The cost doesn’t concern me so much as a lack of any proper place I could trust to have it installed.
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Concrete ceiling anywhere?
Body image issue confession time
Timeline:
This week,
Previous week,
Two weeks prior.
Two weeks prior I did not see any substantial weight gain, after many weeks of not seeing any real weight gain. I also started to look, to me, pretty good at that weight. I was effectively recomping while managing to keep calories rather high. So on that weekend, the Sunday, I had 4000 calories, and a pretty inactive day with the exception of my workout. I even had a nap (not customary for me). The following day (Monday, 7 days ago), I still felt alright, weight was up, mirror was kind. I decided to keep with my caloric intake unchanged, but, I skewed my training from AM to PM, and as such the bulk of my calories came in later in the day. This lead to a decrease in overall activity over the day too.
And then I gained a lot of weight that week. My median weight went from 76 or so kilos to 78. And my waist increased by the same amount in centimeters.
I know objectively this is in part to the change in timing, and carrying more water in the morning as a consequence. And stool. And, to a lesser degree burning fewer calories as I have less excess energy that I exert as a happenstance of being energetic. So, there is some fat gain, there is some muscle gain, there is a reduction of overall daily activity.
Now, the smart move would be… change nothing. Just continue eating, and sort any excess fat gain later. I know this. But it doesn’t take. I still feel stressed about… not looking as “good” as I did here (before my weight shot up quiiiickly):
And even though I want there to be no question as to looking as if I lift even in clothes, and reaching the proverbial “unit” status, such as Wendler here
or James Haskell here
I’m still eating slightly fewer calories (not a deficit!) this week. Hopefully, that’ll be enough to get back into a better headspace. Because honestly I’m right distracted right now, even at work, by how my body looks — and there’s not a mirror around.
I think I’ll focus less on what happens weekly, and do bi-weekly adjustments (why does bi-weekly mean both twice a week and every other week? I mean the latter). The only thing I’ll react to on a weekly basis if I start losing weight. Hell, maybe I’ll be adjusting every four weeks. If I gain one kilo a month, that’s 12 kilos in a year. Not as an aggressive gain as can be had, but not gaining weight as quickly as possible isn’t nearly as tough for me to cope with as gaining it too fast.
I spoke about this with a friend, who expressed what I imagine what I’d chime in with as an outsider looking in: don’t let it phase you, just focus on the long-game. And I can tell myself that too. It’s sound advice. It’s amusing how it bounces off, and to experience the sensation of my issues taking precedence in my decision making process, logic and reason be damned.
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Yep, this.
I’d also note that both of the above carry significantly more body fat than you do, and have carried even more previously. They are also genetic outliers, extremely likely to use PEDS and use their bodies to make their money. I know these all feel like excuses, but they are also all factors in the real world.
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Thanks, I know you are right. It’s just tough to get through the mental barrier sometimes. I look at kleinhound, and his physique, as we are of comparable weights (he’s +3-4kg heavier I believe) but I’m 10cm taller so I have to add about 14-16 kilo I guess if I want to look comparable.
I wonder if it’d been easier to side-step my demons this time if this was the start of fall. I don’t know. Insanity is rarely sane.
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Is that your ideal physique?
No. Although it is more towards where I want to be. I’d trade some of the “cut” aesthetic for bigger. But, abdominals showing even when relaxed (not flexed) is on my wish-list.
I cannot honestly say that I’ve seen a single individual that makes me go “there, that’s the goal” that also feels attainable. That’s not to say there aren’t physiques that I’ve seen where I wouldn’t feel that I’ve attained my physique goals.
This is just semantics, but they matter to me: there are people whose physique guide my own quest, but none that serve as a specific marker/goal. But they are just that, guides, i.e. something I can move toward, but they do not define the destination.
I’d be interested in seeing what your definition of looking like a unit in winter gear looks like
Me too! It was just a funny lofty aim. I imagine you’d have to have some pretty wide shoulders for it to show that you lift even while wearing such a jacket. It’d help to be 200cm but I can’t really do anything about that. I don’t know if this is attainable at all really. Proper winter gear is… proper winter gear.
I tried naming a few names, adding a few pictures, but it’s not cohesive enough to post. It’s tough to articulate without sounding like a right asshole. “Similar to this person with this enviable physique to wit I do not compare, and +10-20 pounds of muscle to go with that, please”.
What I did notice though is a preference for a thick “warrior”-type waist than a narrow one. Even if that is to the detriment of shoulder/waist-ratio.
I definitely identify with this thought process, I can’t help feeling the same way. My goals are fairly disparate and contradictory, which is why I find it so difficult though.
- I want to be sexy AF, in a Hollywood way
- I want to lift big, impressive numbers
- I want to look impressive/intimidating in clothes.
The battle for me is figuring out how committed I am to each goal and working from there.
It’s tough to bulk in the spring. You look great man. Just think about the progress you will loose if you don’t push through spring and summer. I’ve done the yo yo thing and it doesn’t work. Slow and steady bulk. Keep it up
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And even 1. is kind of arbitrary. Hollywood, when?
Growing up, I remember seeing Jim Davidson in Pacific Blue and thinking that was a very big, well-trained gentleman,
But now I just see a somewhat fit individual there.
Then, later in life, there was Oz, which redefined size for me with Adebisi,
And granted, this was at a time when you saw Schwarzenegger on-screen but that never registered as attainable. I think it was at this time the dry look started appearing a bit on the big screen with Stallone (I fondly remember Tango & Cash including a carb counting joke)
And I think leanness started to be a bigger element in Hollywood around this time. I’m not a historian but without going out to check out the years I imagine young Marky-mark,
and Lance Reddick
were both in the public eye (+/- a few years).
Thank you Jack. I appreciate that. I hate to be this guy, that corrects someone when they give words of encouragement but I cannot help but emphasise that I do not look like I did two weeks ago when I posted my most recent picture. I wish I looked like that right now though, but even flexed and fresh out of the gym it is nowhere near close. A slow-bulk fro there would have been easier to maintain for me mentally.
But I promise I will not yo-yo, I’ll just try to smooth over the worst of it this week with eating at maintenance level.
It’s not the wisest choice from a “reach your goal”-perspective, but I just need to get out of my head a little and then get back at it.
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My version of “Hollywood” would be the physiques that I grew up with girls admiring. Think Troy era Brad Pitt. I Am Legend era Will Smith, etc.
Biggest difference IMO between these pics and yours is mainly pec development. A well developed chest can change the look of a physique drastically. Look at the difference here from competition. Third place needed chest work and if showed.
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Wow, striking demonstration. Your physique is super balanced now. I wonder if you don’t fall smack-dab on the golden ratio How to Look Freakin' Awesome
Has the rest of your body caught up to your traps from the start of your log or have you given them less attention to let the rest catch up?
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For pure looks, I’d take the Brad Pitt look any day. In terms of looks, my only goal is to look good to women and that seems to be about the ideal, on average.
I’d like to look good laying on the beach, and have well-defined enough abs to not worry about them disappearing after having a single ice-cream while simultaneously being the obvious person to point to if there is a fire and someone needs to be carried.
So an arsonist then?
I get that. I’m less bothered about the second bit really. In fact, I’m only really worried about the first bit within the bedroom. I’m old enough now that I don’t really feel the need for more than my missus to care.
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I think the rest has caught up… I don’t do any direct trap work. And thank you for the compliment. Focus now is all about rahabing this leg. Headed to PT as we speak!
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