Nicely put my friend. You should be a philosopher.
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@simo74 thanks but I doubt that I’d make a good one, haha
12.12.
1 snatch grip deadlifts
1 x 8 @ 142,5 kg
1 x 3 @ 142,5 kg - strap ripped -.-
Locked up, drove home, got new strap, drove back - continued.
3 x 8 @ 142,5 kg
2 leg curls
4 x 8 @ 120 kg
Went full MacGayver and figured out how to load this heavier with a self build chain attachment for plates.
3 sandbag carries
3 x 15 m @ 100 kg
Notes:
- snatch grip deadlifts took a lot out of me but it wasn’t as bad as last week. They felt better and I think they looked a tad better. Still pretty happy that this was the last week of them.
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Maybe not in the traditional sense but
The world is changing maybe they are ready for a new view point 
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13.12.
1@ bench press
4 x 8 @ 95 kg
1b ng lat pull down
4 x 8 @ 70 kg
2a db shoulder press
2 x 10 @ 32,5 kg
2 x 8 @ 32,5 kg
2b lat pull down
4 x 10 @ 60 kg
3 db external rotation
3 x 12
Notes:
- Figured out too late that I was only supposed to do 90 kg
. Pressing was easy. Made sure to try and get as tight as possible today. Pressing felt very controlled - felt something in my right pec at the second rep of the 3rd set. Like a mini pop maybe? Pressing was slightly painful afterwards. Still continued as there was no loss of motion etc. Don’t know what happened. No indicators that something was off at all beforehand.
- agreed to play tennis tonight. Currently discussing with myself if I should cancel
- went MacGuyver 2.0. on the bench. A little soft (don’t know if that’s counter productive) but at least with that pad the bench was wider.
Hey man, I haven’t caught up on the entirety of your log but I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression and bipolar disease before insistently following up this line of questioning and it turned out that I suffered from hypogonadism and has since started TRT. No depression or bipolar tendencies remaining. Even more sad is that there are bloods dating back to when I was 15 pointing out this was an issue back then already, so that’s more than a decade that could’ve conceivably been lived with less pain.
If you have money, get a preliminary screen through a private lab or, if it’d be possible, push your doctor to do the tests to rule that out as a possible culprit.
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Hey @Voxel thanks for joining in. That sounds like a miracle solution!
Besides your mental health issues, was there anything that indicated your hypogonadism? I feel like my doctor doesn’t take me seriously when I bring up that topic because I am a big man with a full beard and functioning libido. So he must assume that I am asking him for steroids because he knows what I do sports wise.
Out of interest, if you don’t mind: Do you still get treatment of any kind or medication for your depression and bipolar disease or nothing at all besides the TRT?
That would probably be an option then, although I would have to research how that works in Germany as I am unsure. But I know someone who can surely tell me.
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TRT is its own bag of worms, but I prefer it to mental health issues.
As I mentioned I had blood tests that indicated an issue a long time ago, and why they didn’t pursue that line then is only something I can speculate in. Presumably the taboo surrounding hormone treatment. They became more attentive to my concerns when my libido eventually started to suffer. The way I’ve come to view that component is that I don’t agree that all symptoms should have to present themselves before investigating (and possibly eliminating) a not too unlikely culprit, and as serum testosterone levels seem to be in a decline on a population level I hope medical professionals will become more attentive to this possible cause in the future.
I’ve dealt with doctors that made the same assumptions that you believe that your doctor might be making. I can’t offer advice on how to deal with anyone in particular individual without first having interacted with them myself but I went for the humble approach, and basically said “Doc, there’s nothing that I’d like less than to have to receive hormone replacement therapy but can we please do our due diligence here?”
None, I’ve officially had the bipolar diagnosis removed.
Once they checked my blood tests it was apparent that I had low testosterone but my FSH/LSH levels were normal. As such, that indicates an issue with the testicle and I was (after repeated blood tests confirming the original values mind you, I received a lot of push-back during this process) referred to an urologist that could tell from an exam that at least one of the two was abnormally small. Cause unknown (it’s not something that matters to them even if one as a patient is curious or wants answers that doesn’t matter to their bottomline and so I’ll never find those answers through the public healthcare system).
I’ll believe that in a heart beat. I have had cancer and would prefer that to the lowest low that my depression has got me in. Mental health issues are incredibly tough.
Very impressive! That such a ‘small’ issue like a hormone imbalance could wreak havoc like that is mind blowing to me.
Your approach gives me an idea of how I could potentially talk him into it.
I mean after all there is no guarantee that I have the same issue as you but exactly this:
is why I brought it up with him in the first place. Even if the chance is ever so slight that a hormone treatment might help me, I don’t want to miss it just because my doctor doesn’t think it’s worth checking out.
Hey K as you know I haven’t really been around for long, so missed tons on your log.
Browsed through looks like you’re back to consistent lifting. Nice.
Still dealing with your mental issues I see, hang in there man. Hope things will turn out to the better.
I’m still pissed that I couldn’t make it to grab a beer, when you were here. Hopefully there will be another time.
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Definitely get your test levels checked. I simply told my doc I was curious and got it added to one of my regular bloodwork referrals.
Soft bench pad helps. Good comp benches let you sink in some. Wide pads are good for your shoulders too.
You looked more controlled, but your hips still move up when you drive and your drive turns on and off between reps. Better would be to set up, and drive yourself backwards on your traps with your heels before you even unrack. That’s the heels to traps cue. Keep that drive going as you unrack and don’t release it till the set is done. You want constant tension driving from your heels to your traps. That’s what generates leg drive. At the same time, reach for the bar with your chest. That stabilises your shoulders.
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Best of luck, feel free to tag me after the next time you talk to the man.
@mortdk good to see you back, buddy. Thanks for checking in.
Lifting is going mainly fine. As you said more than anything I’m being consistant.
Well the mental health situation is definitely a huge issue. Although things are looking up all in all, which I keep reminding myself of whenever I get impatient and frustrated with my progress. Might touch on that in a later post.
@MarkKO I imagine my doc is reluctant to do it because it cuts into his budget + he doesn’t consider the possibility. I am not sure how the budget thing works tbh. I might have found a workaround though. I’ll try to get an appointment with an urologist because I found out that I apparently won’t need a referral for that and he might be more inclined to follow my logic.
Thanks for the bench review. Seems like I got leg drive wrong then! That twitching of the legs is actually supposed to be my leg drive.
@Voxel will do!
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If its an FSH/LSH issue a endocrinologist is better equipped to help you. I can’t say for certain this’d be true in general but I am not at all impressed with my urologist. Unfortunately, he’s the only urologist in town that takes patients with a testosterone deficiency so that’s what I’m stuck with given the design of the health-care system in my country. That there is just one such doctor is one of the drawbacks of living in a small town.
But fingers crossed that you’ll get that appointment!
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Thanks for the tip! I don’t live in a big city either but would be willing to drive a bit for an appointment. I’ll try to get an appointment with an endocrinologist then. Or maybe just try to see both.
16.12
Deload week
1 squat (beltless)
5 x 3 @ 120 kg (sets 1,2,4 in wraps)
2 yoke walk
3 x 10 m @ 185 kg
Notes:
- pec is healing fast. Should be good to go next week
- I like squatting in wraps and absolutely despise wrapping and rolling. The insane forearm and hand fatigue is the worst
- program said ssb squats which I am to replace with high bar but I went low bar to get some practise in before next week’s heavy weights
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You could always get a wrap roller. Makes a big difference.
I thought about that, seems like a cool thing to have in a powerlifting gym but honestly it’s pretty expensive. Let’s see if I get annoyed enough to change my mind and buy one.
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Playing some catch up in here Ko. Really sorry to hear that you’ve been having some difficult times, but glad you’ve been able to battle hard. Seems like things are on the upswing and you’re actively seeking help, and I respect that.
I wouldn’t be expecting much out of gym performance when you’re exposed to this level of stress, but you’re still making it happen! Awesome job man, hope things keep looking up for you.
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You can get a hand wrap roller for like $25, thats not going to break the bank.
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Hey mate, thanks for checking in and of course for the kind words.
Things are looking up overall and I hope they continue to. I get impatient with my progress as I still can’t work and can only exist in this near ‘stress free bubble’ that I have created for myself. The thought of leaving that is terrifying. That makes me angry at myself. But on the other hand about 8 (?) weeks ago or so I was seriously considering to kill myself.
It is all about perspective. I can’t be mad about how things are right now when I know how they have been 3 and 2 months ago. Maybe in another 8 weeks I’ll be ready to live a normal life again. Even if it should take longer than that (which, come to think about it, it definitely will because admission isn’t going to happen before end of January) I’d say that isn’t too long of a time span in the context of a life time.
Which isn’t to say that I am not impatient and frustrated. I just know to battle that and see the bigger picture.
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