My Self Esteem Has Never Been Lower

Off Topic
201

[quote]LiftHeavy360 wrote:

[quote]BrickHead wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
[
AND… Remember that crazy college student in Santa Barbara who wrote a manifesto about women who disrespected him? That guy was taking this stuff WAY too seriously. Santa Barbara killer Elliot Rodger plotted murder spree for more than a year and practiced by stabbing pillows: police – New York Daily News
[/quote]

I once made a thread on those who feel they are entitled to beautiful women. Entitled to Beautiful Women? - Off Topic - Forums - T Nation

I read most of that thread and you made a lot of good points. Although I would disagree that most men think they deserve strikingly good looking women. I think the lonely men that can’t get a woman (myself included at the moment) aren’t aiming for Jessica Alba or bust. They’re expecting a companion for which they can open themselves up to and help them become the strongest version of themselves.

IMO the strikingly good looking women are the nicest of the bunch. They may be conceited but they’re usually not the cold witches that some women can be. It’s the women in the middle and lower quadrants that make men spiral into depression. They think they’re entitled to a 6’3 200k salary 195lbs 10%bf Chiseled Brad. The only problem with that is they have little to no shot with these guys. Also for every one Man there are three females, therefore they’ve got way more competition. They continue to torment and belittle any men at their level that ask them out.

If these women weren’t continuously hit on every single day of the week, they’d maybe give some of those guys a shot. The girl that rejected me wasn’t the most attractive girl I’ve seen in my life, matter of fact she was average at best. (sour grapes sensor is tingling). I’m not a bad looking guy, I get called handsome all the time. This was the only reason why I even had the confidence to make the approach. It’s clear she found me attractive otherwise she would have been creeped out.

The moment I asked her out she automatically felt like I was level below her. Now she thinks she deserves someone much taller, handsomer, leaner, wealthier than me. When in reality (this is just my opinion) I was the one willing to date lower in the first place. At the end of the day I believe men are willing to settle much quicker than women are. [/quote]

Did it ever occur to you that the “less attractive” girls are most likely really shy and socially awkward so they don’t know how to properly respond to a guy approaching them?

202

So if you don’t know how to respond, is the answer to be rude or treat him like he’s beneath you? honest question.

If it seems awkward or she’s acting weird that’s one thing. I’m not sure if he would have gotten the impression she thought he was a level below her if she acted like she simply didn’t have the social skills to know how to react in that situation. That doesn’t make sense to me, but hey, maybe it’s just a men are from mars and women from venus thing?

Edit: your comment is in reference to the OP’s experience? I actually think you’re onto something and she may have inadvertently been rude due to not knowing how to handle the situation the right way. I had to jog my memory on their situation a little.

203

Someone has already nailed her mindset, in my opinion.

She didn’t want to be rude, so she just gave him her number.

It’s easier to turn someone down from a distance or via text.

So she entertained his convo for a little bit to reinforce her own sense of not being a bitch.

When she got tired of it, she just stopped responding.

Then when he persisted a little later, she introduced her boyfriend (possibly made-up) in the hopes he’d give up, that way she could continue “not being a bitch”.

I’m guessing her friends were laughing because they were in her presence and showing their support. They were cosigning. Friends do that. Don’t take it personal, it’s meaningless. She probably emphasized something about the situation to make you look weird or something then pointed you out when you first walked in and they humored her to make her feel good about the dumb story that she told them.

From everything I saw about your convos with her, you handled it great in my opinion. Don’t let this one experience discourage you. It will happen plenty more times, most likely. It’s the way a lot of girls are. Keep plugging away and you’ll get plenty of bites. But make sure school always comes first. If you keep your priorities straight and handle your business right, women will pick up on you doing that and want to come along for the ride, I believe.

204

In response to ‘SmilingPolitely’

We all know this is just a cop out. Lets be honest who gets hit on more, the drop dead gorgeous girls or the Mid to lower tier? Most guys don’t have the confidence to approach models so they go with the mid tier. As I stated before most mid tiers girls are incredibly conceited and delusional. Look at Powerpuff, I would consider her upper tier and she doesn’t seem like a conceited jerk. If you were an average looking guy and got hit on a lot would you think you’re still and average looking guy? of course not, you’d think you deserve to be a Ralph Lauren Undergarment model. It always catches up to all women eventually, looks don’t last forever and soon they’ll realize that begin scrambling and eventually become depressed.

205

Realy? And just how in the fuck would you know that?

206

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

Realy? And just how in the fuck would you know that? [/quote]

Who gets hit on more? Average guys or Average girls? The average girls think they’re models and the average guys never get hit on as much imo, therefore they stay in their lane and keep their humility. I’m sure once we get into our 30’s and 40’s looks become less important and your baggage, career, offsprings, etc become more important than just looks. I may be wrong but that’s just what i’ve noticed.

207

[quote]LiftHeavy360 wrote:
In response to ‘SmilingPolitely’

We all know this is just a cop out. Lets be honest who gets hit on more, the drop dead gorgeous girls or the Mid to lower tier? Most guys don’t have the confidence to approach models so they go with the mid tier. As I stated before most mid tiers girls are incredibly conceited and delusional. [/quote]

I believe this is highly specific to the social and economic scenes of the location and how the women were raised.

Dude, again, I am not trying to be overly harsh here. And I tend to post in these threads quite a bit because I can empathize with the situation because of my own self-esteem issue and clinical depression when I was younger. To this day I am still a bit hung up with the topic, mostly because with the more I learn and understand this world, the more I realize I was a victim of my own self-limiting beliefs, coping mechanisms, and lack of life skills.

With that said, I think from your writings here that you are doing a bit of coping, but not the right sort. Many womanless men do this. They come up with a variety of reasons or social analyses to figure out why they are single or why some people have more success with the opposite sex than others or where others fall in the social pecking order. At this point, I’ve read or heard or made quite a few copes.

“Rich guys get women.”
“Jerks get women.”
“Hot chicks are stuck up.”
“Even fat and average women are stuck up these days and have ridiculous standards.”
“I don’t have any social status; hence I don’t have a woman.”
“Guys who pay less attention to women get women.”
“I don’t have game.”

All of these do have truth to them and although I am usually a big generalizer, I don’t think one should focus on these generalizations because they can be made endlessly and literally drive a womanless man insane.

You seem like you need to get around a lot of people, men and women and from this, you will meet enough women that fit you, instead of running around with this mental masturbation that some men will eventually give them the ticket to women.

Quite a few people on this board have disliked my advice and outlook. Some believe that any man with enough balls and ambition and “self-improvement” can “date up” or “date out” (my term). Right off the bat, there will be a large amount of women who will not fit or be interested in you because of looks (yours and theirs, and this encompasses height and structure, not just facial attractiveness), race, ethnicity, religion, style, culture, and socioeconomic status. So get over this first: there will be women who will not be interested because of these qualities–no compromises. Like attracts like. So if a man is a five, he will quickly have more success with fives (I don’t like number rating people, but it’s warranted when making such examples).

If you’re ordinary–that is, if you are not a badass, daredevil, very good-looking, an athlete, come from a powerful family, or psychopath–pretty much the people who do not have to pay much attention to women, as you say–you actually might need to work a bit harder or do more sifting around until you find a woman or make life easier by going out with ordinary women. There’s nothing wrong with this.

Socialize, make friends, get involved with life, and initiate contact with women that suit you. It’s not that complicated.

208

[quote]LiftHeavy360 wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

Realy? And just how in the fuck would you know that? [/quote]

Who gets hit on more? Average guys or Average girls? The average girls think they’re models and the average guys never get hit on as much imo, therefore they stay in their lane and keep their humility. I’m sure once we get into our 30’s and 40’s looks become less important and your baggage, career, offsprings, etc become more important than just looks. I may be wrong but that’s just what i’ve noticed. [/quote]

Dude, again. You need to experience life a bit more. Average looking guys don’t think their shit don’t stink? The most cocky men I’ve known are average looking (one of them being a close friend). They’re cocky because they came from powerful families and from that, enriched themselves even further.

There are a few reasons why some men are cocky. It’s not all about looks. POWER goes a lot further than looks, especially for men. You think a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD driving a BMW or Mercedes his daddy got him is going to hold back asking out a hot chick?

And most men do not get hit on much at all. They have to develop a life and get around people, and set up dates from there.

210

[quote]LiftHeavy360 wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

Realy? And just how in the fuck would you know that? [/quote]

Who gets hit on more? Average guys or Average girls? The average girls think they’re models and the average guys never get hit on as much imo, therefore they stay in their lane and keep their humility. I’m sure once we get into our 30’s and 40’s looks become less important and your baggage, career, offsprings, etc become more important than just looks. I may be wrong but that’s just what i’ve noticed. [/quote]

If you keep doing an inventory of all of the things that you think you need but don’t have you are going to end up with some real problems.
Reverse that. Make a gratitude list out of what you do have.

212

It seems to me that nice people who like themselves and are generally friendly and kind have a better shot at getting someone who is similarly friendly and kind, across all attractiveness levels. It’s absolutely ludicrous to assign personality traits to people based on their being “average,” when MOST people are in the average range and manage to pair-bond very nicely.

213

What would I do? I’d move on to the next one & remind myself that a lot of luck with the opposite sex is really just a numbers game.

214

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

Reverse that. Make a gratitude list out of what you do have.[/quote]

Gratitude is the key to happiness in all areas of life, in my opinion.

Envy and sour grapes are of course going to yield the opposite.

215

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

Reverse that. Make a gratitude list out of what you do have.[/quote]

Gratitude is the key to happiness in all areas of life, in my opinion.

Envy and sour grapes are of course going to yield the opposite.[/quote]
Yep.

216

[quote]LiftHeavy360 wrote:

Me: Rumor has it this place called starbucks serves coffee, we should go verify this rumor.

[/quote]

This is a pretty bad pick-up line, in my opinion, haha. Maybe change up the material a bit? It’s not funny enough to be this corny. Corny can work sometimes, but I don’t think this exactly works.

Honesty and being up front with people usually works best. It shows confidence and it makes people feel like you’re not playing games with them. “Hey, it was nice meeting you. You seem pretty cool. Would you like to get coffee with me sometime?” I think that would have been perfect. If she says no, or that she’s busy, leave it at that. She’s not interested. Period. End of story. Even if people are extremely busy, if they like someone, they will make time.

This girl was either not interested from the beginning, or she decided mid-conversation that she wasn’t that interested. Either way, I’d leave it alone. All you can do is learn for the next person you meet. And hell, as far as that pick-up line goes, maybe that truly is your sense of humor. If that’s the case, maybe you’ll find someone eventually who also has the same sort of humor. So by being yourself, you’ll weed out the ones that wouldn’t get along with you long term anyway. So no real loss there.

Best of luck to you. It just takes time to find the right person. Seriously, don’t get disheartened or bitter. Sometimes it just takes time. Continue to go out there, make friends, meet people, be optimistic. :slight_smile: I hope that helps a little bit. I feel like I was in a very similar spot when I was starting college. I over-analyzed everything and wasted a lot of emotional energy that could have been better spent elsewhere. Life is too short. Say what you want to say and let the chips fall where they may. And move on when it’s time to move on. That’s really all you can do.

217

[quote]LiftHeavy360 wrote:
In response to ‘SmilingPolitely’

We all know this is just a cop out. Lets be honest who gets hit on more, the drop dead gorgeous girls or the Mid to lower tier? Most guys don’t have the confidence to approach models so they go with the mid tier. As I stated before most mid tiers girls are incredibly conceited and delusional. Look at Powerpuff, I would consider her upper tier and she doesn’t seem like a conceited jerk. If you were an average looking guy and got hit on a lot would you think you’re still and average looking guy? of course not, you’d think you deserve to be a Ralph Lauren Undergarment model. It always catches up to all women eventually, looks don’t last forever and soon they’ll realize that begin scrambling and eventually become depressed. [/quote]

How many girls have you hit on?

218

[quote]SmilingPolitely wrote:

[quote]LiftHeavy360 wrote:
In response to ‘SmilingPolitely’

We all know this is just a cop out. Lets be honest who gets hit on more, the drop dead gorgeous girls or the Mid to lower tier? Most guys don’t have the confidence to approach models so they go with the mid tier. As I stated before most mid tiers girls are incredibly conceited and delusional. Look at Powerpuff, I would consider her upper tier and she doesn’t seem like a conceited jerk. If you were an average looking guy and got hit on a lot would you think you’re still and average looking guy? of course not, you’d think you deserve to be a Ralph Lauren Undergarment model. It always catches up to all women eventually, looks don’t last forever and soon they’ll realize that begin scrambling and eventually become depressed. [/quote]

How many girls have you hit on?
[/quote]

at most probably 2-3. Primarily because I was in a relationship but I expect that number to skyrocket in the coming months.

219

got another girls number last night. Lets hope I don’t screw this one up this time. I’m sure she doesn’t have a bf lol.

220

[quote]LiftHeavy360 wrote:
got another girls number last night. Lets hope I don’t screw this one up this time. I’m sure she doesn’t have a bf lol. [/quote]

Where and how did you initiate this?