I doubt it really helps but there are a few of us on here who love you mate. You might be 15,000km away but in the works of Michael Jackson ‘you are not alone’ 
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Thanks guys, you’re too kind. 
Not kidding, it definitely means something to me.
It’s gonna be fine, I am just a bid of a lonely sad sack that’s frustrated. Given my not so secretive background that you all know about, I am a bit more sensitive to mood changes like this and get scared more easily (scared of missing the turning point and falling deeper than necessary). When in reality, I am probably not feeling all that different right now from other people that experience a similar situation, I just don’t have a reference point anymore. The last close to two months I have felt better than I have in… 1,5 years maybe? So a bit naively, I am scared of everything that might disrupt this state.
Well and as far as dating goes I just feel like I have a lot to give tbh and want to direct that somewhere. Which can easily lead to the situation of settling for someone instead of being more picky as well as creating a discrepancy of how engaged I am in these kind of situations. Well that is if I actually get in such a situation, which is very rare.
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If random people on the internet can support you and appreciate you for already more than 5000 posts, I think you’re lovable ahah.
I really feel you on the “having love to give” and being frustrated part. Sometimes we wonder if something is wrong with us (especially when for instance my training partner has literally sex with 3 different women every week ahah).
I don’t know about you but I’m listening to self-improvement stuff nowaday as a break from sport thing all the time. If there is something wrong with me, well I’m trying to be a better person, udnerstand and correct my flaws, so to become later a better husband and father.
Honestly right now I have come to the point of avoiding a bit women for now ahah. Not to be distracted or tempted or something. Because it might be cynical, but I just don’t see, nowadays, a quality woman wanting to be with me until I have my job and my own place. So I’ll wait for a few more months/year
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I am not sure I can give too much advise in terms of dating (25 years with my misses, so it’s been a while since I did any). What I can say though is that you can’t get milk unless you milk the cow. If you want to meet people or make friends or find a soul mate, you can’t do it sitting at home. You have to get yourself out there and meet people. It takes effort.
I know when we moved around the world it took a big effort for years for us to make a network of friends. We had to work at it, go to things we would normally not attend, go out with people we maybe wouldn’t normally chose too, we dropped people along the way who we just didn’t get on with and now we have a great group of close friends and a wider network of other friends.
My advice if you want to find someone is to start looking.
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Almost certainly true, don’t let your head play games with you, cliche I know but positive thinking goes a long way - even when you have struggles with mental illness (or maybe even especially so).
Also you seem from your interactions here, to be a great guy, I’m sure when the time is right you’ll find the right person, I wouldn’t worry about it (easier said than done I’m sure), the more laid back you are about it the more likely it will happen and it will be better for being spontaneous.
The state of Ozzy supermarkets that bad? If I want milk it’s a quick trip to Lidl!
Nah seriously, important advice, keep an active social life, good for mental health and the potential for relationships.
Good to see training being a consistent in your life even in harder times.
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I’m not super well-experienced in this department, but I think I’ve said something similar in @aldebaran’s log before – these sorts of things happen when you are not looking for them.
Echoing others, but you seem like a great guy. I can’t speak for exactly how everything you’ve experienced has affected you, though don’t think that means I haven’t read about what you’ve endured.
I think we sometimes forget how the pandemic has rendered all kinds of relationships – not just romantic ones – topsy-turvy. By no means am I reducing the culprit of your mental state to this. Just something to keep in mind.
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IDK if you’re already listening to it already, but Chasing Excellence podcast by Ben Bergeron (the CF coach) is VERY good on this front
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I know him, but not that, thanks I’ll check it out!
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I understand the general point behind what you’re saying but in this instance you are talking about two very different things. Which is something I’ve noticed a lot when you talk about these things.
Granted, physical intimicy including but not limited to sex is part of what I’m looking for and what you’re looking for I assume. I think however you should really figure out for yourself what it is that you want.
I have a hard time imagineing that getting laid/ casual relationships would be all that hard to get for you, given your looks and body alone. I assure you, your chances to attract a mate through physical appearance alone wouldn’t increase if you look like a grizzly bear, haha.
Something deeper however can be hard to find for anyone.
That’s not something I can see for myself. The very limited free time I have, I like to spend in nature or reading (philisophy) well and weekends for social stuff. To work out my flaws I go to therapy… well in theory, haha.
Hmmm… depends again on what you want for yourself from a relationship. You might be correct if you’re looking for Mrs. Right, but not all relationships have to aim at that.
One could also say you won the game, mate.
Sounds like my first therapist: “Where could someone potentially meet you, Mr. S?”. I get what you’re saying. You have given me the same advice a few months ago about my fear of ending up all alone in the new city and in case you remember, you might be happy to hear that I’ve taken it into action.
Probably true. Likely true. Although I am leaning more towards what Simo said personally in the sense that if you’re not actively trying to look for someone, you won’t find someone. I guess truth lies in the middle. Being available, yet relaxed and not desperate.
Thanks, that’s very nice of you. Contrary to how negative I talk about myself, my negatively influenced view and insecurities, I actually do think of myself as a decent guy. Especially in the role as part of a relationship (platonic or romantic). There’s not too much I like about myself necessarily but in the setting of relationships (again: Any and all kinds) I am always honest (even if it means comprimising myself), very supportive and giving, caring, loyal and protective.
Although I often think people perceive me drastically differently (a lot more negatively in my head), I actually get the feedback that I’m very likeable after people get to know me. I assure you the contrast is pretty weird in case you can’t imagine the discrepancy between how I think people perceive me and how they apparently actually do.
I’ve had some great conversations with Voxel about this as he and I share some similar experiences. There are some positives to it all. Nothing that could outweigh the negatives but I know I would never be the thoughtful, caring and sensitive person I am today if it wasn’t for the things I had to endure.
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Yes, you’re right about this, thanks.
I might be uttering nonsense, but it’s probably because I only ever had long-term relationships, and never casually dated, having flings or one-night stand, that I mix both. Of course my brain understand that these things are completely different. I don’t crave sex that much, I miss something deeper like you say, but my perhaps primitive and unexperienced brain has some difficulties separating this kind of intimacy from physical appearance. Perhaps I have an idealized, weird version of love, where you love the person as a whole, but it generally starts with physical attraction.
i walk a lot so I listen to stuff. Which is a good idea, because sometimes I don’t want to stop listening to what I listen to so I just walk more ahah. I should try an audiobook sometimes.
I didn’t want to clog your log when I read about things that happen when you least expect or something, but I simply don’t believe it. It’s not how life works, for 99% of people, things aren’t handed on a silver platter.
You put the work in. Like with lifting. You worked, and as a result you had a stroke of PRs. You had good and bad days, but eventually the work paid off.
I have 3 very good friends who’ve been single for a long time. 6, 9 and 13 years. And when i mean single, it’s not even a fling or a swing. Literally zero females in their life. They are not searching, or putting the work in is all. My mom also has been single for 19 years.
But yeah you shouldn’t be desperate. You should be fine on your own. Driven, with a purpose, confidence, knowing where you’re going and enjoying the process.
Well you are. Unless we’re talking about strength, where you certainly are more than that.
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I cannot speak for @alex_uk, but I do not feel I suggested this.
My bad then, I thought of it because it’s usually what people mean.
Already starrting to feel better physically. Really glad I decided to take days off and do this deload. Coach decided we’re gonna deload Sunday included. Rather too much than too little.
Also I slept better these last nights and had a nap today. Back feels better too (never felt bad but it was like quads and back just stopped recovering indefinitely).
1 oh squat
3 x 6 @ 50 - sprinkled some sots press in
2 sots press (had a bit of fun. Sorry)
1 @ 60 kg
1 @ 70 kg
2 x 1 @ 80 kg - first one wasn’t pretty enough.
I do this move about once every 6 months. So this was actually a 20 kg PR. On the hand a bot of a circus trick, on the other it’s a pretty difficult movment.
3 power jerk
3 x 3 @ 90 kg
4 front squats
3 x 5 @ 80 kg
5 pull ups
3 x 3
6 hollow holds
3 x 20 sec.
7 assault bike
10 min on a sustainable pace.
Notes:
- left feeling fresher than I came. Perfect!
- Paul: Log =/= gym equipment mate, haha. So that’s why I switched the assault bike.
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what in infernal damnation are those ? I watched the IG video and just thought it was some kind of torture exercise !!
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Sots press originate from the magical world of weightlifting. Only 40 kg to go on these to catch Klokov, haha.
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Lunch break
1 deadlift (power bar; doh)
2 x 5 @ 120 kg
2 paused power jerk (clean/ heavy reverse curl first rep; belted)
3 x 3 @ 90 kg
Plan said to do log lifts at 91 kg but I didn’t want to stress my hip more than necessary. So I switched to this but kept the clean in.
3 vertical jumps
5 x 3
4 bent over row
3 x 10 @ 80 kg
5 some curls (not programmed)
Dropset of max. strict curls @40 - 30 - 20 kg
First curls in a year or so, haha.
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They feel like your thoracic spine and shoulders will burst. Most awkward exercise ever. I did one for a weightlifting challenge with just the bar, but with hands and feet touching themselves. Something popped in my spine or hips for sure ahahah
Yes, embrace the bro in you 
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yeah that would send me to the ER 
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Shit, I would fall over on my face if I were to even try that with an empty bar.
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21.05.
2 hour walk.
Continuing to feel better physically. Deload is working. I’ll still stick to it. Better be safe than sorry.
Feeling very hungry. I could basically eat around the clock. Probably also an effect of the deload.
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