squats felt way better today. Filming my lifts is a problem here, but got a little bit on camera to show. Depth seemed a little excessive on set 2. Set 3 was better.
btn jerk: Liked the concentric, eccentric was uncomfortable. The spot on on my neck where I caught the bar got really hot (to touch) and a little bit irritated. Really fun exercise though
paused fronts were really strong and smooth, especially for beltless.
11.10.
119,5 kg
Tennis. Piss poor performance but I wasn’t feeling it at all. Still won but our opponents weren’t really challenging. Yesterday’s pub performance didn’t really enhance today’s tennis performance. It was a good Saturday all in all. Met some friends I haven’t seen in a while. Pretty exhausted from the week and weekend today.
120,1 (07.10.) Upset stomach/ digestion 119,2 (08.10.) Normal again 120,3 (09.10.) 120,0 (10.10.) Got several comments that my face and belly look slimmer by people I haven’t seen in a while 119,5 kg (11.10.)
120,0 kg (12.10)
119 chest (0)
111 belly (-2)
Leg 79 (0)
Arm 45,5 (0)
Weekly average: 119,9 kg (- 1,3)
Very satisfied
Short life update. Not doing too many of those anymore:
Was at the new endocronologist today. She was professional and I think she did understand where I was coming from with my concerns. We did a lengthy test with a synthetic hormone (tested for cortisole) and did a new full blood test. I will have the results in about 2 weeks. Unless anything shows up that she finds concerning, she wants to see me again in 6 months. She doesn’t see a testosterone replacement therapy as warranted. I did tell her my reasons and the risks I’m willing to take. Ultimately I told her that I am considering taking these matters into my own hands. She advised against that. How surprising. For her the risks of interfering with my natural hormone production outweigh the potential benefits that I can maybe gain from that. For me the chance, as little as it might be, outweighs a huge amount of risks. I can’t force my ideas on her. Ultimately she has to know what’s better for me and I did not study medicine.
I do wonder however if those resulsts of mine would have warranted a trt somewhere else. @alex_uk , do you remember your levels when the doc decided to start trt?
I’m far from doing as bad as I did one year ago. But I’m also still doing poorly. If trt would change that is complete speculation. Might do nothing, might better my chances, might kill my liver.
On average when I’m in class I spend about 50 to 75% of my mental energy on fighting my depressive and anxious urges/ thoughts/ flight instincts/ physical symptoms etc… Kinda makes me wonder what I could accomplish if I had 100% to focus on what’s happening in the moment and follow the material. But first and foremost, this is very draining and exhausting and makes me wonder how sustainable that pace is. Then again… I’m still here after all those years, so maybe the limit is much higher than I thought.
That’s UK guidelines, of which very few Drs in UK seems to know about (not surprising since it’s niche medicine); I fell foul of the testing in that I returned 13.1nmol when cut off is 12 (I probably could have deliberately/artificially lowered my levels - that was doing everything I could to ensure optimal levels for months on end, so I could have just reversed that and got NHS treatment, but I didn’t really want NHS treatment… they weren’t inspiring! But I do love the NHS still!) but I was well below normal free T levels but NHS doesn’t look at that at all.
Are there any other indicators? Anemia? The problem with only looking at energy levels, mood and libido is the chicken and egg problem. I’m not saying this would be wrong for you but it’s something that you might want to discuss with your endo. Also, TRT is something that can be discontinued. However, it might cause permanent infertility. Not sure what the odds are. But a “Respectfully, doc, my life hasn’t been an easy one and I’m running out of things to try. If this is the fix, please explain clearly why we can’t at least try it and discontinue it if it turns out not to be”?
I thought I made this clear to her but I really like how you phrased it. Maybe I can write an email if I get a hold of her mail, once I receive her report in about two weeks.
I made it very clear that I am ok with all possible risks, I explained for how long I was having issues and what kind of treatments I have already tried, I explained my frustration and why I was disappointed in my previous endo… I mean I openly told her I am desperate to the point of possibly buying illegal drugs to medicate myself!
How little would one have to listen to miss the message here?
I do understand her. She is an endocrinologist, she looks at hormones. She sees that in theory my hormones are close but mostly in range. So from an endocrinologist’s point of view there is no indication for a hormone therapy. For her the risks outweigh the benefits because I suspect she doesn’t know what risks I’m faced with, without adequate (not necessarily trt) treatment. For me that makes the choice crystal clear bc if there is a chance, it’s worth nearly every sacrifice.
Yea the levels aren’t what you’d get mainstream treatment for, but they’re not idea particularly given your age (for reference I got my 65 year old dad tested for interest sake - he’s got a generally inactive lifestyle overall quite healthy diet but suffers with polymyalgia and some other stuff, so not exactly a specimen of a man, and he had higher test than both of us).
Not at all, if you wanted roids I wouldn’t recommend going TRT (from my understanding UGL is easier and cheaper and very rarely busted/penalised) you come across as someone in need and hoping to find a successful treatment! TRT might not (probably won’t) be the answer but in your shoes I would definitely be exploring/trying it.
Energy levels, excessive sweating, reduced libido, no morning or nightly erection (ever), fairly severe depression and anxiety (just noting, irregardless of testosterone relevance), reduced memory function and mental sharpness, fast fatigue, hard time focusing, nausea and insomnia come to mind.
A lot of that is probably caused by my mental health and that is probably not caused by my hormones… but what if taking hormones would better the chances that another therapy could work?
Like you said man… I feel like I’m out of options. I don’t want to wait another decade until something finally works, only to realize that the best part of my life is over. I also don’t want to and feel like I can not go to another clinic, at least not in the next few years. Well, apart from the fact that that didn’t do shit for me in the first place.
I know the process I need is not called ‘waiting’ but requires action. I’m just very disappointed that I did everything one is supposed to do if he needs help, yet it didn’t solve my issue long term.
4 seated db press
2 x 18 @ 24 kg
1 x 16 @ 24 kg God damnit!
5 wide grip shrugs
3 x 25 @ 95 kg
6 hollow holds ( 5 kg on feet and hands)
4 x 25 sec
7 cardio
5 x 500m row w 1 min rest - 11:15 min of rowing
Notes:
The presses were shit today. My rear delts/ lat insertion area was so tight and sore that I couldn’t get a legit clear lockout. The weight is light and flys up like nothing but then at the catch, I had a hard time fighting through the discomfort. Should have had one more rest day but tbh I didn’t notice this until I started pressing. I suspect it’s from the btn jerks, since those are new. No biggie, will be better next time. Better warm up would also have helped. I am to blame. No problem, lesson learned. Still looking forward to some heavier weights again
Sorry I asked, I just can’t keep it all in working memory so needed a refresher. I hope you get a hold of her. Feel free to steal the phrasing verbatim. I can certainly relate to your situation. It’s a boggle, and so frustrating that the onus is on the patient more or less to know which is which.
7 cardio
Skipped bc I was already late for game night (& my flatmate’s birthday)
Notes:
okay deadlifts are still in a funk. I’m kinda nervous approaching the weight (which makes zero sense so far from my max) and the weight doesn’t feel or look how it’s supposed to. Set 2 looked better but the weight moves damn slow. It feels like I’ve gotten weaker somehow. Or at least my head is telling me that. I need to prove that thought wrong. I mean today was 70% of my fucking 225 kg deadlift. Come on man!
tbh training is really disappointing atm. I can’t put my finger on why but it doesn’t feel like it’s going great. I will probably try the other of the two gyms I can use next time and see if it pisses me off less.
