Young men and women ALWAYS have a laundry list of qualities they want, and they almost always settle for something much less. Those who don’t settle for pieces of the list wind up alone. Some of them bitterly so.
While I’d like to agree with this, I can’t considering I’m someone who didn’t settle and was rewarded for it. I got my entire laundry list and more. My fiancee was also rewarded. She chose to stay a virgin and not even kiss a guy until she found the right man.
If you have one life to live, why lower your standards? At least, that’s my thinking.
So then I’d have to ask if your list was more realistic than the immature people @BrickHead was describing when he talked about being expected to entertain and excite another person after a 10 hour work day.
I would say that when I met my ex-husband my list was too short, if anything. I wanted someone bright and who loved books as I did, who was ambitious, and whose parents had not divorced, because I knew divorced parents increased my own risk of divorce and I wanted a good and lasting marriage. I didn’t look for fiscal responsibility, didn’t look for trustworthiness, and didn’t look for someone who was secure in himself. What I found and married too quickly was someone who had a literature degree and a lot of fancy classic books he’d never read (and never would) (and what’s funny was that he specifically asked for those in the divorce, which sure, no problem, I’ve already read them all and don’t care if people see fancy books at my house), was ambitious but squandered money at a rate that exceeded whatever income, had parents who had not divorced before his father’s death but who’d already had a divorce in his history when I met him and three siblings with more than on divorce each. He was not secure in himself and was untrustworthy because he looked for happiness outside of himself and justified poor choices when he felt sorry for himself. He was handsome and athletic, though, and could be funny. Well-written. I dunno.
The second time around my list was different. Someone I liked and respected as much as I like and respect myself, or maybe my best friend. I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect others to be either. But I don’t lie and I don’t cheat and I’m comfortable with myself because overall I’m nice and I’m fun and I work hard.
I think there’s a difference between reasonable expectations and standards and aiming for the moon.
There are some people who have an image of the type of person they want, who actually might exist in some cases, but who likely doesn’t exist, or who they’re unlikely to meet or attract.
So you say. It’s actually for a man to decide thus and vice versa.
We can all describe ourselves the way WE THINK we are but another person might have a very different reading. Many of our self described qualities being subjective.
Alternate 5. Integrity
Alternate 4. Be a good match, chemistry-wise
Editing to add that number 2 is not essential, as nothing stops you from doing those things.
Although I say that as someone who got stressed when I tried to end TV time last night in order to maintain strict sleep schedule and got pushback on it. I was irritated, and it may come up again in conversation.
@SkyzykS it’s a PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR as yet unresolved.
That’s not really her watch, is it, unless she’s in here moaning at nearly 40 that she can’t find a decent man. Her job, for now, is to vet her prospects. Their job is to vet HER.
What’d I do?