My Wife Has My Balls

Off Topic
21

I think I may have an idea that wasn’t posted yet…get your kids to exercise. Sign them up for after school t-ball, soccer, something. That way you can teach them some discipline if you help coach them, and they’ll be tired enough to fall asleep at a decent hour.

The TV is not a babysitter and should not take the place of parenting. I understand you work late so workout a carpool with another parent in the kids? sports league to take them home, and you can take the kids on the weekends to the games or extra practice.

This is what my parents did for me when I was young and it worked great. The only time I got to watch TV was before practice on Saturday mornings and Sundays.

22

You have already been checked out of the marriage… or at least she has forgotten your value.

I advise you to be prepared to have to leave, but hope you don’t have to. Put your foot down and make things change, give it time to change and if they don’t just leave.

3 things could happen, 1-things change and all is good, 2-they don’t, you leave, she misses you and will change to get you back, 3- you leave she is happier and doesn’t want you back.

You live once…why be miserable?

23

Your situation is a bunch of crap. Take control now. It’s going to be hard to get your kids in a better rountine, but if you are consistent, they will eventually learn.

If your wife is at work at night then she can’t say anything about giving them a bed time because she won’t be home. You’ll be the sole enforcer. If the kids cry, let them cry. They’ll get over it.

I have four kids 7 and under. They all go to bed by 8:00 (except the baby). My daughter who is now 4 really had a hard time going to bed for a while. It was a fight for many months to get her to stay in bed, but she eventually learned.

The longer you let this go, the longer it will take to correct. Put your foot down, tell your wife that you plan to enforce a bed time and not let them sleep in your bed, and that’s it. If she doesn’t like it tough. One of you needs to impose some kind of discipline or it will back to bite you later on, probably when they are teenagers and have figured out that they can do pretty much what they want.

24

First off, you need to beat your kids ass when they act up like this. Your there father let them know it.

second. Tell your wife this shit is not normal and your not going to put up with it anymore, don’t back down when she comes back stand up for yourself.

Third. Don’t be a bitch grow a pair and get your house back under control(yeah I said your house).

25

the life you’re living now is the life your kids will have. or worse. while distillers and big-pharma companies may love you for it, no one else will.

i 'm not a parent but i live on street full of them and the only 2 kids on it who can speak in sentences are the ones who are in bed @ 8pm. they don’t have tv or their own computers either.

yeah, you could feel sorry for my 8 year old neighbor who doesn’t have a tv to watch the red sox, but the fact is he’s outside waiting for the paper in the morning and is outside every night working with his t-ball and pitch back and pestering me to throw him curve balls so he can learn to “hit the deuce” by the time he gets to little league.

the real point here is he spends his energy learning and playing all day is ready to sleep by bedtime.

as for you, you need to take care of yourself and create a better life. if you don’t respect yourself neither your kids nor your wife nor anyone else are going to. and their life will never be any better than yours which probably sucks so bad you’re trapped in a cycle of medication, prescription or self induced, while somebody else ( merck or jim beam) gets rich off your lack of forward momentum.

26

Those poor children. They are not given a good nights sleep and taught how to comfort themselves. The TV is their god, they worship with consistency. They watch a father who does not know how to control his own life and tries too hard to please a woman instead of fulfilling his purpose.

Why didn?t they go with you to help their grandfather? It is not a sacrifice, its just what you do to earn the air that you breathe. Women bitch to see if you will be a man or just another child she has to take care of.

This is not about your sleep like so many posters said. I gave up a lot of sleep for my children when it was the right thing to do. They were babies then. This is about being a man and a father and it is the right thing to do.

27

[quote]pookie wrote:
With a seven year old and a four year old, letting them “do whatever they want” is an invitation for disaster. Unless your house is entirely made out of Nerf, they will break something(s), hurt themselves or each other.
[/quote]

Dude, get a life. That’s with respect to where everybody is sleeping… maybe you should reread the original post.

Like some others, I don’t have high hopes that things will turn around after seven years of this – with a wife that doesn’t sound concerned about the issues.

Job one, get some real sleep.

Then, once that starts to happen the OP will have the mindset to deal with things in a rational manner over whatever period of time things take. Trying to make major changes, confronting the issues, while in a seriously weak state (massively sleep deprived) is just foolish.

28

I have been sitting here thinking of what to say but I’ve made myself dizzy from shaking my head.

WTF, who’s in charge? Do you have low test? I cannot believe a grown man would let his kids run his life. You and your wife need to get on the same page. Does she realize that if you don’t get sleep, you don’t perform well at your job? Which in turn leads to less promotions and pay raises and in fact, could lead to you LOSING your damn job if you keep falling asleep in meetings.

If my husband were this much of a damn pushover, I’d have to divorce him and find someone who had a set… never mind, if he were that much of a pushover, i’d never have married him.

29

As a parent you have to draw the line and set expectations. Give the kids a bedtime and stick to it. They will cry for a few nights or a week or two and then it ends. That’s a father’s job in my opinion. My wife was always the softy but she stepped out of the way when it was time.

The only time we let the kids into our bed was when it was thundering and lighting outside and then the dog jumped in also. I actually look back on it fondly now.

Let me tell you. If the kids don’t listen when they are 4 and 7 they will not listen when they are teens. You will have nice respectful children if you are firm and love them but you have to set rules and excpectations when they are young.

30

It is normal for kids wanting to sleep with mom. You want to wean them off this but you also need to get some sleep yourself.

Go sleep in another room for now as needed.

In the meantime you need to turn off the TV and get the kids to bed. That means no TV for you for a while. Don’t try to send them to bed while you watch TV.

Take the kids to their or your bed room, read them a book and turn out the lights. Stay with them if you need to but get them to sleep.

31

[quote]uptruck wrote:
When i say something I hear" You just haveno heart. This is what most families do."[/quote]

As others have said this is not “normal”, not that that matters though because even if it was the norm for obvious reasons you shouldn’t want this to continue. I wouldn’t spend a lot of time beating your self up over this.

It’s not uncommon for young kids to want to sleep with their parents and if you ever let it get started they will fight you tooth and nail in order to stay in your bed room. You need to begin by breaking your kid’s late night habit.

If possible start by trying to get them out of bed earlier. Most kids need at least ten hours of sleep a night so you want to make sure they are getting that each night, and while you might like it that they sleep later in the morning/day the trade off is your evenings aren’t your own.

7:00PM is a good time to begin winding the kids down. Establish a nightly routine and stick to it. Brush teeth, say their prayers, and spend about 30 minutes reading to them. When you read the emphasis should be on the kids sitting or laying down quietly listening.

At first they’ll want to play and jump around but keep it up. Stop reading until they are quiet and still. When one acts out you’ll find the other kids will help you in shushing the errant child because they are all interested in the story.

Initially this will be a struggle for you, but keep at it and you’ll find that you all will benefit by spending quality time together. After the alloted reading time is over tuck the kids in and turn off the lights (night lights are okay) and leave the kids in their rooms.

You’ll have to get up to put the kids back to bed or go in their rooms to quiet them down, but the important part is that they are staying in their rooms doing what you tell them to do. Eventually the kids will get into this habit and as a general rule will fall asleep shortly after lights out.

Do this whether or not your wife agrees with or even helps you out. she might think it’s cruel or disagree, but commit to doing this and follow it though. Doing this will demonstrate your authority in the house to both the wife and the kids.

They will all end up respecting for this and their opinion of you will change. Doing this doesn’t require raising your voice to the kids (or wife), it doesn’t require you to become a hard ass, but it does require that you quietly and calmly commit to a course of action and follow it through no matter what the cost.

Do this and your wife will happily relinquish the balls of the family back into your care…

32

This is total BS!!!

Remove your hidden cameras from my house!!!

Ha Ha…I’ve got a lot of similarities with my lifestyle. I watch the kids til about 8-9pm when wifey gets home…but I usually have them in bed by then. I’ve cooked, cleaned and washed my vagina by the time she gets home.

My 5 year old sneaks into our bed EVERY night.

33

I think you know what has to be done!

:slight_smile:

34

[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
If you can’t actually man up and deal with your compassionless wife about the kids in the bed thing, then turn the biggest of the kids rooms int your personal bedroom. Put a lock on the door, and get some quality sleep.

You can justify it thus:

“The kids spend all day in front of the TV, and all night in MY bed, so they don’t need their own rooms and beds now do they.”

Bushy

[/quote]

This is very good advice. While you’re sitting in bed, read some Nietzsche. I’d suggest you start with Walter Kaufmann’s translation of Beyond Good and Evil.

I rarely suggest that people read Nietzsche, as it can make some people a little crazy. But Beyond Good and Evil is pure testosterone. If you’re still a pussy after thinking about life over that book, then you’re hopeless.

35

I DEFINITELY agree with setting rules for the kids to sleep early, and sticking to them so the kids gets use to them. If you have to take the power cord of the TV and PC with you so the kids don’t sneak out and try to watch TV again. Since your wife is at work you are the sole enforcer.

I would also suggest when they ask “WHY?” that you explain them that you need to sleep because you need to go to work early. And if you don’t sleep you can’t work well and your boss will kick you out. Then you will have to sell the TV, PC, and the House. (My mom always explained stuff to me in a way that made sense).

Now, on the subject of putting your foot down. I suggest you do that “WHILE” ur setting the sleep time rules for your kids. Otherwise, it will look very silly when you use the following point of argument:

[quote]uptruck wrote:
…If I carry them upstairs the wake up and whine. Please for if I stated that already. Then They stay awake for another hour or two. If I do not carry them Up she wakes me up and bitches about me not carrying them up…

…The kicker is they all climb into our bed well I wait to go to sleep on the floor.lately i just sleep on the floor…
[/quote]

You have a stronger point of argument when your are ALREADY setting good rules for your kids. Also, the fact that you did not wait for her “approval” to set those rules shows her that you are now taking control.

my2cents…

36

I don’t get the point of this thread. The OP knew all along what the problem is, what he needs to do about it, and what everyone on this forum was going to say to him.

So why did he even come here? Does he want sympathy? Does he like having other guys slap him around? This whole conversation is just fucking weird.

37

You have been given lots of advice and it is ultimately up to you how to change your life.

You are the only one in control of your happiness, and you have to realize you deserve this.

You can not change your 7 year routine overnight.

Other than getting into the details of fixing the specific problems, you need to focus on fixing the bigger is issues. Worry about the forest before you worry about the trees so to speak. I do however, strongly feel it is not healthy for you relationship to have the kids in your bed.

Marriage only works if you agree on the bigger issues and have somewhat similar long term goals; otherwise you are really just roommates operating a day care center that are living separate lives. These situations inevitably end in divorce. I am not implying this is the case, but it could certainly get to that point if you continue.

It is hard with kids and the stresses of 2 working parents. Most couples have similar issues. Even Rockscar admits he has similar issues, but he still has intimacy. I believe he said he still texts his wife to flirt with sexual innuendos.

You did not address your sex life and you should not address it on this forum if you do not wish to. There can be sexually active marriages with serious issues, but the majority of the time if the intimacy is lacking than there are major underling issues with the relationship.

It sounds like you need a heart to heart discussion, or perhaps even professional intervention. A talk at the end of the day when everyone is tired and has other things on their mind will not be effective. You might try a weekend get away to focus on your relationship.

There are two sides to every story and chances are there are things she is not happy with also. You deserve adequate sleep, and should be allowed to have a certain amount of guilt free time for hobbies and extended family.

You should also be a modern man with a working wife and carry your weight around the house, which it sounds like you do. You also need a certain amount of time as a couple doing things together and intimacy.

It could be minor changes are all that is needed to make everyone much happier. You could also decide that certain financial sacrifices need to be made to allow more time and resources to go towards the things in your life that you feel are really important.

I am not a counselor, and definitely have my own issues. No matter what you do or how you do it, the most important things is that you do something. I hope you posting this is at least partially fully acknowledging that the problem exists so you are forced to deal with it. You do have set of balls and it is time to use them.

38

Concur with a lot of people, disagree vehemently with others.

Where I agree: setting a consistent bedtime for the kids and keeping them in their own beds. You need to be getting them to bed before they fall asleep. This does 3 things, sets a routine and keeps them from waking up after they’ve had what essentially amounts to a power nap, which in turn will help keep them in their own beds.

You also need to escort them back to their own beds when they wander into your room. (There can be exceptions, but only used rarely, else the excuses become a habit). I will occasionally lie down with them in THEIR beds until they are asleep.

Where I disagree: Those posters that are advising you to give your wife ultimatums, especially throwing around the “D” word, unless you are deadly serious about divorcing her.

That is not a word that should be brought up lightly if you think you may want to stay married. There are certainly other ways to make the same point. You definitely need to have some heart-hearts with the Mrs. but you need to keep calm while you rationally lay out your concerns and requirements, which include a marital bed, not a family bed.

(I’m hypothesizing that she wants the kids in bed with her just as much as they want to be there because she feels guilty about not seeing them when they’re awake.)

As to whoever told you to beat your kids so that they know who is in charge - I don’t think I even need to address the absurdity of that post.

Good luck.

DB

39

Its been said… i’ll add.

  1. Children need guidance and structure. Falling asleep while watching tv. is a poor habit. There should be a set bedtime, say 9pm. EVERY NITE! Get washed, get changed,in bed same time every nite.

They will fight you on this. They have been allowed to establish poor habits(by someone)you must now help them with the new routine. Cry, whine, moan, groan… no non-sense in bed same time every night!

  1. You must clearly state your needs. Do this in a clear but warm way to your spouse. Try to find common ground, understand her needs as well. Work out a soloution.

Finally, “GROW A PAIR” stand firm for what you think is right. Thats why you are the daddy, the “Paterfamilias”. You set rules, lay down the law and bear the responsibility for your family!

40

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
This is very good advice. While you’re sitting in bed, read some Nietzsche. I’d suggest you start with Walter Kaufmann’s translation of Beyond Good and Evil.
[/quote]

Then ask yourself how many times Nietzsche had sex…