Perspective Sought on Email Extract

Off Topic
21

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Thinking about this some more, we will never know what caused him to react this way. Maybe his mommy didn’t hold him enough as a baby. Maybe daddy was a drunk and a philanderer. Maybe he just had a bad day at work. Instead, have you thought about how you allowed yourself to be drawn in to a conversation with another adult that ended with you feeling frustrated and yelling at him?

I’m not blaming you at all - God knows we’ve all been there - but since all we can control is our own reactions, how did he trigger you so badly?

[/quote]

Fair question.

a) I have the expectation that in a conversation, if you introduce a topic and someone misunderstands what you’re saying, you should say " No I didn’t mean that. I meant this" and they should listen to what you ACTUALLY meant so the conversation is based on a real topic not a wrong impression, especially when the misunderstander uses it as a road to an immediate rant about how wrong you are when he doesn’t even know what you’re talking about.
And I cannot STAND being ranted at, especially when it’s abuot a misunderstood topic!!
Hope that’s clear.

I’m not silly enough to think I’ll never get interrupted. I interrupt too. But if I say “that’s not what I meant” what’s the point of arguing a fictional topic?
This person ahs a history of this. he does it to lots of people.
As i said to DN, it’s just that he crossed some lines in this email, though i will not be discussing anything except the relevant line I posted.

I should point out that I actually considered just limiting our conversations to emails, where we communicate well, instead of conversations where this tends to happen.
But then he sent me this one which included this sentence. 'Nuffsaid :wink:

22

[quote]SuperAlienFreak wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

This reply makes me feel like you probably did ridicule him or act condescendingly.

Also i’ve been told I can be condescending by some people, I don’t realise i’m doing it or even mean too. Sometimes we just come across the wrong way.[/quote]

Lol, yeah and I’m guessing she will largely ignore or belittle any perspectives that don’t support her own.

This is either a troll or a crazy bitch.

23

[quote]SuperAlienFreak wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

This reply makes me feel like you probably did ridicule him or act condescendingly.

Also i’ve been told I can be condescending by some people, I don’t realise i’m doing it or even mean too. Sometimes we just come across the wrong way.[/quote]

When I’m being told I’ve manipulated something to garner support, when I’ve made it clear in my OP that I wanted TRUTHFUL replies, damn right I’ll ridicule the person who says this.
I asked for answers to my post and took particular care with my description.

Of course my friend thinks he was ridiculed - if you saw one of my replies above, i pointed out that I had no problem him saying he didn’t like being ridiculed. Nobody does.
Even if he misunderstood, that’s a reasonable thing to say.

It’s the “…especially by a woman, masculine man” bit I find unacceptable.
Bear in mind too that I gave context because I find it valuable to do so.

I could have just posted the sentence and it would stand alone.

24

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]
Tell us more about how your misogyny drives you to call the OP a liar and stand up for some unamed loudmouth? Or was it you? Give us the facts.[/quote]

Thanks Groo.
To be clear, it wasn’t CC.

25

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
Recently a male friend and I had a stoush. I’d rung him up to discuss a book. Before I could finish explaining what it was about, he leapt on a key word, started disagreeing with what i was saying. i explained - or tried to exaplain - that he had misunderstood, but he kept talking, talked over me and ranted about the subject.

After repeated attemptes to clarify what i meant orginally i ended up screaming at him to stop interrupting me. It was a this point that he got terribly concerned at being shouted at, completely ignoring his constant interruption and ranting that had led to it. He continued his ranting, wouldn’t let me talk at which point I hung up. he rang me back, we argued more, I hung up again.

He thought I had called him idiot. I don’t think i did, as all I remember is being so frustrated at not being allowed to clarify my original point that I was screaming at him in frustration at being interrupted, talked over and ranted at.

He then wrote me an email in which this sentence featured:

“I don’t like being ridiculed, especially by women. I’m a masculine man doncha know, and that how men feel.”

So here’s my perspective and question. I didn’t call him an idot. But if he misunderstood and said he doesn’t like being ridiculed, it’s fair enough to say he doesn’t like being ridiculed.

Where my stomach curdled was at this part:
“…especially by women. I’m a masculine man doncha know, and that how men feel.”

And I do mean curdled - we’re not romantically linked, we’re just friends from a discussion group who swap book stuff a lot and hang out occasionally. His “masculine” anything is none of my business and I was furious at his presumption that he would put that stuff on me. As far as I’m concerned he went over the line in what was a straightforward friendship.
Frankly, as far as I’m concerned, any male that says that is so far from manhood he needs a damn visa just to get to puberty.

I’d be interested in actual men’s opinion on this line alone.
Just be truthful - I’m aware that there are males here and elsewhere that do for some reason have this attitude to women. I also know of many men who find this attitude pathetic, hilarious and well, sad.

Women are welcome to comment, but it is primarily the men’s perspective I seek.

Excuse the detailed setup, but it needed to be clear. Thanks who all who give me their honest opinion. Cheers.

[/quote]

That being said. What book and what was the dispute about?
[/quote]

I wanted to tell him about Wheat Belly actually lol. I thought he’d find it interesting and started to explain its premise. In my second sentence I got to the part about wheat being unwittingly turned into an opiate, and that was it. He jumped on the word “opiate” started telling me wheat can’t be an opiate - I tried to explain how Dr Davis defines it - and started ranting about poppies and opiates in Afghanistan.

26

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]
Tell us more about how your misogyny drives you to call the OP a liar and stand up for some unamed loudmouth? Or was it you? Give us the facts.[/quote]

Hahaha!

I got the feeling I was reading HoustonGuy. It’s HIM again. No wonder.

27

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]SuperAlienFreak wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

This reply makes me feel like you probably did ridicule him or act condescendingly.

Also i’ve been told I can be condescending by some people, I don’t realise i’m doing it or even mean too. Sometimes we just come across the wrong way.[/quote]

When I’m being told I’ve manipulated something to garner support, when I’ve made it clear in my OP that I wanted TRUTHFUL replies, damn right I’ll ridicule the person who says this.
I asked for answers to my post and took particular care with my description.

Of course my friend thinks he was ridiculed - if you saw one of my replies above, i pointed out that I had no problem him saying he didn’t like being ridiculed. Nobody does.
Even if he misunderstood, that’s a reasonable thing to say.

It’s the “…especially by a woman, masculine man” bit I find unacceptable.
Bear in mind too that I gave context because I find it valuable to do so.

I could have just posted the sentence and it would stand alone.[/quote]
Bingo!

The problem is you are just expecting people to accept your side of a story with no real way to verify accuracy, and you will get your internet back pats, don’t worry. Especially if you start posting provocative “progress pics”.

And in a discussion of opinion I have no doubt he said something you didn’t like so you had “no problem belittleing him for it” and then took on the victim role.

Get him over here with his side if you actually want honest opinions. Otherwise just be honest you’re only looking for some go girl love to feel better about yourself.

And on that note, you can have your thread back.

28

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]
Tell us more about how your misogyny drives you to call the OP a liar and stand up for some unamed loudmouth? Or was it you? Give us the facts.[/quote]

Thanks Groo.
To be clear, it wasn’t CC.[/quote]
Eh when I white knight I like to go big.

I think somewhat though it depends what you guys misunderstood. To be frank if you hung up on me a couple times I’d never contact you again in all likelihood. I don’t like shooting in the dark but it seems like a very emotional conversation for a book. So its hopefully something important and not Harry Potter.

I don’t have any idea on your culture but I’d guess Brit or Aussie from the slang so our paradigm means that the speaker or writer or whatever has the obligation to clarify if you or he is from a culture that doesn’t follow that Korean say then it would make a difference as well.

You both seem to have a lot invested in this convo to be merely friends.

Wheatbelly? Seems to be weird for either of you to get riled up about that. Whenever anyone says something they find scientific that I think is either a WAG or legitimately crazy I don’t really try to convince them of anything I just sort of nod and say uh huh. Sometimes I even channel Two and 1/2 Men and I say I see where you are coming from.

29

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I like the irony of your screen name and the length of your post.

lol[/quote]

lol

OP, your friend is one of them guys who want the last word, you know, the type who think they are always right and the woman is a stupid bitch.

He said it himself, anyway; he’s a ‘‘masculine man’’ LMFAO!! What a fucking cry baby. I bet he’d preferred you to just shut the fuck up and let him force his opinion on you. Trust me, You hurt his feeling and his ego. And by writing you an email he’s still trying to make you feel guilty and being such a condescending crying bitch, even though you probably didn’t mean to ‘‘ridicule’’ him.

Shouldn’t he know you well by now? How long the two of you have you been friends?

Ignore his tantrum. Some ‘‘Macho’’ men gotta know, there are strong, opinionated women out there too.
[/quote]

Thanks for the response DN! We’ve been friends for several years, and has a pattern of this sort of thing. We’ve had vigorous debates and a couple of quarrels before, it’s just that in this email he went over several lines.

What you say is what I thought - he SHOULD know me well by now.[/quote]

Ah, this is what I would have wanted to know.

So, he has a pattern?

Does not like to be called an idiot, even if he is not?

Thinks its worse if a woman does it?

My diagnosis is that he is what we call and this is a technical term “an insecure pussy”.

30

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

That might also be true, in which case OP would have a few screws loose.

<— totally agnostic on this one.

31

[quote]orion wrote:
“an insecure pussy”. [/quote]

BIN-FUCKING- GO!!

32

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

I have a feeling your getting “talked over and down too” or whatever probably wasn’t really anything derogatory, you were just over reacting most likely and I would bet you were most likely responding to him with veiled derogatory comments as above and went “crazy bitch” by yelling at him for his opinion.

I also believe you honestly wouldn’t perceive this to be the case even though it most likely is.

Everybody puts a personal bias in to conflict, intentionally or not. I say check yourself before fingering him an asshole.[/quote]

Your speculation is incorreect. He’s done this to a lot of people with exactly the same pattern.
Lets someone get out one or two sentences, jumps on a word having misunderstood the intent of the speaker, talks over the speaker when he/she tries to clarify, talks over and turns it into a rant.

This is about facts, not feelings about me and someone you don’t know and are in no position to assess. Your entire posting has been about me and your “feelings’ and your 'bets”.

I requested men’s perspectives on A SENTENCE.
That’s all.
If you can’t be bothered doing that please feel free to ecplore other threads on this website.

33

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]SuperAlienFreak wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

This reply makes me feel like you probably did ridicule him or act condescendingly.

Also i’ve been told I can be condescending by some people, I don’t realise i’m doing it or even mean too. Sometimes we just come across the wrong way.[/quote]

How do you react when someone calls you a liar? Take it like a good little bitch? Or perhaps strike back?
[/quote]

Thanks Groo, for the defense there. I forgot to consider this aspect. I have in effect been called a liar, and that’s not acceptable.

34

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:

[quote]SuperAlienFreak wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

This reply makes me feel like you probably did ridicule him or act condescendingly.

Also i’ve been told I can be condescending by some people, I don’t realise i’m doing it or even mean too. Sometimes we just come across the wrong way.[/quote]

Lol, yeah and I’m guessing she will largely ignore or belittle any perspectives that don’t support her own.

This is either a troll or a crazy bitch.[/quote]

Oh, now you’re guessing?? Doesn’t that just make the speculative trifecta!!

Look dude, if all you want is to troll and show everyone exactly how you can’t particpate in a defined verbal and written space, just keep going.
All you’re doing is providing an object lesson in how NOT to have a discussion.

Or are you drunk?

35

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]SuperAlienFreak wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]

You bet wrong, little man. That’s why my starting post was so long.[/quote]

This reply makes me feel like you probably did ridicule him or act condescendingly.

Also i’ve been told I can be condescending by some people, I don’t realise i’m doing it or even mean too. Sometimes we just come across the wrong way.[/quote]

When I’m being told I’ve manipulated something to garner support, when I’ve made it clear in my OP that I wanted TRUTHFUL replies, damn right I’ll ridicule the person who says this.
I asked for answers to my post and took particular care with my description.

Of course my friend thinks he was ridiculed - if you saw one of my replies above, i pointed out that I had no problem him saying he didn’t like being ridiculed. Nobody does.
Even if he misunderstood, that’s a reasonable thing to say.

It’s the “…especially by a woman, masculine man” bit I find unacceptable.
Bear in mind too that I gave context because I find it valuable to do so.

I could have just posted the sentence and it would stand alone.[/quote]
Bingo!

The problem is you are just expecting people to accept your side of a story with no real way to verify accuracy, and you will get your internet back pats, don’t worry. Especially if you start posting provocative “progress pics”.

And in a discussion of opinion I have no doubt he said something you didn’t like so you had “no problem belittleing him for it” and then took on the victim role.

Get him over here with his side if you actually want honest opinions. Otherwise just be honest you’re only looking for some go girl love to feel better about yourself.

And on that note, you can have your thread back.[/quote]

Damn right I’ll have my thread back!!
Great , now I need industrial-level cleaning solvent to get rid of the CC dirt.

36

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
“I don’t like being ridiculed, especially by women. I’m a masculine man doncha know, and that how men feel.”
[/quote]

Were those his words verbatim? “…and that how men feel.”? It sounds like something a child would write.

37

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]
Tell us more about how your misogyny drives you to call the OP a liar and stand up for some unamed loudmouth? Or was it you? Give us the facts.[/quote]

Thanks Groo.
To be clear, it wasn’t CC.[/quote]
Eh when I white knight I like to go big.

I think somewhat though it depends what you guys misunderstood. To be frank if you hung up on me a couple times I’d never contact you again in all likelihood. I don’t like shooting in the dark but it seems like a very emotional conversation for a book. So its hopefully something important and not Harry Potter.

I don’t have any idea on your culture but I’d guess Brit or Aussie from the slang so our paradigm means that the speaker or writer or whatever has the obligation to clarify if you or he is from a culture that doesn’t follow that Korean say then it would make a difference as well.

You both seem to have a lot invested in this convo to be merely friends.

Wheatbelly? Seems to be weird for either of you to get riled up about that. Whenever anyone says something they find scientific that I think is either a WAG or legitimately crazy I don’t really try to convince them of anything I just sort of nod and say uh huh. Sometimes I even channel Two and 1/2 Men and I say I see where you are coming from.
[/quote]

Appreciate the white knight aspect, especially when I’m too distracted to do it myself! :slight_smile:

Groo, if I explain too much I’ll be revealing personal details about him which is not on.

I just wanted to know what adult men thought of the sentence he wrote me.
The rest of it goes under personal issues and that’s not what I’m trying to bring here.

But regarding your point, a lot of people have blowups over things others think are trivial or too small too worry about, but it’s never small to those people.

I can tell you this - I know being hung up on is major to some people. To me, being interrupted, talked over, not being heard or listened to and RANTED at so i can’t speak is the equivalent of being hung up on. It’s like being gagged. Thta’s the point - everyone has their lines that shouldn’t be crossed.
I should point out that it’s hugely possible that ina conversation you and I had, you might actually let me clarify my original topic, even if you went on a tangent originally. The point is this guy, once he’s got his misunderstanding in his teeth, does not stop at all. He RUNS with it, there is no way to get a word in.

Just on the hanging up, i used to have another friend I’d argue with and we hung up on each other all the time. Then we’d ring back and process what we said. It was a bit painful but had its comic side too.

38

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]groo wrote:

[quote]CargoCapable wrote:
There are always two sides to every story and I’m betting much of this one has been edited in a manipulative manner to garner group support.[/quote]
Tell us more about how your misogyny drives you to call the OP a liar and stand up for some unamed loudmouth? Or was it you? Give us the facts.[/quote]

Thanks Groo.
To be clear, it wasn’t CC.[/quote]
Eh when I white knight I like to go big.

I think somewhat though it depends what you guys misunderstood. To be frank if you hung up on me a couple times I’d never contact you again in all likelihood. I don’t like shooting in the dark but it seems like a very emotional conversation for a book. So its hopefully something important and not Harry Potter.

I don’t have any idea on your culture but I’d guess Brit or Aussie from the slang so our paradigm means that the speaker or writer or whatever has the obligation to clarify if you or he is from a culture that doesn’t follow that Korean say then it would make a difference as well.

You both seem to have a lot invested in this convo to be merely friends.

Wheatbelly? Seems to be weird for either of you to get riled up about that. Whenever anyone says something they find scientific that I think is either a WAG or legitimately crazy I don’t really try to convince them of anything I just sort of nod and say uh huh. Sometimes I even channel Two and 1/2 Men and I say I see where you are coming from.
[/quote]

To be clear, i hung up because he was ranting and wouldn’t listen to me - at ALL.
I do mean ranting. At no stage did he ask me “well OK what DID you mean then?”

I notice you still haven’t opined on that sentence…?:wink:

39

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
I like the irony of your screen name and the length of your post.

lol[/quote]

lol

OP, your friend is one of them guys who want the last word, you know, the type who think they are always right and the woman is a stupid bitch.

He said it himself, anyway; he’s a ‘‘masculine man’’ LMFAO!! What a fucking cry baby. I bet he’d preferred you to just shut the fuck up and let him force his opinion on you. Trust me, You hurt his feeling and his ego. And by writing you an email he’s still trying to make you feel guilty and being such a condescending crying bitch, even though you probably didn’t mean to ‘‘ridicule’’ him.

Shouldn’t he know you well by now? How long the two of you have you been friends?

Ignore his tantrum. Some ‘‘Macho’’ men gotta know, there are strong, opinionated women out there too.
[/quote]

Thanks for the response DN! We’ve been friends for several years, and has a pattern of this sort of thing. We’ve had vigorous debates and a couple of quarrels before, it’s just that in this email he went over several lines.

What you say is what I thought - he SHOULD know me well by now.[/quote]

Ah, this is what I would have wanted to know.

So, he has a pattern?

Does not like to be called an idiot, even if he is not?

Thinks its worse if a woman does it?

My diagnosis is that he is what we call and this is a technical term “an insecure pussy”. [/quote]

ha! That’s very close to what a male friend said!! Thanks for answering.

40

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]'nuffsaid wrote:
“I don’t like being ridiculed, especially by women. I’m a masculine man doncha know, and that how men feel.”
[/quote]

Were those his words verbatim? “…and that how men feel.”? It sounds like something a child would write.[/quote]

Verbatim.
Agree with your conclusion. That’s why I curdled. i think I also went “Eeeeeeeewwww”.