NFL - Week 5

Off Topic
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8 of 13 picking the winners, which is bad enough, but the spread let me down. 5 out of 13 is the official mark since Jacksonville and Pittsburg punked out and missed my spread, and the Rams overachieved, losing by only 17 instead of 21.

Those are the ones you hate; the winners running out the clock rather than thoughtfully driving to another score so you beat your spread.

Now, for WEEK FIVE:

TEN @ BAL - One of the Titans’ linebackers said, “we still have time to go 4-12.” I like that guy. They won’t, though. However, they won’t go undefeated. This is it. They finally lose in Baltimore. Ravens by 3.

KC @ CAR - The Chiefs are finally on a winning streak! Well, okay, they’ve won only one. But it was against the awe-inspiring Broncos. You gotta give them props for that. Thus, I’ll limit Carolina to a 3 point win. Panthers by 3.

CHI @ DET - Bears by 21.

ATL @ GB - Ah, the Packers. A mystery team, wrapped in obfuscatory and enigmatic… well, they are possibly overrated. Many people are hanging all over Rodgers’ sack, proclaiming him to be the next Messiah, but he’ll have to do time eating locusts first. Happily, thay are at home against a pack of girly boys. Packers by 3.

IND @ HOU - Indy’s record is a lie. They are still a championship game contender. Colts by 7. FEARLESS SPREAD

SD @ MIA - After Miami’s last dominating victory, I suppose I should give them a shot. However, Turner will only be amused by Miami’s attempts at shenanigans. He’ll shillelagh them with a clock-eating running game. Bolts by 4.

SEA @ NYG - Seahawks by 21.

WAS @ PHI - NFC East battle! 2 of the 4 best teams in the league playing! Either could win. Well, one surely will. Since it is in Philly, I have to go with the Iggles by 3.

TB @ DEN - Wow, Tampa is hot right now, eh? But they’re Tampa. I mean… I cannot pick them this week. Can they go to Mile High and win one? No. Broncos by 4.

BUF @ ARI - For the love of God, place no bets on this game. Toss a coin. Er… Cardinals by 1.

CIN @ DAL - Dallas by 15. There you go, Brian Tomlinson. Three scores, and two are touchdowns.

NE @ SF - Hrm. Well, objectively I have to go with the Patriots by 7, though I hope they lose by 21. FEARLESS SPREAD

PIT @ JAC - The game to watch. Jacksonville by 3.

MIN @ NO - New Orleans by 7. FEARLESS SPREAD

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I like most of your picks. Though I think you are one of the few people who still doesn’t think Indy is not the team they used to be.

PS- :frowning: The patriots had so much potential this season… so so sad…

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Dude, you do know that the way you pick these games means you’re destined to be well below .500 all year, right? All you’re doing is picking straight up winners and then giving them a point differential that they have to exceed. So if you pick a dog to win and they just cover, you still lose.

Why don’t you evaluate your picks against the Vegas spread? You’d probably have much better results.

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I know fuck all about football. This should be well established by this point. The original intent of the thread was part satire, part reason to discuss football - a sport I am trying to learn more about instead of being tunnel-visioned into hockey my entire life.

I have now spelled it out for everyone. I apologize for assuming it was obvious.

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On a side note, comedy is considered a failure of epic proportions when requiring an explaination.

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My picks:

TEN @ BAL - Baltimore is beat up and on a short week. Tennessee shuts down their running game and uses Flacco for a punching bag. TEN by 10

KC @ CAR - LJ gets brought back to earth - HARD. CAR by 21

CHI @ DET - Detroit is coming off of a huge meltdown against the Bills. Chicago is coming off a huge W. Detroit sucks. CHI by 13

ATL @ GB - Michael Turner keeps the Falcons close. GB by 6

IND @ HOU - IND gets Jeff Saturday back this week. He’s the difference maker on that line. IND by 14

SD @ MIA - The NE game two weeks ago will seem like it was last season after this drubbing. SD by 24

SEA @ NYG - SEA sucks dick when they have to play at 1 pm on the East Coast. NYG by 17

WAS @ PHI - Game of the week. Eagles blitz will get to Campbell enough to create some turnovers. Westbrook will be back making plays. PHI by 6

TB @ DEN - Jay Cutler finally gets to play against a top 10 NFL defense. The Broncos can’t stop Earnest Graham. TB by 4

BUF @ ARI - The Bills find themselves in a desert shootout. ARI by 3

CIN @ DAL - The Cowboys avenge last week’s disappointment against the worst team in the NFL. But Cinci plays up to their competition after an embarassing loss to the Browns. DAL by 14

NE @ SF - Frank Gore pulls a Ronnie Brown…almost. NE by 1

PIT @ JAC - The Steelers are beat to shit. Doesn’t matter, because JAC’s O line is just as bad. The D shuts down the Jags and Ben makes 1 more play and 1 less mistake than Garrard, just the opposite of last year. PIT by 4

MIN @ NO - This is a tough one. Both of these teams were highly overrated this year. I’ll give the nod to the home team. NO by 3

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[quote]NeelyDan wrote:
part reason to discuss football - a sport I am trying to learn more about instead of being tunnel-visioned into hockey my entire life.
[/quote]

Wow, a nobler reason to do something I don’t think has ever been spoken.

Only if you replaced “hockey” with “baseball”, could I commend you any further.

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HOU will beat IND and that’s not even an upset anymore. And I can’t believe I’m actually anticipating a WAS-PHI matchup.

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Will post my picks later this week. I went 7/13 last week but bet Washington as a straight up winner on the moneyline. Ended up ahead despite the sub-par week. So far I’m 38/60 ATS picking every game. See you later gents…

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[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
My picks:
SEA @ NYG - SEA sucks dick when they have to play at 1 pm on the East Coast. NYG by 17

[/quote]

Yes, the Hawks do have a history of playing terribly on the east coast in 1pm games but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Seattle pull this one out.

Hawks 28-13

P.S. I hate the Steelers!

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[quote]DavidSappenfield wrote:
Yes, the Hawks do have a history of playing terribly on the east coast in 1pm games but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Seattle pull this one out.

Hawks 28-13

P.S. I hate the Steelers! [/quote]

No you don’t. Talk to a Browns fan. They HATE the Steelers.

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[quote]NeelyDan wrote:
WAS @ PHI - NFC East battle! 2 of the 4 best teams in the league playing! Either could win. Well, one surely will. Since it is in Philly, I have to go with the Iggles by 3.
[/quote]

Please keep picking the Skins to lose. You’re my lucky charm.

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What exactly is Seattle’s problem with the East coast games? I dont’ get it…

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Bears should be 5-0 right now if they hadn’t blown the 2 leads they had in their losses.

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go Skins.

looked real bad in the 1st, but they made the necessary adjustments :smiley:

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[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
go Skins.

looked real bad in the 1st, but they made the necessary adjustments :D[/quote]

Not a fan of the Skins but got to admit they look really good. Defense solid, OL solid, Clinton Portis looks great.

Jim Zorn is a good coach and I like the way the team controls the ball at the end of the game.

The NFL would really suck this year if it wasn’t for the NFC East matchups

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[quote]DavidSappenfield wrote:
Steel Nation wrote:
My picks:
SEA @ NYG - SEA sucks dick when they have to play at 1 pm on the East Coast. NYG by 17

Yes, the Hawks do have a history of playing terribly on the east coast in 1pm games but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Seattle pull this one out.

Hawks 28-13

P.S. I hate the Steelers! [/quote]

Awww that was a cute try at predicting. Try the “Hawks” getting fucked in the mouth by 38 points. Go G-MEN best all around team in football!!

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Is there any doubt as to who’s the best team in the NFL?

Giants fucking laid a beat down on Seattle. Love it! They are playing better than they did last season, and we all know how that turned out.

Washington keeps winning and the Titans are perhaps the second-best team in the NFL. That D is nasty.

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[quote]Djwlfpack wrote:
Giants fucking laid a beat down on Seattle. Love it! They are playing better than they did last season, and we all know how that turned out.
[/quote]

How last season turned out? Oh yeah! The team that played the best throughout the year struggled in the playoffs and eventually lost. The supposed best team in the NFC was beat at home in their playoff opener for the second straight season. The eventual Superbowl champion was a team that struggled initially and had some early season losses. They squeaked into the playoffs and had to play three road games to get to the Superbowl. There they got lucky with one of the most improbable catches ever and won.

I interpret that to mean the Packers will definitely be champs this year.

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[quote]chillain wrote:
HOU will beat IND and that’s not even an upset anymore. And I can’t believe I’m actually anticipating a WAS-PHI matchup.

[/quote]

This game was unreal. Sage Rosenfels had one of the most epic fails EVER at the end of a football game. That has got to be painful for any Texan player or fan.