Meth To Blame For My Screwup?

Off Topic
1

man this is way out there but I don’t know where the hell else to ask this question… I know at least a few of you have dabbled in this bullshit cuz I have seen it discussed here before. Anyway:

I have cartilage damage in my right subtalar joint. Until recently it was very mild, if not almost imperceptible. This ended my running career and I had to gave up high-force athletic activity in order to protect the joint, but I could walk all day and it didn’t cause me any problems.

Anyway, one really stupid fucking night a few months ago, I partook in methamphetamine use. I have always been against meth but my friend got some and wanted me to smoke with him and I did it. It was my first (and last, I promise) time using meth.

I don’t know how much I smoked that night, but my brother got a gram of the shit and the two of us went through about 75% of the bag over the course of several hours. I suspect that it was poor quality shit because I din’t get any kind of euphoric high. I did, however get jittery as hell. My heart rate went way up and I lost all desire to eat and sleep.

I stopped smoking at around 2 or 3 a.m. and stayed up the rest of the night writing furiously on message boards. At about 6 a.m. I went for a walk. Then at 10:00 a.m., I reported to a neighbor’s house for some yardwork that I had been recruited to help with.

I don’t remember how I was feeling by then; I had definitely calmed down a lot and definitely didn’t feel that I was under the influence. However, I do rememeber that my heart was still going pretty fast and my appetite was still gone, so it hadn’t totally worn off yet.

Basically, the yardwork entailed digging several large holes in some very firm, rocky soil. I did not experience any pain as I performed this task, and it never occured to me that violently smashing my heel into a spade all day might be hard on my degenerate subtalar joint. I always use pain as my guide to activity- just don’t do it if it hurts- so I guess I thought it was OK.

When I awoke the next morning, however, my subtalar joint was screaming. My foot was stiff as a fucking board and produced a greusome grinding noise with motion, indicating that I caused more cartilage damage. The pain has resolved since then, but the stiffness and grinding haven’t.

I can still walk competently but the foot is much more delicate than before. I can’t walk as fast or as far without aggrovating the joint, and I can’t jog more than a few steps without pain, whereas before I could run at least a little bit. Also, the stiffness makes walking akward, because the foot doesn’t pronate and supinate as fast as it should. It sucks.

So I beat the shit out of my bad joint that day, causing permanent damange and probably taking years, if not decades off of its life before I’ll have to get it fused, which will suck beyond imagination.

Even though it’s not of any consequence at this point, I’m agonizing over whether the meth is to blame for this incident. I don’t have enough experience with it to be able to tell. Did the drug give me the confidence to do something that I wasn’t fit to do, or maybe just make me too absent-minded to realize that the activity was harmful (in retrospect it seems like it should have been intuitive)?

Did it prevent me from feeling pain that I should have been feeling I kicked the shovel over and over? None of this occurred to me as I was going at it.

I’m hoping that someone with meth experience can shed some light on this. Suppose I smoked half a G over three hours, as a first-time user with low tolerance, and started working seven hours later. Would it still have been affecting me, and could it have caused me to do what I did?

I have to know because if I permanently damaged my foot as a consequence of using meth, the most degenerate substance on the planet, I’ll never forgive myself.

2

Don’t do meth.

3

You probably didn’t get a huge high because your brain has probably already gotten “used” to it. I think it’s one of the most addicting substances known. Don’t go down that road, man. Get your brother to quit, too, if it’s not too late.

I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know about your injury, but any sort of condition that reduces pain WILL eventually cause injuries. Leprosy made people get injured badly because they didn’t feel any pain, and they would keep doing something without knowing it was hurting them until permanent, disfiguring damage was done.

You need to see a doctor and you need to think about the rest of your life.

I have a very addictive personality and build tolerance to just about anything extremely quickly. I don’t even use stuff like Spike unless I’m doing a monthly 1RM and need an extra kick. I’m still a borderline internet addict. Addiction is a huge issue and it can ruin lives.

4

I used to have a friend named Jimmy Fresh…he got kicked out of Hazelden Center for Youth and Families (one of the top age 14-25 rehab centers in the world) for bad behavior, selling smokes, stealing…his rap sheet was bulkier, but I forget the rest.

Jimmy was supposed to go to Progress Valley, Arizona to continue rehabilitation – trouble is, the place didn’t have an available date until 3 weeks after Jimmy’s discharge date from HCYF. Having been a junkie, Jimmy hadn’t racked up enough discipline to keep his nose clean for 3 weeks – or even two, for that matter.

On the 11th day, less than two weeks before his potentially life-saving therapy experience, his mother found him dead from a heroin-meth mix.

This is relevant, not because I’m accusing you of addiction – you sound much more level headed, responsile and capable of learning from your mistakes than many addicts I’ve known. However, in the months I spent in A.A, I heard a number of stories like mine I just told you – so people dip a LOT lower than a cartiledge injury.

And they suffer the same emotional reactions I’ve perceived from you – feelings of having betrayed themselves (and others?), having recklessly stumbled into an awful predicament that could have been EASILY avoided by excersizing common sense and a TON of shame.

As low as they’ve sunk, though, wherever their rock bottoms may have been (homoerotic favors, imprisonment, homelessness, divorce, kids hate them…LONG fuckin’ list), I noticed with the ones who subscribed to the twelve steps and who confronted their guilt and humiliation head on – I noticed a happiness – even with ones homeless TO THIS DAY – a happiness that doesn’t even exist in normal people.

They got to face their head creeps, get them out in the open where they could get a good strong whiff of their stinkin’ shit, and deal with it accordingly.

I have noticed a supreme happiness, peace of mind and mental clarity from recovering addicts…please excuse the length of the reply, but you touched a nerve here…

5

Addiction and substance abuse are not issues here. This was an isolated incident. And I have since sworn off all substances for life, including weed and alcohol. Not that I ever did much to begin with; I just want to be one of those cool sobriety people

6

I doubt it was a single incident use of meth.

It sounds like a bad joint made worse from physical activity.

I have heard of chronic use leeching the minerals from your teeth and bones, but that doesn’t seem like the case.

In the order you wrote it, the injury occurred long before the drug use.

7

Meth To Blame For Your Fuckup?

-No, YOU are to blame for your fuckup. Meth might have dulled your sense of pain, but ultimately it is your responsibility to take care of your body. You might be able to blame the drugs for your lapse in judgement, but it was your decision to partake in the first place.
Good luck with your foot.
Take care of yourself and stay away from the shit.

8

[quote]belligerent wrote:

Even though it’s not of any consequence at this point, I’m agonizing over whether the meth is to blame for this incident.

[/quote]

Don’t blame the meth or the shovel, blame yourself for doing it… and if you’re “not” going to do it again, who cares what meth may or may not “make” you do?

You’re not going to do it again right?

9

one of my old friends does or did meth he got in a fight while he was on it and broke his jaw and nose and still didnt give up the fight, he said it didnt hurt

there was a case a while back where a guy tryed to comit scuicide with a nail gun while he was on meth at the time and he lived he didnt even know he had a couple 3 inch nails in the back of his throat until he went to the doctor for head pain

you probably over used the hell out of your leg and fucked it all up without feeling it

I would have to say any drug is better than meth

10

“I’m usually against meth use… but today, what the heck!”

Worst way to admit drug use, EVER.

11

Meth is the most addictive street drug.

Meth turned my cousin from a sweet little girl to a violent, raving maniac with delusions of grandeur in less than a year.

She tried to quit, but her brain was so damaged from meth use that her depression was incurable.

We found her in the garage, key in the ignition, gas tank empty.

Every time you think about meth, using meth, or even the fact that meth exists, cut yourself on the arm with a razor and start thinking about going to the gym, eating clean, and getting new friends who don’t do drugs.

– ElbowStrike

12

I agree, drug free is the way to go. Meth can seriously screw up a good cycle.

Just kidding, natural is the way to go. :slight_smile:

13

You guys don’t have to tell me how bad the meth monster is… my brother destroyed himself on the shit and it affected everyone around him.

And yes, whatever I may have done as a result of meth use is clearly my own fault, and I was not attempting to diminish my responsibility by phrasing the question as whether meth is to blame. I just thought that was a succinct way to communicate the purpose of my thread- to discuss whether I would have done the same thing had I not used meth that night.

14

[quote]thighlord wrote:

Don’t blame the meth or the shovel, blame yourself for doing it… and if you’re “not” going to do it again, who cares what meth may or may not “make” you do?

You’re not going to do it again right?

[/quote]

Some things you just have to know because they eat at your soul whether they’re of consequence or not… but it does matter, because whether meth made the difference in this situation will determine how much self-flagellation is in order.

And no, I will never do meth again.

15

[quote]belligerent wrote:

Did it prevent me from feeling pain that I should have been feeling I kicked the shovel over and over? None of this occurred to me as I was going at it.

I have to know because if I permanently damaged my foot as a consequence of using meth, the most degenerate substance on the planet, I’ll never forgive myself.
[/quote]

Hey bro what’s up. I’ll make this short since I don’t have much time to type. Yes, you did damage your foot as a result of smoking meth. It was just one of those messed up situations where you did a powerful drug and had physical work to do the next day.

Say you didn’t have yard work but felt you could lift in the gym. You would seriously damage muscles and joints in the process. A friend of mine hurt his back from taking meth and putting extra hours in at work. Sorry bro, wish I had better news for you.

BTW - If you so much as chew gum all night while doing meth your gonna feel it in your jaw the next day. That’s how bad it tears you up.

16

I’ll never understand why any seemingly sensible person would fuck with this shit. No one can say they don’t know the consequences. You are not only harming yourself and the ones around you, you are supporting criminal activity. Don’t bitch the next time some addict steals your shit to support his habit.

17

Yeah, its the meth’s fault that you’re a fuckin idiot.

18

[quote]StevenF wrote:
Yeah, its the meth’s fault that you’re a fuckin idiot. [/quote]

Perspective. Thanks captain cool.