I think I figured it out. It is the “@” chars - t-nation think you are starting link to a user, so colors the text as if it was a link.
10 @ 50 kg
Edit: strangely enough it does not do it when I try. Oh well, were just curious.
Me too 
Now that you’ve mentioned it and I bring my nose very close to the screen, I am kinda able to see it but I sincerely never noticed and still have a hard time seeing it after you pointed it out 
And that is the reason I didn’t get to be a police officer (true story).
I’m not in any way colour blind, and none of the letters are red to me if that helps.
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I should have been a cop then!
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Squeezed this into my lunch break. Hammies fucked from yesterday.
1 oh squat
3 x 5 @ 67,5 kg
2 log lift (clean once)
3 x 3 @ 103,5 kg - total volume PR
- And at this point I realized I was scheduled to do 4x3 @ 106 kg…
2 x 3 @ 106 kg - PR, even for one triple
Left it at this.
3 btn press
3 x 10 @ 52,5 kg
Felt that after log.
4 wide grip rows
3 x 15 @ 80 kg
Notes:
- the day after deads and squats: This was hard. Had to use a lot more arms and shoulders on log presses to make up for the fatigue. Which in turn is a good indicator that those have gotten significantly stronger
- ok to stupid to read instructions but still a big log session. I was debating going for more sets at 106 kg to make up for my mistake but ultimately decided this was still a very good effort and a compromise. Plus I wan out of time.
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23.01.
Another very moderate walk.
Back is in good shape, leg DOMS are very much present.
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1 deadlifts
3 @ 140 kg
1 @ 170 kg
1 @ 192,5 kg
1 @ 207,5 kg - ok
1 @ 220 kg - felt heavy but speed was still there
1 @ 230 kg - PR (+5 kg). Super hard.
0 @ 235 kg - slightly broke the floor but there was no way this was going up. Hips were already all the way up.
Hams and lower back absolutely done.
Notes, whining and excuses:
Call it an excuse but this was not an accurate depiction of what I’m capable of. A lot went into this session. I am now certain that I’m getting sick for real and didn’t recover adequatly over the weekend. My hamstrings were still feeling the last deadlifts and were already lit up by the sub 200 kg sets. I was scheduled to do this tomorrow but since it looks like I’m going to be banished to the sideline, I at least wanted to take a shot at taking a deadlift PR with me. So I was debating back and forth wether to do this or not and then I returned home from an appointment and realized I now have 1,5 hours time. Just fucking do it now and take your shot. I took my shot, I am not returning empty handed but with a lot less than i imagined. I honestly had 240 or at least 235 kg in mind. I know I am stronger than this based on the last few week’s perfomances.
I hope I’ll get a second chance in the near future. This should have gone differently.
Still all the reasons and excuses and what not don’t change the fact that I didn’t bring it. That’s always gonna be the ultimate conclusion if I fail at something.
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Don’t beat yourself up over failing to cure an illness with willpower.
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True. Coach didn’t have anything negative to say either. But you know me, eh? I’m on an expert level when it comes to beating myself up over this, that and the other thing.
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235 kg would have probably been there if I didn’t pull 230 kg first.
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Training is training. Competition is competition. You achieved everything you needed to do here.
The competition of beating myself up? I fear I’m not following
Sorry, I thought I was being a bit obtuse so I’ve completely redone my post. Hopefully makes more sense.
Ah yeah I get what you mean. I definitely know where you’re coming from there.
Training has a very weird place in my life. Just today at therapy (still in the getting to know each other phase) my therapist said that he was pretty surprised that I still train as much as I do, given my … circumstances. I honestly agreed. I am surprised myself that I’m holding on that hard to this part of my life, while I seemingly lose the grip on others. He asked a few questions about how I do it (still train) and what my motivation for that is (he is an ex athlete, so it’s a good common ground). I honestly didn’t know how I do it and not even necessarily why. I possibly prioritize my training so much because I fear that if I let go of that, the rest will crumble with it. I can’t say that I do it for fun, nor health (lol, I do strongman), not even to be competitive either (I was never a competitive person unless I compete with myself).
So knowing that and knowing about me that I constantly set myself under pressure to live up to my potential (in various aspects of my life), it might shine a light on why not performing up to my expectations upsets me so much. Although it doesn’t make rational sense in the grand scheme of things. 240 kg is something @guineapig does for ten reps while weighing 40 kg less or so.
Around various logs, mostly in regards to @voxel, there was talk of being ‘your own cheerleader’. Well I am my own worst enemy and nightmare.
It’s gonna be okay. I will continue to train and improve and will get it eventually. 1 RM PRs are a hard mental game for me.
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Interesting topic. Personally, there are many facets to it.
At times, I’ll use a “training session” to absolutely obliterate myself and that affords me a reprieve mentally or at least creates harmony with how I feel in my body and my psyche. This’d be when the volume and intensity gauge both go to 11.
Other times, in training is the one place in life where I don’t have to use that “just push through it”-gear. Volume and intensity are on point, I feel worked, good, and didn’t have to do adjust my training because I didn’t have the energy to push myself (i.e., I didn’t have to turn supersets into successive exercises, or drop stuff).
There’s the sessions where at least I get to celebrate that out of all the things that are wrong, at least I went in and did my main work so that in the future, when I’m better, I’ll still get to reap the return on investment and enjoy it then while the training was a battle and a half because I’m mentally under the weather.
Most of the time, almost regardless of the session type, there’s at least a few seconds wherein I just get to forget how absolutely shitty I feel. The weight is heavy enough, and my focus internalises on what my body is doing, and I reach that zen/active meditation type mindset (I’d like to use another word than mindset but can’t think of the right one at the moment).
Today, and the last few days were some of the first times I can remember where I associate stress and angst about having a session to do on that day. And it’s just a deload today. It’s clear that I emphasise it isn’t motivation that is lacking, it’s not the only thing that feels “forced” that otherwise is something I manage despite being un-energetic or having a series of uncustomarily bad days. And, this is how we circle back to the paragraph I quoted: I absolutely fear that if I let this crumble, then that’d conclusively mean that “it” has affected everything. It’s the final thing standing, and I get that might be controversial seeing as how it has played a role in my eating disorder but that is how I feel - it’s been the one thing that has been spared and if that ends up on the chopping block then I’d be at a loss. So, that’s why I grit my teeth, ate my pre-workout meal, and am soon making my post-workout shake after writing this because I do not know how well I’d deal with lacking direction so completely.
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Here’s a kind reminder you’ve had a lot of injuries. Not sure about what @guineapig s lifestory is, but. I pretty much never read what number someone is posting, because I do not care, that’s not how I view people and their logs. To me, it wouldn’t matter if your best deadlift was the bar mate, you still have my respect and am glad for the words we’ve been able to exchange thus far and I hope there is plenty more to come.
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You just lifted more than you ever lifted! To be disappointed in a Personal Record is silly!
Remember, you’re not a beginner anymore, you’re only going to get one record breaking lift in a workout. Especially in the deadlift! You’re probably right that 230 fatigued you too much to lift 235. Maybe taking different weights working up would have let you hit a bigger lift.
But who cares! Hitting PRs is good. Sure it demonstrates that you’re getting stronger, but when you lift more than you ever lifted, it trains your CNS to be stronger. It’s not the magnitude of the PR, it’s how many times you achieve PRs. So 230 now and 235 later is twice as good as 235 now and not another PR later.
Deadlifting is so strange! Louie says that he never lets lifters pull a max deadlift in the gym. He says that if you miss it’s too “psychologically damaging” and causes you to loose confidence in yourself and the program. So it’s just not even worth the risk.
Reading thru the training logs section here, he’s Understating the truth. Deadlifts are so Intense it’s that it’s even psychologically damaging to hit a PR. It’s common for people to lift their biggest deadlift ever and then feel bad about it. It’s crazy!
Also, if pig lifts a lot, What can you learn from pig!?
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Yes, pretty much this.
As for how I feel during training: I don’t know. Usually just not very much. Which is calming. Like a break from everything. Sometimes I still feel a glimpse of that passion. I think it would do me good if this was more of a social activity.
Ah not to much serious stuff. I think Piggy’s back might have been worse. But this wasn’t about him in particular. Just an example to highlight the more global context of my particular deadlift attempt.
Thank you my friend and likewise!
That is true. I talked myself into the mindset that 230 is going to be my last warm up (program said: 207,5/ 220/ 230/ pull what is there) which then meant that I only pulled my last warm up. It’s crazy how we back ourselves up into a corner like that.
I think I also expected more from myself because my prep was so strong. A lot stronger than my last one where I pulled 225, so it indicated that I would be able to lift more than 230. I basically built up a lot of pressure. So much that even in success I am disappointed. Weird realization.
Truly! Put that way it seems stupid. Although I can’t quite shake it off.
Believe in yourself, be short and pull sumo? Much love @guineapig. But for real, good point.
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Totally get the disappointment, you hit a PR that you psychologically already had, in your mind you’d already achieved it so it didn’t feel like an achievement. Nice thing is thought the numbers are objective, even if subjectively your disappointed you hit a PR.
Also stop hitting PRs this race to 250 is incredibly one sided!
Great work.
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