What was God thinking when he decided to make morning wood? He probably thought “Y’know what? I’m gonna screw over every single guy on the Earth. I’m gonna make em wake up with mega-huge boners every morning just so their mothers and sisters and whatnot wake them up to find them large as a log! Yeah, that’ll really screw em over.”
Have you guys had any bad experiences with morning wood? For example, when you were younger having your mother rush in your room going “Get up, get outta bed! You’re late!” And then you’re just lying there under the protection of the blankets going “Ummm, I still got 5 minutes. Gimmie 5 minutes, ma.” And then shes like “No way, mister! You gotta get outta bed now!” And then YANK! And then you’re exposed.
Is there some sort of scientific explanation for this phenomenon? Because I’m dyin’ to know.
I mean sure, if I woke up with it every morning and I had a good wife that would give me a BJ every morning I wouldn’t mind morning wood as much. But no, I wake up now, and I think “Well… I guess I’ll get something to eat after he decides to settle down.”
Dude, just go pee and it’ll go away. Morning wood seems to be a sign that you gotta pee really bad. That’s how it is for me anyways. When I pee, bye bye woodie.
Bad morning wood stories? Well, walking into a SAT prep class 15 minutes after waking would count. Or last spring when I bumped into my extremely hot neighbor as i stumbled out my dorm room without my contacts, and Junior poked her in the leg…oh yea, never came near Mara again.
J-Dub: The problem is that it’s extremely tough to pee with morning wood. If you can do it, yup, it’s gone. The chipped paint on the wall behind the toilet, however, is not.
Any of you guys ever try to bend at the knees and twist ‘Thunder’ around to point down instead of up? Had and ex walk in to find me doing that. She thought I was a freak. As for other embarassing moring wood stories, pick any day of my life between the ages of 12 and fourteen and the hours of eight am to noon. Stupid tight jean years. Trying to carry a binder in front of your crotch to hide the chub at school.
I have some serious repressed memories here. Maybe I should get therapy. First thing in the afternoon.
The execution - PUSH DOWN SO HARD ON YOUR BONER, YOU BECOME HORIZONTAL
Haha, no for real, you have to do something like this. My toilet is really, really low compared to most normal toilets, so I have to do a partial squat-lean. Get low near the edge and lean in. No shit.
Peeing with a boner is great for building grip strength. Unfortunately, there really isn’t any feasible way to build up resistance. If there were, some of us would have some monsters in our pants.
I’ve heard that the reason behind the infamous morning wood is that a full bladder traps blood in the penis. But I don’t know if that’s actually accurate or not.
Oh jeez. So you won’t wet the bed? A sign you have to pee? Where do you guys come up with this stuff?
Ok, anatomy lesson here: All erectile tissue becomes engorged when you dream. So what is erectile tissue? Well, for men it includes the penis. For women, the nipples. Earlobes are also erectile tissue. Any way, remembering back to my psych class days, dream cycles are not constant through the night (don’t remember if they are more frequent and shorter in duration as the night progresses or the opposite), and the subject matter of dreams tends to be farther into your past as the night progresses. In any case, it’s rare that you wake up at a point where you either are in the midst of a dream, or just completing a dream cycle. And the blood does not drain that quickly. Thus, you wake with morning wood.
brider, while I can’t even begin to defend the biology behind it, the Wood is what keeps you from wetting the bed. You’ve got a little shut off valve that’s designed to either let semen or urine come out. It’s allowing for the flow of semen when you’re raging hard.
If it weren’t for the Wood (i.e. old people with erectile problems) more of us would be pissing the bed.
I’m going to hijack this thread and talk about teeth.
Or armpits
Or how old people got to be in the 17th century.
Actually, brider is partially correct. The other main reason the body shunts blood to the penis is physiological exercise. The theory is that the direction of blood flow to the area and resulting Wood will keep your Johnson in fighting form, ready for battle when needed. Despite the wood, it is difficult to ejaculate at this time because although the erectile tissues are inflated, the accompanying “psyche” of arousal is missing, ie. because you are still sleepy. Thus, it is thought to be just a way for the body to make your penis do some “pushups” in order to maintain functionality.
While it is true that it’s difficult to urinate with wood, that has never been postulated as one of the reasons for the appearance of said wood. WHY? Because we have a million other sensors in our urinary tract which WAKE you up if you have to go pee. End of story, Jared. Go back to subway and pee on your new chicken grilled lunchables.
Just stating basic physiology. No need to get into a pissing match. Har har. Punny guy.
Personally I think Morning Wood is God’s little joke for Adam eating that apple. Eve got monthly cramps and painful childbirth, men get morning wood…seems fair enough to me!
I heard that the reason for morning glory is that you have been laying flat on your arse all night so it stimulate the male g-spot( between the back of your scrotum and anus??)
I heard that truckers get it from long hauls where they are sitting on it for ages.
