Orthodox Christian Saints


Hieromartyr Abramius the Bishop of Arbela in Assyria

The Hieromartyr Abraham, Bishop of Arbilia, suffered during a persecution against Christians in Persia under the emperor Sapor II. When they demanded that the saint renounce Christ and worship the sun, he answered, “How foolish to forsake the Creator and instead worship creatures! Isn’t the sun just a creation of my God?”

After this, they fiercely beat and tortured him. St Abraham prayed during torture, echoing the words of the Savior: “Lord, do not count this sin against us, for they know not what they do!” The hieromartyr was beheaded by the sword in the village of Felman.


Venerable Isidore of Pelusium

Saint Isidore of Pelusium lived during the fourth-fifth centuries. He was a native of Alexandria, and was raised among pious Christians. He was a relative of Theophilus, Archbishop of Alexandria, and of his successor, St Cyril. While still a youth he quit the world and withdrew to Egypt to Mount Pelusium, which became the site of his monastic efforts.

St Isidore’s spiritual wisdom and strict asceticism, combined with his broad learning and innate knowledge of the human soul, enabled him to win the respect and love of his fellow monks in a short time. They chose him as their head and had him ordained a priest (The earliest sources for his life, however, say nothing of him being an igumen).

Following the example of St John Chrysostom, whom he had managed to see and hear during a trip to Constantinople, St Isidore devoted himself primarily to Christian preaching, that “practical wisdom” which, in his own words, is both “the foundation of the edifice and the edifice itself”, while logic is “its embellishment, and contemplation its crown.”

He was a teacher and a willingly provided counsel for anyone who turned to him for spiritual encouragement, whether it was a simple man, a dignitary, a bishop, the Patriarch of Alexandria, or even the emperor. He left behind about 10,000 letters, of which 2,090 have survived. A large portion of these letters reveal profound theological thought and contain morally edifying interpretations of Holy Scripture. St Photius calls Isidore a model of priestly and ascetical life, and also a master of style.

St Isidore’s love for St John Chrysostom resulted in his support of St John when he was persecuted by the empress Eudoxia and Archbishop Theophilus. After the death of St John, St Isidore persuaded Theophilus’ successor St Cyril to inscribe the name of St John Chrysostom into the Church diptychs as a confessor. Through the initiative of St Isidore the Third Ecumenical Council was convened at Ephesus (431), at which the false teaching of Nestorius concerning the person of Jesus Christ was condemned.

St Isidore lived into old age and died around the year 436. The Church historian Evagrius (sixth century) writes of St Isidore, “his life seemed to everyone the life of an angel upon the earth.” Another historian, Nicephorus Callistus (ninth century), praises St Isidore thus, “He was a vital and inspired pillar of monastic rules and divine vision, and as such he presented a very lofty image of most fervent example and spiritual teaching.”

Delicious Grimacius of McDonaland in USofA

The Tasty, yet not too fattening Grimace, well-known figure of Marketia, suffered during a persecution against Food Mascots in Suburbia under the evil King Burger. When they demanded that the purple plush renounce Ronald and worship the Chihuahua, he answered, “How foolish to forsake the Burger and instead worship creatures! Isn’t the Chihuahua just an ingredient of our Food?”

After this, they fiercely beat and tortured him, even going as far as to pull on his zipper. St Grimacius slurped a large shake during torture, echoing the words of the Cashier: “Would you like to Supersize this for 99 cents?” The Tasty Treat was beheaded by a plastic spoon in the village of Napkins-by-the-sea.

I never knew that there was a saint for that.

Oh poor, delicious St. Grimacius.

Of all the saints, I always found him to be the greatest.

Can you be a real saint if you don’t have a fishbowl on your head?