Understandable, given your background. I’m not intimately familiar with ADHD so what I write now may appear as incredibly crude or insensitive and I apologise for that to you, and anyone else that reads this if I cause offense.
You wrote this,
And we all behave in the way we do, because of who we are and what we have experienced. This statement is true for everyone, regardless of any diagnosis that they have, whether or not that is ADHD, or being on the spectrum. Some parts of our behaviour we cannot change. But some we can. I can’t will away my eating disorder, but I can work on it. I certainly cannot will away my hypogonadism, but I can find ways to ameliorate its impact on my life.
I don’t know what is in your power to do or not with regards to how you conduct yourself, but if it is within your abilities to slow-down a bit and reply after having taken a breath or two, that might make the above scenario happen to you less and less.
I really hope you seek out the books I recommended.