Want to talk about it? I’m just heading out to the crag so won’t be very responsive for a few hours
I’ll check your log to see how the comp went!
Well, nothing really new to report tbh. My stress response mechanism appears to be really out of whack, which seems to peak my symptoms periodically. Other than that anxiety and panic out of nowhere are still huge problems although I get better at toughing it out but well, that’s not exactly the same as not having to deal with it, is it?
Depressive thought spirals, bursts of psycho motor retardation, lack of perception for positive things etc. and an overwhelming sensation of being … well overwhelmed by everything that’s going on in my life at the moment and in the near future are rounding out the bulk of my problems.
I can’t say that things are going good… or that they ever do, really. But at the same time, I’m not giving up. Don’t really know why at times, I just have some kind of image that pushes me. Something that makes it worth it. Something that might be, if you endure long enough and work hard on yourself. Although that something might not be true after all. No saying if you don’t try.
If I haven’t already said it, sometimes a person’s mental state isn’t necessarily an indicator that something is wrong. I mean, you have been through a lot. And, to put it in training terms it’d be like going into a new training cycle with a lot of fatigue accumulated from the previous one.
I don’t expect you to want to talk about it here, but if you have suicidal thoughts and you aren’t an individual that knows that you engage in suicidal ideation as a coping mechanism if those thoughts arise then that is a medical emergency and you are justified — and I encourage you to — to call whatever equivalent you have of 911.
Sunday 2020-09-20
Committed Week 3, Day 20 committed2020
Climbing
Lead,
5 (Bart Simpson)
And then I don’t know. Just went on shit. Did… some number of routes. Good day overall. Got to bail out a few people that sent and couldn’t finish to recoup the quick draws. Apparently people are too skimpish to use a bail-biner? They’re like 3-4 bucks. While a QD is ten times as expensive and then you’re leaving maybe 4-6 of those up there. Logic.
Good day though. Raining as we headed out to the crag but it stopped shortly after we got there and the rock wasn’t too wet. Awesome company. Good tunes. Brought some epic burritos.
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No such agenda at this point in time. 
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Good! I’m glad!
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Monday 2020-09-21
Weight: 75.3-75.8 kg
Today was meant to be a BB-style workout. Yesterday I was in the mood for legs and it was anything but a chill session that I had set my sights on but it looked like fun.
Woke up at 5AM feeling okay but after falling back asleep and awaking at 7AM I felt marginally like ass. Also ZERO appetite. Normally I train in the PM but today I was going to go in the AM so I could cheer on a friend as she acquired her lead-climbing card. So I had some chow anyway. Training begets fuel regardless of how I feel.
Took a walk with my neighbour and friend and his toddler before I intended to go to the gym during which I felt that my legs weren’t going to deliver on anything I wanted them to do so I let the walk be active recovery.
Came back in, planned an upper-body workout. Left the apartment. And came back home. I just felt too wiped.
I think I have some complication from removing my teeth as my breath is horrid and I have a foul taste in my mouth, so I’ve scheduled a follow up later today. Also the opioids aren’t dulling the pain 
Combination of doing too much, eating too little, and something presumably bacterial amiss in my mouth. I don’t even feel bad about skipping this session.
Zero appetite continues for lunch but I think an absence of nutrients wouldn’t exactly be my friend at the moment. Or who knows. It’d be interesting if the body doesn’t want to eat to turn on some autophagy although I doubt it. What do you think @JamesBrawn007 of this idea?
At least I looked good when I woke up!
Carby breakfast that never fueled a workout (+ 1 apple)
Feta cheese mish-mash for lunch (+ 1 banana)
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Yes, looking good mate.
I don’t think your question is specific enough to generate a meaningful answer. What I would say is that certainly fasting would address any issues relating to infection/inflammation. However, if you are genuinely undernourished then you should be feeling hungry. So eating serves a purpose here.
It comes down to both goals and having the ability to understand your needs. The first part is simple. The second part is predicated on an optimal hormone environment where food cravings, energy levels can be correctly interpreted.
I feel that was a ramble there but you probably get the gist!!
Looking mean and lean, man!
I’m actually baffled that you’ve been training and eating like that after getting your wisdom teeth out. I had all 4 pulled when I was 18, and I did NOTHING for a good 2 weeks, and definitely wasn’t eating solid food.
Oh I missed that the procedure was about wisdom teeth. Have to agree with John, I am surprised you’re as active as you are but much more surprised that you got opiods! That doesn’t seem like the procedure was great. I remember getting all 4 of mine out and I barely took like 5 ibuprofen total. Fingers crossed you’ll be better soon!
My surgery had to be quite invasive, one was essentially horizontal and hitting the side of the adjacent tooth. Hence the excision
Wisdom tooth removal is hell- Apparently the pain med situation is quite common for invasive dental procedures
Thought of the day: wouldn’t marijuana be a good prescription for anorexia?
I’m not anorexic myself, but I would thoroughly benefit from having an appetite at the moment.
Possibly? You’d better make sure you’ve got some beneficial foods prepped, though, otherwise I can see it spiralling out of control as the neighbourhood convenience store becomes your new best friend.
Disclaimer on this next point: I’m not a cannabis expert at all. However, something to consider is that much like alcohol, marijuana can mess with your REM sleep. Puts you to sleep quickly, but it can prevent you from entering that deep, restorative sleep.
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True. My only experience is a weekend in Amsterdam where I did some epic food PRs. Best sleep of my life too, we rented a house boat and it was possible to make it so that no outside light got in.
Welcome back my friend. You’re looking way better in that picture, more definition, looks like you lost fat and gained muscle!
You posted a clean vid? I didn’t see any? Only a girl doing weighted pull-ups. I don’t know if I was more distracted by this feat of strength or her figure…
Lol! Anyway, there are good and things about your clean! You understand the mechanics of it and that’s good. Good elbow movement, you really pull with them, and nice catch. But it almost felt like a muscle clean! How wide is your grip? You intiated the second pull at almost knee level lol. you need more patience and let it go up more. That’s why you jumped forward. Probably need to pull more with the traps as well and keep the bar closer! But first just work on your extension. You have the strength to put way more weight
As for the food… Maybe eat more junk? And I’m dead serious ahah
Do you manage to eat even when not not hungry? Anyway your food looks fucking delicious I’m salivating through my screen, how can you not be hungry
Thank you, I’m inclined to agree!
Lol, you distract easily.
Glad to hear it, I think my grip is about as wide as my DL grip. Slightly outside the legs, shoulder-width or so. I’ll work more on my timing.
I actually had two pieces of chocolate just now before dinner (I’ll upload dinner pictures). But lack of appetite persists so I just went for density because I don’t think I’ll get another meal in me today.
I’m genuinely concerned out about not having an appetite. I’m accustomed to undereating and can navigate that somewhat but through these years with my issues I’ve never been disgusted with food (which I’m experiencing now). This is not something I’ve had to navigate before. But yes, I can still eat. For better or worse, I’m quite able to just do the opposite of what my body wants. Sometimes detrimentally so. This might be one of the times where going against the grain as it were is actually good for me.
Unless those two pieces mean two whole 120g bars, that doesn’t count as junk food.
Hey man, I’ll take any victory I can get. That’s two more pieces of calories than zero.
Seriously man, it’s a win. It had sugar in it and wasn’t 100% dark.
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