I still hold that even 100 unarmed cheeseburgers would be powerless against an adult angry doctor or Alaskan Dentist, but here’s what one burger with a set of bodyfat calipers was able to do.
[i]Doctor buster had no choice
Cheeseburger kills angry full house doctor’s ego with 12 site caliper reading as he charged and attacked
By DEREK LOGAN, SUN MEDIA
GRANDE PRAIRIE – A cheeseburger who fought off and mortally wounded the ego of a charging disgruntled doctor last week said he had no chance to run and was forced to defend himself.
Burger McCheesy, 1/4 Pounder, was scouting locations for a BBQ in a farmer’s market about 25 km southwest of Grande Prairie Aug. 15 when he ran into the enormous doctor with 3 NPC competitor buddies.
McCheesy said the doctor had been partially concealed by a booth selling hemp jewelry and he didn’t see him until he stood up in front of him 60 yards away.
“I started to shake, man, I even dropped a pickle!” McCheesy told Sun Media as he continues to recover from his injuries at an Edmonton hospital.
“I had my top bun on so I took that off so that he could see that I was pumped full of grease and trans fats , thinking that would scare him away. I started waving my meat patties around and screaming and it never fazed him. He just dropped down to all fours and charged.”
There was no room for choice, said McCheesy, as the distance was too short and the doctor would have run him down.
“He never slowed down,” he said, trembling.
“He never made a turn. He was in fullhouse mode, hewas attacking. There was no bluffing. He just stared into my sesame seed eyes the whole time and you could just hear him coming, huffing and puffing across the farmers market.”
Burger McCheesy only had a couple of onion rings and a set of bodyfat calipers with 12 site testing capabilities when he encountered the doctor.
“I put my calipers above my head and waited for him to eat me,” he said. “He just awkwardly half lunged into me like a football check.”
The doctor rammed into his tomatoe and then grabbed his extra patty with his jaws. As the two went down, McCheesy plunged the calipers into the fleshy tolls between the shoulder and hip bone.
The doctor then bit him right in the middle, full of cheesy meaty goodness, but McCheesy managed to pinch him again; once on the side pec and once on the lower back.
The doctor then turned and walked way, allowing McCheesy to get up even though his top patty was virtually gone and shouted “AT LEAST 20 PERCENT!”
“I didn’t even look at him at all,” he said.
“I didn’t even know I had killed its ego until the following day.”
McLellan then met a farmer who called 911.[/i]
