[quote]nephorm wrote:
CaliforniaLaw wrote:
This is very good advice. While you’re sitting in bed, read some Nietzsche. I’d suggest you start with Walter Kaufmann’s translation of Beyond Good and Evil.
Then ask yourself how many times Nietzsche had sex…[/quote]
More often than the OP, it seems.
[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
More often than the OP, it seems.[/quote]
ZING!
[quote]emdawgz1 wrote:
Its been said… i’ll add.
They will fight you on this. [/quote]
Of course they will. Hell, my kids go to bed the same time every night and they frequently bitch and moan and fight me on it. But in the end, they’re in bed at around the same time every night. I give them a choice: you can go to bed now, or you can get spanked and go to bed now.
DB
[quote]dollarbill44 wrote:
I give them a choice: you can go to bed now, or you can get spanked and go to bed now.
[/quote]
It’s important that children be given choices… good job!
[quote]pushharder wrote:
dollarbill44 wrote:
…I give them a choice: you can go to bed now, or you can get spanked and go to bed now.
DB
Funny. That’s the exact same thing I say to my wife when I’m horny.[/quote]
When are you NOT horny?
[quote]dollarbill44 wrote:
emdawgz1 wrote:
Its been said… i’ll add.
They will fight you on this.
Of course they will. Hell, my kids go to bed the same time every night and they frequently bitch and moan and fight me on it. But in the end, they’re in bed at around the same time every night. I give them a choice: you can go to bed now, or you can get spanked and go to bed now.
DB [/quote]
Thats my style… kids need rules and structure
[quote]John S. wrote:
First off, you need to beat your kids ass when they act up like this. Your there father let them know it.
second. Tell your wife this shit is not normal and your not going to put up with it anymore, don’t back down when she comes back stand up for yourself.
Third. Don’t be a bitch grow a pair and get your house back under control(yeah I said your house).[/quote]
I think I need to state that the first part is a joke, there where a few people who thought I was serious.
[quote]John S. wrote:
John S. wrote:
First off, you need to beat your kids ass when they act up like this. Your there father let them know it.
second. Tell your wife this shit is not normal and your not going to put up with it anymore, don’t back down when she comes back stand up for yourself.
Third. Don’t be a bitch grow a pair and get your house back under control(yeah I said your house).
I think I need to state that the first part is a joke, there where a few people who thought I was serious.[/quote]
How anyone could confuse the subtle, multilayered humor of the first paragraph with the profound philosophical wisdom of the other two is really beyond me.
[quote]JamFly wrote:
Where does one start… I am not a social worker but here are a couple of observations.
You need to realise that it’s your fault that it’s gotten to this in the first place… and to fix things YOU are going to have to change. But also the posative thing is that you have actually decided to effect some regime change, so that’s a good start.
Family life should not revolve around a tv, 90% of tv programs are junk, get rid of the tv perhaps keep something to watch movies on.
Kids thrive on routine and discipline, sounds like you need to reign that in.
Maybe this is none of my business but if the kids are in your bed all the time when do yo have a chance to get intimate with your wife?[/quote]
Intimate is not happening but once every two months, yeah i get relief , but it is not worth talking about, and to do it in bed with kidsor on the floor between closet and bed when kids are in room. it is only good mostly never cause I constantly fear kids waking upand man it is just not right to do it with kids in room awake or not.
[quote]emdawgz1 wrote:
dollarbill44 wrote:
emdawgz1 wrote:
Its been said… i’ll add.
They will fight you on this.
Of course they will. Hell, my kids go to bed the same time every night and they frequently bitch and moan and fight me on it. But in the end, they’re in bed at around the same time every night. I give them a choice: you can go to bed now, or you can get spanked and go to bed now.
DB
Thats my style… kids need rules and structure
[/quote]
Well they never fight me much when she’s not at home.
But kike at the gas station the other night, The boy wanted one of those suckers that get stuck on everything and are like three inches in circle.She saidNo, and he whinned and I said mom said no and I say no so put it back, and he THREW IT TO THE FLOOR,I told him to pick it up and put it back stop whinnning.
So he stood there and smiled at me . I said really pick it up or you go to the van andno icecream tonight. Cause that is what we where at the gas staion for the have real ice cream hand scooped.
anyway she says Wife Stop it its like you are fighting with yourself. You are acting so childish
I had to bite my tounge, I tought you +&^%$ how am I ACTING LIKE A KID WHAT AM I DOING WRONG HES IGNORING ME COMPLETELY. TWO MINUTES AGO HE WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR SCREAMING AND CRYING TO GET HIS WAY.
I was not yelling or shouting at him just firmly telling him what to do and stating consenquences.
She did not buy the sucker but the damage done was ha ha I do not have to listen to you while mom is here,and I still get my icecream even though you told I wont.
right now moms at work and they arepicking up there toys they have left all over all week. No argument worth mentioning.
No I do not want any symapthy, but I do kinda know what has to be done. My big problem is that I am told how heartless I am and all the other bullshit. I used to have alot of friends that I huing out with now they are gone I don’t have any support. I do not even get to see my family. She makes plans for the weekend, and then ask what i want to do.
Such as this fathers day weekend two month or so since my fahter has undergone his sven bypass surgery, and
I have seen him ten times for brief periods before she starts in yelling at me about my responiblities to my home not him.
So she wants to go see her son in the state pen for multiple reasons ten minutes away she’s had all week to see him.
The thing is my jimmies have been cut off, my family has been cut off and i feel I have no support I am out of Ideas.
Honestly I wish I had of taken that job giving trail rides in the grand canyon. any where but here
Cause I know the only person you can change is yourself
I am just trying to feed of this link to get some strength to do what I have to.
I do not need sympathy i just need A good kick in the ass .
[quote]uptruck wrote:
anyway she says Wife Stop it its like you are fighting with yourself. You are acting so childish
[/quote]
How did this not end with you telling the kid no fucking ice cream tonight? Your wife tells you in front of your kids that you are acting childish by reprimanding him? Dude, your problem is larger than any one or two incidents. It sounds you never had control in the first place. It isn’t like you are going to suddenly get it back now.
The kids have been raised to ignore you and your wife doesn’t respect you. No one is at fault but YOU. You are probably going to have to either suck it up and deal with the damage you’ve done or possibly consider divorce. All relationships (friendships included) are like that.
If you present yourself in the beginning as the weakest person in the group, the chances of you being a leader are slim to none no matter how much time passes unless you leave that group for a long time and then return much later.
One thing I’ve noticed is that you don’t seem to be having any of these conversations with your wife. Did you discuss with her directly afterwards that reprimanding you in front of the kids shouldn’t be done like that?
The only conclusion is that she sees you as being incompetent. Why does she think that way about you? What do you do for a living? Does she make more money than you? Is her educational level much higher?
[quote]Professor X wrote:
uptruck wrote:
anyway she says Wife Stop it its like you are fighting with yourself. You are acting so childish
How did this not end with you telling the kid no fucking ice cream tonight? Your wife tells you in front of your kids that you are acting childish by reprimanding him? Dude, your problem is larger than any one or two incidents. It sounds you never had control in the first place. It isn’t like you are going to suddenly get it back now.
The kids have been raised to ignore you and your wife doesn’t respect you. No one is at fault but YOU. You are probably going to have to either suck it up and deal with the damage you’ve done or possibly consider divorce. All relationships (friendships included) are like that.
If you present yourself in the beginning as the weakest person in the group, the chances of you being a leader are slim to none no matter how much time passes unless you leave that group for a long time and then return much later.
One thing I’ve noticed is that you don’t seem to be having any of these conversations with your wife. Did you discuss with her directly afterwards that reprimanding you in front of the kids shouldn’t be done like that?
The only conclusion is that she sees you as being incompetent. Why does she think that way about you? What do you do for a living? Does she make more money than you? Is her educational level much higher?[/quote]
No I did not find out that she never graduated H.S. I am five credits from college degree but messed up my financial aid until after we were married.
I did say no ice cream and she bought it anyway.
I do have them and she pretty much says leave if you do not like it.
I fear what would be happen to children if I left. Though i do not accomplish much.
I am 39 this year I have seven step grand children, and one step kid trying to concieve with a guy who just got out on a murder charge. One stepkid in jail for armed robbery one step kid who is a fricken drug addict with four kids.
I met these kids when they where 16, 15, 14. I was a fricken ittiot. I thought that if I was a good role model I could help, She told believed in the old fashioned way of life man head etc. I was a farm kid, I was foreman on one of the lagest custom home bulders in the state of Wi.
but after a short period I learned different. Long enough to concieve twin girls and fuck myself forever
The sixteen year old held strip parties in my basement. slept with the radio cranked up all the way. He’s the druggy with four kids now.
in two months I found out my Citgo card was raised up to 1,500 dollars on smokes food, and shit
I had people living in my house I did not know. Showereing eating my food. I’d chase them out and some how they got let back in. Cops said since kid let them in I could not charge them with tresspassing.
the kid in jail for armed robberry, he’d get mad, and take a hammmer to my house truck shoot my compound bow into the house, and destroy work tools. Saws what ever he could get his hands on. I’d lockit up and h’ed rippthe lock off break windows or doors just to destroy things.
Once again cops andher no help. She’d ground them to the house with T.V. phone could have friends over etc.
Guesse what lost that job
The girl with two kids trying to concieve with the guy who got out on murder charges I am not even going there.
this is what she raised pretty much on her own. So yeah I am afraid to leave.
Maybe that is what has to happen?
[quote]uptruck wrote:
Maybe that is what has to happen?[/quote]
Yes. For me, while I can only speculate that I would never be in a situation like that to begin with, there is no way I would stick around just for the slim chance that things might get better. None of this came out in your original post.
I can’t tell you how to deal with your problems. We all have our own situations to live/think through and someone else’s advice for me could be just as wrong as my advice for you. I only know that negative situations like that don’t have happy endings unless someone puts a severe block in the road to end the cycle.
Maybe that blockade involves you leaving and getting visitational rights. Maybe it involves you getting custody of the kids (even though that may be slim). Maybe it involves you simply putting your foot down and making some rules and ultimatums. Either way, you don’t sound happy…so I would assume the responsibility is on you to at least do SOMETHING.
The more you write, the more I cringe. This will never end well.
I think “out of fucking control” is the appropriate phrase.
The strong temptation would be to simply disappear and go to another state - as far away as possible. Or you could stay and try to get full custody of your kids, and take them with you. Good luck…
Wow… I don’t know what to say… thats like WHOLE 'nother ballgame than the original post.
I don’t know… I guess talk with a lawyer or something and start amassing evidence of her and her side of the family so u can keep the kids (without her knowing).
Thats what I WOULD DO, based on my SHORT life experience(21 y.o currently) and what u wrote here.
Also, I don’t believe 39 y.o is “old”. I know of A LOT of people who have come to the United States alone with nothing in their pockets, didn’t speak English, and are now doing VERY well. So… I think you call pull through and push forward.
WOW… I bet Maury or Jerry Springer could do a months worth of shows with you guys.
Must of been some great times with her in the begining in order for you to ignore the warning signs with the step kids.
Man you need to leave or something. Shit like that, that severe and stuff really usually doesnt get any better than that and your 39 man. Your still young! Don’t waste your OWN life. Who gives a shit if your going to be selffish.
Try to get the kids, make sure they know your the boss, and get outta that relationship/life. Just move somewhere else man. Do you really want all that to be your life until you die? Think bout it…
Take your biological offspring and go far away from this woman and he screwed up family…