CHAOS IS THE PLAN: THE CIMMERIAN CHRONICLE Week 2, Day 2-Wheel of Pain
40 round EMOM workout
5 prisoner squats and 5 push-ups EMOM
100lb keg one motion overhead and carry between rounds
10% Corollary
5 rounds of 2-3-5-10 prisoner squats and push-ups
10 standing Wheel of pain
25 Conan Curls
50 pull aparts
Breakfast
Shorter 40lb vest walk w/wolf
Notes:
I like how this turned out. It’s like a Last Castle workout with a buy-in/harmony disrupter. The squats and push-ups are simply to get in my daily 300, but really anything could fit into there. Burpees are a pretty obvious choice, but front squats/KB squats would be dandy too. I like getting up and down off the floor. On that note: I should seriously consider some turkish get-ups at some point.
I feel this is pretty close to the Wheel of Pain from Conan: the brutality doesn’t ever stop, and there’s no purpose to it. We’re not moving the keg to get it to a different spot: it’s purely for the sake of misery. It’s pointless brutality. And there’s no way to make it end other than to simply do it until time runs out. We’re not going for rep goals. Writing this as a story: our Cimmerian is condemened to the Wheel of Pain, but in addition to this punishment he is humiliated by being forced to perform on his master’s call. Similar to Conan fighting in the pits for entertainment, here we perform the prisoner’s dance for the amusment of onlookers.
Front delts were really making themselves known between those push ups and pressing the keg overhead. It’s sneaky. I got in 200 reps with the main workout, and finished up with 100 more to get my 300.
You can tell it’s cold since I’m wearing clothes, and, in turn, my walk with the wolf was cut short this morning because of it. She’s an older wolf, still has her dignity, and for that I don’t want her to have to shiver and show weakness. Plus, she’ll be out later this evening trick-or-treating, so we’ll get in some more steps.
Light rations are rolling out well. The famine is in full swing, and may be a short one depending on how effective it is. Last night I ground up some piedmontese grassfed steak tips to turn into burgers. They turned out fantastic, and practically zero fat. Our Cimmerian is becoming lean and sharp, which will prep him for the upcoming war and subsequent feast.
*Just to save confusion, this is a reply to a post you made about a month or two ago regarding warming up.
So just to clarify, when you do the heavy (405) deadlifts in the morning, you just put 405 right on the bar and get to work? No ramping or working up to 405 at all? That’s wild. I do deadlifts early am and am nowhere near 405 and I can’t even imagine just starting with 315 or even 225. I’ve known that you liked to do little warmups but didn’t realize you didn’t even work up to the heavy sets, exception being squats as you mentioned. I’ve tried to take that mindset after reading about it from you in one of your previous posts and don’t warm up, but now I guess I need to start getting my head together and not work up to my heavy weight anymore!!! Good stuff man.
@PowPowPunishment Thanks so much man! Interestingly enough, I caught some flak over on reddit for the storyline including the portion were Conan and Connacht being taken into slavery, which I found fascinating considering no one batted an eye when I was pretending to be a viking engage in slaughter and raids, haha.
@tsmink I’ve absolutely had deadlift workouts like that. Sometimes, it’s all my time allows for, so I’ll pre-load the bar the night before and then just grip and rip when I get in the gym. If I CAN ease in, I will, but even then it’s very few reps (like 3-4 total). And I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not necessarily someone to emulate, haha.
AM WORKOUT (0425 wake up via alarm)
CHAOS IS THE PLAN: THE CIMMERIAN CHRONICLE Week 2, Workout 3
(7)Axle mat pulls w/rest pause
5+3+3x406
20 minutes of KB ladders (2-3-5-10) w/20kg bells
115 total reps accomplished, 1 chin between each set of the ladder
Breathing Squats w/pullovers
20x240
Poundstone Curls
100xAxle
Breakfast
50lb weight vest walk w/wolf
Notes:
Something of a dealer’s choice. Heavy pulls are the one thing I’m lacking, so this slotted in. Still hard for me to be at peace with how low my dead is these days, but I weighed in at 172.4 this morning, which is 30lbs below my “ideal” weight for heavy pulling, so that’s something I have to keep in mind. This is a new body, and it works differently. I can still hit the redline like I used to: the outcome is just less.
I was pleased that, despite only getting 5 on the first pull, I managed triples on the follow-up. I think that speaks more toward a lack of proficiency. The axle is always a brutal choice too, and it snagged a little on my clothing.
Original plan was some “Super Good Mornings”, but after the pulls and cleans my back was fried. You can see me in the video setting up with 175lbs for what SHOULD be a warm-up rep and my body just flat out saying “no” twice. Interestingly enough, these were the best the squats have felt since starting the program. Knees were very pliable and springy.
Satisfied with the density of the KB pressing. Good use of the 20 minutes, and makes this approach pretty viable.
You can hear the timer going off for a full minute on the Poundstone curls. I violated my own standard, but it was worth it to get in the full 100.
Upped the weight on the vest. Making the most of the cold weather: if I can’t get a tan anymore, I may as well move some weight on these walks.
I’m looking very lean at 172. I’m shedding water, and my fingers in particular are showing that, as my rings are practically sliding off, which, in turn, leads me to believe that the bump up in weight I’m seeing is a sign of lean tissue growth. Always a good thing: I could stand to have some more of that.
@TrainForPain thanks so much man! It was honestly the best birthday I’ve had in years. A big part of being healed is finally being able to experience happiness again, and this was a BIG day for it.
AM WORKOUT (0425 wake up via alarm)
CHAOS IS THE PLAN: THE CIMMERIAN CHRONICLE Week 2, Workout 4-“Unbearable Suffering on the Tree of Woe”
THE WORKOUT:
For 40 Minutes…
Hang from a pull up bar as long as possible
Every 30 seconds on the bar: do 1 pull ups (this is a Dan John prescription)
Whenever you drop from the bar, do a bear complex (clean into front squat into press overhead into back squat into press from behind the neck) with 95lbs
Get back on the bar and repeat
Add a bear complex each time you drop from the bar (so it’ll go hang, drop, 1 complex, hang, drop, 2 complexes, hang, drop, 3 complexes, etc)
I was on a round of 13 complexes when the timer ran out
16 minutes of
2-3-5-10 ladders of Prisoner Squats and Push ups (managed 170 reps total)
Breakfast
Walk w/wolf (no weight vest)
Notes:
The story: our Cimmerian has been sentenced to hang from the Tree of Woe. The carrion eaters are circling, and whenever he tries to escape he must fend off the bears that crave his flesh. The longer he spends on the tree, the more beasts gather, hoping to overpower and consume him.
This was so much more brutal than I anticipated. I initially made it through 2 minutes before dropping. Dan laid out a challenge for 3 minutes, so that’s something to shoot for in the future.
There is genius in the sadism here. Hanging from the bar SUCKS, but the longer you hang from the bar, the more time you have to “recover” from those Bear complexes AND the fewer complexes you have to do in total. If you tap out to the Tree of Woe too quickly, there is no reward: only suffering. So you have to suffer in order to prevent OTHER suffering. Meanwhile, as those bear complexes stack up in number, your grip has more time to recover, so you have a chance of hanging longer from the tree. That said, my hands got CHEWED up from the barbell, so this was just agony all around.
More interesting to me was how much HANGING was gassing me out. I would drop from the bar and find myself out of breath before the bears started.
Got in some of my daily push ups and squats afterwards, because I was really too wasted to do anything else meaningful. Same reason I went without the weight vest: I’d trained “enough” at this point.
THIS workout has legs. Definitely encourage others to give it a try. It doesn’t HAVE to be bear complexes either: I picked those just to get in the overhead focus (by my count, I got in 71 complexes, which is 142 reps overhead w/95lbs). Making this full on Dan John, Armor Building Complexes would fit perfectly, as would a simple thruster (barbell or KB), Devil presses (I originally wanted to do that, to simulate dying, going to hell, battling the devil and returning back to life again, only to find myself STILL hanging from the tree, but felt bears would get me more reps), or even the ever reliable and simple burpee.
I was going to comment on how awesome and absurd this workout was but you broke it down pretty well in the “suffering” part of your post. Excellent work man.
@TrainForPain Thanks so much man! Been appreciating the brotherhood you and I share here.
@mr.v3lv3t Game recognizes game! Haha. It’s always amazing when we can set traps for ourselves like that. Thanks so much man!
AM WORKOUT (0425 natural wake up)
CHAOS IS THE PLAN: THE CIMMERIAN CHRONICLE Week 2, Workout 5
40 minutes of overhead work
SUPERSET (press-row)
Log clean and strict press away
3x155
3x165
2x175 (log drifted away on the third rep)
DB row
3x6x115
GIANT SETS (press-chin/abs-pull aparts)
Log clean and strict press away
10x3x155
Chins
5x6
Standing Wheel of Pain
5x6
Band pull aparts
10x10
Log clean and push press away
4x155
Reps of 105 and 100
10% Corollary
Breathing squats w/pullovers
20x245
Lateral raise stripset until time runs out
Breakfast
50lb weighted vest walk w/wolf
Notes:
Feeling absolutely hammered from the combination of famine and yesterday’s workout. I like ending the week with this one. “Chaos is the Plan”, and Tues-Thurs are the most chaotic days of the plan, but Mon and Fri are far more predictable, and there is solace walking into the gym and knowing what I am going to do.
Log drifted away from me on the topset of 175. Felt strong enough to have gotten it otherwise. Minor headspins on the first set of 155. Gonna attribute that to low calories. I’m definitely famine lean already, so that’s a positive. I also have QUITE the feast lined up for Veteran’s Day weekend (weekend after next). We’re hitting up Texas De Brazil again on Sat, and Mrs is putting on another practice Thanksgiving on Sun. That will be an excellent way to kickstart the feasting block, and plenty of fuel for gaining. I’ll actually be hunting for the first time in my life from 15-17 Nov as well, which may in and of itself result in a mini-famine during the hunting days followed by feasting afterwards, so suffice it to say this is going to be an interesting and chaotic training block.
Managed to get in a little extra overhead work with the extra time. Meanwhile, the squats continue to be deceptive. All is well until rep 16, and suddenly the gravity hits HARD. Still not quite the full body murder I’d experience when I was low bar squatting, but I feel like this will make the protocol a bit more sustainable, especially over a longer duration.
Brought the vest back out for the walk this morning. It was exhausting, but I felt ready enough for it.
Combat training later. …Tang Soo Do. But it IS sparring week, so I got that going for me.
Really appreciated the blog post’s last paragraph or two that boiled down to “what’s your actual goal?” I’m careful about saying if I have a goal, because then I’m all-in. I frankly haven’t had a true fitness/ physique goal in years, precisely because it’s so encompassing. I might work a little harder in one direction or another, but it’s within the framework of a bigger picture life. When I really wanted to play sports, though, it was different. Like the only reason I was even going to school was because that was the part you had to do to be allowed to play. I thought it was weird people had friends that they did stuff with. Totally different focus.
@TrainForPain Very much appreciated dude! That is one of the biggest issues we deal with: dishonesty with ourselves. When we exist authentically, we are in inner harmony, but when we have conflict between what we say and what we do, we experience that dissonance.
Typical crazy weekend. Lots of activity, great eating, kiddo crushed their Tang Soo Do belt test, and I got in a 4 minute workout on top of a bunch of walking, push ups and squats
Tabata, devil press w/20kg bells on the 20s, chins on the 10s. I’m looking stupid lean already, had a LOT of carne asada and some birrira for dinner, and next week there will be some serious feasting. Life is grand.
Wife ran a half marathon this morning, I got in a lot of walking, had a half rack of pork ribs for lunch and 10 wings for dinner, got in training between those meals
Riddle of Steel
EMOM
1 stone to shoulder
5 prisoner squats
5 push ups
3 burpee chins
The riddle is: how long will you last?
I went 15 rounds, then max shoulder for a minute, because coming inside and watching the cowboys game with the mrs sounded more awesome.
AM WORKOUT (0425 wake up via alarm, very good night of sleep)
CHAOS IS THE PLAN: THE CIMMERIAN CHRONICLE Week 3, Workout 1
40 minutes of overhead work
SUPERSET (Press/Chin)
Axle continental and strict press away
5x146
5x156
5x166
Chins
3x5 w/chains
GIANT SETS (Press-chin/ab/neck-pulls)
Axle clean and strict press away
50 reps w/123lbs in 7 sets (misloaded, should have been 113, used the Malcolm X method to get the total)
Axle clean each rep and strict press
5x5x123 (by set 2 I realized the misload and just stuck with it)
Chins
5x7
Wheel of Pain
4x7
Neck harness
3 sets
Band pull aparts
10x11
10% Corollary
Breathing Squats
20x250 w/pull overs
25 Conan Curls
25 pushdowns
11 Tree of Woe shrugs
5 full ROM lateral raises
Breakfast
50lb weighted vest walk w/wolf
Notes:
I can feel the lack of resiliency training this deep into the famine. Ended up not getting a carb up meal yesterday. Mrs ran her half-marathon and I felt like the last thing she needed was to be up on her feet in the kitchen whipping up a feast for us, so we did a pizza and wings run and watched the cowboys game. So yesterday I had Metabolic Drive, egg whites, gelatin and electrolytes for breakfast, half a rack of pork ribs with some eggs/egg whites and pork rinds for lunch, and 10 wings w/eggs/egg whites and pork rinds for dinner, with a Metabolic Drive/egg white meal before bed. Absolutely delicious and soul satisfying, but definitely not the cure for flatness. I’ll ride the famine hard until about midweek this week, at which point we’re going to have multiple feasting opportunities and I’m going to live it up. All this to say: came into the gym really not “feeling” the training.
Can see some of the brainfog in the misload there. I was curious why my supplemental work was feeling so heavy, but attributed it to the light rations. Once I realized I had loaded the 5lb plate twice, it clicked, and then I celebrated how hard I worked to get there. I’m sure that’ll make me grow.
The very first squat of the breathing squats felt absolutely awful. Apparently yesterday’s Riddle of Steel had me a little sore. Once I got things moving, around rep 7 or so, it felt real smooth. Crazy to see the growth on this while the food is so light: once the feast starts it’s really going to be pretty magical.
2 weeks in I’m noticing that my obliques are widening/thickening, yet given how the veins have shown up on them I know it’s not a result of adipose tissue accumulation. It makes sense, and I’ve observed this similar phenomenon whenever I prioritize kettlebell work: putting stuff overhead a lot requires a thicker core to support it. You notice the thick obliques on greek statues, and pressing overhead was the primarily form of training for strength in that era. My shoulders/traps are growing well. I am remaining quite lean. Arms are showing some signs of growth/thickening as well. Ultimately, it’s been a solid experience so far.
What better way to celebrate national Nacho Day than some carnivore nachos? Pork rinds, ground bison, grassfed sour cream, cheese and some egg whites for a little extra protein
AM WORKOUT (0422 natural wake up, GREAT night of sleep)
CHAOS IS THE PLAN: THE CIMMERIAN CHRONICLE Week 3, Day 2: “Battling the Skrae with the Aesir Alliance”
40 Minutes
20 Viking Thrusters w/90lbs loaded
1 20kg KB Devil Press
then 19-2, 18-3, etc. Go as far as you can.
I was on rep 2 of 12 Devil Presses when time expired
13 minutes of Dan John’s ladder for prisoner squats and push ups (2-3-5-10)
8 ladders complete
Breakfast
Walk w/wolf (no vest)
Notes:
The story: The Skrae are unholy demons called upon to defeat out Cimmerian, and his fragile alliance with the Aesir allows him to just barely hold on. As combat continues, the Skrae grow in numbers as the Aesir are cut down. Eventually, only the Cimmerian will remain.
This is a typical “blackjack” workout, but the story helps make it awful. Viking presses tie in the Aesir, which are a Viking like tribe in the Hyborian era. The Skrae come straight out of Conan #4.
They are supernatural demonic creatures summoned by a witch to hunt down our Cimmerian. Demonic ties well enough into those Devil Presses. In turn, I have really the “perfect” overhead workout: one movement is accomplished via knee extension, the other is done via triple extension. Similar to how thrusters and snatches play well together, I have a thruster, a snatch AND a level change all built in. A harmony disrupter of some type may have been helpful, but I think I actually stayed pretty honest with my work here. I was feeling the exhaustion from round 1 onward.
Thrusters eventually collapsed into strict presses, and I need to make sure to stay mindful on the devil presses to keep that hip in there.
Rounded out with the push ups and squats to make it a for real full on conditioning day. And I figure I got in some squats with the thrusters and push ups with the devil presses as well, so I’m in a good way. Went without the vest on the walk because today was so brutal with conditioning AND I should (in theory) get my combat training today with Tang Soo Do sparring, so that’s even more activity.
Famine continues on, and I’m growing anxious for the feast.
I didn’t know that the Cimmerians were a real people until the other day. I was reading about this coin – the world’s first coin – made in the ancient state of Lydia, made from electrum from the river Sardis. The same river of gold from the King Midas story.
Apparently the Lydian lion coins were being counterfeit by the Kimmerians/Cimmerians who lived north of Lydia, and who ultimately invaded most of the Lydian empire.
I don’t think Conan was real, but I am enjoying your take on the stories. I might have to read a few of those books again.
Definitely appreciate you dipping into the folklore. Howard wrote an amazing character, and Dark Horse/Marvel have done some fascinating things with him.
