Perspective Sought on Email Extract

Off Topic
1

Recently a male friend and I had a stoush. I’d rung him up to discuss a book. Before I could finish explaining what it was about, he leapt on a key word, started disagreeing with what i was saying. i explained - or tried to exaplain - that he had misunderstood, but he kept talking, talked over me and ranted about the subject.

After repeated attemptes to clarify what i meant orginally i ended up screaming at him to stop interrupting me. It was a this point that he got terribly concerned at being shouted at, completely ignoring his constant interruption and ranting that had led to it. He continued his ranting, wouldn’t let me talk at which point I hung up. he rang me back, we argued more, I hung up again.

He thought I had called him idiot. I don’t think i did, as all I remember is being so frustrated at not being allowed to clarify my original point that I was screaming at him in frustration at being interrupted, talked over and ranted at.

He then wrote me an email in which this sentence featured:

“I don’t like being ridiculed, especially by women. I’m a masculine man doncha know, and that how men feel.”

So here’s my perspective and question. I didn’t call him an idot. But if he misunderstood and said he doesn’t like being ridiculed, it’s fair enough to say he doesn’t like being ridiculed.

Where my stomach curdled was at this part:
“…especially by women. I’m a masculine man doncha know, and that how men feel.”

And I do mean curdled - we’re not romantically linked, we’re just friends from a discussion group who swap book stuff a lot and hang out occasionally. His “masculine” anything is none of my business and I was furious at his presumption that he would put that stuff on me. As far as I’m concerned he went over the line in what was a straightforward friendship.
Frankly, as far as I’m concerned, any male that says that is so far from manhood he needs a damn visa just to get to puberty.

I’d be interested in actual men’s opinion on this line alone.
Just be truthful - I’m aware that there are males here and elsewhere that do for some reason have this attitude to women. I also know of many men who find this attitude pathetic, hilarious and well, sad.

Women are welcome to comment, but it is primarily the men’s perspective I seek.

Excuse the detailed setup, but it needed to be clear. Thanks who all who give me their honest opinion. Cheers.

2

I like the irony of your screen name and the length of your post.

lol

3

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I like the irony of your screen name and the length of your post.

lol[/quote]

lol!

OP, your friend is one of them guys who want the last word, you know, the type who think they are always right and the woman is a stupid bitch.

He said it himself; he’s a ‘‘masculine man’’ LMFAO!! What a fucking cry baby. I bet he’d preferred you to just shut the fuck up and let him force his opinion on you.

Trust me, You’ve hurt his feeling and his ego. And by writing you an email, he’s still trying to make you feel guilty and being such a condescending crying bitch, even though you probably didn’t mean to ‘‘ridicule’’ him.

Shouldn’t he know you well by now? How long the two of you have been friends anyway?

Ignore his tantrum. Some ‘‘Macho’’ men gotta know, there are strong, opinionated women out there too.

4

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I like the irony of your screen name and the length of your post.

lol[/quote]

LOL!!
I use the right number of words for the task! :wink:

5

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I like the irony of your screen name and the length of your post.

lol[/quote]

lol

OP, your friend is one of them guys who want the last word, you know, the type who think they are always right and the woman is a stupid bitch.

He said it himself, anyway; he’s a ‘‘masculine man’’ LMFAO!! What a fucking cry baby. I bet he’d preferred you to just shut the fuck up and let him force his opinion on you. Trust me, You hurt his feeling and his ego. And by writing you an email he’s still trying to make you feel guilty and being such a condescending crying bitch, even though you probably didn’t mean to ‘‘ridicule’’ him.

Shouldn’t he know you well by now? How long the two of you have you been friends?

Ignore his tantrum. Some ‘‘Macho’’ men gotta know, there are strong, opinionated women out there too.
[/quote]

Thanks for the response DN! We’ve been friends for several years, and has a pattern of this sort of thing. We’ve had vigorous debates and a couple of quarrels before, it’s just that in this email he went over several lines.

What you say is what I thought - he SHOULD know me well by now.

6

There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.

7

The guy sounds like an idiot, you sure you didn’t call him that :slight_smile:

A real man can listen and respond accordingly. They also don’t care if a woman is the one that happens to be right. Find another guy to discuss your books with or enjoy being treated like a lower class of person.

8

OP: Just to be clear, you’re a woman?

Either way, he’s an ass and can’t help but let his raging insecurities show.

9

If a guy has to point out that he’s a “masculine male”… he’s not.

It seems he heard what he wanted to and has a fragile ego, like DN said.

10

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.

11

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
The guy sounds like an idiot, you sure you didn’t call him that :slight_smile:

A real man can listen and respond accordingly. They also don’t care if a woman is the one that happens to be right. Find another guy to discuss your books with or enjoy being treated like a lower class of person. [/quote]

Thanks for your answer.
I’m sure I didn’t call him that, but if I DID it would be reasonable for him to say he didn’t like being ridiculed. After all nobody does.

It’s the “especially by a woman etc” part that got me riled.

12

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
OP: Just to be clear, you’re a woman?

Either way, he’s an ass and can’t help but let his raging insecurities show.[/quote]

LOL great question!! :wink:
Yes, I’m a woman. Well, not the one I want to be yet but I hope I get there. :slight_smile:
Thanks for your response.

13

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
OP: Just to be clear, you’re a woman?

Either way, he’s an ass and can’t help but let his raging insecurities show.[/quote]

Yes Dr P, I’m a woman. Thanks for your response. :slight_smile:

Not everyone will be able to get a personal thank you note, but I’m trying! :wink:

14

[quote]imhungry wrote:
If a guy has to point out that he’s a “masculine male”… he’s not.

It seems he heard what he wanted to and has a fragile ego, like DN said.[/quote]

Thanks Imhungry. That was my thought too.

15

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]
I have a feeling your getting “talked over and down too” or whatever probably wasn’t really anything derogatory, you were just over reacting most likely and I would bet you were most likely responding to him with veiled derogatory comments as above and went “crazy bitch” by yelling at him for his opinion.

I also believe you honestly wouldn’t perceive this to be the case even though it most likely is.

Everybody puts a personal bias in to conflict, intentionally or not. I say check yourself before fingering him an asshole.

16

Thinking about this some more, we will never know what caused him to react this way. Maybe his mommy didn’t hold him enough as a baby. Maybe daddy was a drunk and a philanderer. Maybe he just had a bad day at work. Instead, have you thought about how you allowed yourself to be drawn in to a conversation with another adult that ended with you feeling frustrated and yelling at him?

I’m not blaming you at all - God knows we’ve all been there - but since all we can control is our own reactions, how did he trigger you so badly?

17

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]
Tell us more about how your misogyny drives you to call the OP a liar and stand up for some unamed loudmouth? Or was it you? Give us the facts.

18

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

This reply makes me feel like you probably did ridicule him or act condescendingly.

Also i’ve been told I can be condescending by some people, I don’t realise i’m doing it or even mean too. Sometimes we just come across the wrong way.

19

[quote]SuperAlienFreak wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

This reply makes me feel like you probably did ridicule him or act condescendingly.

Also i’ve been told I can be condescending by some people, I don’t realise i’m doing it or even mean too. Sometimes we just come across the wrong way.[/quote]

How do you react when someone calls you a liar? Take it like a good little bitch? Or perhaps strike back?

20

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
Recently a male friend and I had a stoush. I’d rung him up to discuss a book. Before I could finish explaining what it was about, he leapt on a key word, started disagreeing with what i was saying. i explained - or tried to exaplain - that he had misunderstood, but he kept talking, talked over me and ranted about the subject.

After repeated attemptes to clarify what i meant orginally i ended up screaming at him to stop interrupting me. It was a this point that he got terribly concerned at being shouted at, completely ignoring his constant interruption and ranting that had led to it. He continued his ranting, wouldn’t let me talk at which point I hung up. he rang me back, we argued more, I hung up again.

He thought I had called him idiot. I don’t think i did, as all I remember is being so frustrated at not being allowed to clarify my original point that I was screaming at him in frustration at being interrupted, talked over and ranted at.

He then wrote me an email in which this sentence featured:

“I don’t like being ridiculed, especially by women. I’m a masculine man doncha know, and that how men feel.”

So here’s my perspective and question. I didn’t call him an idot. But if he misunderstood and said he doesn’t like being ridiculed, it’s fair enough to say he doesn’t like being ridiculed.

Where my stomach curdled was at this part:
“…especially by women. I’m a masculine man doncha know, and that how men feel.”

And I do mean curdled - we’re not romantically linked, we’re just friends from a discussion group who swap book stuff a lot and hang out occasionally. His “masculine” anything is none of my business and I was furious at his presumption that he would put that stuff on me. As far as I’m concerned he went over the line in what was a straightforward friendship.
Frankly, as far as I’m concerned, any male that says that is so far from manhood he needs a damn visa just to get to puberty.

I’d be interested in actual men’s opinion on this line alone.
Just be truthful - I’m aware that there are males here and elsewhere that do for some reason have this attitude to women. I also know of many men who find this attitude pathetic, hilarious and well, sad.

Women are welcome to comment, but it is primarily the men’s perspective I seek.

Excuse the detailed setup, but it needed to be clear. Thanks who all who give me their honest opinion. Cheers.

[/quote]

That being said. What book and what was the dispute about?