@Captnoblivious yep, that’s on my deer cam at our farm. I watch them up until season to get me pumped and this picture definitely did the trick. We have a few like him but they are very smart 
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@Nashtide AWESOME POST!!!
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Hi Lorie, and welcome!
I agree with Dr. P that the best option for you at this time is to focus on understanding your husband and helping him understand you through open conversation, rather than trying to understand “men” in the broader sense. My experience of reading these boards is that some men will tell you it’s no big deal, just thoughts, while others will tell you it’s their biological imperative, and yet others sell you on the benefits of open relationships.
But what’s best for YOU? I would tell him you were thrown and are a little upset by his disclosure, but also trying to understand, and then talk about your worries.
I live in a remote area in a sweet house on a couple of exceptionally pretty acres, and we own another 150 acres nearby. I adore it. But I sometimes think it would be nice to have the convenience of a city nearby. Lake places near where I live have a ton of appeal - we could trade the house and land in for a nice lake house, but we’d be very close to our neighbors, which we don’t like. Oceanfront houses turn my head in a big way, and we could maybe manage to get into a small one, but all the fun would stop. We’d be working and living to pay the mortgage. No more vacations, no more nice gifts for family members, no more eating out whenever we feel like it.
All this to say, I can be attracted to things without wanting to follow up on the attraction. Do I want to have my way with the house with the big farmhouse porch? Yes! But I don’t want to lose the things I love about my house - the plain-but-pretty front, the stone walls in back, the boss new kitchen. I’m not willing to sacrifice anything for a romp with another house.
I will say that I don’t tell my fiancé that I sometimes wish I lived in an apartment in Brooklyn Heights. That’s just me and my roving eye, it’s not serious and nothing for him to be stressed about. However, if I did let it slip I’d want him to ask me if I’m serious about moving to the city/beach/suburbs. And then I would tell him that no, they’re just thoughts.
Talk to him.
Thanks for the positive responses. I have told him that I am hurt and even went so far as to ask if he wanted to leave. He said no that he loves me and just wanted to be honest. I do appreciate honesty in my marriage, even when it is not what I want to hear.
I’ve told him that I need time to process everything that has been said and to figure out my feelings about the situation. Talking with people who have no benefit in the outcome helps.
Oh, he just wanted to be honest! That changes everything.
Honesty doesn’t mean blurting out every damn thought that comes into your head. At best he misread you and caused you hurt and at worst he lied about his motivations, is trying to back pedal, and is hiding behind a veneer of “honesty”.
I suppose if he does mess around with someone else now and you catch him, he can always claim he’s just being “authentic”.
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May I ask how old you guys are?
Also, someone upthread suggested a sex therapist. Any competent therapist who works with couples will do if you decide you need something like that - there’s no sexual dysfunction here (dealing with PTSD in a recovering rape victim or the adult impacts of childhood molestation, for instance), just a thing you need to negotiate as a couple.
It doesn’t sound like he’s looking to do anything to disrupt things. I would just let him know, of he brings it up, that you think an open marriage would be destructive (for you, for the relationship) and that you’re not interested, but that you do sympathize with his horniness problems. And then enjoy what sounds like a very satisfying sex life for you!
So cynical! I hope you’re not right. : (
I am 30 and he is 39
It’s hard to know what his true motives are but between me and my wife, I asked her if I could get some on the side (not on TRT, just horny bastard). She said no, I said okay and that was the end of the story. There’s a very good chance this is nothing you need to worry about. Just enjoy a lot of sex.
Lol. Thank you for that. I do trust him and you may very well be right. 
Yes, tell him to man up and stop fucking around.
I have been one of the worst horn dogs in the world (or at least New Mexico). I like women and women like me. Screwed around on basically every girlfriend I ever had.
I ceased doing this, not because I don’t want to screw around and not because I don’t still have plenty of women who hit on me, but because I chose to be faithful to my wife.
Encourage him to jack off if you can’t keep up. A lot of wives frown on this, and it’s a mistake.
On a practical matter, tell him to divide up the dose of test to two shots a week to get a more steady state.
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They get really dumb when chasing does. Every man should realize this! lol
You must be in the midwest someplace. Do you score your deer?
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HAHA YES!!.. men and deer do have something in common. Younger ones are focused on the chase and not their surroundings. The older are wise and a hard trophy to bag, unless your lucky 
We do score ours which is extremely competitive.
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I can never understand what men mean by “honoring the marriage” - what does that mean really?
communication is key, but he did communicate to her that he loves her, and wants some additional side action.
She is not comfortable with that and they discussed it, and compromised -
LOL compromised - means he wants some side action, and she said no - .
Just funny is all - there is more, much more to marriage than fidelity. imo~
In most circles, a marriage is a monogamous relationship. So when I say ‘honor’ his marriage, I mean he should keep the vow he made to his wife. I agree that communication is important, but good communication does not equal saying everything that comes into your mind. He knew damn well that this idea wasn’t gonna fly. He’s just being a selfish douchebag. If he wants to screw everything that stops long enough, I say God bless, but NOT while he’s married.
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This, pron is your friend.
Is honoring promises important in other contexts?
I’ve promised fidelity to my employer - I am not seeing clients on the side, Either I honor that commitment or I tell my employer that I need side action and we part ways. While it is possible to work for some agencies while maintaining private practice, that’s not the job I took. I took one that expects exclusivity. I’m always free to go into private practice. But not while employed by the people I work for.
That’s how I’ll expect my marriage to operate. He is always free to leave it. But he is not free to change the definition of “marriage” post-vows.
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I would frown on it in a low-sex marriage (i.e. save that for me) but can’t see being upset if his drive is greater than mine.
I see your point, but a lot of times a guy needs a release and doesn’t want to bother with the 30 minutes of foreplay that is required with a non-pixelated woman. You’d have to agree to 5 minutes or less.
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Pron? What is this sicko stuff? That’ll get you arrested outside of MA. j/k
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