Sorry - bicycles and motorbikes only. No cars.
Funny how people who think this thread is so very trivial and gross and stupid can’t stop themselves from wasting their own time commenting on it. You’d think the muscle work needed to type these very bored replies woule be inconveneient but apparently not.