For me, the worst pain is the threat of mediocrity. The constant drive to be above the lowly peons who pump gas and make smoothies consumes me. Through a strict regimen of incline curls, rear deltoid raises and static buttock clinches, I aim to be in that 0.000001% of people who actually make a difference in this world.
I react strongly to “powerful words”, and when I’m doing my bum clinches I loudly recite a Cardinal virtue on the concentric part (“Fortitude!! Temperance!!”) and a deadly sin on the eccentric (“Gluttony!! Sloth!!”). The other gym patrons look at me with confusion, and say things like “are you retarded, you butt-clinching freak?”, but it’s just their inability to fathom my metamorphosis into someone who MATTERS.
When I was in high school I was playing basketball with a bunch of people and a girl I was interested in at the time tried to intercept the ball heading towards me… she missed and hit my nuts instead. Then I farted really loudly. It was painful both physically and emotionally.
[quote]Pullups wrote:
found out that my bestfriend is gay…[/quote]
Dude, been there. I was over at this guys for a sleep over when I was probably in grade 6. I was trying to go to sleep when he told me, “if you asked me to give you a blowjob, I would.” It was beyond awkward.
Then I made out with his sister. That was pretty cool.[/quote]
That is fucking crazy. What did you say? If someone had told me that when I was that age I probably would’ve beat the shit out of them. Or been so freaked out I was momentarily paralyzed, not sure which.
spinal tap at age 4 - no anesthetic, kept scraping and scraping…
pinched spinal nerve root - fortunately, very short duration
impacted wisdom tooth
1200 lb horse stood on my bare foot on a wood floor - not as bad as the others
accidently put my thumb on a red-hot auto cigarette lighter, with some pressure (increases heat transfer rate)
smashed my thumb in a car door - swelled up and throbbed 'til I drilled a hole in the nail with my pocket knife - got quite a spurt of blood when I broke through !
accidently placed both thumbs on the electrodes of plunge generator while using dynamite - felt like a hammer to each crazy bone
turned off the lawnmower and without thinking grabbed it by the exhaust manifold to lift it into the pickup. I set in into the truck before the pain hit. There was a 4 foot irrigation lateral 100 ft away, I sprinted to it and immersed my hand for 10 minutes or so. When I pulled my hand out of the water, the palm was yellow,white and black, leatherlike, but no pain and no further complication. This would have been a very serious burn had I not had that cold water stream nearby. The cold water sucked the heat out of the tissue before the real burn damage occurred. Running water is better than standing water.
The pain intensity was far greatest with the pinched spinal nerve. Once I was walking across the living room when that happened - everything went white like lightening in my face, pain is all there was in the world, fell down on my face. This pain was unimaginable, but it was over as soon as it hit. For a few days after, confined to bed and endured pretty good pain when I tried to move my back, but nothing like the initial strike. A thunderbolt from Zeus !
Does emotional pain, like @zecarlo’s words count? Cause that’s up top.
Top 3 for me.
3.) When I decided to ride my bike in the snow while waiting for the bus and broke both legs.
2.) When I got tangled up in barbed wire and had to wait for over an hour for my friends to run off and get a parent to come and help.
1.) When I tried to climb a magnolia and almost made it, but went to the top and the branches couldn’t support my weight, snapped, and I fell and hit every branch on the way down.
When I was 6 I got a case of systemic bullious impetigo bordering on Ecthyma from an infected splinter. I had sores all over my body. The local doc told the fam they had to hold me down, scrub the scabs off the wounds, and pour hydrogen peroxide in them. My uncle, grandfather, and dad held me down on the kitchen table while my mom scrubbed all the scabs off and applied the peroxide. This process had to be repeated every day. I don’t recall being prescribed antibiotics. I’m pretty sure this was “Appalachian Medicine”.
During my last ACL repair the anesthesiologist messed up the nerve block in my upper thigh. He hit the nerve enough to make my leg “numb” but not enough to actually block the nerve. I woke up after surgery in a world of hurt. Luckily they got some extra pain killers in me pretty quick when I told them how much pain i was in. The good side of that was i didn’t have as much quad atrophy as I had with my other ACL repair. LOL
I’ve broken multiple bones, shattered an elbow, had concussions, stitches, cuts that should’ve been stitches, an inner thigh hematoma, various pokes, jabs, impacts et cetera and would repeat all of them before passing another stone.
When i was in kindergarten I fell on the cast iron wood stove in our Livingroom. I caught myself with both hands and had 2nd/3rd degree burns up to the wrist. Mom tried butter (old folk medicine) and that only made things worse. Mom had to rub the butter off. Then the nurse who lived next door brought unguentine (an old school burn cream) and it was worse than the butter. Again, the unguentine had to be scrubbed off. Finally they got me under cold running water. My hands had to be wrapped for 6 weeks, each finger separate so they didn’t heal together. I’m amazed I didn’t need skin grafts. I still have some nerve damage in my hands.
My dads treatment for when I jumped up to catch a frisbee and came down on a broken beer bottle- submerge in a bucket of ice water. Remove and dump peroxide in wounds. Repeat until the blood is afraid to leave.
Then wrap in paper towels and an ace bandage.
Older brother had my back with a stiff glass of everclear and grape kool-aid.
Most recent severe pain- big ass heart attack. Your body does a bunch of crazy shit, and my arm, neck, and chest felt like they were being crushed in a machine.
I’m somewhat convinced this method has saved many lives and limbs/digits
My grandparents didn’t have peroxide. They dumped grain alcohol on wounds. It turns out pathogens like high concentration alcohol even less than livers do
My stepdad had one on a flight and I got a frantic call from my mom to take the seats out of the minivan and put in a mattress in the back to take him directly to the hospital, and of fucking course as he’s writhing and crying, I hear “Sir! You need to move your vehicle!”
It works for anerobic bacteria, alcohol for most else, but they both fuck up your own cells. The foam is not magic.
I knew a guy who insisted mustard was the best ointment (maybe because of the acidity?) I’ve had the best luck with soap, collagen fiber, silver skin, and gauze wrapping covered with athletic tape.
